Blast from the Past Thread #23!!Catch up and some ott!! pg 114 epi 230 - Page 109

Originally posted by: sohara

It was an absolute delight to read your cognitive analysis.

You are so right, it was indeed Barun's episode. he was beyond excellent emoting his expressions. really such a fine actor he is!

Thanks for the interpretation of the broken glass thing. But contemplate keenly, whose life is shattered, anjali or arnav? Arnav's life was tough, but after Khushi's entry his life is rock solid with love. Now look at Anjali, she was ensconced by her brother since the day of their parent's demise, but her life is more fragile than Arnav.

All the blue lines I loved most.

my comments are in purple.

The edits are stupendous.

Originally posted by: Javeria3991

Faiqa Di I have no words to describe your splendid write up. It's stupendous. 

I LOVE IT.  The most favorite part is the mirror scene and your symbolism and connections added more charms in it. It was scenes of mere second but it hold immense potential. Just a reflection on a broken picture, a piece of past spoke the whole tale of broken and shattered life of Arnav.

Rest of the comments are up.

Originally posted by: Horizon

Episode 230:

 

That Mirror reflection conveyed a lot of things left unsaid since their marriage. The way Anjali was impressed and touched by Khushi's concern for  him, stirred his impasse, to be or not to be, is the care this girl outpours is for real or is it a facade. Ofcourse his mind judges it to be the latter and his heart negates albeit loosing lately..

So when she brought the tea by the pool side, at his conscious level he is giving her freedom from this facade she had to put up for his family's sake...at his subconscious level he is giving freedom from her guilt. By saying all he has done is a nautanki he thought he gave her a vent to come out of this pretense.. a lie he had told to extract her own truth. If Anjali had n't arrived he perhaps was even expecting her to get back at him saying she was also putting up a faade.. as these two wouldn't admit to farq padtha hai yet.

But at subconscious level he did what he did to set her free of her guilt.. he perhaps knows it or may be not.. just like the reason of his conscious mind for marrying her being to save his sister's marriage but yet subconscious level it was always how HE can't live without this girl and had to find means to tie her to him. 

When Anjali showed him the mirror, his own reflection, I perceived it as an almost defeated look on his face.. that try as hard he might .. he can't see this girl in hurt.. guilt! The last time he saw his own reflection in the mirror was when he confessed to himself... recognized his heart to beat for "Khushi".. a realization dawning on him that all this what he feels for this girl is "love".  Here he is again infront of the mirror after all these days.. he saw something he wanted to obliterate and mute... that he still loves her!!

It is said, mirrors won't lie..as they reflect one's heart and soul.. people may.. conscious minds may.

Struggle between his conscious and subconscious minds is always at the core of ASR and this love story.  Anjali's enforced showing him of his own the reflection only showcased it and brought his struggle again into fore.. perhaps some thing needed .. so that when he goes missing in a few days he can dwell more on it to attain his ultimate realization.

That classic, brutal farq padtha hai came during the golden period like from a world cup winning team at the top of its gear.. winning match after match. This sequence caught me rather off guard.. coming at a time when things are in seeming disarray. It almost felt if the writers wanted to re instill that faith in their viewers that they can still deliver at the highest order and he is still that enigmatic man!

 

 

                   

 

 

 

Originally posted by: ArshiHamesha

                                         

rshi's Index  

EPISODE 230

Metamorphosis...

Titliya ,Sanka Devi, Parmehwari and all, Buaji gave these names to Khushi but if you ponder upon,all of these are associated with transformation ,a metamorphosis process .Butterfly , different crazy layers for survival and Parmeshwari as Parvati ,Devi Maiya with tiger next to it to control the transformation of nature for bringing new colors everyday by opening layers upon layers.All these are bringing changes in Arnav's layered nature and today's epi is showing that.Today's epi is my King's episode whose shrewd and killer attitude along with his varying emotions showed the real meaning of this story to me.Barun is simply maginificent...

