*From & To Sathish* - Thread 4 - Page 86

Favorite songs are like childhood friends. They put you at ease immediately and reduce your tensions with their voice and presence.

In solitude and in my own world, my familiar friends sing to me and help me write and write again.

Here are some of my favorite pieces of music that are more like lullabies for they too lull me, not to a dull stupor but to a vigorous and lively awakening.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2MtEsrcTTs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jvYUfwMBCrU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uX9k9aoX6gk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5AUm_xaE9A

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnIZ7RMuLpU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1Uw1uD6lXs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mAi8-BS_6dE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRUuwRsCPUE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sRC31DpHUtI&list=PL1MW7wLb_r5boJnmuMK4YuE-6RVz5vK3M

The whole In my time album by Yanni

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eCCan3TFPoc&list=PLM2BF2SnINhlpVJ9KPK8xi9xFPW5lEPOW

Vaanathai Pola 18

A new life that belongs to the human species does not come out, fully developed and ready to do its bit in life. It is conceived, carried in the womb, delivered as a baby, toddles and then finds its legs and balance and walks upright. That too after many a fall and injury that remain as a scar until that life's end. Child, teen and only then an adult and like that is a story.

It is conceived, carried in the mind and nurtured in the soul and then tentatively delivered. It takes time for the characters to stand on their own and move on their own and then begin to play their parts and deliver the punches.

Radha Krishnan heard Shekar saying something and turning to face him said, ' I am sorry but I didn't catch what you just said for I was lost in my thoughts.'

The Flock's peon Shekar repeated his own thoughts, ' I too am sorry but it has to be said. Your taunting and baiting the councilor Rangaswamy will end in grief and pain. Please, don't do that again and let ma'am handle it herself and she is perfectly capable of handling him and others like him.'

Taking Radhu's silence as a sign that he had indeed erred and that his words of caution were correct, Shekar continued, ' Sir, this is not Kumbakonam. This is Chennai and a violent place and far removed from the temple town from where you come from.'

' you are absolutely correct Shekar but my question is the timing of the councilor's arrival for I wonder how it would have turned out if we had not been here with Girija ma'am as support.'

' Nothing would have happened for I know the councilor very well and he is an honorable man and would never think of harming an old lady.'

Radhu stared at Shekar, wondering and making up his mind for he knew that he had very little time to do what he had come to do and leave before people were aware that he had done it.

The peon Shekar looked in the distance and at the Banyan tree that loomed large over the other trees and said,

' Ma'am must have surely shown you sir's favorite tree.'

Radhu nodded, ' why? what is it Shekar?'

' Nothing sir for I have been here for many months now and am still in the dark about that banyan tree. All I can tell you is that the trees must be very special and holds great meaning to sir.'

He laughed to himself, ' I have never seen anybody sit in front of a tree and talk to it and that too on a daily basis. That means that the tree is really dear to his heart, and surely, there must be a great story behind it.'

Radhu whispered softly, ' you must be right Shekar, there must be a story, a great tale that would explain the Brigadier and that tree called Shinogai.'

Then Shekar took him inside the building and began to show him the place and finally showed him the room that he would be staying in.

It was a small but neatly maintained room with a single cot on one side and a table and chair on the other side and in the center was a large two-door window. A small bathroom, tiny but adequate completed the room.

The peon Shekar told him that he would go and make some tea, an offer which Radhu turned down and said, ' not now maybe later after the Librarian has returned.'

Shekar went away saying that he had some work to finish and left Radhu alone in the room.

Radhu sat quietly on the bed, going over everything that had transpired and then getting up went out for a walk and soon found his feet had carried him to the banyan tree that was called Shinogai.

He called his mother who answered after the third ring and said, ' Ammi, Abba has named the tree after you.'

Even across continents, he could hear his mother break down and cry and remained silent and let her cry her burden and pain out.

Shinogai in a trembling and soft voice asked, ' How is my Raja doing, Radhu? How is your Abba doing?'

' I am sorry Ammi but it does not look good right now. He is in a coma and the doctors have given up hope and say only a miracle can bring him back to consciouness.'

' Radhu, you are the miracle, my child. Please do something, anything for I have faith in you son. I know what you can do and cannot do and what means you have at your disposal.'

