Surlie TS : RadhaRani ka Fangirl & her Ziddi Zamikand (Part 4 Updated) - Page 3

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Posted: 5 months ago
#21

Chapter 3 : Koshish

Surya’s Pov : (As he walks back to the room, with his coffee.)

Dekha jaata crime nai… Imlie ke liye..Time… Na.. Na.. What Am I Saying.. Hai.. Kaafi saara time hai infact, but mera biwi mujhe apna pati toh maane pehle..

“Hey Imlie ka Radharani! Main abhi ekdam maut ke muh se wapis aaya hai! That was a really close shave.. Ye aapka fangirl, bhataki aatma ki tarah aise kitchen me ghum raha tha, and mujhse takra gaya.. Wo toh maine apne aap ko sambhal liya, nai toh usko meri aankhon me apne liye feelings dikh jaata aur wo pagal ladki phir se shuru ho jaata,mujhe maarne-peetne ko..

Kya Radha rani, ye 21stcentury me bhi domestic violence chal raha hai. Kuch karo apne fan girl ka please!

Aapko toh pata hai, mera koi intention nai tha, Imlie ko like karne ka. Main toh baut clear tha, ki main uska zimmedari liya hai, uska education complete hone tak.. But aap hi batao Radha-rani,wo hai hi itna payara. Mujhe toh wo uss din se pasand hai jab usne, apna admission celebrate karne ke liye, halwa khakar party kiya tha.. But ye sab,main usko bataega nai, mereko mera jaan payara hai.”

And thus, reminiscing all such moments,Surya finally falls asleep, dreaming about a mad village girl, who never stops fighting with him, even in his dreams..

Next Morning..


Arjun: Anna, acha hua aap Tayyar hogaye jaldi.. Wo main ye keh raha tha..

Surya : Haan haan, pata hai,breakfast aaj main sabke saath karega. Finally mera next village wala case kakaam khatam ho gaya hai, isliye main aaj aaram se office jaaega, koi jaldi nai.

Arjun : Nai nai Anna, main breakfast ke liye nai keh raha tha. Wo toh main, ye batane aaya tha ki, iss room me pest control hoga aaj, isliye hum yahan nai reh sakte.

Surya : Kya bakwas kar raha haitu Arjun. Nai reh sakta matlab? Aur ye ekdam se pest control kyun?

Arjun : Anna, wo tai-ji ko aaj subah iss room ke bahar 2 cockroaches dikh gaye, bas unhone mujhe order diya, ki main pest control karwaun, aur maine arrange kar diya.

Surya : Aaaah ha ha.. Arrange kardiya. Itna jaldi? Tu itna proactively kaam kabse karne lag gaya Arjun?

(Arjun’s FB of last night when he ended up meeting Imlie, while she was on the way to her room : Kyaaaaaa? Aap kya chahte, ho ki main kya karun?? Nai.. Nai.. Bhabhi bro.. Anna policewale hain, jhoot ekdam se pakad lenge, unko pata chala na, ye aapka idea hai, wo meri band baja denge..Aur tai-amma, main unko nakli cockroaches se kaise dara sakta hun?

Imlie : Arjun Bhaiya, aapne hume ab bro bana liya hai, toh ye Rishta toh nibhana padega. Aur isme aapke bhai kahi faida hai. Aap nai chahte, ke wo aaram se apne room me wapis aakar soein?)

While he recollected his bewildered expression back then, Arjun was being shouted at a close range, by his Anna & it made him come out of his trance.

Surya: Arjuuuuuuuuuun! Tu kahan kho gaya? Kya karne ka hai ab?

Arjun : Kuch nai anna. Main ja raha hun CJ ke room me shift hone kuch din, aap apna dekh lo.

Surya : Apna dekh lo matlab? Main kahan jaaega?

But before Arjun had anytime to react, Tai-amma entered the room.