 

"Kuch rishte ajeeb bandhan main bandhe hote hai"...[Some relations have a strange bond] ...Khushi will understand the pull of this later but he is realizing it today.  Trust Binding accords need the link of trust but these walls are shaking with Arnav's fall.His trust on Khushi is shaking his feet to move forward.As I mentioned in 228,Shyam's words " "Khushiji, iss golmol ke chakkar ko todiye, aur apne khayalon ko alag ki jiye aur phir sochiye"? are applying on him and this whole episode showing his confused, conflicted, and quizzical side at each step in between his heart and mind..He knows for sure Khushi's concerns and cares were so genuine but he is getting entangled in his own web of painted pictures of her which is making him flummoxed and ambiguous ever than before.He has patches of bandage which can't cover his whole wound.Khushi took care of his office matters regarding with "Sethis"...,his throat ,and covered him from Nani and Anjali.This much info he is processing when his heart shows him her innocent and caring side that she can't even think to commit anything against his sister but his mind directs him otherwise because he has seen Khushi and Shyam together after Heer Ranjha  which triggered his heart to pin her down.That toned down by her silence and absence and his heart calmed down with her glimpse after two days.Now he knows her concerns but he is equating em with her "swami avatar" but his heart beats for her true and genuine care..Excellent nuances and acting of Barun made me spell bounded and helped me decoding his war within a lot in this epi.

  

1-Triquetra ,which always remains in between Arnav-Khushi and Anjali because three of these are bonded together tightly and Anjali is the epicenter who always keeps this accord together in all weathers.

2-But there is another temporary Triquetra Arnav-Khushi-Shyam [outsider] because here Khushi is the epicenter but according to Arnav's brain he is the center because he is fighting with two of them Khushi and Shyam because they want to ruin his Di's life together.Arnav is tackling Shyam in his way till Shaym's next move but his judgments against Khushi are proving wrong.All of his shrewdness is making him damn confused and putting his intelligent aside in understanding Khushi's innocence .

~"The greatest conflicts are not between two people but between one person and himself."~ Garth Brooks

Anjali is the one who binds their accord as always and today she tells him how Khushi took care of him all night and the moment Anjali mentioned - "Humain khushi hai ke tumne apne liye eik aisa jeevan saathi chuna hai jiske liye tumhari sehat aur tumhara khayal rakhna sabse ziada zaroori hai", Arnav couldn't match his eyes with Anjali's.A lot of emotions like bewilderment, confusion, confliction, anger and slyness were lingering in these seconds on his face over Khushi's acts .He was amazed to know that his Di has not only accepted Khushi but also approved too.But He knows the girl ,his Di loves is after her husband.He also has seen Khushi and Shyaam's encounter twice, he is aware of her taking care of his family and Anjali, now he knows she has taken care of him and he also has experienced that Khushi knows deeply the meaning of his silence and managed to convey the message he wanted to. All these factors are enough to challenge his intelligence as Khushi said"baazi tou palat gayei kyuonkeh fadak tou aapko pdta hai, pyar,mohabbat,ishq se..." and now he has to change the game plan to come out of this confused circle and keep her on her toes to justify his actions.

1^st Triquetra Arnav -Anjali-Khushi  is getting over shadowed by 2^nd Triquetra Arnav-Khushi- Shyam here. I am going to join couple of scenes here to get the bottom of this.Anjali's words," humare Chote apno ki pareshani ko door karne keh liye jhoot bhi bol sakte hain." [our Chote can lie for the ppl he cares for] ... are showing her sister's concerns to him without knowing the reality of Arnav's relation with Khushi or his own equation with Khushi from which he is very much unaware of too.His interaction with his Di is totally different than his Khushi.Anjali is his sister and Khushi is the one who is after his Di's marriage.He can't forget the Shyam and Khushi's created image in his mind"Chup gaya hai..."[It has been printed] ...But still he can't hide showing his Right , Command, Dominance, and Control over Khushi.

