The New Norm - Victim Blaming - Page 6

hi! thanx for going through my long post and replying on almost every point i had made.. :)
thank u all the members for ur words.. i feel when we genuinely try to understand other person's perspective then only we can make our own point clear.. and i am glad the post TM has made got so many mature replies :)

TM , i deliberately skipped replying on PTSD in my first post as i thought it requires a different topic but since you have again mentioned it so here are my views about it and any kind of mental illness ..
i know this is your field and you are a seasoned person while i know nothing about mental illness but i can definitely comment on depression. I am sure u know almost every second person in this world has experienced depression in some form or other..

i do not see nandini suffering from any mental illness or depression.. because what creatives have shown is sadness not depression or mental illness.. in real world there are people who love wearing trendy clothes, getting clicked, getting attention from people, smiling, travelling, eating out with friends , they party they go for movies but deep down are very depressed.. in a world of social media we often get wrong hints about somebody else's life.. we think everybody else is happier than us. but that's not the case. people can easily hide their depression or sadness behind makeup, clothes and fake pictures. but in television world , we viewers takes things as they are shown, we dont assume things. indian tv shows are famous for their exaggeration of things and i am sure if they wanted to show nandini in a depressed or mentally ill state they would have shown her doing certain actions which can justify her depression state. (eg- maya in beyhad).

for me the right word for her state is DELUSION.. and that too delusional about her future with kunal , this word can not even justify her INDIFFERENT behaviour towards mauli.. she is not giving a damn about it.. like how can she could never thought of her friend for once..
you are so right when u say she "IS" suffering from mental illness and compare her state with the case of Andrea Yates.. but then, she may be suffering from depression only in our heads it is not shown in the show.. i wish they could have shown her extremely distorted, not like to dress up generally after getting rid of rajdeep, i wanted a weak body language, giving up on life or on daily activities. as in a bit indication that she is not normal.. depression is often confused with sadness.. which is really wrong.. depression has many levels.. not every sad person is depressed.. lethargy and no active participation or interest in daily chores is a symptom of severe depression..

makers are being extremely stupid here for not using various possibilities and reasons for nandini's state and actions.. she could have been depressed, selfish, grey, bitter, unethusiastic, lost and what not.. but what they have made her is a blend of bechari and selfishness.. these two things do not mix up together.. if they can exaggerate this love saga with kunal and nandini running like mads for each other , with sufi music playing in background, holy mantra chanting then why not a little bit hint of nandini's depressed state..

in real scenario a girl like nandini would be lost, weak, lethargic or unenthusiastic and somewhat bitter, but they havent shown such nandini.. in that case she might have gained viewers' empathy , if not approval or justification for their EMA.

about kunal - they are making it look like kunal healing nandini but in this process he is hurting mauli.. what is the point of healing one and hurting another?? hadnt he loved mauli way too much?? was his love for mauli any lesser than his feelings for nandini?? can he compare both LOVE?? doesnt he still love mauli?? i am sure he still does but its just the form has changed..(without any logical explanation) but does that make him chose nandini over mauli?? obviously yes, and that is what makes him a bad human being.. really bad in my eyes..

people not talking about kunal is because the base of his love for nandini and his actions are super weak, illogical, and beyond repair.. makers are like "juzbaat sahi galat nahi hote, juzbaat toh juzbaat hote hain" if this dialogue can justify kunal's present actions then in future he can again fall for somebody else..

people hate kunal more than they hate nandini.. but bashing nandini more because its nandini who has not expressed guilt . not even once. nobody wants her to feel guilty to be with a married man but people wanted her to feel for her friend.. at least once. but she failed big time as a friend.. hence the lack of empathy and understanding.

i know what u r trying to say , we as human being should be empathetic and forgiving but there is a limit to it.. intially i was damn empathetic i thought she is a poor girl who has a bad marriage and is going to fall for a married man and that too the man is the husband of her best friend , friend who is her saviour.. i thought it is a misery! i was all ready for the story to be told but poor execution of things have ruined it all for me.. depressed nandini could have also worked but i already told u we dont see a depressed nandini..

