Apologize to your children

First Previous

Page

Frequent Posters

Heema22

@Heema22

Sparkler

Posted: 11 years ago

#11

I partly agree and partly disagree with TM .

Apology, when sincere and intentional, is a powerful, perhaps even life-altering, tool for both the giver and the receiver.

Yes , if parents are wrong and they know it and child is hurt they should apologize to a child . In our Indian culture we rarely see this . Mainly because of parents suppose to be right .Common causes for failure to apologize are pride and fear of shame and the belief that apologizing is a sign of weakness and admission of guilt. In western culture I see parents apologizing kids all the time . Their sense of parenting is very different .

Ruhi only heard part of the conversation . Inshita was right . She was not wrong when she said she was not Ruhi's mother .Ruhi has every right to be hurt . But the way that part was written was wrong . I wanted hear little more explanation from Ishita . Ruhi is only 5 yrs old . I have seen lots of 5 years old they do not have this kind of insight . They write OTT dialog for this cute little girl . I want to see her as 5 yrs cuttie pie not to be 5 going on 10 .

Edited by Heema22 - 11 years ago

Quote

Heema22

@Heema22

Sparkler

Posted: 11 years ago

#12

Originally posted by: eternalasha
Well said.
I loved that seen too. I am glad they didn't show Ruhi going away into a corner crying. That she made her hurt and idgnation and hurt known. Ishu respects Ruhi and so she recognized her mistake and corrected it.

Ruhi as a child desrves the respect of an apology just as much as adults do.

Admitting ones mistake, despite our fears is liberating and healing.

Every time Ruhi is hurt or misunderstands conversation , Ishita doesn'tt need to appplozised to her . She needs to explain Ruhi the situation . " I am sorry " this might resolve short term problem " and Ruhi will be happy at that movement but is this realistic thing to do ? Ruhi needs to learn facts of life too .

Yes , I agree every child needs respect and them only they will learn to give respect . But explanation has respect too.

Quote

Looks like you are new here. Register for free, learn and contribute.

eternalasha

@eternalasha

Voyager

Posted: 11 years ago

#13

Originally posted by: Heema22

Every time Ruhi is hurt or misunderstands conversation , Ishita doesn'tt need to appplozised to her . She needs to explain Ruhi the situation . " I am sorry " this might resolve short term problem " and Ruhi will be happy at that movement but is this realistic thing to do ? Ruhi needs to learn facts of life too .

Yes , I agree every child needs respect and them only they will learn to give respect . But explanation has respect too.

yes Heema fully agree with you. Ishita doesn't need to apologize everytime. the important part is ensuring dialogue and clarification. My point was mainly to say that when warranted children deserve the respect of an apology and if not warrant then a respectful dialogue and/or clarification.

Definitely not a blanket apology

Edited by eternalasha - 11 years ago

Quote

Annet and Janet

@loveabletwinz

Voyager

+ 3

Posted: 11 years ago

#14

Originally posted by: Heema22
I partly agree and partly disagree with TM .

Apology, when sincere and intentional, is a powerful, perhaps even life-altering, tool for both the giver and the receiver.

Yes , if parents are wrong and they know it and child is hurt they should apologize to a child . In our Indian culture we rarely see this . Mainly because of parents suppose to be right .Common causes for failure to apologize are pride and fear of shame and the belief that apologizing is a sign of weakness and admission of guilt. In western culture I see parents apologizing kids all the time . Their sense of parenting is very different .
Ruhi only heard part of the conversation . Inshita was right . She was not wrong when she said she was not Ruhi's mother .Ruhi has every right to be hurt . But the way that part was written was wrong . I wanted hear little more explanation from Ishita . Ruhi is only 5 yrs old . I have seen lots of 5 years old they do not have this kind of insight . They write OTT dialog for this cute little girl . I want to see her as 5 yrs cuttie pie not to be 5 going on 10 .

I feel like I might have given the impression that Ishita should apologize every time Ruhi feels hurt... I don't mean that at all. Like eternalashaa said, I mean that Ishita should acknowledge Ruhi's feelings, and when warranted, should apologize...I don't think Ishita was wrong in saying that she is not Ruhi's biological mother, I completely agree with that and understand where she is coming from. But for all purposes and intent, Ishita IS Ruhi's mother...giving birth to a child does not automatically qualify you as a mother...Ishita loves and adores Ruhi as her own, and her choice of words are what made Ruhi upset. I also want to stress that even though Ishita is not always wrong, it does not negate any of Ruhi's feelings. She IS only a five year old child, and she is bound to misunderstand a lot of things...To answer the question you asked eternalashaa, no, it is not practical to apologize for every thing that Ruhi takes an offence too...I simply mean that just because we become parents, we do not become absolved of the responsibility to show our children that we make mistakes, that we aren't holier than thou, and also show them that we have the compassion and empathy to apologize when we ARE in the wrong.