' Ammi, I promise I will do my best. It is not easy given the situation that I am in.'

' Tell me more Radhu, tell me more about him and his life. It has been nearly 33 years since I last laid eyes on him. My soul cries out for him and I am desperate to see him and be with him and now when he lies at death's doorstep.'

Mother and son spoke for a long time and then Shinogai asked Radhu, 'what about his sister? How is she coping with all this ?'

' Ammi, she is just like you. Strong, beautiful and a fighter.'

' Yes, Raja used to speak a lot about her and I knew that both of them shared a sacred bond, that was more like the one we share. Poor lady. Radhu, watch over her and protect her my son.'

' I will Ammi.'

Shinogai chose the next words very carefully, ' what are you going to do now? what next?'

' find out why this happened to my father and who was behind it and deal with them?'

Shinogai fell silent and then asked, ' do they know where you are right now and what you are doing right now?'

' No Ammi. They don't and I will do my best to return as quickly as possible. It is too late in the hour to turn back from my father. The dice has been cast and the play has begun and I have to see it through to the end.'

After a few seconds, Radhu said, ' After all the bonds of blood and the ties of family are more important than petty politics, Ammi.'

Good morning. I wish you a beautiful day. All the best.

1992 was the year that I became a member of the nearby Gold Gym that has long since vanished from Besant Nagar. Jogging and walking came later for in those years, just walking km after km was downright boring and felt really stupid. Lest we forget, the early 90s were very different in Besant Nagar and I too was a totally different person back then.

But, I have always walked in solitude and have enjoyed those private moments from a very young age in spite of the fact that squabbles of small and large in nature in the household drove me to just up and walk away to clear my head and to let raging emotions settle down and return to normalcy.

I will give you an example which will make you better understand my walking skills.

The year was 1984 and I was in my 11th std and I think it was sometime in September and I had decided to stay back in the hostel for the holidays, totally forgetting to report back home for an important pooja.

Well, a few days later, I went home and faced a rampaging guardian, my aunt and huffing and puffing, walked out in a fit of anger and walked all the way back from Kilpauk, Aspirin garden road to the hostel in Kalakshetra.

I started out at about 8.00 or 8.30 pm in the night and reached the hostel at about 11.45 or maybe closer to 12.00 pm on an empty stomach and to an empty hostel but for my friend, Prakash Raghavan. A wise soul who nodded sagely and said, ' go to sleep and you can sort it all out tomorrow.'

14 to 15 km's of walking and honestly, it felt good and so I began to walk again in the mid-90s and this time, I walked with music.

Music, the best companion although a good book will beat it hands down, anytime and any day. But, the only frustrating part was that the batteries would run out after a few days and to add to that misery, it made sense to carry just one tape that was playing and which meant you were stuck with what music was on that tape.

Tape, cassette, a bygone era, a mode of music that now seems so old and outdated and that which has been placed on the shelf along with dinos and extinct cultures and animals.

But, one managed as we all managed back in the 90s and then came the Compact disc player ( CD) although that too was limited to just about the same 60 to 70 minutes of music. The only refreshing and time-saving features of the CD player were that you could jump to the next song at the press of a button. But that too consumed too many batteries and importantly, skipped a lot when you increased your pace from that of a snail to that of an ant.

But, I did that too and went through that process too. From a Sony walkman to a Sony cd player bouncing on my hip, I walked, ran through the 90s. I entered the 21st century and thankfully, relief was around the corner with the arrival of the digital age, which itself heralded digital players with digital storage space.

With the entry of a desktop Pc into our house, I quickly became aware of terms such as ' Windows, OS, Cpu, motherboard, ram and floppy disks.'

Then came the most important term " USB " and even more important gadget " the portable memory card".

Soon, very soon, portable MP3 players had arrived although back then it was just in 64 and 128 MB sizes.

Imagine the ease and convenience of a tiny music player that weighed just grams and safely tucked in your track pocket and that which played music without skipping or wearing down after being used in case of a Compact Disc or tearing down in case of the walkman cassette player.

I chucked the tape and cd walkmans and instead turned into a walkman myself and soon began to wear and tear my shoes with the amount of walking I was doing.

