What are Anandi's Problems? Is she crazy?

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AnjanaYYZ

@AnjanaYYZ

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 13 years ago

Shiv appears to have every quality a woman would want in a husband - tall, goodlooking, buff! Okay looks may fade with time and halwa, but he's intelligent, ethical, hardworking, established in his career, he helps people, and he comes from a good family. Anandi MUST be PAGAL to REJECT HIM!

She's not crazy, she is a battered woman full of insecurities and fears drowning in pain. Daadisa stole her childhood and Jogia her youth and confidence. Jughead never hit her, but that might have actually been less painful then the emotional hell he's put her through. He routinely tore down her self confidence for years. First she was not allowed to be better than him and then no accomplishment was good enough because Jagat constantly compared her to Guari and found her lacking. That's seventeen years of abuse minus the time she was with her parents. Heap on all the poison and humiliation of abandonment. A lesser person with less family support may have tried to kill themselves or gone truly crazy...at least very bery bitter. Anandi has instead found inspiration from that immense pain to help others. But, the wounds on her psyche are still there. And they are especially raw now with the divorce notice letter. This pain and fear of further pain is what is holding her back from accepting Shiv...from accepting any man.

That pain and fear of pain is what spurred her to lash out at Shiv. Its in every sentence she said if we truly listened not heard, but listened:

1. You are doing "ehsaan"/ (aka samaj seva) marrying me and fanning my family's hopes for my remarriage - translation - I don't feel worthy of you, so I can't imagine its more than "ehsaan"on your part.

2. You are an insensitive selfish unfeeling man who does not even understand that Ashima loves you and you are rejecting that love - translation - You are like Jogia, he rejected my love for Gauri despite my devotion and You are doing same to Ashima; And if I give you my heart, you will eventually stomp on it like Jogia did.

3. I am perfectly capable of standing on my own and living life with my family -translation - I am in a safe mental space right now within the protective cocoon of my family and am not risking rejection again.

Now its not Shiv's job to be her psychiatrist, but if he wants to apply to be her husband then he needs to understand her fears and address them. Establish he is different from Jagdish and would never ever abandon or betray her. Convince her that it would truly be his honour to marry her and he will take care of her heart should she entrust him with it.

Step 1 for him is understanding the problem

Step 2 is to show her he's different and reliable

Step 3 help her perceive herself as a desirable woman

For him to get to step one, he needs hosla and wisdom from daadiji because bechara Shiv probably got rejected/failed for the first time ever. Most men are also rather weak when it comes to comprehending emotional stuff.

Once he obtains hosla and is over Anandi's rejection of him, he needs to introspect on Anandi... meeting Jug, talking to daadiji and recalling & listening not just hearing what Anandi told him will help him. Even speaking with Ashi, if Ashi shares her conversation with Anandi might help him understand where Anandi is coming from.

Above is my dime store analysis of Anandi's haal-e-dil based on my meager experience working with abused women.

Edited by AnjanaYYZ - 13 years ago

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Suchi-

@Suchi-

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 13 years ago

👏 Very nicely put! :) :)

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ranidutta

@ranidutta

Beginner

Posted: 13 years ago

I agree with you 100%. I feel as if Anandi deserves Jagya. I am sure she will appreciate him treating her like unworthy woman who cannot do anything in life. I am sure she will enjoy him having no value of her. The fact is Anandi needs to get over her insecurities and marry Shiv. She clearly doesn't deserve to be with Jagya. That soul is out of his mind, and has everyone to blame but himself.

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Suchi-

@Suchi-

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 13 years ago

No wonder women get treated like crap in our society. The men do so many atrocities to her, and yet we try to understand a MAN's perspective but never a woman's side of the story.

To even think that Anandi deserves Jagya!! wow!

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AnjanaYYZ

@AnjanaYYZ

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: ranidutta
I agree with you 100%. I feel as if Anandi deserves Jagya. I am sure she will appreciate him treating her like unworthy woman who cannot do anything in life. I am sure she will enjoy him having no value of her. The fact is Anandi needs to get over her insecurities and marry Shiv. She clearly doesn't deserve to be with Jagya. That soul is out of his mind, and has everyone to blame but himself.

You can't agree with me 100% because I think I disagree with you 100%! Respectfully, she can't just snap her fingers and poof get over her insecurities and fears. Years of psychological damage won't magically disappear because Shivji appeared! Only Guari deserves Jagat because she's his true love😆

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srijay

@srijay

Explorer

Posted: 13 years ago

Very nicely put Anjana! The solution to Anandi's problems/ haal-e-dil is not marrying Shiv. Actually, Anandi does not HAVE TO marry Shiv at all to feel whole again. This, I am telling from my personal experience. Women/we have to first get out of our fears, and retrospect as to are we really so worthless, is one person or a group of people (external to us) going to decide what our worth is? My take on this is no one - man or woman - should put up with BS in the first place, should not allow any person to make a doormat of us, in the name of love. If a person cannot understand how to treat someone with dignity and respect, that person DOES NOT deserve love or even a customary glance, let alone brooding over the so-called loss! A person's strength should come from inside, understanding one's self-worth.

