DARK KNIGHT- A SwaSan FF- DELETED- AN- PAGE 1- PLS READ

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PUBALI BASU

@MysticMoon

Trailblazer

Posted: 9 years ago

#61

One more amazing piece from you 👏

I can't say properly actually how much I liked the concept... I can't express it in words..

I am imagining the characters and it's so mind blowing..

You know magic, I must say this ..

Just beautiful...👏

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tootiefrootie11

@tootiefrootie11

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 9 years ago

#62

Originally posted by: _akaur_
Very Very interesting start.. U really got is hooked up to this ss..

Seems like this Bagri is gonna create more trouble for out loved Sanskaar...

Annupurna was amazing, her attitude, her concern for Sanskaar and how you described her was fab ...

No words for our Sanskaar, even after being so physically tortured for months, he can give a proper reply when someone rmtry to mess with him, be it Bagri or someone else..

Is Sanskaar really mad, because by what I read it doesn't seems so.. May be this is all done by Annupurna to get Snakaar out of there, and protect him from all that pain..

Continue soon, can't wait to read more of this ss..
Thanks for the pm

Hi there! Sorry for my late reply. Am glad you like the start. Bagri is vile- how much we will see him even I don't know but he may well crop up again! I am so happy you like this Annapurna. Sanskaar is the way I see him- resilient to the core:) I have just posted Chapter 1 which will tell you more of his state of mind. About Annapurna and Sanskaar, more will come later:) Hope you enjoy chapter 1!

Best wishes,

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tootiefrootie11

@tootiefrootie11

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 9 years ago

#63

Originally posted by: bwvianna
Res

Unres:

Shruti🤗

It was a pleasant surprise to find a PM sitting in my inbox named 'Dark Knight' and that to written by you. Am I glad that you have decided to venture into this world of Short Stories? Heck yeah! You are an amazing writer and reading any of your works makes me very happy and I look forward to reading this one too.

So this story is based in 1800s and me being a fan of historic fiction plan to enjoy this one to the fullest! The idea of SwaSan in one of those stories makes me wanna -> !

The Introduction/Synopsis itself was so captivating.! You have worded everything you want to show in such an eloquent manner, one just cannot not read further. 👏

Then the prologue! It was so gripping, needless to say I am hooked! I could so clearly imagine Sanskaar tied in the dungeons being whipped. And Annapurna as a Rani does sort of make sense. She has this quiet grace and elegance with extreme patience. Not really hard to picture her as such. Wow Shru! I am really looking forward to this story. I'm not a history buff but I really love the way people were in olden times. There is this fascination with the way people acted and reacted during those times.

I love your writing style and am definitely loving this SS.
Anyways, please update soon, awaiting it with great anticipation.

-V :)

P.S.: Thank you so much for the mention at the start! 🤗❤️

Hey V dear! 🤗

I am so pleased that you liked the start and the setting too! I am 😳 at the kindness about my writing! Thank you!!! I truly felt that scene in the dungeons and feel so happy that most commenting seem to have too. Yes Annapurna is indeed regal so the role suits her I thought. I have just updated Chapter 1 which I hope you will like! The mention was genuinely meant xoxo.

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Cogito_Ergo_Sum

@Cogito_Ergo_Sum

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 9 years ago

#64

Res for comment on Part 1 😊

Un-Res

Hey Shru...

Really liked the way you etched the meeting of the Maheshwaris and the Gadodias, the interactions and the atmosphere, the setting and the dressing, 😊 bringing to life a meeting which happens in the early years of the Nineteenth century. I could almost see the scene unfolding before my eyes, with the sepia toned tint of my imagination evoked by your historical setting! 😛

I found the family dynamics you'd explained fascinating. Janaki being apparently more indulgent towards her step daughter---the effervescent, ebullient, cheerful Swara. And the placid, pale, retiring Ragini being closer to her step mom, the beautiful, captivating Sharmishta.

And Sujata! 🤢 She openly says she's closer to Lakshya though she's Sanskaar's Mom, and happily also says that Annapurna is closer to her own son. What a weird mother she is...😕

But the highlight of the chapter for me, was your adaptation of that memorable "soul connect" scene from the serial, to illustrate the stirrings of a similar bond between an angel flitting about in the bright sunlit day, and a demon cloaked in the darkness of a barred room. 👏 👏 Angels & Demons, indeed!

