Okay, so this is the second part of my Realisation 3shot. Those who have read the first part,I welcome you to the second. If you have not, well this could be a lone OS as wellš. In case you want to read the first part, Falling in Love,here: https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/swaragini/4495145/swasan-3s-realisations-part-1-falling-in-love
Hope you like it.š
2. ACCEPTANCE
Bade Papa had proposed going to the Tannot Mata Temple in Jaisalmer. It was the temple where the Maheshwaris apparently journeyed to, every year...to pay their respects to Karni Mata, for watching over them all year long. Their ancestors had come from one of the various Dhanis(villages) nearby. The entire family was going to go. After all, two sons of the family had gotten married. They set out at 2 in the morning.
Swara had spent five hours in two consecutive flights, one from Kolkata to Delhi and a connecting one, from Delhi to Jaipur Airport, sitting beside a dour Sanskaar, who had dozed off, read newspapers, breakfasted and sent jolts through her, whenever his arm had brushed against hers on the armrest. However Sanskaar had not spoken to or even made eye contact with her...not even when they were jammed together, in the car they took to Jaisalmer. Which takes a freaking nine hours, even with the car gulping away the barren miles charring in the brutal sun. He poured her some water, to freshen up, from the jug though...at the dhaba they stopped for lunch.š
They checked in at the Chokhi Dhani Palace Hotel, and it was decided that since it was already past 4 PM, they would set off for the Mandir tomorrow at sunrise. Everybody left to their rooms, to shake off their jet lags.
"Umm..Bade Papa?"
"Haan Swara?"
"Mujhe sand dunes dekhne ka bohot shaukh hai...abhi jaa sakti hoon kya? Camels bhi hai na?"
"Haan...Sanskaar, tum use leke jao. Par Swara, Camel ride pe hum log sab chalenge kal subah Mandir darshan ke baad. Abhi registan(desert) ghoom ke aao" DurgaPrasad acceded.
So, Swara went along with Sanskaar, to see the sand dunes of the much-heard and never seen Thar Desert.
It was very alien to Swara. Sand everywhere, rising in hillocks...and blowing in puffs across the desert, while the sky turned blood red. A few camels scattered here and there, their riders dismounting, since it was already sunset. To the greenery loving eyes of a Bangalan, this was a beauty so coarse, stark...yet so imposing...that Swara felt breathless with wonder. Even the people were more rugged, tanned, hewn as if from wood, their pagdis colourful against the bland backdrop of the sand. The air was parched...and thistles bred..amidst the sea of sand.
Darkness fell with a suddenness...and it started turning colder. It was November after all, in the desert.
"Vo log kya kar rahe hai?" Swara asked, looking at some tents in the distance. A fire blazed there.
"They are musicians Swara. They play Dhols..and local artists perform the Ghoomar, for tourists."
"Can we go?"
Sanskaar assented...and they dug laboriously across the sand which slipped away beneath their feet, resisting and yielding in turn.
They sat in companionable silence, while the men beat the cymbals..and the dancers moved in graceful circles around the fire, the intricate glass beads in their ghagras, reflected the firelight and looked like sparkles zooming in the night. Moths swooped closer to the fire. The beats, the heat, the beauty touched both their souls. Swara really desired at that moment, to hold on to her husband's hand...and look into his eyes, to see whether, the same flames speckled in his eyes or not. Whether the same heat, warmed his hands or not. The sky was strewn with thousands of stars and no whiffs of clouds marred the expanse of the never ending black.
Once it ended, Swara led him to the tents pitched nearby. Sanskaar followed, rather puzzled. They were basically toilets and dressing rooms.
"Talk" Swara turned to face him.
"About what?"
" You confessed you loved me, near a tent, which you burnt. So here we are, near a tent again. Tell me, exactly how I have hurt you. Tell me, why you are moving away from me? "
"Whatever does it matter to you?" Sanskaar averted his eyes.
"If it did not, then I would not have felt what I feel everyday, looking at you. I would not have desperately wanted you to say something, to be friends again, or to laugh with you. I would not feel like crying, when you try ignoring me and later peep at me, when you think I am not looking. I would not wait everyday, on tenterhooks, for your return from work...and feel crushed when you nod at me...and disappear into your silences. You would not pull the blanket over me, after you think I have fallen asleep "
"You broke our friendship Swara. You decided to stay married to me to save your sister's marriage. You stayed married to me to avoid Lucky. We have nothing else between us..apart from the fact that we are married. You do not love me Swara, so there is hardly any reason for you to suddenly start caring about the fact that I do love you. You do not accept it. Ok, I get the hint. You used me. I meant my vows when we married Swara..even if you did not. I will stay by you no matter what." Even by the firelight, Swara sensed Sanskaar's pain, in the etched lines which tautened, bracketing his eyes.
