Is parents approval necessary

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Illyria

@.Prometheus.

Alumni

+ 6

Posted: 14 years ago

#51

Also i think the need for approval is dependent on the person as well (the son or daughter)

In the case of Jagat, as he and his wife are seeking the approval of the family, they should have considered this from the start, if they didnt deem it necessary then, they shouldnt be asking for it now.

In general if the individual in question is close to their family and has in the past been supported by the said family for the duration of their life, if nothing then it is common curteosy to be informing the family of their decision, if nothing else. If the individual wishes to remain part of the family and stay with them, the need arises for family approval. However if the invidual is choosing to leave the family and marry their choice, then it would be the decent thing to do to at least inform the family of their decision.

Parents approval is not mandatory i dont think, because it is your life at the end of the day, but if you want to include you parents in your life then seeking their approval is necessary.

However, sometimes we have cases whereby parents are loving towards their children, but their own beliefs and understanding and social pressures, sometimes make them overlook the happiness of their child and to conform to societal requirements. In these cases it is up to the individual what they want to do, if they still want their parents approval, they must be aware of the fact that this may take a LONG time to achieve, one cannot just change their fundamental beliefs overnight. However, personally i would not see the harm in them choosing life over family. I personally do not agree with requirements such as age/race/religion/caste being used as a requirement for marriage material/suitability

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ankit111

@ankit111

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

#52

Originally posted by: tanvismile
i totaly agree with you on this topic ,yes nowadays people feel comprises urself on the terms of elders is weakness ,actual it is very tough but tell me would u like to be like sumitra or gehna ,personaly i m bit confused ,i too love my parents n beilieve by hurting them i can never remain happy ,but u know when u live in family where people care for you ,love you but dont give u the right to take decision or think ur not capable enough look at navya(i feel sad for her inspite of love she gets ,she is so scared of world ) ,anant ,u will understand what i m trying ,although anant tries to talk but we all know the result ,sometimes u want set things right but heart tells u from ur experience no one will listen to you ,in such situations speaking up only is sooo difficult ,whats the solution here ,does anyone have any solution ?????????sumitra has made sacrifises by living upto masa expections but i dont respect her so much i do of gehna ,she has her mind of own n refuses to be slave .in jagya case i understand his wrong but then i dont feel gauri is wrong ,she convinced her parents n they agreed ,convincing jagya parents she had no right before marriage but now she is bahu ,so she is surely trying ,no matter when they forgive she is trying .i dont think mihir tulsi married ,kyunki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi anyone said anything they kept trying ,they got forgiven later ,we dint say anything to them then y say here?

thanx of agreeing, although u didn't define with whom u agree, but as topic starter I assume, its me 😉 I never told tht we sd accept blindly everything of our parents but we sd fight to convince thm. Fighting means not always revolting or just ignoring their wishes neither behave like Jagia to marry without informing and thn come with certificate and demand blessing. Fighting means to try to prove ur point patiently and I believe if u hv will power u will succeed. I agree there r exceptions, I also agree this is not easy way. But easy way is for cowards. We hv two girls story in this thread, who r fighting to convince their parents, one succeeded and another is about to succeed and hope she will soon. Do u think its easy for thm? But they didn't loose their patience.
In Gehna case she was fighting against wrongs of DS, may be it wd hv easy for her to live like other Beendani of haweli, but she choose to fight for betterment of not only herself but position of Beendani in tht haweli, she even fought for young Anandi. She was rit tht time and she was rit with JAGO time too. In Jagia case, his parents were not against due to their narrow mind. They were against becoz any person having a drop of humidity wd hv been. How cd they accept JAGO marriage, whn they know tht there is A fully accepted by his family and even by jogia, who hs done so much sacrifices for this family. Everybody was in impression tht they r made for each other. Not a normal parents wd hv accreted it. And above all wht J did to convince thm? He never even tried to convince thm but whn he was caught, he just tried to prove thm wrong for everything and one fine day come with marriage certificate and started demanding blessing. Hv u heard how he talked with Bhairav? Do u think tht way u can convince ur parents. How much he waited for their approval before marriage and after marriage? He took Sahara of law to prove thm wrong and himself rit (and its proved on tht front also he was on wrong side) but where was humanity, where was his responsibility for his family and for A. There r different situation where sometimes its rit to go against parent otherwise it wd stop the progress of not only an individual but society itself, but in jogia context I m more thn 100% convince he was wrong and taking part in this wrong I find Gaury too guilty