Edited by loveabletwinz - 11 years ago

Quote

Vrish

@Vr15h

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 11 years ago

#15

Originally posted by: loveabletwinz
Okay, My apologies. I should have been more specific in my post about what I was referring to...I think, and you are most welcome to disagree, that Ishita was wrong in saying that Ruhi is not her daughter, that she is Raman's. I take absolutely no issue with Ishita being honest about not having the entire experience of a pregnancy.

This is what I do take a slight issue with and where I think Ishita was wrong; Ishita and Raman have constantly, fervently, and on COUNTLESS occasions mentioned that they have agreed to this union because of Ruhi...and for Ishita to say that she was not Ruhi's mother is where I think the need for an apology stemmed from. I don't mean to say that Ishita needs to give Ruhi a false sense of assurance or tell Ruhi that she is her biological mother; but Ishita HAS accepted Ruhi as her daughter and so has Ruhi accepted Ishita...considering the equation they share, I am surprised that that is how she chose to respond.

That's irrelevant to the point in question - did this statement of Ishita's warrant the apology? I don't think so!!! She's talking to someone else, and that conversation was not meant for Ruhi. There were other kids out there, and she has nothing better to do than eavesdrop on mom's private conversations?

Originally posted by: loveabletwinz
I most certainly am not going to persecute Ishita for her choice of words... but it IS her choice of words that caused Ruhi to be upset...That is what I meant in my initial post that words have a powerful effect on people, especially on impressionable kids of Ruhi's age. The post was more about being the kind of parent who is willing to apologize for their mistakes, and less about blaming or bashing Ishita. It was an observation of the kind of parent she is...

But apologies are only justified or called for when they make sense, and this one did neither. Ruhi had no business getting involved in this conversation. If she's so smart that she knows everything about adult relationships & how genuine they are, she ought to be smart enough to know her limits as well.

Originally posted by: loveabletwinz
Yes, i agree.. Ruhi is wiser than her years, but that does not negate any of her feelings. She is entitled to feel the way she wants, and entitled to an apology when it is well deserved.

My point was that in this case, it wasn't deserved at all. Ishita wasn't talking to her, nor was she describing the relationship - the part she didn't hear. Frankly, I'm annoyed w/ this trend of soaps to not only portray kids - particularly girls - as oversmart: getting into OTT dialogs about relationships & all that. This is not the first serial that I've seen it.

I know that the Ishita-Raman wars are the reason both, and indeed everybody in the household try to placate her. But Ruhi does show her kid's side when she fights w/ Shravan (incidentally, knowing how soaps go, are they trying to set up a love track b/w the 2, which they can exploit for a future leap?) But as a family, they need to agree that there are times that she needs to be disciplined - I've not noticed even one instance of that to date, except for the one fight she had w/ Shravan which snowballed into insults. Included in that is the need to lay down the rules - that all conversations are not for her.

Quote

Vrish

@Vr15h

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 11 years ago

#16

Originally posted by: Heema22
Ruhi only heard part of the conversation . Inshita was right . She was not wrong when she said she was not Ruhi's mother .Ruhi has every right to be hurt . But the way that part was written was wrong . I wanted hear little more explanation from Ishita . Ruhi is only 5 yrs old . I have seen lots of 5 years old they do not have this kind of insight . They write OTT dialog for this cute little girl . I want to see her as 5 yrs cuttie pie not to be 5 going on 10 .

What Ishita could have done would have been tell Ruhi, "Ruhi beta, what I meant to tell her was that I didn't give birth to you. Which is true - I didn't. Yeah, I do love you, and do consider you my child, but what we were discussing was different. I'm sorry that you're hurt, but please realize - not all conversations are meant for you. This was one of those"

Ruhi: "Ishi-ma, what is 'birth'?"

Ishita: "Ruhi-beta, that you'll understand when you are much older. Like 20s"

End of discussion!

Quote

Aani

@EkPaheli

Stunner

+ 4

Posted: 11 years ago

#17

AnnJan

that is such an amazingly though-provoking post you two made here.

Sensitivity is the need of the hour when it comes to kids these days, especially because of the aggressive environment hey are being raised in with all the competitiveness and also I read these games on XBOX which somehow end up promoting violence so def parents need to be the ones who should focus on their kids, their needs and problems and try to reason, find whats wrong and get to the core of things instead of blaming their children/child for something that goes wrong.

Spanking and punishing may be the go to methods that have been relied on for centuries by frustrated parents but they are not the way to go now for sure.