Mistress is very strong Word- please avoid it

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sonali_dg

@sonali_dg

Voyager

Posted: 13 years ago

#61

Since I am not ancient and choose to respect more urban point of views in being tolerant. I can be tolerant to people being in live-in, people choosing to opt for a second marriage. But in no living hell can an extra marital affair be defended.

I would have defended Jagya and Gauri if they had the ethics to be honest and tell Anandi .. this is the case, this is what I think, how do you want to go about it. How disgusting is that when you snatch and steal one's husband and be a home -breaker? Its not a sin to marry a married man-- Gauri was educated too, didn't she feel the necessity to check if his marriage was actually Broken ? Shouldn't she have checked if he was divorced or not? Personally, I wouldn't date a man who's even had a baggage of a relationship- forget marriage!

And for Jagya- for someone in here who said, why dont they ask Anandi why Jagya had to leave her.

Well there are two things-

1. You respectfully agree to disagree and gracefully end the relationship.

2. You stray, you cheat, you have betray and lie for 5-straight years( not even being faithful to the current mistress over those lame 5 yrs, sleeping with both)

It would be completely feminist if we said Anandi was a Godess. Failure in any relationship has two versions to it. Like the old saying goes, Thali ek hath se nahi bajti. Sure there were gaps in Jagyas picturization of a wife and what he got from Anandi. He liked a career woman, an educated lady, much pretty looking and someone who shared more or less his point of view. There was a vast gap between Anandi's persona and Jagya's. Thats why I say, Jagya and Gauri are perfect, both aggressive fools, love for illegality and infidelity ..😆 blaming others for their failures, begging.. so on.. 😆

Wasn't there a way to put forth Gauri episode to Anandi? Even in a relationship, who breaks up on a text message or phone call? Unless you are 14 😆 And when you do ask Anandi's share in loosing Jagya, would you still call Anandi respectful words if she did the same? Be married to Jagya and yet have an affair with a neighboring politico? Then finally brought the guy in his bedroom and had suhag raat with him closing the door on Jagya's face? Then mothered the other guys kid ...all this still being legally "MARRIED" to Jagya? What would Gauri disciples called Anandi then? Hint : the P word!

Edited by sonali_dg - 13 years ago

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megustajalebi

@megustajalebi

Voyager

Posted: 13 years ago

#62

Originally posted by: patelcharu

again I am repeating myself...I know the difference between Mistress and Prostitute...but Men/Women within society not looking this kind of woman nicely. doesn't matter if you are mistress or prostitute...and if you have saw the "Satyamev Jayte" from last sunday you will see...the some part of to India people buying girls from Orrisa, Bihar...many other place on name of marriage and than some settle as wife, some are used by many men and some are resold...what you call this women?...it means the one bought on name of marriage and her hubands friend or brother sharing bed with her for sexual need...do you call her mistress? if the sold them other family they are using them so what you call them...prostitute?...what do you call these women? yes I know the definiation of Mistress and Prostitue...but those are just definition...not reality...in reality the society doesn't respect any of this kind of women...this kind of women get raped, used...there are lots of women forced to be in prostitution business and some women are made this as business to fulfill their needs...but again Society not giving them any respect...same as mistress.

Society does not look nicely to those women who are dedicated to one man or more to make money.

Cortisan, prostitute, mistress all has different definition but when it comes to society...they all are impacting respact of women.

how many cases you heard the women is accepted as wife in all these situations?...barely few. Once society start looking this type of women as per these words...all men within society start looking them as their property.

for you it might just words but it has high impact to society. No one will say that man who going to those place can not return to respected society or family...but when it comes to women...her own family sometime reject to recognise her.

again why this differences...between men and women.

@ bold: You call them sex slaves, and it's one of the saddest things we have in society right now.

Sex slaves are sold into prostitution against their will and they can range from young boys and girls to "unwanted" women. I'm not sure why we're bringing this up on a forum about Balika Vadhu, honestly.

I don't think society views these people as a "mistress," if anything, they are viewed as prostitutes by people who think they are doing this willingly.

