Edited
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even aft so many days of writing sometimes i feel let down that i get
few LIKEs & fewer comments. am not sure if i even ve the right
skills or is my writing mediocre
i am really grateful to the few ppl who do LIKE or comment. thnx folks 4 the encouragement 😳
next time guess need 2 b more selective wen sending PMs coz never know ppl might actually think that my message is spam 😭
Chapter 28
2011 Shanthivan Delhi
Arnav shifted slightly but Kushi merely clung tighter to him
not willing to let go. He whispered her name & she moved her face slightly
so that she could look at him unblinking & unmoving.
THAT moment time stopped for Arnav.
He stared into those tormented eyes & realization stuck
him in waves. SHE LOVED HIM. For a long time he had been unable to fathom the emotions
in that stormy eyes of hers which reflected her equally tormented, turbulent
soul but now he understood. He had always been simultaneously repulsed &
drawn towards those eyes since their first epoch making encounter in his
office. From the day she had collided with him, he had been experiencing a
strange pull. It had freaked him out always. All this time he had succeeded in
shrouding his soul in an impenetrable cloak so that nobody had an inkling of
the dormant beast resting within. People were scared of him but that was purely
due to his arrogance complimented by his raw physical aura, power & money.
But these were trivial compared to the animal that he had struggled to leash
within him, tied & subdued lest it destroyed others who came in contact with
him. Sometimes he was scared by his own brooding evilness, his black heart which
refused to let go those inner demons which ate him from inside. Even Anjali
dint know the truth of what had happened that fateful day. HER face kept
floating before his eyes & the sleeping demon in him would wake up. He
would immediately get into his SUV & drive all the while hearing her
shrieks & her broken voice whispering his name & he would drive faster
praying that he meet a fast, painless end so that finally he will be freed from
those memories. But death dint seem to be in his destiny. Fate again had
defeated him.
He had never understood his attraction towards Kushi from
the first day. How could it be possible to fall madly for a stranger within the
first few minutes of their initial encounter?
Now he understood.
Oh the divine enlightenment. He understood so many things now,
so many things which had confused & baffled him earlier, all those puzzles
fell into place today. He understood why he had fallen in love with her from
the first day.
Because what he had seen in those eyes, he had been seeing
it in the mirror for so many torturous years. All along he had not been looking
at her but himself in a mirror. Her eyes reflected his. It held the same pain,
torment, misery, tragedy, failure, struggle & resignation. He understood
why he had freaked out more than her when in close juxtaposition with her. It
had always been he who had drawn away & it was because he always felt naked
before her. As if he had bared his inner soul before her shredded of all false
vestiges of decency & civility. It was as if she could actually gaze into
his soul drawing out all his hidden emotions, his blackness & his bleak
thoughts.
She had always scared him because he had long since suspected
that she was the one who would finally break through all the barriers &
reach out to him only to turn disappointed on knowing his truth. He had always
suspected that she would see the real HIM & his repulsive truth. He was
scared that when she knew his truth there would be no redemption, no going
back. She would never understand & never love him.
BUT NOW HE KNEW. He knew that he had to tell her his dark
secret & he knew that SHE would understand. They were kindred souls bound
by their individual tragic past. He knew that she would understand his pain,
she would stand by him & she would never hate him.
How could he have been so blind. He realized that all this
while that she had loved him. He was not sure when exactly she had fallen in
love with him because unlike him she had to forget her first love. But he
realized that she must have loved him even before their marriage.
Holy Shit. He had messed up as usual. Now so many of her
actions made sense to him. All the jigsaw pieces fell into place & he was
stunned. He even understood why she had agreed to his forced marriage. She had
been hoping & praying that one day her love would be returned. How could he
be so blind. Did he really love her, he wondered. He understood why she had
seduced him & then allowed him to literally rape her. Why in spite of his
assault she had still clung to him that day similar to how she was clinging to
him now. He was her inner voice, her conscience, her soul, her mirror image.
She must have fallen in love for the same reason that he had fallen hopelessly
for her.
Both of them had made the same mistake of dismissing it in
the initial phase as greedy lust but all this while it had been violent love. A
love which engulfed both of them, scorching them rather than comforting them.
Hence the sad irony that they made love both times violently when they were in
pain & torment. Their love was never meant to be gentle & soothing.
Their love was always intended to hurt & kill them. They were each other's'
anchor as well nemesis. He realized that their love would always hurt both of
them due to the intensity & passion inside them. They had to accept this
sad truth & either learn to live with this all-consuming love or part ways
to spare each other further pain.
Life for him had always been an unfortunate series of
difficult decisions, horrific choices. And his decisions invariably ended up
breaking him more goading him more towards self-destruction.
"Why Arnav, why does GOD always make us choose between
people. WHY?"
Her voice broke his chain of thoughts. He turned to find her
still staring at him with those eyes which haunted him every night. A pair of
eyes which had long since replaced another pair of tormented eyes which had begged
& pleaded with him once.
He dint reply but instead his face descended & the next
moment she felt his lips on hers. She had never experienced a kiss like that.
All she knew was that something irrevocable had happened between them today. She
felt his tongue drawing her, reeling her towards himself. He was sucking on her
lips, nibbling them harshly, she could feel him biting her tongue lightly &
then caressing the same sore spot with his tongue. She was feeling dizzy. She had
always felt that he was holding back a part of himself from her despite his
love for her. But tonight, this minute all that had changed. She realized that
he was no longer holding any part of himself from her. He was offering himself
to her completely, no holds barred for her to take or leave.
He was giving her a chance to decide, make her choice. It
was now or never. He was either hers or never would be hers. Figuratively speaking
she had gone on her knees before him offering herself unconditionally to him
& now he was doing the same. He was hers unconditionally. This was
irreversible. Her god had long since decided that they were meant to be
together. Hence their destinies had been bound to each other. Even her meeting
& falling in love with Shyam was all part of the bigger scheme. After all
it was Shyam & his love which had led her to him, her true love &
destiny.
Something inside him had always attracted & repulsed her
from day one. Even now she dint know the true reason but that inexplicable
agony that she had managed to catch in his eyes from their very first encounter
had told her that there stood before her an equally tortured, wounded soul. She
realized tonight that she was the chosen one. Another miserable soul whom god
had meant to send his way to mend his broken soul & fill hope in his heart.
It would not be easy. It would be a painful, soul shattering journey. But she
also knew that only she was capable of weathering all that agony & bring
cheer in his dark life. They were meant to be together. The gods had conspired
to bring them together. The holy hand had long since written their destiny
together & she was determined to fulfill that destiny.
She knew that her biggest obstacle would be him, THE love of her life.
But that would not deter her from her journey. This was one hell of a ride
which she had to embark on both for him & for herself.
Because who was she without him. Just an empty shell,
shallow & lifeless. He was the one who had brought meaning to her otherwise
morbid existence & it was time she returned the favour & in the process
his love.
She took a deep breath & fell on the bed pulling him
along with her. It was time to once again drown in each others madness. Let momentary insanity take over. Tonight was not a night for cold reasoning but blinding passion, hurtful intensity.
DO NOT GO GENTLE INTO THAT GOOD NIGHT
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rage at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Author's Note
The poem is the famous, haunting piece from the great poet Dylan Thomas.
Guys in spite of the huge workload at office i ve written this update. Hence w'd really appreciate if you guys pour in your comments
LIKE marne wale log try karke comment bhi maro. those who dint like at least leave a comment so that i w'd know that u at least bothered 2 read the update!
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