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andv

@andv

Inactive

Posted: 14 years ago

#31

Originally posted by: sree.m

@Andv 🤗 Time will surely fly and you will soon be with you parents too😃. Your post actually meant a lot to me given the fact I go through the same feelings😊, it kind of reinforced the happiness I am experiencing right now, thank you for doubling and trebling my joy. Have an awesome time. The wait is definately worth it and rember it is reducing with every moment passed😊

That's so sweet of you. Thanks dear 🤗 (BTW I am Anita)

Edited by andv - 14 years ago

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sree.m

@sree.m

Explorer

Posted: 14 years ago

#32

Originally posted by: andv

That's so sweet of you. Thanks dear 🤗 (BTW I am Anita)

🤗 Me Sreesudha nice meeting you Anita, a very nice name 😃

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ankit111

@ankit111

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

#33

I salute u all, who love their parents and r ready to sacrifice their own happiness for theirs, because they hv been doing this for u whole life. They deserve ur love, respect and some sacrifices. See tht it wd not be too late to understand it .

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fast trak

@fast trak

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

#34

wow. lovely topic on parental love. theres nothing greater on the earth than parental love. thats the most genuine form of love. i cant place anything on this earth above my parents. i live abroad but make sure i speak to them almost everyday. infact i have to do videochat only then i feel nice. my kids also love to see and chat with them online. i feel grandparents affection is very imp to kids and i dont want to deprive them of it just bec i live so far away.

talking of jagya. he probably wudnt have been so wrong if he married gauri after a bad relation with anandi. but that wasnt the case. he wants to eat the cake and have it too. he wants to do as he likes and wants all of his family to accept it quietly. thats real sick.

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Nisha

@KyunkiImafan

Rocker

+ 2

Posted: 14 years ago

#35

First of all Thank you Ankit for your kind words and mentioning me in your post.

And thanks to all of you who showed your support. And as the post is the central point of my life since past 4 years I think I'll give a lil background to tell my view.

I have been raised in US from past 14 years and people find it very strange that I who moved to US at very young age is so rooted to my culture and religion. I have been my dad's princess, friend and daughter more than my moms. My dad being the open-minded, non-biased and amazing person he is, has changed after moving to US. He raised me to believe that all people are equal, no one is bad cause they eat non-veg or because they are of diff jati/cast/religion. He's always been open about me talking to guys when I was younger, he always told me I would have the right to choose my humsafar when it comes to it. And I lived with this understanding for 24 years and then all of sudden out of nowhere my dad informs me that I can't choose as he wants that I being an Indian in US should only have an arrange marriage!! Now I have tried all my life to do all that I can do for my parents, and I had a dream of buying a house for them which I finally achieved in 2009! Now the trouble I am having is of my own upbringing from my dad that he is going against, I understand that loves me dearly and can't imagine having me far from him but am I wrong for wanting him to understand that I am only doing what he taught me to do? I fell in love cause I knew they would understand...I strongly believed that he knows me better than anyone can and knows that whatever I have and will do is keeping him in mind. But he has decided to not show me any understanding which breaks my heart in so many ways that I can't explain.

I did choose the first option and broke up with my bf and wow was my life more miserable than I thought it would be. My mom couldn't take it, and she decided to see things through and supports me now along with my younger brother and my whole mom's side of family. Now no one has ever been able to make my dad see anything and so no one has any hopes for making him understand.

And so here I stand, still trying to figure out, does my dad think that if I have an love marriage, it decreases his importance for me? Does he think if I live in India (I never wanted to move to US and in 14 years of me being here, I have told him over and over that I want to move back) my life wont be good? Does he think if my would be hubby eats non-veg that I will eat it too? (which is purely impossible as I strong believe in not doing so and haven't done so even by staying at a place where at times the only veggi food is gaspus!)

So in all of this, I have come to an understanding, that is, the daughter that I am today is because of my dad and that same dad is standing against me with reasons that even my mom can't understand. At this point is it valid for the daughter to tell her dad, ke pappa I love you more than anything but do you truly want that I marry just some random person because you want me to and leave all my happiness behind? But just tell me dad, do you have any guarantee that I will be happy wit this stranger than the person who I have been in love with for 5 years? Who has shown me immense support, love, care and respect? And agar you absolutely don't want me to marry my love please grant me the freedom to choose not to marry anyone else! But he won't grant me that freedom and I can't ruin someone else's life. So I am still trying along with my mom to make him understand aur I absolutely wish I don't have to go against him but if I have to I hope bhagwan forgives me for doing so along with my dad somewhere down my life.