And the way the powerful bond drew their gaze towards each other was awesome. Swara could not help but notice the burning intensity in his perusal, even though at such a distance. 😉 I just worry since Sanskaar has decided he "hates" her, since she represents all the joy, all the sunniness in his nature which was lost, no, stolen from him. I just fear that in the mistaken notion of this "hate"---which we all know isn't hate at all---he would take some steps which really wound that gentle spirit. But he would realize, soon enough, wouldn't he, what the powerful, blazing emotion he feels is?

Waiting for the angel and the demon to be drawn towards each other, powerless against their intertwined destinies! 😳 ☺️ And then, of course, ultimately, the demon would be revealed to be no less than a prince! 😉 Ohh...the feels...Shru, can't wait! 😊

Edited by CogitoErgoSum - 9 years ago

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tootiefrootie11

@tootiefrootie11

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 9 years ago

#65

Originally posted by: Fatma6
Shruti wow wow wow, I totally loved your SS👏.
Am not certain if I would be able to express how intriguing the story is.Am not that good with words , hope to write what I felt.

I love to read stories of royalty, ur description was like a movie unfolding before my eyes.The dungeons, the lashes, your description of the prisoner everything.
The marwars , their bravery, their horses is a legend in itself.
As a child when I read about chetak, was amazed at how inspite of injury he takes maharana pratap to safety.
Your use of their background makes it all the more romantic.

Wounded or not a brave man is always one, they would die but can never be meek.Your dark night is one of them.
Am really curious to explore the mystery surrounding this man.

Bargi am sure is a sadist and a greater coward.People like him can only put a brave front when the lion is caged.
If Annapurna is aware of people disappearing from dungeons, then she did the right thing to bring the man home under her care.
It's a curse and a blessing to be a queen.
Curse because they cannot fail , fall weak, cannot let the regal air around them falter.You have rightly said though she is in immense pain for her son,she has to be the regal queen, showing the other man his place.
Blessing in disguise coz even after two years she could save her son from the clutches of this vile man , unlike other unfortunate ones who could not do so.
Though makes me wonder why it took two years, and what is the gravity of the act committed by the prince to face this situation.

I love it when men who are brave, are soft towards their mothers.
They can be all that others cannot be but to their mothers they are always the softies .

All the mystery of your ss is too captivating.
Eagerly waiting for your next update.😊

Between loved your quote from "ThecTale of two cities". though have read only excerpts from it as prose in school.
Truly 18th century was an era of so many historical events around the world, that you have so may literary works based on them, and your story being of same era is even more alluring.

Hi Fatma! 🤗

Thank you so much for your kind and generous comments, you made me so happy. I think you have expressed yourself very well and I enjoyed reading your take on the initial part a lot! I love the story of Chetak! I was obsessed with that and other tales about Rajasthan like that of Panna Dhai when I was a child, I mentioned Panna in my Despatches Series in reference to Annapurna too:).

You are totally right- the Dark Knight has a steel in him that can make injury pale to insignificance too. Bagri is both the things you say he is, such people thrive on pain to others. Yes Annapurna is very much a queen and can take hard decisions if needs must. I will try and show that if i can. You are another one who liked a strong man's vulnerable side in front of his mother:) I have just posted Chapter 1 and I hope you will get time to read.

I would really recommend reading the whole of ATOTC, it is such an amazing book! I just felt the quote fit in there.

Hope to converse more with you and thanks again!

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--Anna--

@--Anna--

Sparkler

+ 5

Posted: 9 years ago

#66

Reserved. You know why I am late 😆

--unreserved--

Shru,

What a wonderful first chapter again left me begging to read more! Please continue soon!

I am loving Annapurna's character and I find her so interesting. I like how she assesses situations and people before passing any judgement. She notices everything and there is something about her that I can't put my fingers on. She is smart and shrewd and I think I am going to love her character in this TS.

Hahaha! You have described Swara perfectly. Her exuberance and her liveliness is so well defined. But I do think that there is more to her than she lets on and I felt that in SwaSan cosmic interaction. Looking forward to understanding her character more!

