Of putting love in a box - Page 2

Originally posted by: athai

I am generally a silent member of the forum and rarely interact with anyone. However, I noticed members trying to draw this clear line between attraction and love as if they are mutually exclusive.

Also there have been many many posts as to how what Kunal and Nandini had is not love and now what Ruhaan and Mishti have is not love. Is there some clear benchmarks for love? Some visible markers, signs that can corroborate if someone is in love or not? Are there steps to falling in love failing to abide by which means that you are not in love?

The interesting thing is, according to scholars, there are actually stages to relational development.I teach human communication by the way: dealing with human psychology,emotions and reactions are my area of expertise. So according to scholars the first step towards a relationship is that of initiating. You see someone, you like that someone/you find that person attractive and you get the balls rolling. You initiate interaction, try to get to know the person, etc. Bonding is actually the third/fourth step in relational development. I am not going to go into details of all the stages but my point is falling in love does not have fixed stages, it's a feeling.You can get the feeling in seconds of meeting someone or you can feel that way for someone you have known for the longest time.But even if we try to find a pattern, it usually starts with at least one person being interested in knowing the other person, which basically means that this person finds the other person attractive. So from an academic/psychiatric perspective, the first step towards a romantic relationship is actually attraction. Also, it has also been proven that when couples stop finding each other attractive,it is easier for them to leave each other. Attraction and love are not synonymous but they are not mutually exclusive at all.On the contrary,attraction is a very important component in romantic love and there is no denying that.

Now with regards to Kunal lusting after Nandini. Maybe the direction wasn't ideal but Kunal finding Nandini attractive or him being pulled towards her is not that unreal. In real life you really don't have these huge,huge moments where you start feeling love for someone, you just know that you love someone and that someone is important for you.The realization that he was attracted towards her,that he was drawn towards her hit Kunal when he saw her dancing,he did not fall in love with her seeing her dancing. The problem with Kunal and Nandini was that they did not really even try to resist, they let their emotions get the better of them and started acting on it. They started a full-fledged affair and stood by it,therein lay the problem. They could have repressed it and Kunal could have been true to his marriage, maybe neither would really be happy, but they would be ethical and moral,responsible people. Or maybe Kunal could call his marriage off and then moved on with Nandini. Although it would not make them good human beings but at least they would not be cheaters.

With Ruhaan and Mishti, both are trying to resist the attraction. Both of them, especially Mishti, has been trying to not take their interaction to the next level because she wants to honor her commitment. As of yet, she hasn't done anything which even remotely falls under cheating on Veer. She is not feeling comfortable with his touch because she is not a compulsive cheater, deep down she knows her mind is elsewhere, so her maintaining physical distance from Veer is simply a physical expression of her withdrawal.

Most of us, including me, have issues with people falling out of love. We have a hard time accepting that it is entirely possible to fall out of love with someone and falling in love with someone else. It is possible to fall in love while being in love with someone.It is also possible to just fall out of love, you don't need to fall in love with someone else to fall out of love. We don't want to accept it because then it throws us all into uncertainty, it devalues relationships and it creates a mess. But the fact is, loyalty is not an emotion, it is a decision. We are not monogamous by nature, we are polygamous. Relationships such as marriage have been brought into practice to avoid chaos surrounding legitimacy of child,property ownership etc.

With Mishti, her decision to get married to Veer and love him for the rest of her life were practical ones she made and for as long as there wasn't a real romantic interest elsewhere, she was comfortable romancing him. Now when her heart is elsewhere, she is having a hard time being cozy with him. But she is still intent on honoring her relationship while Ruhaan is also determined to do right by his friend.

Originally posted by: ramita94

Great post you write so well. I agree that being attracted to someone can be the first step of love and also on the other hand love and attraction are not exclusive of each other, you can just be attracted/find someone attracted and not be in love with them. However, the fact that you stop loving someone just because you no longer find them attractive is kind of shallow in my opinion. Looks, beauty, youth.. these things don't stay forever they will fade. Every second we are getting older and proceeding towards deteriorating (thats the truth). There must be something about that person which is why you love them, though you might not be able to pinpoint it, but if its just because their looks then I don't thinks it was love in the first place. Prehaps they changed as a person or you no longer find their personality attractive.. who knows.