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Nisha

@KyunkiImafan

Rocker

+ 2

Posted: 14 years ago

#53

Originally posted by: tanvismile
i totaly agree with you on this topic ,yes nowadays people feel comprises urself on the terms of elders is weakness ,actual it is very tough but tell me would u like to be like sumitra or gehna ,personaly i m bit confused ,i too love my parents n beilieve by hurting them i can never remain happy ,but u know when u live in family where people care for you ,love you but dont give u the right to take decision or think ur not capable enough look at navya(i feel sad for her inspite of love she gets ,she is so scared of world ) ,anant ,u will understand what i m trying ,although anant tries to talk but we all know the result ,sometimes u want set things right but heart tells u from ur experience no one will listen to you ,in such situations speaking up only is sooo difficult ,whats the solution here ,does anyone have any solution ?????????sumitra has made sacrifises by living upto masa expections but i dont respect her so much i do of gehna ,she has her mind of own n refuses to be slave .in jagya case i understand his wrong but then i dont feel gauri is wrong ,she convinced her parents n they agreed ,convincing jagya parents she had no right before marriage but now she is bahu ,so she is surely trying ,no matter when they forgive she is trying .i dont think mihir tulsi married ,kyunki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi anyone said anything they kept trying ,they got forgiven later ,we dint say anything to them then y say here?

Just one thing I wanted to say...Mihir Tulsi...well Tulsi wasn't 2nd wife of Mihir! They fell in love and married each other with half the family's support. BUT IN BV...Jagya was married...let it be child marriage or legal marriage he was married and G is at fault because she didn't care at all about making sure he is done with his wife!

And about the fact that at times its difficult to try and convince our parents and we should try but just like there's an exception to every theory...there are exceptions. Some times parents are so bound by their views/beliefs and society that they forget to understand their own kids. I have a Masi whose father never agreed, kicked her out of house, and didn't even let that daughter come to her mother's death just because of his ego. Every single person in the house secretly met this daughter and kept the relation except the father. Everyone in my entire family begs each other to not ever become like him. So see exceptions are always there but its our duty as son/daughter to try all we can to make our parents believe that we aren't wrong phir end mei sab kuch bhagwan ke haath mei hota hai how things happen or how things fall.

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tanvismile

@tanvismile

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 14 years ago

#54

I agre j was wrong ,his way was wrong,bt my point on this why compromising with elders is weaknes,as we discusd it is situational,it depends on the type of demands.bhairav wud be great example of how he compromisd with masa bt also did wat he felt right bt sumitra is slavethanks for reply

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tanvismile

@tanvismile

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 14 years ago

#55

Kyunkiimafan- i agree with u at the same i m also for ur masi .as mihir tulsi case ,i wud say they maried without the permision of parents the main people who wer supose to know n they also askd fr forgives.in their also they knew their parents wud nt agree.doing away with first in child maraige is unawarenes ,he had first broken up with her.

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ankit111

@ankit111

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

#56

Originally posted by: tanvismile
I agre j was wrong ,his way was wrong,bt my point on this why compromising with elders is weaknes,as we discusd it is situational,it depends on the type of demands.bhairav wud be great example of how he compromisd with masa bt also did wat he felt right bt sumitra is slavethanks for reply

i never told compromising with elders is weakness, its absolutely situational and may be sometime compromising is sacrifice and sometime its weakness and sometime cunningness. its depends on for wht u r compromising and with which value u r compromising. we cant generalize any action, becoz the same action which can be perfect for one situation may be wrong in other situation. this thread was in the context of Jagia situation and with Bhairaw type parents.