 

Pondering connected Dots: Payesh Mehndi when he comes late and became ecstatic seeing Khushi worried for him and turns the table to relieve her from that worrisome avatar"Tou tumhain kya fadak padta hai."[Why does it matter to you]..and her abruptly confessing her concerns makes the luckiest man of this planet.."Fadak padta hai..."[It matters.]...But he answers his Di in a totally different way by keeping his hawking eyes at his prey "waise acha  hua main gaya, pata toh chala mujhe kitna miss kiya jata hai"[It's good to know how much I've been missed by going away]...His approach towards different people and situation is totally different.

We can see this in future too when his anger remembering Shyam's words and Anjali's stubbornness to bring him back makes him to break vase but when Khushi comes he calms down just by her presence.Even connect this with his interaction as a child to his mother by breaking the Rose plant and all.He reacts according to his situation with different emotions and with his pure heart.Right now Khushi is not standing at that purity pledge for him and he will react differently and that exactly happened but Anjali is the foundation of their relation and today again her advice is making him not only confused and but also conflicted with his unaccepted emotions which only can see her purity from all sides.

When Khushi came with the tea, Arnav remembered Anjali's praised words ""Humain khushi hai ke tumne apne liye eik aisa jeevan saathi chuna hai jiske liye tumhari sehat aur tumhara khayal rakhna sabse ziada zaroori hai" [I am happy you have selected the perfect partner for yourself for whom your health and care is the upmost duty]...He hated to see his Di approval for this gal who asked her hubby to leave her.His emotions change right away and I loved seeing him gulping , folding the paper like he is folding his vulnerability in his shrewdness by gulping his slightest guilt.He has to keep playing with these two ppl who are after his Di.But he is making Khushi confused more than ever ,YES he wants to keep her sparring with him forever so she has a chance to make mistake "kitte dinno se janti ho mujhe"[since how long you've known me]... and he can take over this whole situation and honestly I felt for this poor soul here who is sinking in this shallow sand without any straw to hold on to.

 ymbolism and connection:Here comes his slip, his fall this morning right after waking up... He knew and observed her care and concern for him but he dejected himself from that and kept her at the same spot that she is a betrayal and actor and that's all.I absolutely don't blame him.He is 200% right in his way of thinking.

 He wants Khushi to believe that he won this round because  he was tired of her overdose  of her LOVE. He knows Khushi's concern was real but the epicenter of his anger is Anjali who is unaware of Khushi's the fact that Anjali is unaware of Khushi astute nature. Barun's expressions  and my Psychology  boring classes paid off here to understand the real meaning of his actions . Love Love Love Barun today and that's why I said it was his epi.

 PONDERING CONNECTED DOTS:Arnav's statement to Khushi -"Pehele yeh bataao, poori raat pareshaan hokar kaisa lagta hai? Kaisa laga bina galti kiye guilty feel karna", .[How does it feel to be at guilt without doing anything wrong ? ...how do you feel staying up  all night being worried...haan] ...I love this dialogue of Arnav  because this is what he was trying since yesterday, to make her feel that her actions always hurt him . He wanted her to realize how her actions since guest house incident were making him restless and at the top she never gave him a chance to justify himself.The resignation day Khushi's words "aap haarte bahut bure hain Mr. Raizada, kyunki haarne ke baad bhi aap yeh nehin manenge ki galti aapki thi". But did she ever let him explain.

Then Teej and the store room, all these places he tried to clear his side but she didn't let him.He has spent many nights up with guilt .Even the night his heart first time got his beat , or the night when she was being tortured being engaged with Shyam.But the most torturous on , their wedding night when she was in shattered state by the pool without guilt and he was on the recliner with the guilt.

             I love Khushi who is more determined to continue "Swami, pyar , ishq,mohabbat " act. I don't blame this girl who was ready to be hungry and punish herself for her actions  but ends up having biscuit talk with Lakhmiji .How can any one blame her for her irritations over this confused and conflicted nature guy.At least not me... 

Now when Anjali took him to her room and explained him to meet the eye of his real action vs shrewd action.She took him to the ride which always makes him emotional.She reminded him how he lied to her for making her feel better and  my grabber is his worry over Anjali's words " iss liye keh hum jante hain tum Khushiji ko iss tarah se" where he stopped her right in the middle with the fear that she might know about their marriage. Barun's expressions throughout that scene are mind blowing, simply fantabulous.

