Disclaimer 1: We have had a case of selective amnesia and chosen to forget the last two episodes, so we are focusing on episodes from Monday - Thursday. Our attempt here is to explore puttar's plight and angst because all week we focused on Ishita and her attempt at making puttar feel comfortable.
Disclaimer 2: Since my love for Gulzar sahab knows no bound and I invariably reach out to his work day after day, might as well rename this post as Gulzar saab's musings. There aren't enough words to describe his brilliance so I am not even going to try.
Ye kaise umar main ake mili ho tum
Bahot jee chahta hai phir se bo-oon(sow) apni aakhen
Tumhare dhaer se chehra ugaon aur bulaon barishon ko
Bahot jee hai ke fursat ho tassavor ho, tassovor main zara se bagbani ho
Magar jaana yeh kaise umar main ake mili ho tum
Kise ki hissa ki matti nahi hilti, kise ked hoop ka hissa nahi chinta
Magar ab meri kyari main lage podhe kisi ko paon rekhne ke liye bhi tha nahi dete
Yeh kaise umar main ake mili ho tum
-Gulzar saab
Loose translation: What an age have you entered my life in, my life is too set in it's old ways but how I wish I could sow my eyes and grow a thousand faces of yours, I wish I could call upon the rain, and then with a few free picturesque moments I would grow a thousand of you. But what an age have entered my life, oh beautiful! At this age I am too set in my old ways, my life won't give your room to grow and won't share it's sunshine with you, the plants in my garden won't even give your room to step around. Oh what an age have you entered my life.
There could be no better lines than these to describe Raman's angst for the past few days. He is a man in love, he is finally seeing how companionship and love can transform his life and make him into a better man. But life isn't that easy, with love comes responsibility! The responsibility to be faithful, to be benevolent, to be true to yourself and to your partner, to be supportive and to always communicate, for love without responsibility is no love at all. Ishita has entered in Raman's life at an age where his garden is full of plants from his past, he wishes to sow the seeds of their love and see it blossom into a beautiful relationship but he is struggling to find room in his garden of life. His complicated past has given way to guilt, guilt of having a life so preoccupied with his past that he is left with no room for his present and future, guilt of not being able to reciprocate his wife's unconditional love and finally guilt of being the source of pain for the love of his life.
Guilt is an emotion that is painful but very much required for growth. As Audre Lorde puts it,
"Guilt is not a response to anger; it is a response to one's own actions or lack of action. If it leads to change then it can be useful, since it is then no longer guilt but the beginning of knowledge. Yet all too often, guilt is just another name for impotence, for defensiveness destructive of communication; it becomes a device to protect ignorance and the continuation of things the way they are, the ultimate protection for changelessness."
Guilt can lead to change, it can transform from this painful emotion of ineptness to the feeling of redemption but more often than it leads to shame. Shame is never constructive; it never leads to redemption because it usually ends up taking it's passengers on the journey of self-loathing, anger and isolation. Unfortunately, puttar has crossed over from guilt to shame and is headed towards isolation.
It is heart breaking to see Raman struggle with his feelings, he wants to profess his love for his beloved, he wants to be thankful for her selfless devotion to him and his family but the self inflected shame is making him spiral down the steps of loveless isolation. Raman is feeling inadequate, he thinks of himself as a failed man in love, a failed man in marriage and a failed man in family. While sitting in his office he reminisces about the hurtful things he said to her, the plots and plans of Ashok and Adi, and hate and contempt from Shagun. He cannot help but question the raw deal Ishita is getting by being in love with him. He questions his worth and finds answers by looking through the shades of his past, so he does what he knows he best, he retreats into silence, self loathe and forced isolation
Raman high on shame and self loathe is blaming all their problems on his past, forgetting the most important thing, that he isn't singular anymore he is part of a team. He forgets that he can't decide the course of their relationship alone, there is someone else's life attached to his and the lines of communication that he has severed must reopen for him to spiral out of this shame-ridden state. Guilt is good, shame isn't!
Puttar take the hint that missus is giving you, she said it if your happiness is dependent on mine then you should be very very happy because I am very happy.' So throw away some plants of your past and sow the seeds of love in the garden of
Something I had written on Raman state of mind for G's post, reusing it here.
Uss raat sigdi pe doodh ubal raha tha
Tum aayi bheega kapdo main lipti huyi
Tofano se ladti hui
Apni aakhon ki nami se kuch boonden leke udhar
Tumne sehlaya tha uss ubalte doodh ke patile ko
Kya kahun humsafar kya rasile chai bani thi
Tumhare aanso ka namkeen swad tha
aur mera ubalne ki garmahat thi uss chai me
Uss raat sigdi pe doodh ubal raha tha
Jab tum tufano se lad rahi thi
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