Sometimes, I walked twice, both in the morning and evening for it was not just the walk that motivated me but my favorite songs that lifted my spirits, made me feel better and gave me an extra boost to walk the extra mile.

2019 is on its last rung, penultimate rung, going up or going down is a matter of perspective.

But, Satish like in the 90s of the 20th century is once again getting ready to leave for his morning walk.

No, I-pods or walkmans but just a simple Samsung galaxy A-10 mobile phone with 32 Gb internal memory and 32 GB memory card.

I am spoilt for choice for I have almost all of my favorite songs on my mobile. Starting from Alan Parsons to Pink Floyd and from Shivaji, Mgr, TMS to Ilayaraja's Rajini and Kamal hits. They are accompanied in the digital cocoon of my mobile by Mozart, Bach, and Beethoven.

It is a new day and I rise to go greet the penultimate sunrise of 2019 and hopefully capture some good photos so that I can share them with you.

The means may change. The gadgets may change. The modes may change. But the song remains the same.

I wish all of you a wonderful 2020 and my wishes are not only for that year as I hope and pray that you have a wonderful life.

In the end, the journey is inward and concerns all that which you feel deep inside your soul.

A blind person cannot see the person that they love but they surely can sense the love of that person.

A deaf and mute person might not be able to hear the words of love but can surely see the light of the love in the other person's eyes.

Life is indeed simple and yet so beautiful. All it takes is one to see it that way and become that. Be well.

Random ramblings

It has not been normal weather in Chennai for a few years now. The seasons seem to have finally succumbed to the creeping and overpowering corruption that has indeed taken over the land of Tamil.

December, the last month of the year should be chilly, early in the morning and from late in the evening and pleasant during the day hours. But, it is not so and it feels that even if Mother Nature wants to go about her normal seasonal routine, she is being slowly ground to a halt by factors and crimes that we now know for certain and the criminal is Man himself.

Most people wrongly assume that the distance between the earth and the sun is the cause for the seasons. No, it is the tilt of the earth's axis as it spins around the sun that causes all the four seasons. Even if the earth is in its closest point to the sun but is tilted away from it, then the land that is facing away from the sun will be in the icy grip of winter.

But even when the earth is farthest from the sun, but is tilted towards it, the land facing it will suffer the heat of summer. So, distance not, tilt and angle, yes.

Life is a box of puzzles if in the context of God and full of injustice in the context of man and its fellow species. The so-called developed countries enjoy the luxury and benefits of industry and power and live a life of ease and indulgence, while their poisonous emissions and pollutions rise and mix with the atmosphere.

In Africa and Australia farmers totally dependent on the land and the heavens above wait in vain for the rain that should have come but has not come and has failed and often for many a year now. Rivers that ran deep and wide have turned into dust bowls and only a few fight on for nature as trickling streams, thin and flimsy as the soul of man.

If Chennai lay submerged underwater in 2015 then it lay submerged under trees and plants in 2016 for the cyclone Vardah that came that year was full of air and no rain. The city of Chennai from the skies above looked like it had been given a police-style haircut. Trimmed to the roots.

Maybe, the monsoon rains that caused so much damage in 2015 came a year in advance and emptied its share of rain for if it had known that the state was going to lose its leader, then probably it would have waited and held on to a little of its rain and cried it out as she passed on.

2016,2017 went by with weak monsoons and if one thought that 2018 would be better then they were in for a huge disappointment and shock for like cyclone Vardah in December 2016, Cyclone Gaja arrived with raging winds and absolutely no water.

Vayu Bhagwan is the clear victor in the three rounds with Varuna Bhagwan and 2019 has been declared a tie although slightly favouring, you guessed it right, Vayu Bhagwan.

A young Black Labrador dog sat chained to the gate. The dog then moved and moved only on its front legs and I stood shocked and moved and stared at the dog by the side of the road, holding my suitcase.

It dragged its hindlegs in paralysis and as useless limbs or rather Appendages and my heart tore itself and I frantically looked around and then stopped the first passerby and asked him about the dog.

He shrugged and instead kept staring at me and I turned my face away and searched desperately to learn more about the poor animal.