the way u are seeing things is because you are a therapist.. but makers are showing the whole scenario from a different perspective..

the story is about a man and his wife who are happily married YET the man chose to cheat her with another woman who is best frnds to his wife.. the story is about a girl who herself had a bad marriage YET chose to backstab her sister like friend. the story is about a girl who is perfect wife , perfect friend and perfect person YET she gets ditched by her loved ones..

makers are hell bent on this YET thing.. the motto of the show revolves around this yet thing.. the motto of the show is "feelings are feelings and they matter, be they are wrong or right" thats it.. they have no justifications for neither kunal nor nandini.. intentions of makers are wrong and thats what makes people dislike and go vocal about charcters amd their actions..

Originally posted by: LiveLifeInBliss

Thank you for making this post. It really generated some healthy discussions here, which I know is hard with all the emotions swirling in the air regarding everything that's happening in the show. Try as we might, it's hard to stay objective, especially right after watching the episode but when we discuss it and share our views like this, I think it really helps to learn something new and gain a new perspective.

I completely agree with you. While both Nandini and Kunal are guilty, Kunal should be held more responsible and accountable for his actions. I will be honest that I was happy after he confessed that he loved her. I was tired of the whole them trying to stay away from each other but not able to change their feelings. I would have accepted that if it was love. But everything that happened afterwards is not acceptable to me.

I honestly was waiting when Kunal would sit down with Nandini and decide what they are going to do from here. Yes, you have accepted and confessed your feelings to each other..but now what? He's married and while she has separated from her abusive husband, she is not legally divorced yet! (which by the way her divorce is going to get messy now and I won't be surprised if Rajdeep's lawyers paint her as someone who was lying about the abuse, or that it was justified because she always seduce men or something. Especially when we have that incident with that doctor who came to Mauli's home and said something along the same lines about Nandini.)

Kunal is married, and yet he is acting like a guy who is single and is being with Nandini as such. Only of course he is doing behind everyone's back. I really did not expect that kind of behaviour from him. More than Nandini, I can't understand what is going on in Kunal's mind. You told her you loved her and now what she is someone on the side that you love? Mauli even brought up having a baby, and still he hasn't thought about the future? About coming clean to Mauli, to lay it all out in from of her? That should have been the first thing that happened after he professed his love to Nandini. I know that while ideally that would have been the case, in real life it's different but still it should be something that came across his mind and he is planning to do. But that's not shown here at all.

Nandini might be suffering from possible mental illness and even if she wasn't her case is different given everything she's gone through. But he has no excuse at all. Considering that everyday he has to go back to his wife and family, how can he not see what he is doing? Mauli will be the most affected and feel the most betrayed but the truth is that entire family will be betrayed. They love their daughter-in-law, they've been an open and understanding family, they've welcomed Nandini into their home and defend her when the need arises and now when they learn about this affair, it's going to devastate them. I fear Deeda and Kunal's mother will blame Nandini the most, because to them Kunal and Mauli's marriage was fine before she came along.

Mauli will suffer the most but I fear things will deteriorate for Nandini. Both women will suffer the most. Because based on Kunal's wishy-washy behaviour, when his family will turn against him and he will fully realize the enormity of his actions, I don't know just how much 'love' for Nandini he will be feeling then.

Thank u for making this post what a beautiful post

@Sammy, rajdeep tried to fix nandini with this doctor for a night , for some amount of money . He took her to a disco and on some pretence (that it's.important for his business to crack the deal with this doctor) sent nandini to his room ..she escaped somehow , not ready to believe that rajdeep will do this with her but rajdeep scolded her and dragged her out ..there on the roadside , she told him about her pregnancy , he abused her badly , kicked her stomach and threw her on the road ..there nandini called kunal for help and never went back to rajdeep

Because it is easier to blame and bash a woman as opposed to a man simple! You can call the woman a s**t wh**e prostitute,say she deserves the rape, say that her RAPIST is actually a HERO and lucky that he got rid of her, justify people like Mouli's mother shaming her for being a divorcee , justify Rajdeep for doing what he did because Nnadini "enabled" him by doing so and what not. Jo maza ek aurat ko s**t shame karne me aata hai woh ek aadmi ko s**t shame karne me thodi aata hai. 😳 And dare you raise this point ! You will be blamed of "justifying" EMA, global warming, glaciers melting, ozone layer depletion and many many such irrelevant things 😆

Originally posted by: evenjleena28

You said it brilliantly and I agree - how is she manipulating? She is being coerced, she is being manipulated by a nice man this time. Mental illness is very real and I get that India has not caught up but biased opinions without facts are just that - biased opinion.

