Hi guys, this long post is going to be about two interconnected topics, whether guys and girls can be friends and how that leads to jealousy in relationships and tying it into the show (I wrote this prior to the kidnapping track but was busy editing it etc.) Now as the title of my post suggest, to me guys and girls can't be friends and I know the girls reading the title were already disagreeing, but after reading this post maybe you'll understand what I mean 😆 I am letting you into the mind of a man and explaining our inner thoughts on this topic so that you can see where your thoughts of "friendship and ours differs 😵
There are a few exceptions where a man and woman can be friends. One is if you have been friends since childhood and are essentially brother and sister in everything but blood; if you tied rakhi's around her hand and your bond was strictly brother sister in every aspect, then yes, you can be lifelong friends, and the other is if there is no attraction from either the guy or the girl, then and only then can it be called a platonic friendship. Let me define a platonic friendship and that is: "a close relationship marked by the absence of romance or sex.
Men by our very nature were not put on earth to be friends with women, period Our objectives and our drive is not to see women as buddies to hang out with, it really starts from there.😳 Now if there is no attraction in the relationship, then congratulations you're in a true friendship but if the guy or girl has any attraction to the other, let's say you "like" your friend but you never ever say anything, then even if you never say it or act on it, it's not a purely platonic friendship is it then? How many girls have had male friends for a long time only to find out later down the road that the guy tells you they had feelings for you all along but couldn't say anything and the girl is totally surprised because she only saw him as a friend? Women do find it easier to be friends with guys that much is true, but a friendship is two people so if one has certain thoughts about the other, then it's not a friendship. When us men call a woman our friend and we are not attracted to you at all, then to us you have become one of the guys, we don't think of you as a woman anymore, you're essentially sexless to us, you're just a smaller buddy 😛 And this is very very rare, to be so comfortable with a female friend that we don't see you as a woman anymore.
The only way a pure friendship can exist for a man is if he doesn't see you as a desirable woman which hurts to think of, that your friend thinks of you that way, but it's the only way he can be your "buddy, it doesn't take much for a man to be attracted or to think sexually about women, you all know that, On average a man thinks about sex twenty times a day, do you think somehow he magically turns that off when he is spending time with his female "friend" for the whole day?
I know women are saying look at Saanvi and Mukhi they are childhood friends and I will say yes, in that regards they are essentially brother and sister so that part of this story is plausible BUT BUT BUT hold on, let's take this a step forward to tie it into jealousy 😆
You know how when you're young and single you always tell your friends that nothing will change when you meet a serious partner or marriage, that nothing will change between you and your male friend. Guys I have had female friends, ones I wasn't attracted too, and I knew beforehand that they are being idealistic and naive if they thought I could be their friend the same way once they got into a relationship, sorry, it never was the same. Slowly the pressure exerted from their partners forces them to distance themselves and it happens to us all, men and women; no wife is going to let a female friend in the picture for long, let's not think of how it should be idealistically, but how it is in reality. You have to understand boundaries, now when I had female friends who were in serious/married relationships, I knew okay, I can and can't do certain things like before, for example I can't go out to bars to have drinks with them, there's no calling them up at midnight to talk or hang out, there's no more playful touching or affection, its hands off, things have to evolve.
So when Saanvi called him in the middle of the night to see him, sorry that's crossing the boundary of being friends with someone in a relationship, you either find another person to call or tough it out, but that person is off limits at midnight. So for Mukhi and Saanvi to think their actions are totally okay, it doesn't matter what their intentions are, it's about respecting your partner and including them, not sneaking around them 😕
Why do these insecurities occur, it's like when you're single you see the world ideologically and how it should be, but after you are in a real relationship, you see things without that naivet, you understand men and women far better and with that awareness, eventually your partners opposite sex friends fade away. Jealousy mainly occurs in two forms, the first jealousy is the fear that your partner is going to cheat on you, leave you etc if you see someone talking/flirting with your partner. That type of jealousy is showing that you don't have trust, and if you don't have trust then it's not really true love is it, so that's one form of jealousy, and that type is death to a relationship, eventually your partner feels suffocated by your lack of trust and leaves.
But there's another type of jealousy and that's what Aru is experiencing and that jealousy is from COMPARISON, which leads to insecurity. In Aru's case her insecurity arises from the fact that Saanvi has one quality or one advantage she doesn't have and that's the fact that everybody keeps telling her that Saanvi knows Mukhi the best, that she knows him inside out, nobody is closer to him than her, and that one fact, that one advantage Saanvi has makes Aru insecure and jealous. For a partner to feel that somebody else knows their husband/wife better, it creates such a multitude of feelings of anger, sadness, distance, pettiness etc because how dare someone else know your partner better than you right, it doesn't have to make sense logically, it just creates uncertainty and anxiety 🤢
So although Saanvi and Mukhi are friends, with that has to come an understanding of the fact that things have changed, and that Saanvi especially is smart enough to know these things even if Mukhi is emotionally blind in some ways lol. Let's not forget that the boundaries of their friendship are also blurred especially for Aru because they were engaged, that simple fact shifts this from just a normal friendship as well. There's past history and there isn't one woman reading my post right now that would be comfortable with her partner being super close friends with someone who he was engaged to be married to no matter how long they were friends beforehand, let's be honest.