Love the little SwaSan cosmic connection. Ofcourse, there is no surprise that the man is our Dark Knight, Sanskaar - who wants to play games with Lakshya and his fiancee. I loved how you showed him to be distracted by our little joyous Swara. Loved how they felt each others presence and how even though they could not see each other actually, they still caught on each other's presence. It was so beautiful! 😳

Cannot wait for another chapter!

Love

Anna

Edited by --Anna-- - 9 years ago

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Vianna

@BookWormV

Navigator

Posted: 9 years ago

#67

Res

Unres:

Wonderful chapter 1. Introduction of the Gadodias and a SwaSan moment! 😊 Loved your character portrayal and description.! I really liked how you have shown that Swara is everything that Sanskaar lost-innocence and happiness. Very well put.

Awaiting the next update. Please update soon :)

-V

Edited by bwvianna - 9 years ago

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javeria

@Javeria3991

Rocker

+ 5

Posted: 9 years ago

#68

interesting update

Janki is the part of the story, i am eager to read more about her and her role in the story.

The charcater of swara and ragini and their contrast with their birth mother was very well written.

Thanks for the Pm.

Update next chapter soon

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Shivani Priyam Kumar

@Meself

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 9 years ago

#69

Firstly thank you Shruti, for that little mention before the smooth rolling of an amazing chapter. And what invoking start to tale that is all drenched in revenge, politics, love, betrayal and of course blood. Empires, big or small, they thrive on lie, deceit and secrets that are never to be kissed and told. We got an excellent glimpse of that bygone era. True the queen cannot command the kingdom at her will, but she surely commands the king! And Annapurna is cut from the very cloth that can make the formidable quiver. Ideal queens are those who love with pastel hues and reign with an iron fist, Rani Bai saa here is the ideal cutout of faint notion. No wonder the fortress is secure under her militant administration! I have to give you the credit for making me completely forget Sankaar, this update belonged to the formidable Annapurna Maheshwari.

Another interesting facet of this woman has to be her innate ability to assess things in their correct and pre-defined order. Sujata only noticed the fact that Shekhar married Shramistha, an outcast to their otherwise pristine and elite society, Annapurna saw Janki's intricate detailing of a well laid plan. It's not always that you come across such razor sharp brains. Another thing that bowled me over was a plain and direct evaluation of Shekhar Gadodia. She knows he is not capable enough, nor he has any military dash that would help the Maheshwari survive the political turmoil of the land but nonetheless she is bringing him under her wing as a potential collateral damage. One whose demise would cause no pain, and one who would provide them with a safety valve in the form of that docile Ragini. What calculated move Bai saa!

While this chapter establishes Janki as a formidable force who has taken Swara under her command, to me she really is nothing but a shadow. From what I can decode it is Shramistha who is greater force. The easiest way to make a hero out of someone is vilify the one in competition. I don't know why but Shramistha seems to be swearing by this golden rule. Ragini is too perfect, to a point that her perfection is nothing but a useless decor of the living room...Swara on the other hand as the spunk and if I may dare the fierceness of a queen who can invade any battle and force the enemy to retreat. Shramistha, to me, is that knife that slowly penetrates and then waits to slowly but steadily cut every vital organ in the body and then make it bleed from within. I have no idea how write I am here but the initial surfacing gave me the...I don't know...feels?

And of course Swara. I think its too early to make a comment on her, but I am guessing she has layers and layers in her persona. And it will unfold one by one causing enough ripples in the still water to turn it into a massive tide! And Sankaar already shares a cosmic connection with Swara? Interesting, very interesting! I am hungrily waiting for more, especially now when I know Sanskaar is planning to breach the security perimeters!

P.S. It is 19th century story, a time when alpha females such as Rani Lakshmibai, Maharani Jeejabai and Sharan Kaur existed. All brave, bold and deathly beautiful...Swara too belongs to this generation...so can we have a naive, bubbly but fierce blade wielding woman in her? I'd get my dose of adrenaline if I see her on a horse with a naked sword in hand!!

P.P.S. If its you Viji who is reading this, then I am sorry for not posting my comment on Dyut Parva. Its just that its based on an epic that I love with every fiber of my being and I want to put up a detailed comment! And Sakura I have just begun with Ice King and its going to take me a bit of time to reach you Frost Knight!