I have never justified Nandinis actions but I understand it completely. People really should read DSMM to understand what construes as manipulation, psychological abuse, and post traumatic stress disorder. I cannot tolerate ignorance and making assumptions without complete knowledge is just that - ignorance.

Exactly my question. Some people here actually have the audacity to say things like she is manipulating Ku with her tears and I am like dude are you serious right now/ Have you even been watching the same show? This guy literally chased her around for a confession even if he had to go all the way to a bus station and physically block her way,promised her that his love for her is true and he will always be there for her, told her not to feel guilty as what they are doing is RIGHT and pure and still people blame Nandini for manipulation like man what hypocrisy and blind prejudice! If you have to call out you should be calling out on BOTH of them and if not maybe just admit you are being biased. I cant believe people can actually justify that N is to be blamed more than K for the same thing. Like how? Did K not take marital vows with his wife,did he not promise M that he will be there for her?Did he also not promise N to be there for her as well? Isnt that playing with two women's feelings at the same time? And still people blame N more can you imagine!

Originally posted by: Alohomora_

Because it is easier to blame and bash a woman as opposed to a man simple! You can call the woman a s**t wh**e prostitute,say she deserves the rape, say that her RAPIST is actually a HERO and lucky that he got rid of her, justify people like Mouli's mother shaming her for being a divorcee , justify Rajdeep for doing what he did because Nnadini "enabled" him by doing so and what not. Jo maza ek aurat ko s**t shame karne me aata hai woh ek aadmi ko s**t shame karne me thodi aata hai.😳 And dare you raise this point ! You will be blamed of "justifying" EMA, global warming, glaciers melting, ozone layer depletion and many many such irrelevant things😆

I never respond to people who love to shame a woman - regardless of the woman and her crime whether proven or not. It speaks of character. Responding to them will be dignifying those comments so I stay away - both in my personal life and on social media too. When anyone blames a woman and calls derogatory terms and says she deserves what she gets , it doesn't speak of anyone else but how they are and how their mind set is. I only pray and hope they are never on the receiving end. It is very sad but kind of expected as India is still a very patriarchal and regressive society. Homosexuality was only recently decriminalised, marital rape is not a criminal offense, and even though dowry has been illegal since 1960's we all know even to this dowry is taking place.

Unless one changes their mind-set its like talking to a brick wall. Let them justify their hate towards a fake character, responding to those nonsensical comments would be an insult to my intelligence. I have always welcomed difference of opinion as I find it challenging but I will never ever stoop that low and call any woman names - that includes those who call others names. I have better things to do than worry about a fictional character 😉 There are few who are very kind and have given some really good analysis and I have responded to those, others I can't be bothered.

I have read horrible comments and it hurts that one woman will say that about other because they don't agree with something she does. Being wrong and critiquing is one thing but being abusive is another. Hey, or as my mum says," "empty vessels make the most noise 😉

I agree with this post whole heartedly. No matter what Nandini does I don't think it is right to say she deserved the abuse or was better off with Rajdeep. Mazak mazak me bhi aise bolna sahi nahi hoga. I don't think one realises the consequences of being in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship for long. Nobody chooses to be raped or assaulted and nobody deserves it. I always thought Kunal would be the one to get bashed the most as he is riding on two boats and playing with both ladies and their emotions but it kind of surprises me to see most of the hate aimed at Nandini. They are equally responsible for me in this but Kunal pisses me off more. You were in a happy marriage and still chose to do what you did. I find that unacceptable in all ways.