1) A mistress is someone who gets into her situation willingly even if she does not know if the man she is with is married or not. (Gauri didn't know at first but stayed with Jagat after finding out). As for the "does not know" portion, this is why so many women get extremely angry when they find out that the guy they are with is married (Gauri felt this way too initially).

2) A prostitute is someone who uses sex to earn a living.

3) A sex slave is someone who is forced into the sex industry. (like the girls you mentioned in your post, who get sold)

These are three distinct definitions but you're blending them into one just based on what some members of society think.

So we should not call Gauri a mistress because some members of society disrespect mistresses and prostitutes and are wrong to lump sex slaves with prostitutes? Even though she fits the definition of a mistress?

As for your last question in blue:

--That's because society is mainly misogynistic. Even in the most "develped" of countries, rape victims are looked at with scrutiny and accused of making up stories. In some places around the world, rape victims have to marry their attackers.

--Some people will never consider marrying a woman who is divorced or widowed, yet this is rarely a taboo for men.

--When a couple cannot get conceive a child, the woman is usually the first to be blamed.

As a sidenote:

Maybe this is a language issue? In English, mistress is not seen a as a bad word ( meaning that the term is not offensive in itself). "Mistress"is not censored on TV like some other words are. Same with the word "prostitute". But I guess in Hindi, it sounds much worse because there is not a separate word for "mistress" and for something like "wh*re" or "sl*t"?

Edited by megustajalebi - 13 years ago

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earth1978

@earth1978

Navigator

Posted: 13 years ago

#63

yes gauri was more educated and pretty looking than anandi.

anandi is beautiful due to get grace and decency.

which gauri totally lacks.

totally .

today i cannot find gauri beautiful or pretty or even attractive. she is repulsive.

while anandi with all her diminutive looks is a much larger persona than gauri.

it was a treat to see diminutive anandi towering over gauri and trashign her aside like a common mosquito.

infact this has made me realise the importance of carrying urself gracefully than mere pretty looks which all come to nothing if ur actions are not ood.

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redapple1

@redapple1

Voyager

Posted: 13 years ago

#64

Male equivalent of mistress is "Kept man"... or "Jagya is Gauri's mistress". This would have been valid, if Gauri was a married woman and Jagya was unmarried and was having affair with Gauri.
I don't hate on screen characters. How insane is that. They are not even real... In terms of show characters, I don't think it is wrong "Calling a spade a spade" If Jagya murders someone I will call him murderer. If Gauri out of jealousy steals from Singh's I will call her thief.

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rucha

@patelcharu

Explorer

Posted: 13 years ago

#65

@ megustajalebi
you answered all my questions and justified them as well...yes when translate them in hindi this word sounds worse.
And if you look the early 20th century time of western culture Mistress also sounds worse in English.

watch the following movies, Zakham, Bazaar, Taken, Umrao Jaan...

I am not blending three thing to one...you think some member of society...but its not some its majority of society. Check the History

Edited by patelcharu - 13 years ago

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runes

@runes

Explorer

Posted: 13 years ago

#66

Originally posted by: patelcharu

I have request and put the explanation what I mean...I am not stoping anyone...and even If I try no buddy will stop untill their point of view match with mine. Also, I am not owner of this Forum...I just try to request you all who like to use this kind of techincal or strong word and would like to put this lebal on this kind of people. I just try to put my point across that women are suffered since years and years due the their action or people force them to do this kind action or by puting lebal on them...so just try to change people thinking...but if you all like to call these word...if you think its not offensive than okay...Carry on...not harm to me.

I do not like to label any women with those words...yes I believe in teaching them lesson.

I wont say any more on this topic.

Again I m saying. There is lot of difference between Gauri and the girls that are sold against their will. Gauri knowingly stays in an illegal relationship. And that makes all the difference. And mistress is not an offending word as u think. Gauri is staying with a married man, so there is no other way to describe that. I agree Gauri is not a prostitute but she is still a mistress or a keep.

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runes

@runes

Explorer

Posted: 13 years ago

#67

Originally posted by: patelcharu
@ megustajalebi
you answered all my questions and justified them as well...yes when translate them in hindi this word sounds worse.
And if you look the early 20th century time of western culture Mistress also sounds worse in English.

watch the following movies, Zakham, Bazaar, Taken, Umrao Jaan...

