Understanding Nandini - Page 8

Originally posted by: White..Magic

I have stopped trying to understand home wreckers. At the end of the day, I'll get headache, but their non existing pious lust won't get into my head.

Nandini is poorly written character that she's coming out as horny vamp. This show has been tagged as something very close to reality, but it's no where near real world. In real world people would be scared to jump into another relationship after coming out of one abused marriage, but this woman is desperate to jump on bed with married man and get into another round of mental torture. This physical abuse angle has been included to glorify EMA, like people would give free pass to adultery and cheating if they see that culprit of emotional abuse is victim of physical abuse. Otherwise how hard is it to call the police? Nandini gets abused, instead of reporting it in police station or calling doctor, they get into round of lust session. This show is classic case of 'abused turning into abuser'.

I agree with the person who said comparing Nandini with kids is like we are insulting kids and their innocense. I remember an incident 3 years girl got burnt by iron because she didn't listen her mom and wanted to touch it, she was just waiting for the moment her mom's attention get diverted. That incident taught her two things 1) Never touch the Iron and 2) Never go against your mother's instruction. And here we have a woman in her late 20s or early 30s has experienced all kind of torture (Emotional, physical, mental) not thinking even once that she's giving same pain to her best friend who actually saved her from monster like Rajdeep. She's not some innocent soul, she's a woman with twisted mentality.

I see Nandini as woman who believes in 'friends with benefit' concept. She wants friend like Mauli who is ready to even die for her + sexual pleassure from husband of that friend. Ek ke saath ek free bullshit mentality.

And this entire 'juzzbat galat nahi hote' is total crap concept. I remember reading about 'cousin marriage right or wrong' in another forum. Entire discussion was about 'love can just happen, you have no control over your feelings and emotions' and someone said that what if father-daughter or brother-sister fall in love, still we will call it just happened and it was not in their control? NO. We are human living in society, not animals walking on street jo kahin bhi shuru ho jate hain. Then what is difference between human and animals? Humans have ability to control all kind of uncontrolled nonsense if they install app called 'brain' gifted by almighty

I need to rant about kunal as well- he's just horny pig. It's all about beauty and sexy saree for him. They should have used tagline 'hormones sahi ya galat nahi hote' for him. You have just perfect life, family + educated, loving, caring, independent wife. Still he's interested in tabla naari becase she has sexy saree?

Originally posted by: Beautyful_Mess

First let me clarify that I'm in no way defending or supporting what N/K are doing. Heck I haven't even seen one episode of the show, I just happened to come here by accident the other day and found the arguments quite interesting and that's why I came back to read more about your opinions. That being said, Nandini doesn't sound like a healthy minded character to me. It often happens that human brain and also emotions shut down when traumatized and/or emotional abused. It takes time and even strength to face and deal with these things. The part where you mention Nandini not feeling any guilty towards her friend could very well indicate that she's emotionally unavailable. Meaning she doesn't feel any emotions because she shut them down completely. It's what our brain does to protect us when we face something like abuse. So if N was in a abusive relationship for years it's actually quite normal for her to not feel much this soon. I think if she's lucky it will hit her sooner than later and she will realize her wrongs or she will never access those human emotions ever again and may turn into a total psychopath. (I think it will be the latter. I think she's turn negative char) Now which way does the CVs want to go you guys will see.

Again I'm not defending or supporting EMA at all.

Ppl ve written so many pages on trauma, PTSD, depression etc. I am not qualified medically or even thru experience to comment on any of these topics. But to me its simple u cant justify a terrorist by saying his home was bombed so he is now planting bombs as revenge. Its exactly wat Nandini is dng. She had a horrible husband (i use tis word loosely since i cant even call him human) & a broken farce of a marriage so now she is breaking her friend's marriage. No amount of psycho mumbo jumbo can explain this to me. Wrong is wrong irrespective of ur mental condition. And here its not like she is punishing Rajdeep but an innocent friend Mauli!