The clouds were gathering in black masses and threatened to rain any moment and I kept getting desperate wondering and worrying about the dog.

The poor thing kept moving here and there in as much space as its tether would allow and then began to take a dump and my only thought, hope, more of a prayer was ' God, have mercy on that dog and all of us human dogs and see to it that we too don't suffer this way.'

The rain began as a drizzle and I made up my mind to do something about the abandoned mutt and ran with my suitcase towards the shooting location and leaving them there rushed back to the dog and found it gone and stood there totally confounded.

' WTF, it was just here, just a few moments ago.'

A lady popped her head out of a window from a nearby house and yelled, ' sir, neenga Kalyana parisu serial actor thaane. Antha rendu pondattikku purushan character.'

I am sure that my face reflected that same emotion that the poor, crippled dog had when it was trying to take a dump and I tried changing my face from that and ended up with a wizened monkeys expression and furtively said ' Yes.'

I thought that I could enquire about the dog and opened my gob but lost out to her next question ' Why sir? why always in all serials you have two or more wives?'

I looked down at the puddles of water on the ground near my feet from the drizzle that was getting heavier by the moment and thought ' O..A., enna kelvi, enna timing.'

I heard a bark and turned desperately in the direction of the sound and saw the same Black Labrador inside the compound and standing tall with wheels behind its hip.

My gob opened again in awe and in euphoria and I stood whispering a prayer of thanks to the merciful God and to the merciful souls who lived in that compound and who were its family.

Just have to finish this tale with the beggar who used to go about his job diligently at the entrance of Varasiddhi Vinayagar kovil and has now shifted his workplace to Mylai's Kapaleeshwarar temple.

Maybe the reason was me and the dirty looks that I showered on him or maybe the curses that many other showered on him.

The reason being that I saw him having a drink at the Tasmac shop opposite the telephone exchange in Adyar.

Honestly, I have absolutely no problems of anyone doing anything with their time and money but not when a person stands on one leg begging outside the temple and then comes to the Tasmac and stands on two natural legs and drowns, peg after peg and then stands outside the temple in the morning with a wooden peg for a leg.

I personally used to drop a fiver, tenner into his open palm and have given him many good shirts to wear and I stood there watching him enjoying a drink with limbs that he had gotten at birth.

Well, no more alms or even a pleasant look and realising that his legs were now in clear and present danger, he moved away to Mylai.

A black labrador who suffers from the loss of his limbs and a beggar faking the loss of a limb.

Manushan irukkane. Aiyo kadavule. Intha kodumaiya enga poi solrathu.Sollunga.

I wish all the forum members, Administrators and importantly those members who do their best when possible and press the like button on my thoughts, a Happy new year and a beautiful and blessed 2020.

One more year chalked up for the sake of history and a year's worth of time has passed on.

Like I repeatedly say " Time is of no essence and life and living it is all that matters."

It matters not whether one becomes world-famous, a celebrity or in the least becomes well known for a brief span of time.

What matters is whether you were happy with what you were doing and if not what you did to change it for the better.

Please forgive my ponderous and sometimes boring sermon like thoughts but life indeed is passing on and passing us by.

I give you love, prayers and best wishes to all you beautiful souls. Be well.

Vaanathai Pola 19

Collateral damage meaning by Cambridge-during a war, the unintentional deaths and injuries of people who are not soldiers, and damage that is caused to their homes, hospitals, schools, etc.

Collateral damage meaning in Wikipedia- Collateral damage is any death, injury, or other damage inflicted that is an unintended result of military operations.

Collateral damage meaning in MACMILLAN DICTIONARY-ordinary citizens who are killed during a war. This word is used especially by military officers.

Collateral damage meaning by Satish- A couple with one or more children begin fighting and soon they end up getting divorced. The children and what they experienced in the fight between their parents is collateral damage.

A man comes raging with tension and stress after having a bad day in the office and after having been stuck in a traffic jam for many hours and his wife tries to calm him down and he abuses her verbally and a few abuse their spouses physically and that too is collateral damage.

A boy is brought up under strict, brutal regime by his dictator father and is scarred forever. The same boy not knowing better behaves the same way with his children and that again is collateral damage.