 .Pondering connected dots:This scene took me straight to the night when Anjali met with an accident .He was totally shattered and devastated but that day Anjali's advice made him come out from his flirty shrewdness to embrace the courage to just follow the rhythm of his heart,towards his LOVE ""Hum jisse sabse ziada pyaar karte hain usey kabhi door jaane nahin dena chahiye, kisi bhi halaat main".[ We never let that person go away in any situation ,the one we love the most.] and that...

 Today, the same way Anjali helps him to meet his own eye in frot of the mirror"Isse pata chalta hai tumhein Khushiji ka kitna khayal hai aur kitna, yeh toh shayad tum bhi nahin jaante chote", Arnav couldn't meet his eyes in the mirror because he knows, he has hurt and crushed Khushi's innocent heart one more time. He knows her concerns for him are genuine and real and her eyes never lie to him , NEVER... Anjali one more time showed him the way towards her, towards his own heart to meet this confusion and confliction within and again one name slips through his concerned voice "Khushi" without whom he can't live.

                       Pause here: Loved the mirror use and reflections here. Especially the one where Arnav turns back to the mirror and remembers the  FBs of Khushi's concern and how he buried her concerns in her fake acting to shatter her pure soul. Love when he lowers his eyes for being so ashamed of his actions. Now he will use "Shyam's words to dissect each situation to dilute his confusion and to solve his confliction and that will help him later when he will be away from Khushi in abducted hands. 

Symbolism and connection: The glass is broken on Arnav' side which refers broken accords in his life since from his past and that is so beautifully shown here.His past is full of it but he is trying hard to keep his Di's life intact but his own is still shattered as his own shadow is at the top of broken glass [Sohara this is for you],but Anjali's words"nahin jane daina chahiye" is going to mend his over time and he will never let her go no matter what.

 Other side on a light note, Mamiji is slowly slowly accepting her son's happiness and giving them space while these two are coming closer physically every time but how much by heart ,that is a different story.

Loved the kitchen scene for two reasons, 

1-Anjali and Payal were both worried for their siblings and Anjali witnessed Khushi's genuine concern which remains always there even when she resents her later .

2-If Khushi was in the middle of these pillars and is the pillar herself keeping these two safe , standing at their positions , married and happy and all 

 MOMENT OF THE DAY

 

Originally posted by: indi52

^^^

faiqa,

😆

i know, i was hoping that i would be able to let this epi go and be thrilled about all the elaborate showing of love, both conscious and unconscious...

but something struck a funny note.

if you read what i have written later, i actually do not disagree with anything you say about this character... and i understand him as i understand him... we all will have individual takes on him. but something about this execution did not feel right... while lying there irritable, hating her loving her and grumbling "god knows kab aayegi" did.

some things can't be explained.

i love asr in mirror scenes... i adore his many confusions and levels of existence, his conscious acts, his subconscious underpinnings, his unconscious constant need of this woman he loves, who has become so much to him that even when he believes she is downright dangerous for his sister's happiness he can't stop loving her... 

yeah, that much he does love her... and his subconscious knows it while his conscious rejects it.

but here some gadbad, the way i perceive things.

sorry, my take had my confusion in it perhaps...

my only real take away from this episode is, it is about "pehchaan", about getting to recognise yourself... both for asr and khushi... since they will keep doing things unconsciously that show love while thinking they hate.

she will stop her mother from giving him sweets even as she plans to torture him. he will switch off that airconditioner because she shivered... things like that. beautiful things. 