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hppppp

@hppppp

Inactive

Posted: 14 years ago

#57

I believe I am the culprit here….who dared say that I will with conviction differ with my parents..if its matter of most important things in my life. Who doesn't want parents approval….but I will always take my own call in the end.

I see lot of posts saying people like me are selfish and people like my parents are unlucky ….my perception is my parents only want my happiness……if I do something that makes them happy in short run…….and makes me unhappy in long run…its not just me, they too suffer in the long run. How selfish it is to understand, know and believe whats better for me in the long run of things??...

Ok..so…I am very selfish because I did not let them have a say in my career and love….especially when something meant a lot to me……

I know someone close in family relations…who did everything, as per his parents' choice (I think he even goes to toilet with his parent's permission!)…….however, when he wanted to buy a home….he wanted his parents to give him money….when he wanted to study further, he asked his parents to sell their property to give him money (a man with a kid and wife!)!!...

On the other hand when I wanted to take up expensive further studies..……I worked my ass off, saved money and went ahead….I wouldn't take advantage of my parents if I am a grown up….(my parents insisted they wanted to help me financially, but I wanted to do it on my own!)……..My parents are quite well off….but I want to give them even better life with my own self-made stature……!!I am very proud that I am not like that "obedient man", who sucks his parents blood for everything…..instead, I am working hard to give them even a better life than even they have lived so far….so what if I have a mind of my own!

When my dad was extremely unwell………I left my own struggles to be with him in hospital day and night for months...I am not saying it's a big deal, nothing is a big deal as long as its for my lovely parents, can never pay them back……

I also know about another college friend who made "sacrifices" and "compromises" for marriage to listen to her parents…she is mentally so unhappy….that people around her are unhappy too!!..Neither could she make herself happy, nor her parents…..She is so unhappy that she is tired of pretending all is well with her…and her parents feel so guilty too.

Just because I believe I know better management of my own life….I feel I have it in me to solve my own problems……I decide the course and time of my actions…what should be done..when should be done……..I feel my life is my own responsibility---and unless I take care of this responsibity well with an independent and free mind, I can't take care of others too----- People can call me selfish, and my parents unlucky….but its for me to know that I love my parents and they are proud of me too!!

The reason I am talking abt myself is becoz I feel topic starter is responding to my views...if he isnt please ignore!

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Tanya

@AlwaysHisJaan

Dazzler

Posted: 14 years ago

#58

Hima ur parents r not unlucky they must be proud to have you as their daughter I agree with ur views in regards to choosing your own husband/wife One can not pay back their own parents by doing everything that they say respect love and care comes from ones heart obeying everything that your parents ask u to do does not make u the best childP

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Anmol Jain

@intruderfast

Trailblazer

+ 4

Posted: 14 years ago

#59

well to each his own, this is a very sensitive issue, many ppl have gone against their parents, wishes and some have surrendered to their parents wishes, in the end u r an individual,and decisions like marriages r such where u can object, if u listen to ur parents and marry someone of their own choice and love someone else, what good it would do, u will not be happy , ur spouse will never be happy too, u would always suffer from inside,

u have to spend life with a unknown person , not ur parents

u have a right to make ur own decisions, u can always try to convince them, but if they dont understand , then fine do waht u like

if one is honest in his approach, then its ok

i am lucky i have got such understanding parents, but many ppl dont have , sometimes parents r at fault too, they put too much pressure on children want to control their children fully, many children give up their dreams just for the sake of their parents and in turn suffer themselves

imp decisions like marriage, carrer choices, i beleive parents should not interfere, fine they can give advice , give opinion,make u understand but the final say should be with u

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Nisha

@KyunkiImafan

Rocker

+ 2

Posted: 14 years ago

#60

Originally posted by: hima_123

I believe I am the culprit here'.who dared say that I will with conviction differ with my parents..if its matter of most important things in my life. Who doesn't want parents approval'.but I will always take my own call in the end.

I see lot of posts saying people like me are selfish and people like my parents are unlucky '.my perception is my parents only want my happiness''if I do something that makes them happy in short run''.and makes me unhappy in long run'its not just me, they too suffer in the long run. How selfish it is to understand, know and believe whats better for me in the long run of things??...