Saanvi's intentions are the best, she truly wants Mukhi and Aru to be together but you know what, she is as clueless as Mukhi! Why? Guys if she knows Mukhi better than anybody, she knows him since childhood then she should also know that telling him that Aru loves him would mean nothing to him! She should know he would never act on it or believe it, she has known him all this time, she knows he won't believe it so telling him was a waste of effort, if she really had a clue, she should have told Aru about Mukhi. She has tried helping ArMu get together but the main way she could have helped is by relaying her knowledge about Mukhi to Aru, instead of always reminding Aru she knows Mukhi best, why not tell her things about him so Aru understands him more so knows how to deal with him better. Why not let Aru know so she knows she has to be very open and blunt in telling Mukhi about her feelings? She should have been Aru's tutor in this situation, yet she was always busy reminding her she knows him best so I do think there's a reason for Aru to be jealous or for there to be miscommunication between what Aru sees and what's really happening.
I love Saanvi's character, I love her as a Mukhi's friend, I love her good heart, but there's a lot she could have done better to make it easier on the jealousy between ArMu. If she was smart enough to know that Aru was jealous of her and her relationship with Mukhi, then she should have been the one to address that situation. If you know you are the one causing friction, tension, and problems between a couple then the responsibility lies on you to clear up that mess. You don't sit there and do nothing, say nothing and then continue to do things that further drive a wedge between the couple, if she knows her presence is causing jealousy, then why would she call him at night to see her and then again from the clinic without having Aru know about things? You don't keep things in the shadows or secret if your friends with someone who is married and those secrets are causing tension for the people who are fighting to identify their love.
You have to understand how relationships work pre-marriage/post marriage, when your best friend gets married, no matter how long they have known you, there's a shift and adjustments to be made. You're no longer number one in their life, you're number two; you lose that right to call them up whenever and wherever you want, there's another person in the equation who has to be taken into consideration. For example, when I had female friends get married or be in serious relationships, if I was going to see her, I would tell her, did she tell her bf or husband, is he aware that you're seeing me, is he aware that you're calling me and if she didn't I would call him and let him know what's going on. The responsibility and onus is on me to respect their relationship and to not add undue tension by having him think I am going behind his back to see or contact her. Of course eventually as I mentioned earlier, the friendships would fade because opposite sex friendships never remain long term once the other gets married.
So I like Saanvi, I like lots about her but instead of focusing on telling Mukhi that Aru loves him or that Aru is jealous because she loves Mukhi, all of that really did nothing, she could have included Aru in her issues she was having with the pregnancy. If you were Saanvi, who would you bring your pregnancy issues to, a male like Mukhi who's only experience in pregnancies is with cows and farm animals or Aru who is from the city and knows where to look for information on medicine and treatments?! She explained things to the wrong person, it's like giving tools to repair your computer to a carpenter instead of giving the tools to someone qualified to actually fix your computer, giving Mukhi instructions on emotional issues is like that, it's not going to fix anything lol! So Saanvi's heart was in the right place, just not her brain.
Nothing Saanvi has done has helped Mukhi and Aru to get closer after Mishri left, it has been thru the events they have faced together that they have grown close. Has she given more awareness to Mukhi about feelings/emotions and Aru, yes she has, but really, what good is that knowing he will never act on it? Remember just like Mukhi, Aru has no family or friends in Amboli gaon either, so she is in an even worse place than Mukhi, at least Mukhi has Saanvi to talk to about these things, who does Aru have? Jealousy is bound to arise in any relationship that has one partner be friends with the opposite sex and then to add to that powder keg of emotions, secrecy and hiding things like Mukhi/Saanvi have been doing, that's putting a match to the powder keg so let's put the blame on everybody involved here, not Aru over-reacting. It's very easy sitting here when you're single thinking that there's nothing wrong with it, but think about it if you're married and then say, would you be completely okay with a situation like Mukhi/Saanvi? Doubtful.
I know this discussion can go on for a long time, but for the girls who think they can be long term friends with a guy, just ask your married friends or down the road, when you're married, maybe you'll remember this post and smile realizing that your male friends really aren't around anymore. When you understand men and women can't be friends, then you can see how jealousy will arise in a marriage if you try to maintain opposite sex friends, it may not be right, but it's reality. 😆
Current Affairs