Originally posted by: Heisenberg23

Nice read, love is not the same for everyone of course.
I think the reason why so many people detest seeing people fall out of love is because it shows an awful situation that can happen to anyone. If Kunal can fall out of love with Mauli and Mishti can fall out of love with Veer, whats stopping our partners to fall out of love with us? Its an unpleasant thing to consider which makes us uncomfortable watching it on screen (even though we know the concept of Silsila beforehand).

Originally posted by: athai

I am generally a silent member of the forum and rarely interact with anyone. However, I noticed members trying to draw this clear line between attraction and love as if they are mutually exclusive.

Also there have been many many posts as to how what Kunal and Nandini had is not love and now what Ruhaan and Mishti have is not love. Is there some clear benchmarks for love? Some visible markers, signs that can corroborate if someone is in love or not? Are there steps to falling in love failing to abide by which means that you are not in love?

The interesting thing is, according to scholars, there are actually stages to relational development.I teach human communication by the way: dealing with human psychology,emotions and reactions are my area of expertise. So according to scholars the first step towards a relationship is that of initiating. You see someone, you like that someone/you find that person attractive and you get the balls rolling. You initiate interaction, try to get to know the person, etc. Bonding is actually the third/fourth step in relational development. I am not going to go into details of all the stages but my point is falling in love does not have fixed stages, it's a feeling.You can get the feeling in seconds of meeting someone or you can feel that way for someone you have known for the longest time.But even if we try to find a pattern, it usually starts with at least one person being interested in knowing the other person, which basically means that this person finds the other person attractive. So from an academic/psychiatric perspective, the first step towards a romantic relationship is actually attraction. Also, it has also been proven that when couples stop finding each other attractive,it is easier for them to leave each other. Attraction and love are not synonymous but they are not mutually exclusive at all.On the contrary,attraction is a very important component in romantic love and there is no denying that.

Now with regards to Kunal lusting after Nandini. Maybe the direction wasn't ideal but Kunal finding Nandini attractive or him being pulled towards her is not that unreal. In real life you really don't have these huge,huge moments where you start feeling love for someone, you just know that you love someone and that someone is important for you.The realization that he was attracted towards her,that he was drawn towards her hit Kunal when he saw her dancing,he did not fall in love with her seeing her dancing. The problem with Kunal and Nandini was that they did not really even try to resist, they let their emotions get the better of them and started acting on it. They started a full-fledged affair and stood by it,therein lay the problem. They could have repressed it and Kunal could have been true to his marriage, maybe neither would really be happy, but they would be ethical and moral,responsible people. Or maybe Kunal could call his marriage off and then moved on with Nandini. Although it would not make them good human beings but at least they would not be cheaters.

With Ruhaan and Mishti, both are trying to resist the attraction. Both of them, especially Mishti, has been trying to not take their interaction to the next level because she wants to honor her commitment. As of yet, she hasn't done anything which even remotely falls under cheating on Veer. She is not feeling comfortable with his touch because she is not a compulsive cheater, deep down she knows her mind is elsewhere, so her maintaining physical distance from Veer is simply a physical expression of her withdrawal.

Most of us, including me, have issues with people falling out of love. We have a hard time accepting that it is entirely possible to fall out of love with someone and falling in love with someone else. It is possible to fall in love while being in love with someone.It is also possible to just fall out of love, you don't need to fall in love with someone else to fall out of love. We don't want to accept it because then it throws us all into uncertainty, it devalues relationships and it creates a mess. But the fact is, loyalty is not an emotion, it is a decision. We are not monogamous by nature, we are polygamous. Relationships such as marriage have been brought into practice to avoid chaos surrounding legitimacy of child,property ownership etc.

With Mishti, her decision to get married to Veer and love him for the rest of her life were practical ones she made and for as long as there wasn't a real romantic interest elsewhere, she was comfortable romancing him. Now when her heart is elsewhere, she is having a hard time being cozy with him. But she is still intent on honoring her relationship while Ruhaan is also determined to do right by his friend.