“Surya, dekh, ab baut ho gaya.Tune bola tha ki tujhe aur teri biwi ko adjust karne ke liye time chahiye, aur mujhe bhi acha nai lagta ki uski wajah se tu phir apna haath-pair tootwa le.. par ab aur nai. Tujhe apne kamre me wapis jaana hoga. Aur agar uss ladki ko teri maujudagi se koi taklif hai, wo beshak, uss room se nikal sakti hai..”

Surya : Nai Tai-amma wo, main keh raha tha..

Taiji : Nai, hume aur kuch nai sunna. Purnaviram! Arjun, tum dekhna ki Surya ka saara samaan shift ho jaae iske room me.

Chapter 4: Aamna-Samna


Arjun drops Surya’s luggage back to his room, and exchanges a mischievous victory smile with his Bhabhi -bro. Just then, Surya enters the room, and Arjun rushes out, trying to escape the upcoming 'war of the words'.

Imlie getting an inner-satisfaction in achieving what she really intended to, and also counting her lucky stars that Tai-amma un-intentionally also helped her out, she makes a straight face, so that Surya doesn’t get to see her content.

Surya : Wo isse pehle ki tum mujhe kuch bole, main bata dun, Arjun ke room me pest control ho raha hai, aur Tai-amma bhi mujhe force kiya..

Imlie : Par Rowdy reddy, humne toh tumse kuch pucha hi nai..

Surya : Haan Imlie, main bhi yehi batane ki Koshish kar raha hun.. ki.. Kya? Tumne pucha nai matlab? Tumko koi problem nai hai, main yahan wapis rehne ko aaya toh?

Imlie : Arey Problem ke Pakode tum ho Rowdy Reddy! Humne toh tumko jaane ko bhi nai bola tha, wo toh tum hi chale gaye, apne rowdypane me.

Surya : (Hiding his inner joy,and pretending to not care): Haan theek hai, theek hai.. Tum isse pehle mujhe kuch bole, ya phirse koi nonsense iljam lagaye, main ye sofe pe so jaaega.

............................................................


Few days passed thus, in some slight nok-jhok, as Imlie and Surya really tried to be amicable, but still not wanting to completely mellow down, and accept defeat in front of the other.

And amidst all of this, there came-in a day, where Surya decided that Imlie’s sister Bulbul’s wedding functions will be hosted in the Reddy Mansion.

Taiji was obviously furious, and couldn’t understand Surya’s intent behind this. But Surya finally managed to convince everyone saying, that how Imlie only has her mami mama and bulbul left on her side, and if they could show the in-laws how Imlie is happily well-settled, Bulbul’s alliance will also benefit out of it.

------------------------------------------------

It’s the morning of Haldi ceremony, and Imlie is getting ready..

And with the theme of the day, she is wearing a bright yellow lehenga, alongwith flower jewellery. And while she tries and tries and tries really hard to adorn the body chain, that she used to once wear everyday, somehow the hook’s clasp is acting as ziddi as her zamikand. (Wait, what!! Hers..?)

Just then, Surya comes out of the washroom, wearing the matching yellow kurta and white dhoti that the men of the house have color-coordinated.

And while, he is very much aware of Imlie wrestling with the body chain, he tries his best to look anywhere but in her direction.

Surya while looking in the mirror, and unintentionally watching Imlie’s plight : “Agar tumko kuch help chahiye, toh main chachi ya Malti ko bula de”

Imlie : Haan Rowdy Reddy, help toh chahiye, but ghar pe abhi koi nai hoga, sab mandir gaye hain..

Surya being shocked : “Ghar pe nai hai matlab? Koi nai hai? Hey Radharani, mera izzat khatre me hai, isse pehle ki tum mujhko kuch bole, main khud hi chala jaata hai.”

And while Surya really tries to leave,Imlie : “Ye kya natak laga Rakha hai tumne Problem ke Pakode. Maana humne tumpe haath uthakar baut badi galti kardi, par tum humko ab kab tak aise sunaoge. Ye mazak ki baat nai hai.”

