Hi Doc,Very very well written post.👏.Couldn't agree with you more
As you said
a) Naina would have watched Sameer jump off her roof and felt some regret later but she would have moved on...
b) if the husband is like Sameer (understanding, adjusting, loving and accommodating) Naina will take him for granted again doing as she feels like without giving a hoot about the other person's (Sameer's) reaction.
c)However,if her husband had been like Sharad she would have been meek obedient and submissive
d)when questioned about her insensitive and selfish beheviour she will use the weapon of harming herself.
Totally agree with each and every one of your points Doc.The points simply hit bulls eye👍🏼.
And Finally
e) Threatening with suicide is a form of abuse where one may hurt himself/herself but at the same time make the other person (who is truly in love and care for the other one) go through immense fear and stress. That for me is emotional abuse.
1) It is quite possible that you may not find even a single person in the forum who seconds this view.But I completely agree with you😊.In fact,in my recent post on imbalance in love,I also wanted to point out that threatening to commit suicide is a form of emotional abuse.But then,I simply let it go.So seeing this sentence in your post really surprised me..You are right.Threatening to commit suicide officially and legally comes under top few things listed out as emotional abuse .It is a defined form of emotional abuse and a big red flag in a relationship because it causes tremendous mental stress and trauma for the loved ones of the person who threatens this.
It does not matter whether or not the person who makes this threat is in a clear state of mind.Either ways,the person affected most is the other party(the one to whom the threat is made).The person who faces this threat(even once) lives in perpetual fear of the reaction of the other and is very often terrified to disagree with or convey the smallest of problems to the other person.The person who made the threat(to commit suicide) senses the power he/she wields over the other and thus starts a cycle of threats,tantrums and emotional abuse.Of course,this is in real life.
2) I agree with you when you say that people who love someone may at times(intentionally or unintentionally) hurt another.This happens in a fit of anger or jealousy.But the first thing that they do when they regain their senses is to apologize profusely to the person they love and promise to NEVER EVER do something like that again.But not Naina...She has till date not expressed guilt or regret for leaving Sameer.She also seems extremely pleased with her idea to commit suicide..So no regrets there either.This appears like clear insensitivity to the impact of her actions on the people who love her.
Now the irony is that she gets extremely rattled and ruffled if she even says anything that hurts Chachaji.But with Sameer,she continuously engages in new and unexpected hurtful behaviour and brushes them off with a wink or a smile.This shows that she is not completely insensitive or unaware of the impact of her actions.A person who is inherently insensitive will be the same towards everyone.Such a person will have low empathy levels and be completely unaware of how their actions affect others.But Naina is different.With Chachaji she is ultra sensitive.She knows how the smallest of her words can affect him or his reputation.This shows that she knows the impact that her actions have on people.This means that (very likely) she understands how much Sameer would have been affected by her actions.Then why doesn't she show it?My answer.If she is insensitive towards Chachaji ,it will have direct consequences for her. She is dependent on Chachaji and Chachaji's disapproval comes with consequences(padhai band,shaadi karado,sar jhuka diya etc etc).But what are the consequences for her if Sameer is affected by her actions?Answer:NONE.
She dumped Sameer because she knew that he loved her so much that he would never ever reveal the truth about their love story to her family or ANYONE ELSE.So the fear of getting defamed was out.
Sameer was not capable of threatening her with suicide.Naina took a gamble on this and she was right.The moment she retaliated to the chilli eating episode by eating chillies herself,Sameer backed off.So no fear of threat of self harm
Sameer would never harm her.So she did not fear for her safety
The maximum that Sameer could do was make her jealous(which he tried).But this a very small consequence for such a big action.
So,in short,Naina is not an insensitive person at all.Full credit to her.she is very sensitive and perceptive.But her sensitive side is revealed only if her actions can have a consequence that directly affects her.If the person doesn't have that kind of power over her or is too good and nice to use such power over her,then she cares too hoots for his emotions.No consequence = no sensitivity.
PS: I am analyzing this imagining that Naina is a real life character.And again,this is a hypothesis based on a deconstruction of past activities of a character.When things are happening in real time,people do not always think or act in such a conscious calculated way. I am definitely not trying to imply that all people(even in real life)act this way.
3)You are right when you say that characters like Naina (not all) are many times bound to dominate and manipulate the person who loves them unconditionally - the moment they feel that they have the emotional power over the person. In my opinion,a victim of abuse can react in one of two ways.The first is to develop huge empathy for people in a similar position (ie victims of abuse).Such people are inherently extremely empathetic people.This abnormal sense of empathy,ironically,makes them victims of abuse.However,they also show similar and extreme concern for the pain of others.Such people apologize for the most trivial things and feel guilty very easily(even when they are mot at fault).This makes them easy and ideal victims of abuse.
The second category,is the non empath.The victim has normal feelings of empathy towards people.(not extra empathetic).When subjected to abuse,they harbour feelings of strong resentment and anger towards their abuser.They also wallow in their helplessness and sob story.Since they cannot express this hurt,they internalize all these negative emotions.These emotions then come out in front of people over whom they wield power.
I am not saying that Naina belongs to the latter category.She is not so cruel.But she sways more towards the second category than the first.
4)You have a very valid point when you ask why Naina did not do a suicide drama for Sharad.The answer ,as you rightly pointed out,is that it will have no effect on her family.Just like Rakesh blackmailed Arjun and his family by suicide,Naina blackmails Sameer.She learns early on at home that (from her father)that threatening to commit suicide is an effective way to gain sympathy and get one's way.Nice parenting👏
5)I will never agree that what Naina did is a spur of the moment thing.Munna asked her three questions,"Main sar ke bal chalne ko bolunga to chalegi?","Fail hone bolunga to hogi?","Chat se koodne bolunga to koodegi?".Out of the three choices given by Munna Naina chooses the third one.She doesn't say "Yes" to question 1 because(presumably) she can't walk on her head.So that is ruled out.But she could fail in a subject right?Why didn't she say yes to that?Why does she choose to jump off the roof?Because jumping off the roof is dramatic and fetches instant results.Secondly,she knows very very well that Sameer will NEVER EVER let her die.So she will NEVER BE REQUIRED TO ACTUALLY EXECUTE THIS ACTION.To prove her love Naina Agrawal CHOOSES to do something that she knows is impossible.Impossible because Sameer will never let it happen.This only proves Sameer's love for her not vice versa.
Plus,if she really wanted to jump she would not have stood there ,one foot dangling in the air for half an hour trying to measure the physics of her fall.She would have jumped...Period...She stood there playing hopscotch because she had no intentions of jumping EVER.
Edited by rock&roll - 7 years ago
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