Originally posted by: indi52

episode 230

truth was a mirror in the hands of god. it fell and broke into pieces. everybody took a piece of it, and they looked at it and they thought they had the truth.
~~~ rumi ~~~


it started with a fall. a big painful fall as arnav singh raizada slipped on something and lost his balance. it was chameli ka tel which khushi kumari gupta singh raizada had massaged into his hair the night before to make him feel better.

she looked on horrified, he raved at her. are you crazy? he asked the question not too politely. but she had put it on his head only to take care of him, showing that sneh nani ji had spoken of.

i wondered what was with that c oil thing. why out of the blue...

then came the beautiful reveal of a side of asr's personality... the way he loves. how he would never let anyone he loved feel guilty, he couldn't, he'd take the rap himself. it was totally (pronounced todally he he) engrossing and my jaw dropped at the kind of nuances shading this character. felt real... and sometimes, the karta type, especially those who have faced severe difficulties at a young age can be assiduous in their effort to make everything okay for those they love... to an extent that you feel like telling them to stop. to accept, everyone can grow up and face their own mistakes... but they do it out of gigantic love... you can't hate that. especially in asr, who is completely non interfering otherwise.

the episode puzzled me still. so we were being shown a lovely side of the gussa boy, but why, just to tell us how wonderful he is? felt empty.

as he stood before the mirror, and killed me with his looks, the word "pehchaan" to know someone, went through my head.

and i recalled the huskily delivered dialogue:
"kitna bhi jaan lo, kabhi kabhi kissi ko pehchanna bahut mushkil ho jata hai..."

no matter how much you know some people, sometimes to really know them is very difficult.

when his di turned him toward his own reflection, told him a little bit about himself, said she realised his action showed how much he loved khushi, i thought oh, okay... so that dialogue is really meant for him... he knows himself forever. yet he doesn't... not really.

and then i realised nor does khushi. if lakshmi ji had turned around and articulated through her mehhh a simple question: why did you stay up the whole night, khushi, just because you're feeling guilty? would you have stayed up if you didn't think you were responsible for his condition in some way, would you have massaged that foul smelling oil into his long dark locks still? i am sure khushi would have said, "no", even though her heart would've answered something else. only the forlorn look on her face would have indicated things and we'd know how little she knew herself... or was willing to.

neither does he know his own self, his reason for doing things, nor she. both believe they dislike the other, and yet their actions say other things. she with down market chameli tel and he with elaborately set up lie by the pool, show and express the same thing...

love.

a love they don't "know" of, yet their heart knows and expresses, even without their knowledge. in his case, his sister pointed him in the right direction... wish lakshmi ji were as useful.

oil and freeing her of guilt were details, they could have been anything..

as long as they were tell tale signs of an emotion, of feelings they had, and didn't know how valid and absolute those feelings were. how they were driven by these feelings, acting on their compulsions.

something seemed to indicate a track change, not the physical one of shantivan to gh, but the internal one. now on, they will again and again let slip expressions of care, of need, of desire, of love without really knowing why they were doing it.

because both are fighting hard not to love the other. they have even before shown signs of those feelings, gotten lost in each other, confessed during holi and on a stage before all, but somehow you get the feeling, it's all getting deeper, more compelling and now it feels like a certain turn at road is being taken.

maybe i've interpreted it all wrong... but i like the thought, so am going to stay with it.

especially those three women in the colours of a traffic signal, a tongue in cheek hint at crossroads and a change?

fall. stop start go. natak, sab kuch natak tha. kabhi kabhi kissi ko pehchaanna bahut mushkil ho jata hai. the episode was somewhere about all that.

paas mat aana mere...
how he whipped it out. why? why didn't he want her to come close to him? was it getting too hard to handle? he wanted to do things he had sworn not to?

she sleeps standing up and snores. hai re nand kissore, since when did khoosie bitiya need such funny ha ha writing. with her penchant for comedy, sanaya can make almost anything light frothy zany... but even writing ishtyle has changed track.