A beautiful woman in a relationship talks about her old flame to her new flame and subtly ridicules him and that too is collateral damage.

Parents put down their children in front of others by comparing them with other children and yes, collateral damage.

Knowingly, unknowingly there is damage all around us and you bet we are all damaged in some way or another. Most of us have healed ourselves with the grace of God and with the grace of friends and family members but I wonder if we have healed properly.

Many have not healed at all and are walking wounded wearing their wounds and pain all over their sleeves, hearts and faces.

Life is a war and we all are collateral damage and no one knows when the next attack or explosion is going to be.

Petty fights that take gigantic proportions and develop into deep-rooted hatred. Ego.

Jokingly said but sarcastic in nature still leaves abrasions and deep wounds.

Raman sat with some files on the table open in front of him and was busy taking down some notes when V.k.Singh came into the cabin and asked him what he was doing.

Raman looked up at his boss, ' Timeline of the some of the recent terrorist attacks that have taken place inside our country, boss.'

Placing the pen on the table, he looked up with worried eyes at V.K.Singh, who by now being well versed with his prodigy and new recruit's body language enquired, ' what is it, Raman?

' Sir, I don't mean any disrespect to any of our colleagues but I think that there is some kind of clear link with many of the attacks that have taken place in our nation.'

V.K.Singh had tremendous respect for Raman and his abilities for he had personally seen him in action in Chennai in the matters of Gulab and Jamun and who had both met their end in his hands and becoming totally alert, pulled up a chair and seated himself and faced Raman.

' Go on lad. Tell me what is on your mind?'

' Sir, I don't know if I am correct but I feel some of the terrorist attacks that have taken place have been co-ordinated by not only Pakistan but also China, Sri Lanka and Bangladesh. Somehow I sense that all four of them are covertly working in their own ways to isolate India and plunge it in not only economic wars but also civil wars that will keep it occupied for a long time to come and also keep it from becoming a global power that it should have become a long time ago.'

V.K.Singh nodded and thought for a second and asked ' why the use of the word, long time ago, Raman?'

' Sir, take Japan after they were brought to their knees by two atomic bombs and where they are now with their limited natural resources. Take China and see what they have done with themselves over the decades. Forget both of them superpowers and take the tiny Singapore, whose dollar is equal to 53 rupees and take into account the quality of their lives. Now, take all this and compare it with our nations and see where we stand and what I am talking about?'

' Raman, economy, democracy, civil rights have all been cast out of the window in the countries that you just mentioned but for Japan and Singapore. That is a toll we have had to pay for this state of affairs.'

Raman shook his head and then slowly pushed the files that he had been looking at along with the notes that he had been taking down and pointed them with the pen in his hand and said ' Sorry boss but I think the rot is much deeper than what we think and know.'

Twenty minutes passed by and slowly V.K.Singh looked up with a grim expression and cursed and then reaching for his mobile made a call and spoke ' Sir, I need to see you right away.No sir, I mean right away. Okay, sir.'

He closed the files and picking it up, looked at Raman,' come along Ram for we cannot keep the Defence minister waiting for he has a plane to catch and has delayed it just for me and for you.'

Good morning. I wish you a Happy New Year and a beautiful day. I hope and pray that this year and all years of your life is filled with the grace of God, peace and happiness. All the very best.

I heard soft taps on the windows and raising my head from the chapter that I was writing for my latest story " Vaanathai Pola" I looked in the direction from where the noise had come and then got up from the window and saw the reason, reason in the thousands, lakhs and maybe more.

Raindrops. It had begun to drizzle and then gathering strength, the heavens opened their valves and showered the earth below.

'Good for the trees, for the streets and the beach in my area' I thought to myself for they will be all washed fresh and will present a shiny face to the first day, the first dawn of 2020.

2020 AD means anno Domini, and BC means before Christ. So, knowingly or unknowingly or for want of a better system we all follow Jesus Christ in our daily activities. Jolly good.

A new day in a new year and what could I tell you or rather wish for you but that you stay safe, sane in a kind of insane world.

My new year resolutions are to be kinder and gentler with fellow souls. To talk less and to talk only when it has any purpose. Strange but true and very relevant to my spirit.