Surya : “Exactly Imlie! Ye mazak ka baat na tha, na hai, aur na kabhi ho sakta hai. I respect women. Tumne ek nai, do nai, kai baar mere character pe shak kiya, aur ab main thak gaya hai, apni safai dete dete. Isliye behtar hoga, ki main iss room se chala jaae, especially jab tak ghar pe koi nai hai..”

Imlie : Holding his wrist to stop him from leaving : "Hum apni harkat ke liye, aur kitni baar maafi maange tumse..Acha theek hai, tumhe jaana hai, jao…, par usse pehle hume ye chain ka clasp lagane me help karke jao."

Surya : Tum sure hai na Yamlie, kyunki..

Imlie : Arey Haan, jaldi karo, late ho raha hai. Bulbul, mami aur baaki sab mandir se aate hi honge..

Anticipating an awkwardness that he couldn’t understand, Surya kneeled down and tried to make sense of the damn ornament.

How was he even supposed to make her wear this, when all he could think was, of his developing feelings for Imlie, and how she will literally kill him, if she even sensed what was going in his mind. And thus, while contemplating all of this absent-mindedly, he just used his teeth to close the clasp of the hook (sending shivers down Imlie's spine), as it was really not working out, and finally the damn ornament succumbed.

And before he could even realize, what just happened, he looked at Imlie, and sensed her discomfort.

Surya : I am so sorry Imlie, I am really sorry. Wo main kuch aur soch raha tha, aur mujhe kuch samjh nai aaya, isliye maine..

Imlie : It’s ok Rowdy Reddy, humne hi tumko allow kiya tha. Waise bhi hum samjhte hain, tum Anjali ke baare me soch rahe the na?

And while Surya was still recovering from his thoughts, it took him an extra second to wrap his mind around what his wife just said.. “ Anjali ke baare me? Anjali ke baare me main kya sochega?”

Imlie : Nai, hum samjhte hai, woh tumhara pehla pyaar hain, aur itne din tum unke saath roz kaam se hi sahi, kaafi time spend kiye, toh isliye..

Such words, really triggered Surya’s inner demons and while holding Imlie by her shoulders, he said “Seriously Imlie? Tum ye sochta hai mere baare me? Tumko lagta hai, main abhi bhi Anjali ke saath hai?

Grow up Imlie. Aankhein kholo apni. Tum mera biwi hai, aur main cheater nai hai. Jiss din tum mera zindagi me aaya, maine Anjali se breakup kar liya. Haan agar tumko ye maan kar Khushi milti hai, aur tumko lagta hai ki tum safe hai, toh main tumhari saari galatfemi door kar deta hai. Mujhe Anjali me zero interest hai, (and while giving Imlie a meaningful, yet angry glanceover from top to down, leading to her feeling butterflies), but haan koi hai, jisme mera interest 100% badhta ja raha hai, but wo stupid ladki, aise pretend karta hai, ki usko kuch pata hi nai..”

And while saying all this, Surya stormed away from the room.


Imlie again is left behind, completely shaken, yet somewhere, internally feeling a deep sense of beginning of something new.

Aage ki kahaani.. Jaane Radharani…


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------------------------------THE END------------------------------



Ye lo Gals.. All done.. I really tried my best..

It started with something else in my mind, but took shape of something else towards the end. Hope y'all like it.. smiley31

Do share some honest feedback..


Love & Light,

Gags

Edited by Gags05 - 5 months ago
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Posted: 5 months ago
#22

Finally main thodi free hui so here goes my comment on all parts.


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First and foremost it is kind of hard to believe the girl who kept pestering others in the forum to write, herself wrote so well. Agar tumne sapna dekha hai ek book likhne ka, you should write it. You write very well. Also, now that your secret is out, I will pester you to write more stories. Waise bhi our show ke writers are so bad that forum writers ko step up karna hi padega...


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I enjoyed the whole OS. All the parts of it. The dialogues, the characters and the storyline made total sense to me. I love how subtle the progress between Surya and Imlie was shown. Kafi interesting. I think actually you can continue this to show a full fledged falling in love phase.