adrakwali chai shuruwat. why am i thinking this is interesting. and please... no wonder the man drinks coffee. give him some fine darjeeling in a bone china or porcelain teapot... tea leaves steeped not boiled.

 

three women in the colours of traffic light in the kitchen... khushi is stop... anjali start, payal go... hmmm, there's a change being signalled i felt even as i watched. a happiness... junction maybe? or am i imagining this because i know what's coming.

something nice about the kitchen at rm, i always get a good feeling around here. and there have been just too many nirvana bringing scenes here for me not to forget, this is sacred ground.

in akash's room an abnormal emotion... a little girl feels an infatuation with a much older cousin. might have been terribly interesting if they understood this emotion well and portrayed it. as it was, it was un.bear.able.

 

and someone tells me, pilleejh... what was that love and cute stuff... luv kush? suddenly, in front of a kid and ma in law, the love birds are in full trill... seemed strange. and what's this love is a four letter word thing. then of course not to be outdone, along comes mami and teaches a nine year old to call her bhabi, sorry "bhabs", kbt. not the best place for a child to grow up i am thinking.

because no one bothered to work on the payal akash story or characters, somehow this sudden injection of lovey dovey felt awkward. the undercurrents made me uncomfortable. and if so much in love, why can't he tell his mom not to call his wife kbt? some day nand kissore no doubt will explain all this to me.

chhotey walks with news paper, a very tired and unwell air... was barun beginning to flag around this time?

"di main theek hoon" di, i am fine he says, exasperated curt.

"theek toh hogay hi na jab tumhare biwi ne raat bhar jaag ke tumhara khayal rakkha hai..." di is sugary sweetness and happy, of course you'll be fine, your wife stayed up the whole night and took care of you.

a long look, a certain unhappiness in chocolate eyes, an anger most beautiful in its quiet smoulder...

 

"ab yeh mat kehna ki tumhe pata nahin hai," now, don't say you didn't know, continues the smiling elder sister.

"pata hai di..." he knows and he is not happy.

but di is delighted because she was a bit perturbed by stories of swami, wondering why her sis in law was using her advice about how chhotey needed to be shown love his way so strangely.

and she tells her brother how pleased she is that he has chosen such a perfect girl for himself... and again it looks like her words will have the reverse effect.

he recalls khushi covering him... her look of concern, a song rises in his heart. he remembers... "humne kaha na dhyan se" oh i recall him saying it to her just the day before... yelling.

a set of memories. a beautiful sequence, perfectly put together by creatives, i can feel tears gather even while i pause and make caps and go back for an interrupted viewing.

he looks away and back again as if thinking, a bit in pain even... something dark gathering to him...

okay, the first time round i had no idea what that faking was all about.

"chai?"

the best things in life start with a tea, so did this sequence. he sat reading and frowning, she was all contrite and careful with a cup of adrakwali chai made with all her concern for her arnav ji.

he looked up and di's words about his jeevan saathi came back...

he slowly folded the paper, a dense, thick with emotions look on his face and a tiredness... arnav singh raizada was getting ready for something.

after a pause, decision made, he slapped the paper on the table and got up swiftly all set. direction and acting laudable here. to understand a moment and to interpret with this intensity with minimum words and action and paraphernalia, wondrous.

"aap ki dawai," she is gentle. as he took it from her, his expression started to change, a little smile there, a turn of head...

"swami nahin kahogi?" won't you call me swami?  a slightly mocking, maddening air was here, in the look, the voice...

she noticed the change instantly.

"kya?"

"not bad, after all mera idea kaam kar hi gaya..." not bad, after all, my idea did the job...

and the man revealed a ridiculous plot to get back at her. really? i thought that first time, is that really how asr is? he would do all that just to teach her a lesson? maybe he isn't the man i thought he was... maybe the writer was having a particularly bad day and frayed nerves had led to fickle writing.

"ji?" khushi is lost.

with a major look at me i am cool stance and husky, leisurely, i am on top of this game voice he drawled," i think, ab toh tumhe bata hi sakta hoon..."

think i should tell you now...

"pehle yeh batao ki poori raat pareshan rehkar kaisa lagta hai?" first tell me, how does it feel to be worried the whole night?

i thought well, he had had restless nights because of her, so had he really put on an act? no, no can't be.