"I... I have started to love you, I think." Swara whispered. "I cannot take away the pain I caused you because of my foolishness. I was not able to understand your love for me, Sanskaar. I did use your friendship and your love for my ends...but for every single time, I am sorry. Let me make amends, let me start afresh with you, let me fall in love with you."
"Yeah right" Sanskaar snorted. "I promised I would never hurt you, never push you to accept me Swara. But you have always hurt me. Now what is your reason for doing this? Is somebody else's relation falling apart which you have to save?" Sanskaar was not calm anymore.
"Yes, I have to save ours." Swara smiled. "Let me in, Sanskaar, lets be friends again----"
"You cannot be my friend again."
The cold refusal made Swara's breath almost freeze. "but why? You still love me...I can see it. Then why? I will not hurt you again, Sanskaar..I.."
"If you want to, really want to be with me, love me back, then Swara, you will have to be my wife, not a friend." Sanskaar cut Swara off. "You will understand what it is to be married and then be my wife. I don't care how much time it takes for you to reach that stage...but I will not let myself love you back until and unless, you are there to meet me halfway. Get that. I have never loved you as lightly as Lucky and if you love me back, it cannot be as shallow as that. Marriage is not a game...and do not mock it, by making it sound like a college crush."
"Okay. I'm not going anywhere. And I am falling in love with you. Its hard not to. So, I will meet you there, halfway."
Their driver came looking for them since it was getting really late. He thought the honeymoon couple had had a spat behind the tents.
They went back to the hotel. Of course it did have a couch.š
Swara loved the temple visit the next day. She prayed for herself..and him. And of course for her Ma Baba. It is said that Tannot Mata or (in variation) Karni Mata's blessings, saved that area from being bombed in the Indo Pak wars. Its also the last spot open to tourists in proximity to the Pak border, without special permits.
The camel ride was an entirely different experience. Sanskaar noted with amusement, that Swara's bravado vanished as soon as she spied, that they were not remotely cute, but long legged Goliaths. She gulped at least thrice before attempting to mount the scraggly and wiry beasts. With a lot of hey ho...she finally managed to scramble up. She begged him to get up behind her...which he had to, considering, she looked like she would faint if let alone. Durgaprasad, Adarsh-Parineeta and Lakshya-Ragini also rode camels. Others preferred not to.
Swara discovered that the rather smelly beast gave two major lurches to get itself and its riders going. She grabbed hold of whatever it was, that seemed hold-worthy. Her breakfast seemed to have come back up to her throat, as a mountain moved beneath her.š
Sanskaar obviously had ridden camels earlier...and sensing Swara's discomfort...he held her arm, assuring her that nothing would happen. Swara could not return that emotion...but she felt half her fear disappear when she nestled a bit further, towards him...every time the camel took a sway. And it was not possible for Sanskaar to maintain any sort of distance on a camel...so his warmth..and the solid assurance of his body behind hers..certainly made it a ride to remember for both of them. The camel shipped them across the sandy wilderness..an awe unmatched.
Sanskaar suddenly felt, that Swara certainly fit very well, in the space between his arms.
Dismounting was a relief to her.
Of course, she needed to place her hands on her husband's shoulders...and be lifted from the saddle by him. She found Sanskaar smelt way better than that camel. And when her face came close to his, she could have sworn, that Sanskaar could not resist looking deeply into hers, even in that split second. He let go too quickly, but, his touch at her waist,seemed to have lingered on.
They were going to go home the next day...and Durgaprasad noted with some satisfaction, that the frost between Sanskaar and Swara seemed to have thawed considerably in the desert. He had had the right idea originally, Sanskaar aur Swara ko kahin ghoomne bhej do, sab theek ho jayega...š
Will continue with the last part: Fulfilment. See you.š
Part 3 is up too: FULFILMENT: https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/swaragini/4499378/swasan-os-fulfilment-part-3-of-realisations-3shot
Pati Patni Aur Panga
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
