Originally posted by: chukkna
Hi Guys,
I read all the posts now. Weekend was busy and tough and didnt even log in.
I agree with II to some extent that a wife should respect her husband. But seems like he emphasized more on just wife respecting the husband. I have read "ramcharitamanas" several times. Sita ji was told to have faith in Ram ji, that he will come one day and rescue her. But why was she told that??? She was dipressed. She was told that way so that she wouldnt lose faith and wouldnt lose hope.
People take out many different menaings out of a situation. It is their understanding abilities.
In Ramcharitmanas, Tulsidas ji wrote
"Dhol, gavar, shoodra, pashu, naari,
Sakal taadana ke adhikari"
Literal meaning is that a shoodra, a vllager (an illiterate, dhol - drum, an animal and a woman should be beaten always" This is what I call reading in between the lines.
Why did he say so? Does that mean that a woman should always be beaten? NO. That was an illiterate world. All it means is, that these things should be kept under contol. By control, you should not take a negetive meaning. By control, Tulsidas ji meant was a good care. Tadna here doesnt mean bashing, it means care.
Shoodra, was an illiterate in those days. He was not educated and hence cannot understand to differentiate between good and bad.
Same with a gavar (an illiterate), who wouldnt understand the good and bad.
Dhol is a drum and everyone knows that to keep it in sur and taal you have to maintain it, you have to tighten some belts and loosen some, when needed according to the sur.
Pashu, an animal, woul ddo what you would ask it to do, if you just let it loose, it would go and eat grass in neighbours field, it doesnt know the limits and so t should be told the limit.
Naari: a woman is very emotional. Plus the woman was never educated. So they were taught a code of conduct and were taught to have a control over the situation.
There are many saying in Ramcharitmanas, that would create its own meaning if you just take the literal meaning of it.
Just to have an extension to II's words. I agree with II upto some extent that the wife should respect the husband, but the vice versa should always be true.
Woman is no more a weaker sex. It is the education that makes an distinction. Earlier days woman was not educated and she was treated specially. But slowly that turned into negetive and the special treatments took a negetive side effect.
In older days, woman was given rest in her first 3 days of menstural period. She was supposed to be completely at rest and dont do any work, as many have different complications. But in later time that turned into a curse. There was a time and still in some traditional families, that she is not allowed to do puja or be a part of any function in those 3 days. This is the negetive effect of a decent custom. I totally disagree with the custom where a woman is not allowed to do the puja in the first 3 days. Though these things have been induced in my head for ages. You are allowed to do every thing, having fun, watching TV name it, but you are not allowed to worship GOD. That has no logic.
Same with dowry. Once it was started with the rich father sending some amenities to provide comfort for her daughter at a new place, cos those people were unaware of her needs, turned into a forceful thing and many women were burnt alive for this custom. That is insane. That was the uneducated era.
This is the sweetness of education. It teaches you the logic to differentiate between the good and the bad. Man doesnt have to worry anymore abt a woman to keep her in control, cos she knows what is good and what is bad and how should she use her freedom.
The customs we cannot get rid of so easily, but the educated world will bring the change and I am hoping for the best. Many things have changed for good.
Coming to the part, about Abhi living at Simran's place. I think there is nothing like wfe's or husbands after marriage. It is theirs. I believe that the house was Abhi's also as Abhi house would be of Simran's after marriage. This is the couple's understandings.
My grandfather (mom's dad) was working in Jamshedpur, even after his retirement when he was in his 70's. My grandmother was sick and was staying with my uncle (mom's brother) in Hyderabad. My parents had my grandpa stay at our place and it was never like out of family. My dad's father passed away when I was 2 yrs old and my dad took care of all his 9 siblings as he was eldest. My mom worked all her life to make everyone comfortable. So in our family we had all uncles/aunts, my grandmother(dad's mom), my mom's sister( who remained unmarried, my parents supported her cos she is an asthama patient and doesnt have compatibilty with my uncle's family) and my grandfather (mom's dad). My mom has 2 brothers and there were many who asked why my grandfather is staying with his daughter when he has 2 sons? We had issues, but my dad never let anyone go. He always worshiped my grandfather and treated him like his own father. Infact all his siblings treat my grandpa as their dad. Do you think it is easy to manage such a big family without getting any comments from outsiders and without having any arguments where people who are always blamed are my parents.
But, never do I remember that my parents were in personal arguments in front of us. I dont remember a single time, when my parents would have discussed their financial issues in front of us. They always took advise from my grandparents. But never they got into an argument, when they didnt agree to elder's thought.
That is what is maturity. I dont say that Abhi and simran were not mature, but they were not mature enough. If you are quarreling in front of parents, they will surely butt in. They would not like any arguments. They would advice according their experience. It all depends on the couples. How they manage a relation is totally on their maturity.
What I wanted to say is that, there is nothing wrong in supporting your parents either side, but there should be certain code of conduct. If your parents need support you wouldnt deny the fact, be it your IL's or your parents.
My parents always wishes to come and stay here for some time and we do invite them, just as my IL's come and stay. It would be wrong to say that they cannot stay 6 months just cos they are parents of a girl. If needed, I would have them stay here forever. That is a seperate issue, on how your IL's would feel or how the other circumstances would turn out in the support.
I do not call it feminist thoughts, as I stll believe in equality. That's what my grandparents and parents taught us, not just by words but by being excellent examples in front of us. I would like to spread this to all educated people to think in a better way, to amend the customs and use a little of logic before blindly following the customs, be it anything. And try to use the education in its true sences.
This is all IMHO(in my humble opinion). I know there are points where people might disagree, but this is my undrestanding on different situations.
Jai Hind!!!
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