I am not blending three thing to one...you think some member of society...but its not some its majority of society. Check the History

And even if people use offensive language for Gauri, I think it is justified. Her actions are making it very difficult to use a decent word for her. She herself was preventing J-A divorce for money. Only mistresses do that. And mistresses stay with only one married man unlike prostitutes

If u find mistress word offensive, you will also find the word "prostitute" annoying. If u say not to call a prostitute a prostitute then wht should we call them.

Agreed, calling girls who are forced to become prostitutes is offensive but what would u call women who willingly enter in to this business.

Gauri is not a victim. If she was conned by J into sleeping with him, then no one would ever call her a mistress.

Let me ask u a question, when u know someone is married, would u enter into a relationship with that man before he got divorce from his first wife, even when u know ur relationship is illegal???????

No decent women would do what Gauri did. So if Gauri's actions weren't decent then why a person should use a decent word to describe Gauri.

Calling her Ms.illegal does not completely describe who she is. That could also mean she is in a live-in relationship which is very common in this time period bu living in with a married man is not called a live in relationship

Edited by runes - 13 years ago

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megustajalebi

@megustajalebi

Voyager

Posted: 13 years ago

#68

Originally posted by: patelcharu
@ megustajalebi
you answered all my questions and justified them as well...yes when translate them in hindi this word sounds worse.
And if you look the early 20th century time of western culture Mistress also sounds worse in English.

watch the following movies, Zakham, Bazaar, Taken, Umrao Jaan...

I am not blending three thing to one...you think some member of society...but its not some its majority of society. Check the History

History is history though. We're looking at the 21st century. A long time ago, it may have not been a huge deal for men to leave their wives for other women, but times have changed. If you're going to mention the history of words, it's interesting to know that the f word in English had a different meaning back then compared to its meaning today. However we can't use that word in the same sense. The same goes for the vulgar gesture of showing one's middle finger to someone.

I think some people are taking this "mistress" semantics too far. I would agree that Hindi equivalents like "rak-khel" (sorry about weird spellings) are harsh but that's not the case here. I mean if we're using the term in its English meaning, then it's a legitimate term to use. After all, in English, "mistress" is not the same as "wh**e" (this post censored this word itself, btw. It goes to show that this term is actually offensive). But that's just my opinion.

If it bothers certain people, they do not need to use it. But it's unfair to push one's views on others when others see it differently.

Ask yourself this: Would you feel more offended and insulted if someone called you a mistress or if someone called you a wh*re?

I'll give you my answer: I would feel more insulted by the latter because I would feel that they are judging me for something that they have no business in. Plus it's a very subjective term. If someone called me a mistress, I would simply laugh because I would not be in an illicit relationship with a married individual. One can be easily disproved than the other.

Anyways, I'm going to stop here with this topic. So far the consensus seems to be that it's a legitimate term to use, both in describing Gauri and the notion that it is not insulting.

Edited by megustajalebi - 13 years ago

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earth1978

@earth1978

Navigator

Posted: 13 years ago

#69

Originally posted by: runes

And even if people use offensive language for Gauri, I think it is justified. Her actions are making it very difficult to use a decent word for her. She herself was preventing J-A divorce for money. Only mistresses do that. And mistresses stay with only one married man unlike prostitutes

If u find mistress word offensive, you will also find the word "prostitute" annoying. If u say not to call a prostitute a prostitute then wht should we call them.

Agreed, calling girls who are forced to become prostitutes is offensive but what would u call women who willingly enter in to this business.
Gauri is not a victim. If she was conned by J into sleeping with him, then no one would ever call her a mistress.

Let me ask u a question, when u know someone is married, would u enter into a relationship with that man before he got divorce from his first wife, even when u know ur relationship is illegal???????

at that time gawari was under the impression that her marriage is legal since they married after turing adults. untill her illusions were shattered by bhairon. but even afte that she never took any steps to legalise it. but went o to get pregnant! kya hai wo yaar ... utterly stupid mb woman.