ff..A JOURNEY OF MY DREAMS updated on page 33 - Page 26

Originally posted by: rajatsanam

u greet dear
ye kia kr dia neel ne ab ryan bechara kia kre ga soo sad for shrya and also rayan ........

PART 19

'I don't want to loose her'. A simple line which was going in my mind and my heart was just praying to the supreme power if it really exists.

Where she must be? Where she can go? May be her hostel, as per my knowledge she don't have anyone in the city. And may be I was the first person whom she got close here, shittttttttttttttt yaar, every time this thought makes me more nervous.

I rushed to M.J. working women hostel, where I use to drop her every time and stopped my car just in front of the gate.

I kept there for few minutes but it will not going serve my purpose, I have to get down and ask for her, but a simple thought that how I will face her, how I will convince her to my point, and what I will say to her? Were playing chants in my head.

Ignoring them all I get down and asked the watchman, about Shreya.

"Shreya? Room number?" the watchman asked me.

Actually I really don't know her room number or anything I just use to drop her here.

I asked him to get inside but he doesn't allow me as it was a girl's hostel.

I kept arguing him for next half and hour. I don't know how I controlled my anger that day, may be my priority was to meet her, then just engaging in any kind of argument. But it was really irritating when question come to your 'life'.

I don't know why I said this, may be she has became much more than my life for me.

After sometime a girl walked down towards the gate, I really don't know her but may be she knows Shreya so I stopped her and asked "excuse me ma'am, actually I want to meet Miss Shreya Malik, do you have any idea of her room number."

She first glanced me from top to foot as if seeing a guy for the first time and then starched her brows suspect fully "Shreya… well you are the similar guy na who use to drop her every evening?"

God, this is not the time to enquire all this. I was fed up wasting time in these useless conversations. "Please Miss or Mrs. who ever you are, it's urgent. Is Shreya is there inside?"

"Miss Meghana, Shreya is my room mate. She came an hour before, kafi upset lag rahi thi, I asked her but she doesn't reply, so I left her on whatever she has. I think she was crying too, I have heard her sobbing in the washroom. But then she just left for somewhere. That's all."

She said all this, like she was doing some favor on me. Really it was a favor only; she hasn't even tried to console her when she was so upset..

There was no use of asking her more details about where she must have gone, so I just left thinking about the probability of where Shreya must have gone.

But I really don't have any idea.

Driving for few hours on road I returned back to my place empty handed. After parking when I stepped towards the door, an awkward thing which I noticed was that tuffy doesn't came running towards me, which he use to do whenever I arrive back.

I knocked the door, but it was open. When I entered and looked around none of the servants were visible. I was supposed to call one of them to bring my belongings in, when I saw Shreya standing in front of me.

For a moment I felt like it's my imagination, since morning I was dreaming of her but it was not she was really there.

Her face was red, as I have thought to see her when I will go to propose her but she was not blushing instead this time it was red because of anger. Her beautiful eyes were looking quite small, and were turned red. Now there were no tears in them, just a bulk of questions with which she was starring towards me...

"Shreya… listen it was just… how should I explain you, I really don't want to hurt you… just every thing went on wrong… I really haven't wished it this way." I don't know but I was too confused from where to begin, and it became more dramatic when I was standing in front of her like a convict. And before I could complete any of my broken sentences, she started crying.

And her tears made my words more haphazard. I have nothing to say, and what should I say to her? With Shreya I have just learnt to be quite, whenever I have tried to use her I have just kept quite and everything have settled by its own. And today it was like there was much to say but when I see her crying because of me I felt none of my words can heal her up. May be today also this silence can speak for me.

Truly saying I was not having anything wrong in my mind, but just because I couldn't see her crying I came close to her to hug her, may be that could make her feel better. But she just pushed me back with my single touch, shouting "stop it Ryan, stop it. Don't dare to touch me. What do you think of me? I am not a thing to play with… and neither I am so weak that I need you for anything." And she just wiped away her tears.

"Shreya, I know this. You don't need me but I need you. Please listen to me once."

I requested her.

She became a bit calm, by her face but I don't have any idea what was going there in her mind. "I know you needed me, that's why only you have played with my emotions. Why have you done this Ryan, maine to tumse kabhi kuch nahi maanga tha? Agar tumhe sirf kuch pictures chahiye the to you should have directly asked me, shayad maine mana nahi kiya hota. But this way… mujhe laga tha ki tum auroun jaise nahi ho, but you proved that my first view about you was right. You cheated me Ryan you cheated me. Maine bohut socha, but something in me still believes in you. That's why I am here.

I just want to listen it from you… aaj maine jo bhi suna, was that true?"

Ahh the most difficult question to answer, yes or no I think neither of them was correct, but this time I couldn't say a lie to her.

"Yes what you have heard from Neel was right... but Trust me Shreya I can never…" but before I could say it further she said…

"Trust me!! Ryan, it's too easy to say these words but it's too tough to achieve it. And it's not your fault it was me who trusted you, dam… in front of my eyes you ignored Zaina, infect I helped you in that, but I haven't thought for a second that I will be at the same place one day. Sab kuch jaante hue I have trusted you, I hate myself for this."

