Mar Jaaye
The Duty Manager, Mr Gupta, was just about to knock when Ishita flung the door open.
"Madam, woh aap ka mehmaan. Wahan barf mein akele..."
(Madam your visitor. He's there alone, in the snow...)
He was unable to complete his sentence as Ishita brushed past him, running towards her husband.
The snowy landscape was eerily quiet as Ishita ran blindly up the path, fear accelerating her steps, followed by Mr Gupta.
Errant flakes of snow still fell from the leaden skies and settled on her as she stumbled to a halt before the inert form on the bench.
He was still. So very still, slumped over upon himself, his black clothes and hair a stark contrast to the snow beside and below him.
She fell to her knees before him, unheeding of the wet icy ground. Slowly, gently, numb with fear, she put a shaking hand on his shoulder.
"Raman" she whispered. There was no response.
Her heart in her mouth, she gently shook his shoulder. There was no response, but thankfully, he did not slump any further. Her courage rising, she shook his shoulder again, harder this time. With her other hand, she gently cupped his face, bowed as it was.
"Raman" she said urgently, louder. "Raman, please" A sheen of tears covered her eyes, blurring her vision but she could feel the icy coldness of his face with her fingers.
"Murugan please" she prayed silently. "Please"
And then blessedly, to her utmost relief, he slowly lifted his head. His bloodshot eyes gripped her with their intense gaze just as Mr Gupta arrived huffing behind her.
"Madam"
That third voice broke the silence that stretched between the silent man on the bench, and the terrified woman before him.
She looked over her shoulder at the manager, not slackening her grip on Raman.
"Gupta ji, please, meri help kijiye"
(Guptaji please help me)
Together with the manager, she helped her silent unresisting husband to his feet, supporting him as they walked slowly toward the lodge.
"Guptaji, aap please aage ja kar fireplace mein aur lakhdi daliye. Aur kuch brandy whisky hoga toh please."
(Gupta ji, please go on ahead and put more wood in the fire. And if you have any brandy or whisky please)
"Ji theek hai madam"
(Yes, fine, Madam)
Mr Gupta's eyes were full of curiosity, but to his credit he did not give voice to his questions, gliding away to do as she had asked.
She did not say anything to him as she supported him to the lodge. She was so furious with him that she wanted to slap him, and so relieved that she wanted to hold him close and never let him go. She could not believe that he could be so irresponsible. He was still recovering from being poisoned , and now this!
He was silent too, letting her support him, leaning on her as her warmth seeped through into his frozen soul.
***************
The room was warm, the fire blazing and Mr Gupta standing with a tumbler and a half bottle of whisky when Ishita assisted Raman into her guest suite.
She helped Raman down onto the sofa in front of the fire, and then turned to the Manager, taking the drink from him.
"Thank you Gupta ji. Ab mein sambhal loongi."
(Thank you Guptaji. I'll handle things from here)
"Lekin madam..."
(But madam)
"Guptaji, mere pati bahut thakke hue hai, unhe araam karna hai. Aap ki bahut shukriya aapne jo help kiya."
(Guptaji, my husband is very tired, he needs to rest. Thank you so much for your help)
"Theek hai madam" Mr Gupta shrugged and left quietly, closing the door behind him.
Ishita dropped to her knees before her husband, pulling at his drenched shirt.
"Yeh sab kya kiya Raman" she whispered, a catch in her voice as she fumbled with the buttons."Abhi hi toh theek hue ho, aur aise sardi mein, barf mein. Hypothermia ho jaati, kuch ho jaati. Mein kitni dar gayi thi. Aap bhi na, bachon ki tarah behave karte ho. Yeh, yeh peelo please jaldi se"
("Why did you do all this Raman" she whispered, a catch in her voice as she fumbled with the buttons. "You've just recovered, and now in this cold, the snow. What if you get hypothermia. I was so scared. You...you behave like a child sometimes. Here, drink this quickly please")
She peeled the wet shirt off him and held the tumbler up to his blue tinged lips. He stared intently at her as she pushed the tumbler against his lips, sighing in relief as he sipped the warming brew.
She waited until he had a few sips before placing the tumbler on the floor and running to the bathroom, only to return mere seconds later with a towel and her bathrobe.
