Disagree fundamentally with Anupama's mother! - Page 3

I know anuj done for anupama but does not mean that each and eme very smallest work. Done by anupama for anuj

And priority never remain same it always change according to degree of situation

Originally posted by: pink_doughnut

I may not have conveyed my feelings fully accurately here. I am not saying that Anu needs to abandon Anuj and run to help Pakhi or Samar whenever they need even a teeny weeny bit of help. All I am saying is, Anu should not encourage such narrative. Her mother said be a daughter, sister and mother but be a wife first. Why do we make the relationship with our spouse the most important relationship in our lives? For instance, hypothetically, imagine that Anuj wants to move to the US tomorrow and Anu has to go with him leaving her kids behind, I mean technically she can, but I would not blame her kids if they resent her. She said she will be present in Toshu's baby's life if he likes it or not. I mean technically she cannot do anything right, as in it is Toshu's right to decide who has access to his kid and who doesn't (unless he is an unfit parent of course).

I just think this narrative of our husband being the most important person in our lives is really outdated and kind of toxic. I wish her mom had said put yourself at the top of the priority list.

And kal if Anu and Anuj have a baby, I think she needs to assure her kids, no matter how old they are, that they are as important to her as the new kid is, unless they feel that the new kid is Anu's attempt to replace them with a child whose father she loves?

I completely agree that one should put themselves first. However, there is nothing toxic or outdated if husband is the most important person for a woman.

Every individual’s priority keeps changing with time based on their circumstance. So, the priorities are not set in stone for life.

In Anu’s case, Why should her kids resent her if she goes to US with Anuj? Or have his child? Or makes Anuj her priority?

Do they share the same resentment for Vanraj’s new lifestyle with his wife kavya as well?

Anupama has divorced their dad, Vanraj. All involved parties – Anu, Vanraj & kids must understand that life after divorce is going to be different. It will NOT be the same, where all live under the same roof.

If Anu-Vanraj’s kids were young, they would have to be counselled about how mom & dad are now separated and have their individual lives.

The kids are not young here. Toshu, Samar are adults. Pakhi is at the cusp of adulthood. All of them should understand( if they don't, parents must talk/counsel) them that both Vanraj & Anu are no longer married to each other. They are free to live their lives as they please, and rightly so.

I also feel anupama should not be pressuried to ki usko kisko priority pe rakhna chahiye because anupama will be always mother and wife . So being both mother and wife it will very difficult for anupama to set priority

Let anupama should also givechn right whom she want to give priority

And I think anupama is such a character that she can't choose one thing. Both husband and children will be always together priority

I personally don’t think meant it like that. I feel she noticed Anu prioritizing Shahs over Anuj and she just wanted to explain it to her that Anuj is too good to complain so Anu should keep him on higher priority. Ultimately life partneflr should have little more priority over all other things including own children, career, parents, hobbies etc. Again, just my opinion😇

I think at each age you prioritize someone

Till 13 years your parents are your priority

From 13 to 22-23 its your friends

After 23 its your colleagues and wife/hubby till you have kids

After you have kids till they are 13 or 18 they are priority. After that even your kids will hate you if you give them too much priority they want to be free from parents especially

After age of 45 or so your husband becomes priority no.1

Whenever grandkids are born for 2--3 years they also priority if there is no other family or maid to help new mother and father

Thats how world is

Only in crisis you break this rules

But anupama is sticking to shah family 24/7 although shes not bahu or wife there

Its kavya house let her handle

Why are you handling other womans house?

Originally posted by: T4Thahaanfan

It really is very simple. Anu will now be married to Anuj. That makes him THE priority in her life, both socially and legally.

Let alone also reciprocating this total love that Anuj shows her!!!

The boys are grown up and don't need Mummy's pallu anymore. Exchanges regarding Pakhi can be done even over the phone. I've seen the expediency and efficacy of that in my immediate surroundings. Since Pakhi lives in a family set-up where so many people can help out, that cry for Mummy is really no longer needed. Not at this age!!

If the children would emigrate to America, where would they cling to their Mummy anyway??

Nay, let Anu start this new life completely and freshly with Anuj, unencumbered by these so-called responsibilities towards her children.

As for the Shahs, she really HAS NO RESPONSIBILITY AT ALL anymore. Since her divorce there are really no ties anymore, at least not of such a nature as to compel her to give up her married life to look after the parents of her ex.b

Selflessness is one thing, but the makers have made her stupid, considering her continued slavery in that house. And that rankles.

So, KANTA MA WAS SUPER RIGHT. It is now going to be Anu for Anuj, just as he is there for her - wholeheartedly.

And all this, by the way, has nothing to do with Anu cooking or cleaning or pressing clothes for Anuj.
As a matter of fact, I wouldn't be surprised (and happily welcome it) if he turns out to be actual homemaker from now on 🥳

I agree to your point whole heartedly, but honestly the advice was not about choosing between yourself and others,it was more regarding of choosing between your past and your present happiness, anu's family connection with the shahs,and anuj...so in that sense her mom telling her to give more priority to the person who has always given her a priority,who takes care of anu's happiness and well being more isn't wrong honestly.

Anu has always disregarded herself for the shahs (including her kids,her baa-bapuji) and it will be highly unfair if she does the same to anuj,disregarding anuj for the shahs.

And her mom clearly told not to do the same what vanraj did with her...nothing wrong in that I feel.

Is it wrong if parents prioritise their new life partner/family more than their children??!!

NO

Is it alright for parents to be quite selfish sometimes??!!

Yes

Is it wrong if children understand all this but still want their parents to prioritise them over their new life partner??

Hell No

Is it alright for children to be quite selfish too and want their parents all for themselves ?

Yes

The point is that no one is wrong here in feeling the way they feel, neither the children for feeling insecure nor the parents for prioritising their partners.

Afterall the heart want what it wants.. thinking is not it's business and feeling is all it knows.

So parents should not be made to feel guilty for their choices and at the same time the children should also not be expected to be totally understanding of the new relationship.

So yeah even if anupama prioritises Anuj over her children it's her choice and in case pakhi feels jealous then that's okay too coz she also can't control the way she feels..right!!?? (as long as her feelings of insecurity don't overpower her intelligence and don't bring pain to others they are alright)

And yeah as usual this show failed to show the emotional issues.I mean pakhi was against the marriage so they could have shown anupama talking to her about her insecurities and assuring her for future but instead they showed pakhi ka magical hriday parivartan overnight🤡

Also I agree that kanta needs to be more careful with her words.. i mean what if Pakhi heard that convo and took it otherwise 😕she is in her early 20s i guess and is age me to people even get insecure if their best frnd gets a new best frnd to yaha to fir bhi maa ka mamla hai😆

Shrizzzzzzzzzzzz 💖 tell me the black pallu got you back noooo? 😂😂