I wish you all a great day. Be well.

Vaanathai Pola 20

' Major Raman, you look as if you are casually strolling on the beach, when in fact we are walking through some of the most powerful and important corridors of power in this country and among rooms where major and life-changing decisions are made and executed' observed General V.K.Singh as they walked towards the office of Shri. Rajnath Singh, the defence minister of India.

He chuckled with pleasure ' of course, you look calm and collected for it is only the defence minister that we are going to meet and that is nothing compared to the Prime Minister having come to visit you personally and on his whim and fancy.'

Raman raised his right hand,' sorry sir but I have to correct you there for the prime minister came to present the Param Veer Chakra to a hero who had just saved Chennai's arse from further attacks and bomb blasts.'

V.K.Singh cursed and muttered ' I have no bloody clue as to when I am going to get my bravery award and here is a child who joined my team just a few weeks back and who is rubbing in his blasted luck.'

Raman again raised his hand to correct his boss who glared and raising his own hand ' no need, I will correct myself. No, it was not luck that got you the medal but real bravery and courage. Teek hai. Ab kush hai na bhai.'

The Ministers personal secretary Mr.Shukla ran towards them ' please, please hurry gentleman.'

Turning to V.K.Singh, ' V.K Saab, we were flying out to Moscow in regards to purchasing the latest fighter aircraft where Putin himself is handling this matter personally and you have come to see the man at this late hour and in the process have delayed the flight.'

General V.K.Singh looked sad ' I am so sorry Shuklaji. Okay then, just inform your boss that we will do it after he comes back and leisurely. But, if anything bad happens in the meantime, the heat will fall on the home minister Amit Shahji and then on Modiji. When they both turn to me and question me I will point my finger at you and the delayed flight. Okay. Bye. Have a safe flight.'

Saying this, V.K.Singh abruptly turned and began to walk away and Raman quickly began to follow him and then both heard the loud cry and wail of Shuklaji and turned to face him.

The defence ministers personal secretary came humbly towards them with folded hands and pleaded ' forgive me, boss. you are right as always. Please, sir, I can handle a heart attack, die and go meet Shivji and Yamji but I confess that I cannot face Amitji and Modiji's questions and glares. F..k the flight to Moscow and f..k Putinji for General V.K.Singhji is more important.'

Raman tried hard to control his laughter and unable to control it burst out and V.K.Singh joined him and both stood laughing loudly in the corridors of power in the heart of the nation's capital.

V.K.Singh looked at Shuklaji and then turned and asked Raman, ' Major Raman, you are a great lawyer and are well versed in right and wrong. So, please tell me and clear my doubts about politicians going to meet Shivji who is in heaven, especially Personal secretaries.'

Defence Minister Rajnath Singh's personal secretary Shukla stood staring at both of them sadly pouting, and then with restrained dignity but a gruff voice requested ' gentlemen if you are done scr...ng with me then please come for we are really out of time.'

Shuklaji headed into the office and both the armed commandos who were standing at either side of the entrance saluted the men and whispered ' sir, that was good, really good to watch sir. Thank you.'

Both Raman and V.k.Singh nodded and still giggling like children entered the large office of the defence minister of India.

Vaanathai Pola 21

Raman and V.K.Singh stood outside the door of the office of Defence Minister Rajnath Singh and they stood but waiting for a few seconds while the minister's Personal secretary had gone ahead to inform his boss about the arrival of the agents from RAW.

Raman whose eyes had been scanning all the photos felt someone staring at him and wondering who it was turned slowly and carefully to see who was watching him and found only the urgent and warning eyes of his own superior, V.K.Singh beckoning him closer.

Raman went closer and watched in fascination as V.K.Singh whispered and spoke without any movement of his lips and it reminded of him of a ventriloquist and more importantly Kamal's performance in one of his favourite films " Avargal."

Much to his surprise, he seemed to be using the same words " Junior, Junior" to address him as Kamal did in that film to address the doll.

But, he heard the words of his boss clearly and it was a message filled warning.

