I removed a strand of hair that was bothering her away from her face and tugged it behind her ears. She was quiet. We ate in silence. I couldn't take my eyes off her throughout. If being wet wasn't bad for her health, I would prefer to see her this way permanently. It ignited something inside of me and I began to have all sorts of ideas. I told myself to calm down and come to my senses. When we both finished eating, she got up and I followed her. I held her arm and turned her around. Her mouth was slightly opened. I handed her one of my button down white shirts.
"Change...or you'll catch a cold..." I said. It wasn't until she tried to leave that I realized how tightly I'd been holding her arm. The moment she turned around, I pulled her back. We collided. I held her by the waist and she steadied herself. She held my arm for support. I pulled her closer and watched as her expressions changed from surprise, to nervousness, to confusion and so on. I tried to look into her eyes. She immediately looked down. We were so close that I could feel her breath and I was sure she could feel mine.
I let her go and she left. I sat down and thought about what was happening. Was I thinking? Was this right? Should I just follow my instincts? I realized that it was right because we loved each other. I hoped that if I made more moves, she would respond to them positively. I just prayed that she wouldn't be shocked by this change in my behavior. I was looking down at the floor and thinking about what to do but I heard her tiptoeing outside. I had always heard that it's a bad habit to stare. Staring at someone is wrong. But apparently, I'd lost all my manners because the moment I looked up at her, I just couldn't take my eyes off.
She was wearing my shirt and nothing but that. She looked highly uncomfortable and self-conscious. Her hair was swept over one shoulder and mostly wet. There was something about seeing your wife or the girl you loved in your clothes. I had no idea what kinds of reactions it would cause. Just knowing that she was wearing my shirt, the same shirt I'd worn many times and not thought twice about it, completely changed my perspective. My mouth was slightly opened and I watched her shamelessly. I couldn't even blink. My shirt didn't even reach her knees and her legs were bare. She pulled on the corners of it nervously and awkwardly made her way and sat on the edge of the bed. I was on the opposite side. I continued watching her. I knew it was wrong and she looked like she would cry any second but I continued. I was consumed by a mix of emotions seeing MY SHIRT on MY WIFE, and nothing but that shirt. I gave her my shirt to wear because that was the only thing wearable at the moment and I didn't watch her to catch a cold but God, I wasn't prepared for how I'd feel actually seeing her in it. It made me feel like she was completely mind and the only the left was for me to hold her and have her.
I got up and walked towards her. I stood in front of her. Seeing me there, she got up as well and tried to walk away as quickly as possible but I held her arm and stopped her. She was crying. I saw a tear fall down her right cheek.
"Why are you crying?"
She didn't say anything. I realized that she was probably crying because she was uncomfortable and I was staring holes into her. She wasn't used to this sort of attention from me and she probably had no idea WHY I couldn't take my eyes off her. I pulled her into my arms. She tried leaving.
"Please let me go, I want to go and wear my clothes..."
"No, they're wet...you won't be able to sleep like that." I said. She was adamant.
"Suhani, calm down, what's the matter?" I asked. I held her face. She wiped her tears.
"Nothing..." She said. She seemed angry now. "Will you please just let me go?" She asked.
"No, I won't, until you speak up and tell me what's the matter." I said. She tried to make a run for it once again and I stopped her and tightened my grip.
"You're so stubborn." I said. "Are you uncomfortable?" I asked her. She nodded. "Why, because of what you're wearing?" I asked again. She nodded. I cupped her face. "I'm sorry for staring like that." I said. She looked at me innocently and smiled. "It's ok...I don't blame you. I mean, I must look really bad..." She said. It took a few seconds for me to respond.
"Um, what?" I asked. "Bad?"
She nodded. "Isn't that why you were staring? I mean, this is your shirt and I'm wearing it...I know it doesn't suit me."
I shook my head. "You don't look bad..." I said. She didn't believe me and tried to pull her hands away from my grip. "Stop it, Yuvraj...don't be a liar. I respect your honesty. You were honest about the fact that you don't love me and that I'm not your type, so why are you lying about this?" She questioned me.
"Oh my God...where are you taking this conversation, Suhani?" I was surprised but it was time to set some things straight.
"I was not staring at you because you look bad. I'm sorry I made you feel that way. I know you're uncomfortable but..." I stopped. I had her attention.
"But what?"
"But, I think this shirt looks better on you than it looks on me..." I said. She was wide eyed with surprise and then she gave a tiny smile.
"I'm serious..." I said. She looked down. "Ok, let me go now..." She said. I held her by the waist and we looked into each other's eyes. My white shirt never looked better. I felt a different kind of energy inside me. My hands gripped her tightly. Our noses touched. I wasn't nervous or unsure anymore; I was too consumed with other emotions to feel any sort of nervousness at the moment. I hugged her tightly and she hugged me back. I knew she must have a million questions but I finally had all the answers. I finally knew I wanted her, I loved her, and I needed her.
She hugged me back. I felt her tugging on my shirt. My closed my eyes and felt her warmth and relished the feeling of having her in my arms and pressed against my body. I realized that I could keep her for the rest of my life and I wished that I'd realized sooner what I had been missing. Better late than never, as they say.
Channel V Dil Dosti Dance
Arjun