So seeing how JG have done things, really upsets me and I feel not just J is at fault but jo paap mei bhagidar ho woh bhi to papi kehlata hai na. Jo paap sahe woh bhi galat jo paap kare woh bhi galat aur jo paap mei support de woh bhi galat. Pyaar karna is not wrong but betraying your parents, defying your responsibilities, hurting your loved ones and then torturing them to accept is wrong in every way and therefore I stand against JG.

wow post bahot lambi ho gayi, sorry for it. But these feeling are not what I share with people but I guess when you don't know people you can tell them and feel slight bit better and I would like to thank each one of you for making me feel better. Ah now I can stop crying! 😊

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nutmeg7

@nutmeg7

Achiever

+ 45

Posted: 14 years ago

#36

i dont know who you are but you sure are adorable! Hope your dad sees your love and hope you get hitched.

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Nisha

@KyunkiImafan

Rocker

+ 2

Posted: 14 years ago

#37

Originally posted by: nutmeg7
i dont know who you are but you sure are adorable! Hope your dad sees your love and hope you get hitched.

Thank you so much for the comment and for the wish 😊

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Suchi-

@Suchi-

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 14 years ago

#38

kiyunki! such a sweet girl you are!

I hope your dad sees your way and accepts you with your wishes right away!!!

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ankit111

@ankit111

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

#39

Kiyunki, u r really inspiration. 👏 👏 the best thing is ur mom understand u. Whn mom is with u nothing bad can happen with u. My best wishes with u.

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_zephyr

@_zephyr

Beginner

Posted: 14 years ago

#40

Hi Ankit - you know me but i am not using my account as there are friends of mine who come on to IF so using a friends.

I come from a Brahmin family and fell in love. Knew him for 4 years, parents were shocked when I told them but once they met him and realised he was Brahmin too and other things added up ok withhis family, they okayed and we got engaged. Then he went abroad on a job and came back after 18months for the wedding, he landed 2 weeks before the wedding. And in those two weeks he showed me hell!

First marriage in a joint family, i have a younger sister, all cousins are girls, all younger to me...and with this absolute knowledge that I making the biggest mistake of my life I got married. If i backed out then my mother would have killed herself and my entire family would have borne the brunt! And then we were in India for 2 more weeks before we came abroad...and then the real mental torture began...no friends, no family, no nothing was living in a void with each day going any which ways! His mind worked in ways which was beyond me, he tortured me (mentally) and with his doubts and suspicions...

After 10 months or so I got a job and as the joining date was after 2 months i wanted to cometo India for a holiday and he said ok and he would join me later for our first wedding anniversary.

No one in my family/friends(except one) knew about what I was going through...and once he came to India, the mind games began again...and this time he opened his mouth in front of my mum and spoke nonsense about me to her...it half killed her and I went berserk...how dare he...and then again the empty promises, i will not do this again, dont know what came over me and so on...and believing him i still came back abroad...

eight months or so after my marriage my sister announced that she was in love and he is a non-hindu! parents went mental...so i could not burden them with my troubles.

came back abroad, about to start work in 10 days and the mind games began again...and on the day before i started work i said no more and left him...either it was to join work and stay back in a foreign land and survive or get the first flight back home and get everyone on my back convincing me to go back and all marriages have hiccups (they were doing this on the phone anyway)\

i stayed back without knowing a single person in the entire country and went and joined work...

I asked myself one thing, do i want to wake up next to this man for the rest of my life...and my entire being revolted and said NO...rather die...and that was it. my decision didnt change. my mom became completely silent, father tried anger love sweet words threats everything to make me 'understand'...but i stood my ground and one fine day just like that they agreed. after one year i got divorced in India and i was free! but the memories both good and bad haunted me for a long time and my parents were there through out...

and then after my divorce, over the next couple of years i worked on my parents as my sis was adamant that she will marry him but with their blessings only or she is ready to wait forever without ever getting married.

And then they eventually agreed and my sis got married to the person she loved and they got me married too and today we both are happy with our husbands...

and in all this my parents have been absolutely marvellous...they wanted their daughters' happiness and although it took them some time to get it in the end they have proved that love triumphs all especially parents love for their kids! my parents are everything for me.

3 years ago i decided that i had enough of a phoren life and my husband and i moved back to India, my in-laws live with us. my parents live 1 min away from me. my mum sends something or the other every day with my dad and he comes around at 10.30am or so with my mums food to have a cup of tea with my in-laws. Today i have everything that i ever wished for and my parents were there always...and supported me through the darkest of times even if deep down they felt i was making a mistake...

sorry for the long post!

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