"kaisa laga bina galti kiye guilty feel karna..." how does it feel to feel guilty without having done anything wrong?

"chalo woh sab chhoro..." oh, let those be... the playing continued.

pull out to a long shot, slightly from below, a lovely zany angle by the poolside, a return to asr...

baiting his quarry...

"yeh batao ki mujhe kitte dinon se jaanti ho?" tell me, how long have you known me?

tea cup is set on the table. an audible sound like a punctuation mark.

he turns back to her.

"well, dino se kya farak padta hai..." well, what difference does time make... voice growing huskier, more combative, he completes, "kitna bhi jaan lo, kabhi kabhi kissi ko pehchanna bahut mushkil ho jata hai... right?"

and he reveals... "kal raat mujhe kuch nahin hua tha... main bilkul theek tha..." nothing happened to him, he was fine.

a shocked khushi looks at him. while an equally shocked di looks out through slats along the corridor upstairs...

he grabs her hands before she drops everything, "surprised, haan?" that instinct to protect, to save, never stays down.

uff that little got you smile, asr is so back. i want to smack his face yet let him come even closer to me than ever before...

what was this game being set up i wondered.

he circled her... i had my meds, i wasn't hungry and to top it all (up?!) i hadn't fainted.

he took a step closer threateningly... "sab kuch ek natak.. natak tha..." everything was a charade. voice low and intimate and jeering.

a nod and, "understand?"

apparently he did all this to settle a score with her.

as always he looked away while lying. i was perplexed, but i didn't read that sign. i was equally taken in.

capable of downright meanness this man, i thought.

"aap natak kar rahe the? aur hum itne pareshan jo hue.." you were acting and i was so worried... khushi is confounded, shocked.

"oh..." pause, "tum pareshaan ho rahi thi?" oh you were worried?

and a palat... a classic asr look back with a mocking smile...

aap kitne chaalak ho... you are so clever.

chalak nahin... shatir. after all, i am arnav sigh raizada... not clever, intelligent/brainy, after all...

this time while watching, all i could think was: how tender is this man.

he walks away on asr tune. so desperate is he to assert himself over those wayward feelings of his, to take the equation back to distant, cool, apart. he possibly can't deal with it otherwise.

"di!"

his sister hauls him to her room and tells him she knows why he did what he did.

a beautiful sensitive interaction between an elder sister and a younger brother, two people who suddenly found one terrifying night, when their lives were shattered, everything scattering like those pearls in the first episode, that the two of them had each other and really nothing much else left. they had walked away with a picture from their home, never to look back again...

hansel and gretl came to mind... their father led them to a dark scary forest and left, the trail leading back home erased... nowhere to go but wherever the path leads. only each other to trust, love, and care desperately for

"khushi? khushi ko kya?" why does his voice touch another plane whenever he mentions her... like a string ties her to his heart?

and she takes him to the mirror... a beautiful sister.. i wish i had it in me to show my brother who he really was and what ails him...

mirror mirror on the wall, who is the the most spectacularly loving of us all...

she clearly told him that his action simply said he loved khushi a lot, and how much even he perhaps can't fathom. "aur kitna... yeh toh shayad tum bhi nahin jaantey, chhotey."

yes, he didn't know, didn't know that no matter what, even if she was with another, a cheat, a liar, anything, he could not not care for her... he couldn't bear her suffering, that is all he knew... har baar he would step in any way he can to make her world secure.

he whose world had tumbled and there was no safety net, nothing to save him, he would not let his loved ones ever suffer, he will do whatever it takes... a primary urge.

a primal urge.

what he would do to protect his sis, he would do for khushi. he had no idea how important she was to him already, as important as di, in fact.

perplexed, he stared after his sis, and turned back to the mirror... what did he see there? his sister's voice floated, even you don't know how much you care for her, again he remembered khushi's concern.

into the mirror he looked, to see his heart maybe? what was happening to him? he remembered his feelings watching her so close and caring, he remembered his lie.

"unhone jhoot bola," he lied to me. she paced. back in form, just as he had wanted, he hated seeing her down, guilty, contrite... no, khushi always as khushi is.

she read this whole thing as a nasty mean ploy and decided to give him more of what he can't stand. chashni sweetness, mega show of love, swami...

it is possible to know someone forever and still not know them really.