The Best of Things
(RagLak, SwaSan) Fan Fiction Series
By Bubble
Chapter 33
It was rather quiet in the bedroom although there were two people in it. But Sanskaar had come home with quite a lot of work left to do, and it was a minor work crisis, so he'd asked not to be disturbed. Swara had brought him up a tray of food, and he'd gulped it in down in barely ten minutes before going back to his spreadsheets. He was still engrossed when she came up after her own dinner, so she had changed into night clothes... a loose boyish collared kurta in deep yellow and baggy off-white salwar... ready for bed. Then she put on her headphones, sat deep in the armchair in the balcony and delved deep into a beautiful Raga Kedar, with eyes closed. When Ustad Rashid Khan trailed off, she opened her eyes slowly.
Sanskaar was sitting on the ledge of the balcony, a breeze stirring his hair, looking at her. His off-white shirt was a little crinkled now, open up to the second button, and it flapped slightly in the wind.
"Hi!" she said softly, and looked back at where he had been working. The papers were all put away, his laptop was closed and his demeanour told her his work was done and done well.
"Kaam ho gaya? I was just listening... you should've tapped me..." she started to say.
He shook his head. "You looked so serene... I couldn't."
She looked up at him and sat up straighter. A curious expectant silence hung between them and she knew that Sanskaar with his quintessential efficiency had dealt with the professional and was now sharply focussed on the the personal: herself. And it was time to have that conversation that they had put off for four whole days.
But again, she didn't know what to say. She looked at him in mute appeal. With a small smile, he came over, helped her out of the armchair and drew her over to sit on the long bench that lined one whole side of the balcony. Like so many other spaces in Maheshwari House, this was generously supplied with verdure both from pots on the balcony itself, as well as profuse flowering climbers that grew up the rounded pillars of the house.
He held her hand in a tight clasp and sat sideways, facing her. "You've been dying to say it and yet, you can't bring yourself to open your mouth... what is it that's bothering you so much, Swara?"
She sighed.
"Look at me," he said, "we'll sort it out, whatever it is. Batao mujhe!"
She stared at the mosaic flooring. "I didn't leave the other day because I had made up my mind." She raised her eyes to his face. "You're the best man I've ever known, the best friend I've ever hand... I have so much respect for you... I want to stay married to you... I want to be your wife, I want to be with you all our lives... if that's what you want too." She looked anxious.
"But?" he prompted. The fact that Swara had stayed back in the face of the storm that had raged the other day... that had convinced him that this was what she had decided. But obviously there was a 'but'.
"But... I'm scared."
He blinked at that. "Scared of...?"
She twisted her white cotton dupatta carefully and unfurled it. "Of physical intimacy... I guess."
He looked thunderstruck.
"I didn't know what to say..." Swara said in a rush.
Then, he asked in a carefully neutral voice, "Are you telling me you want a celibate marriage? All our lives?" His heart chilled at the very prospect.
"No, no!" exclaimed Swara, staring back at him with shocked eyes, "of course not!"
Immeasurably relieved, he raised an eyebrow and waited for more. Swara went on, "It's just that.. I'm nervous and I just wanted to ask you if we... if we could take it slowly."
He waited some more. Nothing.
"That's it?" he prompted.
"That's it," she said.
"SWARA!" he bellowed, standing up.
"What?" she asked him, alarmed.
"You're nervous and you'd like to take it slowly... that's one of the most natural requests from a girl entering a marriage... what was the big deal about that!?" His words came fast and urgent.
She looked taken aback and then said pleadingly, "Sanskaar, how could I? As it is, your mother tells me I've taken advantage of you... that I've had everything according to my convenience, my marzi. You've done so much for me... how could I lay more conditions now... how could I say... yes, I want to be married to you but please give me time to be more comfortable...?"
He looked a bit angry. "What did you think, Swara? You'd say yes to staying married to me, and that I'd jump your bones within half an hour?"
Swara looked worried at his annoyance. "You would have the right to expect it, Sanskaar! I was worried you would think I was not committing fully. Your mother would think I was withholding what is your right, your haq. But still... I was nervous... I know it's silly - so many girls marry men they don't even know and they're ok with it... I don't know why it frightens me... and... I know, I should have just shared that with you, but... "
He looked down at her face... the unnecessary strain and anxiety of all these days written on it... and his own softened. She had been so worried about this, poor darling!
"Swara, Swara...!" he pulled her up to face him, his joy showing through,"I can't tell you what it means to me that you've agreed to be my wife... the fear that might leave some day was like a sword above my head! I'm over the moon... I promise ke tumhe bohut khush rakhunga!"
He took a deep breath and brought his forehead to touch hers for a long quivering moment. She closed her eyes in gratitude, tears trembling on her lashes.
He pulled her in further, "About coming closer, you didn't even need to say it, Swara, but yes, we'll take it slow... not a step before you're ready and comfortable, ok?"
She nodded in relief.
His left hand came up to cup her face and draw her closer, his right caressed the hair off her cheeks. "Your comfort is my responsibility now, ok? You don't even need to think about it, that's my job. You trust me with that?"
She bobbed her head in reply.
They looked at each other in silence for one long moment and then moved into a deep embrace, rocking with the intensity of their feelings.
"I love you, Swara..." he choked out.
"Thank you, Sanskaar, thank you so much!" she said, hugging him harder.
Edited by soapbubble - 9 years ago
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