It is great that Anandi found her happiness and self-worth in her family, her school, work, social service. But, it is very clear from her outburst that her wounds have not healed completely. Shiv or no Shiv, Anandi deserves a better life (at least a better mental health)

As to whether Shiv deserves this rejection or not, is an entirely different topic. Unfortunately, some times people fall prey to circumstances for which they are not responsible in any way.

Edited by srijay - 13 years ago

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prassy.kavi

@prassy.kavi

Navigator

Posted: 13 years ago

very nicely written anjana.👏👏

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madhubala.fan

@madhubala.fan

Navigator

Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: srijay
Very nicely put Anjana! The solution to Anandi's problems/ haal-e-dil is not marrying Shiv. Actually, Anandi does not HAVE TO marry Shiv at all to feel whole again. This, I am telling from my personal experience. Women/we have to first get out of our fears, and retrospect as to are we really so worthless, is one person or a group of people (external to us) going to decide what our worth is? My take on this is no one - man or woman - should put up with BS in the first place, should not allow any person to make a doormat of us, in the name of love. If a person cannot understand how to treat someone with dignity and respect, that person DOES NOT deserve love or even a customary glance, let alone brooding over the so-called loss! A person's strength should come from inside, understanding one's self-worth.

It is great that Anandi found her happiness and self-worth in her family, her school, work, social service. But, it is very clear from her outburst that her wounds have not healed completely. Shiv or no Shiv, Anandi deserves a better life (at least a better mental health)

As to whether Shiv deserves this rejection or not, is an entirely different topic. Unfortunately, some times people fall prey to circumstances for which they are not responsible in any way.

i hope u are not being judgemental of women who do put up with abuse for the sake of their kids and work out troublesome marriages. i am nto against people ending a problematic relationship but working it out takes just as much of courage as moving out. moving out may not be an option for every woman across every social strata.

when we recommend divorse , we take it fro granted that the woman concerned is havign adequate support systems and a financial back up ready to establish her into her new and now independent life. unfortunately thi may not be the reality in every case. her parents may be too old, she may not be a professional, she may be havign dependent kids whose future is secure with their father ( unfortunately i think even indian legal system gives the custody of kids to the man if the woman is not working! pls correct me if im wrong!?). in that case it is nothing but dogmatic talks to ask her to move out.

i hate people who are judgmental of women compromising within their marriages as weak , spineless and gutless just as much as i hate people beign judgemental of a divorsee woman being characterless.

when no two situations are alike, how can theri solutions be alike and then how can we ever really judge a woman without taking her own unique situation into account?

no woman ever likes being a doormat, sometimes she may truly have no other option.

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Smriti

@smriti81

Voyager

Posted: 13 years ago

Anandi's perspective very well brought out! A lot of people are spewing vitriol on A but hats off to the cvs for delving so deep into the psyche of an emotionally battered woman. They are not giving Anandi's emotional upheaval a cosmetic treatment & making her move on in a hurry to satisfy the TRPs. Agree with srijay that this is her personal battle with herself & the ghosts of her traumatic past. Till she truely let's go of Jagiya's memories & sees him for who he really is...a selfish, good for nothing, pompous loser she wrongly idolized in her inner sanctum sanctorum she will not move on. And her dialogues with Aashi show that she still blames herself somewhere for wHat happened (puja main kami etc.). I was initially very disappointed with the fact that she still views it this way, but this is the typical reaction of a woman in an abusive relationship. Whether Shiv is a cameo or not will depend on how he is shown dealing with this raw, hurt, battered woman...not the perfect wife material. And her outburst on him was extremely necessary to get to that point where he starts understanding the real Anandi.

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AnjanaYYZ

@AnjanaYYZ

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 13 years ago

#10

Srijay - Yes. Shiv is not the solution. The key to Anandi's healing is ultimately within herself and time. But, if Shiv wants to be part of that process and part of her life as a husband then he needs to understand her pain and soothe her fears. Genuine love is not magic, but it along with respect, care, trust, and loyalty may help Anandi heal faster and see herself in a more positive light.

I used to wonder why women put up with such crap when I first started working with abused women... the reasons vary - low self esteem, financial dependence, children, societal stigma, societal expectations/norms, etc. What I learnt by the end is that whatever the reason maybe, walking away is not simple or easy for many women whatever their social status, ethnicity, or education level. Domestic abuse is insidious and the strongest of women can fall prey to it. And the way out is always difficult.

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What are Anandi's Problems? Is she crazy?

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