"I'm telling you na Raman, this is very irresponsible of you." She knew she was babbling but she could not help it, her relief and her anger were so great. She continued murmuring as she started to towel his body and hair vigorously, as the warmth from the fire surrounded them both.
"Aap ko kuch ho jaata, toh mein kya karti. Kyun aisa karte hai aap. Kyun nahi samajhte hai aap, mein kaise jeeti aap ke bina? Aur bachon, bachon ka kya..."
(What if something happened to you? What would I have done? Why do you behave like this? Why don't you understand, how would I live without you? And the children, what about the...)
She stopped abruptly as he clutched at her hands, stopping her rapid movements, while one hand covered her mouth.
"Kitni baat karti ho yaar" he murmured.
(You talk too much yaar)
His voice was raspy and low, but she could hear the determination of her Raavan.
"Tum mere bina nahi jee sakti? Phir kyun mujh se dur jaana chahti ho meri jaan?"
(So you can't live without me? Then why do you want to go away from me my love?)
Tears welled in her eyes at his endearment.
"Raman, this is emotional blackmail" she whispered, snatching her hands away from his icy cold one. "Hum baad mein yeh sab baat karenge. Pehle aap in kapdo se niklo. Aap ko warm karna hai, warna hypothermia..."
(We will talk about this later. First you get warm, or you'll get hypothermia...)
Her hands were on his waistband, pulling off his belt, and he chuckled. "Mauke pe chauka maar rahi ho madrassan"
(Are you taking advantage of me madrassan?)
Her face reddened at his teasing even as her fearful heart started to calm down. He was teasing her. He would be okay.
"Help me up" he murmured as her hands fumbled on the waistband.
"Haan" she whispered, helping him to stand. "Mein, I'll bring some hot water" she said quietly, leaving him.
She returned a few minutes later to see him wrapped in her robe, his wet clothes scattered around him. She had quickly changed out of her snow dampened clothes as well, and was now wearing her green Kurta and warm black tights, a basin of hot water in her hands
"Raman, yeh socks kyun nahi uttara aap ne?"
(Raman, why haven't you taken your socks off)
She quickly placed the basin by his feet, then peeled off his wet socks, urging him to place his feet in the hot water. She then sat next to him, taking his cold hands in hers, trying to get some warmth back in them.
He gazed lovingly at her as she rubbed his hands between hers, uncaring of the pain to her own scarred hands. She glanced at him, then quickly looked down again, unnerved by his love.
"Can I get a hug?" He said quietly, breaking the silence between them.
She looked up slowly. He was staring attentively at her, his eyes glistening with the tears that found an echo in her own eyes.
She nodded despite herself, and the next moment he had pulled her into his arms, his chin nestling on her shoulder as she buried her face in his neck.
"Don't leave me" he whispered brokenly, his arms tightening around her as if to mould her to himself. "We can work it out. We can go to counseling, we can ask for help, just stay with me, just stay with me"
Tears flowed down her cheeks as she raised her head to meet his eyes.
"I'm scared Raman. Phir galtiyaan hongi toh kya phir mujhe ghar se nikal denge sab? Agar hum ne phir ek doosre se battein chupayi, toh kya? Akhir kab tak?"
(What if I make a mistake again? Will you chase me out again? What if we hide things from each other again? How long will we do this?)
"No Ishita, meri jaan, we will work things out" He cradled her face in his hands, his gaze unwavering. Again that endearment brought fresh tears gushing to her eyes.
"Listen, Ishita, listen to me. Ek din mein bhaag raha tha, airport pe, aur tumne sab ke saamne mujhe roka tha, meri kya hashra ki thi, yaad hai hmm?"
(One day I was running away at the airport and you brought me back, best me up in front of everyone, remember?)
She smiled despite herself "woh mein kaise bhul sakti hoon"
(How can I forget that?)
"Toh tumhe yeh bhi yaad hoga jo tumne us din mujh se kaha tha - ki kyun phir adhura karna chahate ho? Mujh ko, khud ko? Yaad hai?"