^^I agree.People who are strong and independent but not willing to keep an open mind will not understand nandini.Apparently it is very hard to believe that abused,financially dependent women with no support system in a culture and legal system such as ours(where marital rape does not even have a separate provision) can be compliant with their abusive husband's sexual demands even when they would rather not want to.I think it was very realistic the way nandini complied to rajdeep's sexual advances in the past.She is not as educated,she was alone,she was abused,whatever spirit and strength she had was killed,she was financially dependent.I know of non abused women around me who are not agressive in refusing their husbands,so an abused and repressed woman would obviously be more compliant.Heck I know of my financially independent domestic help who puts up with her alcoholic,physically abusive,dependent-on-her husband.So an abused,financially dependent woman would be more compliant.If nandini wasn't as abused perhaps she could refuse him at least verbally or through little physical gestures but she was so abused and repressed that she didn't even utter a feeble 'no',did she?I totally understood her then and found her reaction very realistic even if I don't understand her now.I also find the "she does not let him touch her now because she is interested in kunal" line very offensive.It is wrong due to more than one reason IMO.I find it nice that nandini is no more compliant to rajdeep,her spirit is no more as dead and whether it be because of her desire in kunal or due to any other reason I wouldn't mock it and support her,cheer for her in this aspect.

Originally posted by: Twenty1st

I do not mean to sound rude or anything, but i suppose you will not understand Nandini because you never made an attempt to understand her prior to this sudden shift in feelings hence now it'll be impossible for you.

I do remember you saying, its hard to connect to Nandini due to her constant cry for life (sorry i know they werent your exact words, however weak would be one of them). Hence i wouldn't make an attempt to explain her character since i understand this thread was made with the intension to bash her character rather than to change your views.

I being someone who understood her, also have the same feelings however. Thanks to the writers Nandini is fast becoming someone i cant understand no more so yes Nandini is a puzzle in herself.

I accept that I am a hard, rude, insensitive person who doesnt understand the pain of an abused woman, Fair enuf. But can u just answer 1 question? When Rajdeep tried 2 molest Mauli & Mauli told Nandini y did she believe Rajdeep & not her friend of so many yrs. Now she is an abused, battered, helpless "VICTIM". Was she an abused, battered, helpless woman at that time as well? All those ppl who r accusing us of being callous, cruel etc etc, can they please answer this question. Why did Nandini behave tat way all those yrs back. Was she depressed then as well. Was she suffering from PTSD then as well? I just want u 2 answer this question honestly. I dont mind people disagreeing with me. Every1 has their own views, perceptions & way of looking at things. That's fine with me. I am just expecting an open, honest debate here!

Originally posted by: Saazhumsafars

^^I agree.People who are strong and independent but not willing to keep an open mind will not understand nandini.Apparently it is very hard to believe that abused,financially dependent women with no support system in a culture and legal system such as ours(where marital rape does not even have a separate provision) can be compliant with their abusive husband's sexual demands even when they would rather not want to.I think it was very realistic the way nandini complied to rajdeep's sexual advances in the past.She is not as educated,she was alone,she was abused,whatever spirit and strength she had was killed,she was financially dependent.I know of non abused women around me who are not agressive in refusing their husbands,so an abused and repressed woman would obviously be more compliant.Heck I know of my financially independent domestic help who puts up with her alcoholic,physically abusive,dependent-on-her husband.So an abused,financially dependent woman would be more compliant.If nandini wasn't as abused perhaps she could refuse him at least verbally or through little physical gestures but she was so abused and repressed that she didn't even utter a feeble 'no',did she?I totally understood her then and found her reaction very realistic even if I don't understand her now.I also find the "she does not let him touch her now because she is interested in kunal" line very offensive.It is wrong due to more than one reason IMO.I find it nice that nandini is no more compliant to rajdeep,her spirit is no more as dead and whether it be because of her desire in kunal or due to any other reason I wouldn't mock it and support her,cheer for her in this aspect.

I did say the same rt? That wat Rajdeep used 2 do was rape & repeated rape & I ve already clarified tat wen i said Nandini let him rape her it was not coz she wanted him to but coz many women esp in India dont even know that they actually ve the right to say NO even 2 their husband. Just coz they r their husband doesnt mean they own them, body & soul. But now Nandini resisted & even fought Rajdeep. Why now? What has changed? Is it not Kunal? Bef she fell 4 Kunal she even thought of giving Rajdeep another chance. She even went 2 meet him at his house 2 c if he has truly changed. Of course she realized tat he is a monster & never chg. So y this sudden awareness. y this courage. We may not like Kunal but its coz of him tat Nandini now feels this new found courage & confidence. So to me I still c tat it was Kunal who changed Nandini & made her a bolder, more confident woman.

