Part One - Bandeyaa Tu Munh Mord Ke Na Ja
Raman
He walked out, past the reception desk and the concerned manager, and into the bitter cold night. Darkness had fallen swiftly.He walked down the pathway leading away from the Guesthouse, heading for the bench underneath a solitary tree in the distance, bathed in a pool of translucent light.
Snow swirled around him, settling on his thin shirt and hair, mingling with the tears that fell unheeded down his face.
He had known this would happen when he came here. Face it Raman Bhalla, he told himself. You came here all self righteous to warn her away from your children, but you knew, deep inside you knew that you were coming to take her home. You had forgiven her a long time ago, it was yourself you couldn't forgive. You needed to see her, needed to look into her eyes, to see that she was fine, to find that forgiveness within yourself.
Everything that she had done, everything that had happened in the past three months, had stemmed from his one decision - to have a child by surrogacy without her consent. So how could he blame her when her mistakes had been the result of his. And after everything that had happened to her, with her, she had been alone. Here. Amongst strangers. Yet, he had come as soon as he knew. He had to give himself that much credit - whatever his delusions as to his motives for coming here may have been.
He remembered vividly the scene two days ago when he had overheard Adi talking to Ishita. He had not known where she was until then.
At first, lying in his hospital bed, suffering from the effects of the poison Sarika had administered to him, he had not even wanted to hear her name. Simmi had asked him once and he had shut her up with a withering stare. He had been unable to comprehend the scale of her duplicity and his ego, his heart, his soul all hurt too much to consider forgiveness.
All along though, he had thought she was safe at home, safe with his family, with her family. Then when he had finally come home, he had curtly told his mother that he wanted nobody near him, in his room. Only his mother and his children were allowed to come to him. And so he had hidden in his room, imagining her close by, taking bitter delight in her imagined tears at his cruelty. And thinking of her every waking moment.
Then a few days later Ruhi had sobbed her heart out to him. "Ishima ko ghar lao papa" He had questioned Simmi immediately and had found out that she had left home, that no one knew where she had gone. He had worried then, wondered where she was, but then convinced himself that she would be with Shagun and the "Gang" as he had called them. Certainly she would be safe. And happy. She must be happy without him. Hadn't she left him after all?
He had nursed her abandonment of him, of her children as yet another gripe against her. Here he was, recovering from near death, and she had gone off without a second thought. Then Shagun had miscarried and he had put aside his anger and had gone to see her. He had looked for his wife surreptitiously at the hospital, wondering how she was coping, how she was hiding her sorrow from the world. But she had not come before him and he had sneered once again at his fate, too fatigued from grief to even shed tears for his dead child.
But then a week ago, Shagun had called him and asked him where Ishita was, why she hadn't been to see her. And that's when he discovered she had been missing, alone, for the past three weeks.
He had pretended nonchalance but he had grown more and more scared. He wondered how she was, even as his bleeding heart wished that she was suffering just like him. He asked himself why he wanted to find her. After all, he had refused to see her when she had pleaded to. She was a grown woman. Able to take care of herself. And hadn't he broken off their relationship himself?
He told himself he needed to see her to tell her to stay away, but that was no legitimate reason. She had already gone away. He told himself she needed to hear from him just how much he hated her, but how could he say to her what he couldn't believe himself.
He wondered how to find her. Went back to work against his doctors advice just so that he could think of ways to hunt her down. But to no avail. And then two days ago, he had received Adi's telephone bill. Had seen the unfamiliar number that he was texting daily. He had then picked up Adi's phone. Had seen the text messages. Then hid and heard them talking, heard Adi asking her about work, exclaiming about the snow in Simla, telling her he wanted to come to her. It was all he needed. Within hours he had hunted down her location, had booked his flight, and informing his family that he had a meeting in Mumbai, had walked out of the house over his parents protests.
Well, he had met her. Had told her off. Had come face to face with his truth. He couldn't live without her. And she wouldn't live with him.