(Then you must also remember what you said to me that day - that why are you making us incomplete again? Me and you? Do you remember)
The tears spilled over as she nodded. "Haan yaad hai"
(Yes I remember)
"Toh mein wahi sawal tumse puchunga - kyun phir adhura karna chahti ho? Mujh ko, khud ko"
(Then I'm going to ask you the same question. Why are you making us incomplete. Both if us?)
"Aur phir problems aayenge toh Raman?"
(And what happens when there are problems again?)
"We'll face them together Ishita. Ek doosre se kuch nahi chupayenge"
"Pehle bhi yehi waade kar chuke hai hum"
(We havee made these promises before as well)
"Is baar nibhayenge"
(This time we will keep the promises)
"What's changed Raman?"
"We almost lost each other Ishita. That's what changed. Woh crocodile, woh poison, yeh sab kuch nahi hota agar hum ek doosre ko sach batate, ek doosre par bharosa karte. Ab mujh mein tumhe khone ki taqat nahi hai Ishita. Hamare bachon ko hum dono ki zaroorat hai. We're a family Ishita. Ruhi ke liye. Adi ke liye. Mere liye. Khud ke liye. Stay with me"
(We almost lost each other Ishita, that's what's changed. That crocodile, the poison, all this wouldn't have happened if we told each other the truth. I don't have the strength to face losing you again Ishita. Our children need us both. We're a family Zishira. For Adi. For Ruhi. For me. For yourself. Stay with me)
Ishita heard the certainty in his voice and her heart melted. It would not be easy, but he was right. They needed to be together and they would make it work.
"Haan" she whispered, throwing herself into his arms again, holding him close. "Yes"
He pulled away slightly and cradled her face in his hands again. His lips descended slowly on hers, as he poured out his frustrations, fears and love into her. Despite herself, against the screams of her logical mind, she responded. Their lips clung together briefly, tentatively, before he took control, pressing firmly as he tasted her sweetness.
She did not realize how much she had missed him, missed this, as she kissed him back with equal passion, straining against him, her hands in his still damp hair, touching the thin planes of his face with her hands, caressing as if she would never let him go.
It wasn't until they had broke apart for air and he chuckled "Can I take my feet out of this basin now please" that they both came back to earth and reality.
"Kya mein jaaon?" He asked her, the fear back in his eyes as he dried his feet. "Or can I stay?"
"Stay" she whispered, moving into his arms again. "But Raman..."
"Hmmm?" His hands played with her hair, his voice tired but content.
"I still have two months of my locum left to do here. I can't just come back with you. And nothing is resolved yet..."
"Shhh" he briefly kissed her again before turning her around to face him. "Will you let me talk please Jhansi ki Rani?"
"Kya?" She smiled at that old endearment.
"You stay here, finish your work. The kids and I will come over in the weekends. And I'll come over during the week too, whenever I can. Look for a marriage counsellor here, we can attend sessions together. Maybe a bit of time away from the family, a bit of time in getting to know each other, understand each other will help. What about it? Can I date my wife for the next two months?"
"Raman, that would be... I think that would work. Lekin kya do mahino mein sab kuch theek ho jayega?"
"Maloom nahi" he got to his feet, pulling her up with him. "But we can try can't we?"
"Yes" she smiled, slipping into his embrace. "We can try."
Kaash woh pal paida hi na ho
Jis pal me nazar tu na aaye
Gar kahin aisa pal ho
Toh Is pal me marjaaye
Marjaaye marjaaye marjaaye marjaaye
Tujh se juda hone ka tasavur
Ek gunah Sa lagta hai
Jab Aata hai bheed mein aksar
Mujhko tanha karta hai
Khwab mein bhi
Jo dekh le yeh
Raat ki neend ud jaaye
Marjaaye marjaaye marjaaye ho marjaaye
Aksar mere har ek pal mein
Kyun yeh sawal sa rehta hai
Tujh se mera taluk hai yeh kaisa
Akhir kaisa rishta hai
Tujh ko na jis din hum dekhe
Woh din kyun guzar hi na paaye
Marjaaye marjaaye marjaaye ho marjaaye
Marjaaye marjaaye marjaaye marjaaye
Marjaaye marjaaye marjaaye ho marjaaye
Bade Achhe Lagte Hain
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