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I am seriously tired of how there is zero progress between them. It has been so long, they should have shared the room and bed by now.

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Posted: 5 months ago
#23

Read the whole thing from scratch.. Ab neend achi aayegi smiley42

Pest control LOL.. only imlie can come up with something like this smiley37

Loved their light-hearted banters..So, Surya is full lattu on his biwi already haan.. smiley9

Gosh that kamar bandh scene was least expected.. Me feeling shy smiley43

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Gags yaar.. Do not end it like this. Thode aur chapters/NSP de dogi toh kya chala jaayega tumhara smiley43

#WeWantMore #KeDilAbhiBharaNahi

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Posted: 5 months ago
#24

Originally posted by: YourSia

Read the whole thing from scratch.. Ab neend achi aayegi smiley42

Pest control LOL.. only imlie can come up with something like this smiley37

Loved their light-hearted banters..So, Surya is full lattu on his biwi already haan.. smiley9

Gosh that kamar bandh scene was least expected.. Me feeling shy smiley43

https://tenor.com/v5nF.gif

Gags yaar.. Do not end it like this. Thode aur chapters/NSP de dogi toh kya chala jaayega tumhara smiley43

#WeWantMore #KeDilAbhiBharaNahi


She atleast completed hers, aapka kya excuse hai?


Also, MHRW had used this pest control scene to make the leads temporarily share the room and bed. Imlie ne MHRW se inspiration liya smiley37 Seedhe ungli se ghee nahi nikal rahi thi, toh she had to tedi karo her ungli.

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Posted: 5 months ago
#25

Gags, meri laal, meri peeli, ek hi din mein kitni baar dil jeetogi... Hayeeeeee smiley42


Throughout the whole planning plotting bit mere dimaag mein "uff uff imlie" bgm baj rha tha!


Imlie-Surya dialect and dialogue were so on point... Mazaa hi aagya behen!! And that body chain scene! Tanu will be supremely pleased! smiley36... I'm strictly against plagiarism but kaash Gul ki team yahan se "inspiration" le smiley42


Absolutely loveddddddd the entire piece... But itne mein kaise chalega? We want mooorreeee.... I know k ab tum chappal phek k maarogi but achi story aur padhne k liye seh lenge...


Ren is right, you're truly blessed with this skill... Do write that book, author-signing-cum-launch event pe hum autograph lene aaenge tumhara smiley9smiley27

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Posted: 5 months ago
#26

If only they showed this in the show smiley43

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Posted: 5 months ago
#27

Sabse pehle shukriya for the lovely words of encouragement.. 🙏

Tum log sab mujhse pura ka pura TV show likhwalo na 😂😂


Arey I had to conclude it bhai. it's tough to write from the current plotline cos there's almost nothing between them, toh maine jitna bhi likha, was also quite a bit extrapolation to show at least kuch toh ...😂. but yeah in future, if I feel inspired by any scene, will surely give another try to something new..


@Ren - Thank you for calling out these 2 Hippocrates 😂

Arey wo MHRW wala toh dimaag me hi nai aaya. But yeah its a typical ITV cliche.. one of the ways of room sharing 😅😂

Edited by Gags05 - 5 months ago
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Posted: 5 months ago
#28

Behen, yeh kya likh diya tumne!!! smiley42 Chumeshwari.

Ok, I think I should go back to sleep. I will play your version of one hour special (non-integrated) episode in my dream.

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Posted: 5 months ago
#29

Originally posted by: sai2311

Behen, yeh kya likh diya tumne!!! smiley42 Chumeshwari.

Ok, I think I should go back to sleep. I will play your version of one hour special (non-integrated) episode in my dream.


Hahah.. haaan if you are still sleeping, well, dream on...some amazing stuff.. 😂😂

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Posted: 5 months ago
#30

Bhai You are rising my expectations about Surya imlie writing such stuff that chain partsmiley43smiley43


Someone send this to writers and tell them to add this scene smiley42


Beautiful write Up Gags ... Aur bhi mangta humkosmiley42smiley9


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