Originally posted by: ria2794

These things that beauty doesn't remain same is true but not everyone wants to fall in love with someone just on the basis of how great that person is and what is right and r wrong about them. There are thousands of people who love someone based on their looks and marry them, their priority is not to find someone who is good or bad they just enjoy their relationship that way.

Originally posted by: ramita94

Offcourse just because a person is great doesn't mean you will fall in love with them, but I don't think you will love someone only based on their looks. Yes it may be one factor but not the sole reason. It will take alot of energy just to be with someone and actually marry them (despite having someone great to look at 24x7) them because they are a drop dead gorgeous. I mean what if they are just plain nasty to you or just don't have that connect with them but they look amazing would you still want to stay with them?

Originally posted by: athai

I am generally a silent member of the forum and rarely interact with anyone. However, I noticed members trying to draw this clear line between attraction and love as if they are mutually exclusive.

Also there have been many many posts as to how what Kunal and Nandini had is not love and now what Ruhaan and Mishti have is not love. Is there some clear benchmarks for love? Some visible markers, signs that can corroborate if someone is in love or not? Are there steps to falling in love failing to abide by which means that you are not in love?

The interesting thing is, according to scholars, there are actually stages to relational development.I teach human communication by the way: dealing with human psychology,emotions and reactions are my area of expertise. So according to scholars the first step towards a relationship is that of initiating. You see someone, you like that someone/you find that person attractive and you get the balls rolling. You initiate interaction, try to get to know the person, etc. Bonding is actually the third/fourth step in relational development. I am not going to go into details of all the stages but my point is falling in love does not have fixed stages, it's a feeling.You can get the feeling in seconds of meeting someone or you can feel that way for someone you have known for the longest time.But even if we try to find a pattern, it usually starts with at least one person being interested in knowing the other person, which basically means that this person finds the other person attractive. So from an academic/psychiatric perspective, the first step towards a romantic relationship is actually attraction. Also, it has also been proven that when couples stop finding each other attractive,it is easier for them to leave each other. Attraction and love are not synonymous but they are not mutually exclusive at all.On the contrary,attraction is a very important component in romantic love and there is no denying that.

Now with regards to Kunal lusting after Nandini. Maybe the direction wasn't ideal but Kunal finding Nandini attractive or him being pulled towards her is not that unreal. In real life you really don't have these huge,huge moments where you start feeling love for someone, you just know that you love someone and that someone is important for you.The realization that he was attracted towards her,that he was drawn towards her hit Kunal when he saw her dancing,he did not fall in love with her seeing her dancing. The problem with Kunal and Nandini was that they did not really even try to resist, they let their emotions get the better of them and started acting on it. They started a full-fledged affair and stood by it,therein lay the problem. They could have repressed it and Kunal could have been true to his marriage, maybe neither would really be happy, but they would be ethical and moral,responsible people. Or maybe Kunal could call his marriage off and then moved on with Nandini. Although it would not make them good human beings but at least they would not be cheaters.

With Ruhaan and Mishti, both are trying to resist the attraction. Both of them, especially Mishti, has been trying to not take their interaction to the next level because she wants to honor her commitment. As of yet, she hasn't done anything which even remotely falls under cheating on Veer. She is not feeling comfortable with his touch because she is not a compulsive cheater, deep down she knows her mind is elsewhere, so her maintaining physical distance from Veer is simply a physical expression of her withdrawal.

Most of us, including me, have issues with people falling out of love. We have a hard time accepting that it is entirely possible to fall out of love with someone and falling in love with someone else. It is possible to fall in love while being in love with someone.It is also possible to just fall out of love, you don't need to fall in love with someone else to fall out of love. We don't want to accept it because then it throws us all into uncertainty, it devalues relationships and it creates a mess. But the fact is, loyalty is not an emotion, it is a decision. We are not monogamous by nature, we are polygamous. Relationships such as marriage have been brought into practice to avoid chaos surrounding legitimacy of child,property ownership etc.

With Mishti, her decision to get married to Veer and love him for the rest of her life were practical ones she made and for as long as there wasn't a real romantic interest elsewhere, she was comfortable romancing him. Now when her heart is elsewhere, she is having a hard time being cozy with him. But she is still intent on honoring her relationship while Ruhaan is also determined to do right by his friend.