"Even when I think of it na, it makes me feel like hell. How did you do this? The way you approached towards me was a drama, the way you waited for me on the road side for hours was a drama, our trip, your care for me, your promises, and your touch… all was just a part of a plan. And I… I just opened my heart in front of you. Sometimes I feel so dirty for being touched by you. Ryan kya tumhe kabhi ye nahi laga ki tum mere saath galat kar rahe ho?" She added in a disguise.

"Shreya I don't know how should I tell you, but ask yourself; kya kabhi bhi tumhe aisa laga that I am gonna use you, look into my eyes do you really feel that I lied to you.

Dam, how should I tell you that I really love you…?"

I tried to put my side looking into her eyes. I have never dreamt that I will place my feeling for her in this way but it was situation of do or die.

"Enough is enough, what else you want from me. Tumhara kaam to ho gaya na, then why this drama again? Do you even know the meaning of love? 'You are not a kind of a person who can love anyone…'

Today I went in your cabin, and I have attended a call on your official number. Aren't you interested in knowing whose call it was… your mom? Your mom Ryan, I hope she won't call you from heaven.

Jo insaan apne parents ko lekar itna bada jhoot bol sakta hai, kya usse kisi bhi sach ki umeed ki jaa sakti hai?"

This was up for me; I have no words for my defense now. She doesn't know anything about me and the situation when I have lied about my parents, how much broken I felt that night, why I have said that they are dead. And now my any explanation will not favor me, instead it will add up as another lie for the day, so there was no use of giving it.

I don't think now she feels anything for me, or may be she doesn't want to feel anything for me.

"Tum mujhse badla lena chahte the na, congratulations Ryan, you have done it. But aaj jo chot tumne mujhe di hai, mai chah kar bhi uska badla kabhi nahi le sakti, do you know why? Because you don't have heart to feel that pain. You can never feel this pain.

Thank you very much… for everything and mark my words Ryan jin sapno ke liye tum doosron ki zindgi ke saath khelte ho, those dreams will never fetch you with happiness, never. Tum kabhi khush nahi rah paaoge. Kabhi nahii."

IS DIL PE LAGTE HAIN JO

WO JAKHM DIKHTE NAHI

APNON SE MILTE HAIN JO

WO DARD MITTE NAHI

MAI PAAS APNE NAHI

BAS DOOR JAB SE HAI TU

She just took out her frustration and silence again surrounded us. She looked towards tuffy, who was the witness of our conversation, but I should say not only today but he is witness of our every emotion. "Tuffy come with me, I won't let you to live with him."

She ordered tuffy.

But tuffy slowly glided behind me, and held my foot by his claws. He doesn't want to go. May be he knows I was not that bad what she was thinking for me. He knows that I really… like her for everything what she has changed in my life. He knows how much I was excited for surprising her. But destiny has surprised me.

And she left away, leaving her harsh words for me, which pinched me for the whole night, and made me think upon whether I really love her????

"You are not a kind of a person who can love anyone." Her sentence keeps rolling in my mind again and again. And it made believe that she was right.

Really I don't love her, I can't love anyone.

If I would have loved her I would have never hurt her so badly. And after doing so also I was not at all sorry for that, instead selfishly I was just afraid of loosing her.

I want her, that's why I don't want to loose her. But it doesn't mean that I love her. When I got to know that she knows the truth, not even for a second I thought how she must have felt, how much pain I have given to her instead I was just thinking about myself; how to convince her to my point, how to make her believe that I am not wrong.

And with all explanations which I have given to her, not even a single sorry was included in it.

She is right I don't know the meaning of love, may be just because I have never got it from anyone. Could she please tell me my fault in it?

Nothing I can do nothing. I made her cry, but my eyes are still dry. Then how can I say that I love her….

IS DIL PE LAGTE HAIN JO

WO JAKHM DIKHTE NAHI

APNON SE MILTE HAIN JO

WO DARD MITTE NAHI

MAI PAAS APNE NAHI

BAS DOOR JAB SE HAI TU

woooooowww wat a words suparb nivi

this part was very intersting and emotial it was very gud yaar

awesome nivi.................👏

my god...........shreya is in pathetic condition

she is feeling completely cheated at d moment

n our ryan.......he didnt get any chance to explain his point..........feeling bad fr him😭

n those lines u hav used.........amazing............luv u fr dat😊

so our shreya will b gone now.......

n dat truth abt his parents' indifference.........hw lonely he was dat nite wen he lied to her n now no chance to explain further.

ab to curse bhi mil gaya bechare ko😭

i think now shreya will b out of sight fr soe tym......m i rite??????

do continue dear........m waiting

achha haan divya ke exams hain to may b she will read dat later😉

Originally posted by: rajatsanam

wwwwooooooooowwwwwwww megha u suparb dear great asoum pics and also songs very gud 👏
now me waiting for new part ....................

thnx a lotttttttt sami

luv to read ur appreciation😊

nivi........

divya has sent u a msg

she has read dat............n loved dat a lottttttt

but she is not getting enough time to comment

she will comment later on dis

Originally posted by: rajatsanam

IS DIL PE LAGTE HAIN JO

WO JAKHM DIKHTE NAHI

APNON SE MILTE HAIN JO

WO DARD MITTE NAHI

MAI PAAS APNE NAHI

BAS DOOR JAB SE HAI TU

woooooowww wat a words suparb nivi

this part was very intersting and emotial it was very gud yaar

Originally posted by: megha01