' Raman, Interacting with politics and politicians in power is like stepping into a pit full of poisonous snakes, so, please be on guard and be very careful with the choice of your words and tone. I am not in the least concerned about the way you carry yourself but your straight forward and honest views and opinions are what make me nervous for you deliver them with total disregard for who is in front of you. For, here people in power like to think that they are the only honest people in this universe. Just state your thoughts and let me handle it from there.'

Raman replied, ' But sir, we are here to be brutally honest and frank with our thoughts and if we stop here, then where do we deliver our work results.'

' Ram, in simple words, EGO. Politicians like to be flattered and made to look good in all situations. Just remember this and that is, we have to pander and cater a bit to these as....es for the greater good and which is the safety of our nation and its people.'

If he had wanted to say more, then it was not to be for the door opened and the minister's secretary Shukla came out and requested them to come in.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cLWvxskUGQ

Good morning. I wish you a beautiful day. All the best.

The last two days of 2019 were spent in auditioning for a web-series and I was overjoyed with the opportunity to be working and finishing the year's account on a positive note.

30th done and 31st came and I thought I would skip my usual morning routine of running and working out in the gym and instead end the year by going to the temple and thanking the BIG BOSS, GOD and then proceed to the beach to capture the last sunrise and then head to the location.

Charles, the driver of my neighbour from the opposite flat was standing near the gate and I enquired jokingly,

' You have reported for duty rather early today?' and his reply was the opposite of my humour, ' amma passed away last night sir.'

Amma passed away in December 2016 but all of us call our mothers Amma. ' I am so sorry for your loss Charles. How old was she?' I enquired sadly and he smiled and said, ' sir not my amma' and pointed to the flat and I went still and only the usual and cliched' OH NO' reaction popped out.

I looked at him, ' She was quite old wasn't she, in her 80's surely and I have always been meaning to ask if she was his or her mother.'

Charles, the driver shook his head, ' sir, amma, sir oda wife is the one who passed away.'

I slowly lowered the suitcase and went ' what, how?'

The lady in question, and who had passed away had been just 61 and she had passed away due to cancer that she had been fighting for over a year.

She underwent surgery, chemo, radiation and had been cleared by the doctor and had even started her morning walking routine until recently and then on the 18th she complained that she was not feeling good and was running a high temperature and well, the dreaded C had come back with a vengeance and had taken root all over, importantly in the pancreas.

I told Charles, the driver to convey my condolences to the family and with a heavy heart left to go about my work.

It was late in the evening when I returned and stared at the freezer box in the compound and the still fresh rose petals that lay all around and left a track for me to see as it headed away to the Final destination.

I waited for a day and yesterday knocked and my neighbour opened and we looked at each other and in a soft voice, he asked me to enter. I did and then gently took him in my arms and whispered my condolences.

As always death is one scene where nothing seems to work properly to convey what we feel and want to say. Nothing works. Not words, expressions, the clenching and unclenching of the fingers that come from the pain which is nothing compared to what the person who has suffered the loss must be feeling.

The saddest part is that even the person who is bereaved has no way to say and express and most just let the tears do their bloody job while some just freeze and go " Statue" ( like me).

The widower said, ' when she knew that the cancer had returned, she said no more treatments and let the will of God work peacefully and slipped away peacefully.

What do I remember of her? Her being a mother to her children who I never had an opportunity to meet or her being more of a mother and protector to all the four-legged tailed souls that dwell around our compound.

It was through "Benku" a jet black handsome tomcat with brilliant green eyes and his mom " Aishu" that I came to interact with my neighbours and also met the most cowardly tomcat " Gingu" who lives with them and who scares himself silly by seeing his own shadow.

Losing a spouse, a partner is in my opinion more painful than losing a parent. A mother is a beautiful soul and all but it is the wife who bares her body, bares her soul, emotions, bears you and bears your child and bears your emotions throughout her life, be it good or bad. She is the epitome of sacrifice and tolerance and in the end, becomes a little bit of a mother herself.

A mother can play the role of that and a father in some instances but it is the wife that plays all the roles and multitasks those characters along with the duties of making feeding you, nursing you, loving you and caring for you.

Maybe it is like the age-old question " which came first, the chicken or the egg?'

life is important but living it is even more important. Birth is important but what we do after that before death is the purpose of your life.

Just my own thoughts as usual and I take full responsibility for them.