He slumped onto the bench, his face in his hands. "Ishita" he whispered. She may be right, maybe they were toxic for each other, maybe they did hurt each other too much, but he knew that the sorrow they gave each other was nothing compared to the desolation that was life without her. Surely they could try. Try to find ways to communicate. Try to heal the wounds they gave each other, to find ways to stop the hurt. But what could he do when she would not listen?
"Ishita" he cried out. "Ishita"
And the snow kept falling.
Bandeyaa tu munh mord ke na jaa...
Bandeyaa tu munh mord ke na jaa...
Bandeyaa dehleez naang ke na jaa...
Naina bechaare ro ro ke haare
Chod gaya tu kiske sahaare
Ruk ja re, na ja re
Ruk ja re, na ja re
Bandeyaa tu munh mord ke na jaa.
Rab se ... hone lage shiqve hai
Rab se ... hone lage shiqve hai
Jab se tumne kaha chalte hai
Palkon se ashq yeh kyun na gire
Seene ki jalan yeh kaise sahe
Ruk ja re, na ja re
Tham ja re, na ja re
Bandeyaa tu munh mord ke na jaa.
Ishita
The door swung shut behind Raman and his wife sunk slowly to the floor, her arms wrapped around herself as dry tears wracked her frame.
She knew she had done the right thing, so why this feeling of complete and utter desolation. It was better for them to be apart, she knew that. Their love wasn't enough to heal the wounds of their pasts, wounds that festered and poisoned their present. She knew that it was due to the betrayals of their past that they were unable to trust in today. They tried desperately to protect each other but how could they, when the could not communicate? They would be better off apart, better off without this searing pain that accompanied every duplicity. She was as guilty of it as him, as guilty of abusing his trust as he of hers. Yes, she had done it, as had he, out of pure love. But love wasn't enough.
So why did she feel this way then? Would time heal the agony that was tearing her apart? Had the month away from him helped at all? Yes she had been functioning without him, yes she could look after herself, but was this really enough? The last half hour with him was the most alive she had felt in an entire month. She had been angry yes. Angry. Hurt. Happy. Sad. Fearful. Concerned. Angry. But she had felt something. She had felt alive. It was as if she had been frozen for a month, and his touch had thawed her, had brought her back to life.
Surely they could try. Surely there was a way for them to get over whatever demons remained from their pasts that caused them to hurt each other so. Counseling. Time away together. Learning to trust. Starting all over. Surely they could do something.
She got up off the floor and made her way brokenly to the window seat, voices in her head clamoring to advise her as she dropped wearily onto the seat.
She had sent him away. She had been right to do so. No, she should have tried. She should have listened. No why should she listen. He hadn't wanted her back. He had come to see her. He had ignored her when she was in hospital. But he said he had kept a vigil outside her room. He and taken so long to find her. But you left Ishita. He had abused her trust over the baby. But you lied to him too Ishita. Many many lies. He had apologized. It wasn't enough.
"Raman" she cried, holding her head in her hands, trying to shut out the voices. But one voice persisted over the clamour. His voice. He was calling her.
She stood up uncertainly, but there was no one there. And the silence was more frightening than all the voices in her head.
She stayed immersed in her thoughts for what seemed an age, and then slowly moved to the window, staring blindly into the snow outside. It was pitch dark now, but the gardens were well lit. And in the patches of light thrown up by the old fashioned street lamps, she could see clearly the old elm tree she spent many an afternoon under. There was a man sitting on the bench there. No, not sitting. Slumped over. In the snow. In the freezing unforgiving cold.
Fear gripped her heart. Raman. It was Raman. But it had been almost an hour since he had left her. He had been out there, in that cold and snow for so long. What if... ? No, no. And she ran.
Raste khamosh kyun behte hai
Hmm raste khamosh kyun behte hai
Lamhe sehme se kyun rehte hai
Kisi ka toh intezaar hai inhe
Sapne kyun bewajaa ye bunne
Ruk ja re, na ja re
Tham ja re, na ja re
Bandeyaa tu munh mord ke na jaa...
Bandeyaa tu munh mord ke na jaa...
Chapter 3 - Part 2
Mar jaaye
Mangal Lakshmi
Hindi TV Shows
Ishaani
Mannat Har Khushi Paane Ki
9