And to all those who r maintaining that they understand Nandini & understand her pain, I ve still not got a single rational explanation of her behavior towards Mauli. Ppl r gng on & on about mental illness, trauma, abuse etc but nothing & absolutely nothing that they ve said explains in anyway why 1. She chose 2 betray Mauli 2. And chalo even if she has wat ever reasons 2 betray, how is she so casual with Mauli & has no guilt or remorse.

I ve still not heard a single point or explanation about this from any of our forum psychology experts!

Originally posted by: Beautyful_Mess

First let me clarify that I'm in no way defending or supporting what N/K are doing. Heck I haven't even seen one episode of the show, I just happened to come here by accident the other day and found the arguments quite interesting and that's why I came back to read more about your opinions. That being said, Nandini doesn't sound like a healthy minded character to me. It often happens that human brain and also emotions shut down when traumatized and/or emotional abused. It takes time and even strength to face and deal with these things. The part where you mention Nandini not feeling any guilty towards her friend could very well indicate that she's emotionally unavailable. Meaning she doesn't feel any emotions because she shut them down completely. It's what our brain does to protect us when we face something like abuse. So if N was in a abusive relationship for years it's actually quite normal for her to not feel much this soon. I think if she's lucky it will hit her sooner than later and she will realize her wrongs or she will never access those human emotions ever again and may turn into a total psychopath. (I think it will be the latter. I think she's turn negative char) Now which way does the CVs want to go you guys will see.

Again I'm not defending or supporting EMA at all.

She is emotionally unavailable and hence can't feel guilt for Mauli? Then why is she emotionally available for Kunal to give him the so called pure love and bed happiness? Doesn't that involve emotions?

She certainly didn't shut down her emotions. She's very particular about her emotions and trying her best to act on them though they're filthy. The point is she only shut her emotional side towards Mauli. She became emotionally insensitive to the only person she's answerable to.

Originally posted by: Angels11

I accept that I am a hard, rude, insensitive person who doesnt understand the pain of an abused woman, Fair enuf. But can u just answer 1 question? When Rajdeep tried 2 molest Mauli & Mauli told Nandini y did she believe Rajdeep & not her friend of so many yrs. Now she is an abused, battered, helpless "VICTIM". Was she an abused, battered, helpless woman at that time as well? All those ppl who r accusing us of being callous, cruel etc etc, can they please answer this question. Why did Nandini behave tat way all those yrs back. Was she depressed then as well. Was she suffering from PTSD then as well? I just want u 2 answer this question honestly. I dont mind people disagreeing with me. Every1 has their own views, perceptions & way of looking at things. That's fine with me. I am just expecting an open, honest debate here!

I understand we have a difference in opinion but i have not called you the above words, nor would i like to so please don't assume i have associated any such connotation. Although i believe in the past i have questioned the sensitiveness of the topic where Nandini was called out for being weak.

As for the above point, where Mauli was molested (though for me, it wasn't a molestation rather fingered/touched, i suppose that comes from the difference of countries). Yes Mauli told Nandini who was immediately ambushed by Rajdeep, leaving both Mauli and Nandini confused and at loss of words. Yes if i remember correctly Mauli did try to speak but again Rajdeep cut in saying how as a soon-to-wife she should trust him and all. So I believe Nandini hadn't chosen Rajdeep over Mauli, rather was silenced into choosing him and Mauli herself admits she didn't put up a forceful fight into delivering her message of Rajdeep being a bad guy. Then the question would arise, why should Mauli assert such stuff such as female intuition or hadn't Nandini turned away once she realised and called Mauli? The first episodes in itself suggest Nandini's guilt over that decision.

However since I don't know whether it was arranged or love, I can't really comment on the whys other than the one I explained above. So my answer would be both Nandini and mauli were too innocent and nave to Rajdeeps wickedness, while Mauli left in hurt; Nandini was stuck with the expectation and the norm. Afterall IT IS expected to put-up with such life-partners in most parts of the world.

I hope i have been able to deliver Nandini's side of the argument in this scenario, however if not then i enjoyed nevertheless.