Ok..so'I am very selfish because I did not let them have a say in my career and love'.especially when something meant a lot to me''

I know someone close in family relations'who did everything, as per his parents' choice (I think he even goes to toilet with his parent's permission!)''.however, when he wanted to buy a home'.he wanted his parents to give him money'.when he wanted to study further, he asked his parents to sell their property to give him money (a man with a kid and wife!)!!...

On the other hand when I wanted to take up expensive further studies..''I worked my ass off, saved money and went ahead'.I wouldn't take advantage of my parents if I am a grown up'.(my parents insisted they wanted to help me financially, but I wanted to do it on my own!)''..My parents are quite well off'.but I want to give them even better life with my own self-made stature''!!I am very proud that I am not like that "obedient man", who sucks his parents blood for everything'..instead, I am working hard to give them even a better life than even they have lived so far'.so what if I have a mind of my own!

When my dad was extremely unwell'''I left my own struggles to be with him in hospital day and night for months...I am not saying it's a big deal, nothing is a big deal as long as its for my lovely parents, can never pay them back''

I also know about another college friend who made "sacrifices" and "compromises" for marriage to listen to her parents'she is mentally so unhappy'.that people around her are unhappy too!!..Neither could she make herself happy, nor her parents'..She is so unhappy that she is tired of pretending all is well with her'and her parents feel so guilty too.

Just because I believe I know better management of my own life'.I feel I have it in me to solve my own problems''I decide the course and time of my actions'what should be done..when should be done''..I feel my life is my own responsibility---and unless I take care of this responsibity well with an independent and free mind, I can't take care of others too----- People can call me selfish, and my parents unlucky'.but its for me to know that I love my parents and they are proud of me too!!
The reason I am talking abt myself is becoz I feel topic starter is responding to my views...if he isnt please ignore!

Hey Hima...I hope you didn't feel I was calling you selfish cause of my other post in your topic.

Well I completely understand everything you stated. And I must tell that I do agree. I absolutely agree one should have a say in deciding who they want to marry and who they don't. My dad believes that just because he will choose a guy and I will be arranged married, that I will be happy! Its the Indian way of thinking that many times stops parents from seeing things clearly. Just because Indians like to think that love marriages don't work because pyaar pahele se hota hai...I tell them well dono mei compromise karne hote hai dono mei samajhdari dikhani hoti hai...love marriages don't fail because people love each other but because our expectations are higher and tolerance is lower.

I never go agaist my parents until its absolutely necessary...but at the same time I believe I have the right to be independent and chose what I want in my life. My father wanted me to be a doctor but I told him thats just not me and I chose to be an accountant. He doesn't love but finally accept it. But now that I want to have love marriage, many people say, kaise ladki hai apne papa ki nahi sunti, woh bura thodi na chahenge. But I tell them, I have to live with a man...I will be the one to see that face everyday, I will be the one to take care then why should it not be me to decide which man is right for me! Agreed I have never been called selfish but I have always done what I believe is right and have made sure if my actions do hurt them that its littlest possible.

Agar ladki jyada independent ho jaye, aur apne decisions khud le then log kehte hai ladki haath se gayi but I believe if we don't stand up of course the world will walk all over us.

We do have right to make our own mistakes and this is the toughest thing for a parents to realize. They always want to protect us but the reality of life doesn't change. At one point in life we won't have our parents with us. I have seen many parents make mistakes just as I have seen many sons/daughters make them. But I do believe that its our duty to do all we can to have our parents agree with our decisions, and surely sometimes it wont work but you wont regret the fact that you never even tried. And at the end of the day, it absolutely should be our call as to what decision we want to take jisko 5-10 yrs down the road we wont want to undo.

Forced decisions and forced relationships both never work as at the end of it we always have a regret/grudge and that always comes between us and our loved ones happiness.

(Damn now I feel as if I am not even talking about the same topic...😆 but I know all of you are very understanding 😊)

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