*From & To Sathish* - Thread 4 - Page 19

Jannal oram -166



"A writer is a person who cares what words mean, what they say, how they say it. Writers know words are their way towards truth and freedom, and so they use them with care, with thought, with fear, with delight. By using words well they strengthen their souls. Story-tellers and poets spend their lives learning that skill and art of using words well. And their words make the souls of their readers stronger, brighter, deeper.? Ursula K. Le Guin


10.55 am high court

Raman started walking towards courtroom 5 and just as he was nearing the corridor in which his destination was,his mobile phone rang with the ringtone assigned specially for Jeeva and whispering ' excuse me' to his client Anand,he said hello and jeeva replied ' raman,i am on my way to the office for suja looks better now and she is sleeping it off.I am not sure if we can do lunch for i have a lot of stuff to cover in the office.But,we are definitely driving back home together.'

Raman felt very relieved and whispered ' thank god jeeva.Sorry sweetie, i am just entering the courtroom and cannot talk now.I will call you during lunch time and we will chat more and i also need to know what happened with suja and why she is so upset.'

Jeeva brushed it off ' some silly fight with mohan i guess and i won't be surprised if she was the one who started it all for i know my little sister very well and she is a certified brat.'

' Bye jeeva,bye for now.And one more thing,i will be placing my mobile on silent mode while i am before the judge.okay.Leave a message if it is important and i will call you back.'


Raman pressed the mute button and looked at Anand whose slimy smile had taken on an even more leery and knowing grin and before he could say anything inappropriate,raman rushed in and ended it with a steely look and a polite smile ' that was my wife i was talking to Mr.Anand,in case you were wondering who it was.'

Even the seemingly uncouth Anand knew that a wife was not someone you can mess around with and yet blurted ' Oh,wife on the phone.i thought you were still a bachelor.'

Raman entered the courtroom without replying for that would have meant a continuation of the conversation,which was not only meaningless but of no concern to his client and minutes later Judge Sunil Thakur marched in and glared at everybody and then nodded a curt acknowledgement as everyone assembled before him stood respectfully and then he looked at all of them and said( commanded) ' Please be seated.'

It usually takes a few minutes and sometimes more for things to settle down and for the cases to begin to appear before the judge.But,from the moment judge sunil thakur sat down it was all work and only work and Raman felt an intuition that this was going to be a tricky and maybe even a bad day for him and gathering all his wits and concentration,he waited for the courtroom clerk to announce the case number and it was announced and it was the case he was appearing for ' Assistant Commissioner of Income Tax,chennai vs Mr.Anand sundaran,proprietor,Anand enterprises' and Raman stood up feeling for the first time an unknown sense of fear,a kind of something gnawing at his consciousness and walked towards the space where Special Government Pleader Narmadha Sampath stood waiting and he greeted her courteously and she older than him by a couple of decades ' good morning raman,first time i guess' and he very subtly nodded ' yes ma'am and all nervous too.'

Special Government Pleader Narmadha Sampath winked and ' Raman and nervous.Please,that is too tall a story for so early in the morning.And here i was wondering how i am going to tackle and counter your points.'

11.05 AM

The loud clearing of the throat by the judge himself alerted them that he was ready and both in unison looked at him and both looked nervous and uneasy and then the judge himself roared ' Mr.raman,i have heard a lot about you from my colleagues and i am looking forward to seeing you at work in this case.'

Then turning to Special Government Pleader Narmadha Sampath ' proceed ma'am.'


11.05 AM Suja in Saidapet

Suja took her mobile from the table near her and after switching it on called Mohan who answered immediately ' Suja,thank god you called.I was just going mad in fear and guilt and i tried calling you many times but your mobile was switched off.How are you doing?'

Suja answered with sobs that broke his heart and then she replied ' I am sorry mohan but i cannot see any other way out of this situation.I don't want to be alive to see my parents and sister being shamed and embarrassed for my mistake.I love you mohan and at this moment my family's reputation is more important than my love for you.Bye.'

11.06 Mohan in his residence in Annanagar

Mohan cursed loudly and tried calling suja back but the phone was switched off and then he screamed in anger and frustration for he did not have her lan line number or any other number to contact her.

He ran quickly to his car and reversed at high speed nearly hitting a cyclist who cursed loudly and not paying any heed raced towards saidapet with tears pouring out of his already crimson eyes.


11.10 AM High court



There comes a time in everyone's life once or several times when whatever he says will come out wrong and it is popularly known as " Sani is playing with you" or " Sani nakkuliye irukku" and to Raman's surprise and also to the surprise of the entire court,Mr.slimy anand suddenly stood up and yelled at the Special Government Pleader Narmadha Sampath and at the judge ' You people are all so stupid and such jokers.People like Vijay mallya,Nirav modi,Lalit modi cheat the banks of thousands of crores and fly off to hide in foreign countries and that joker Vijay mallya actually has the audacity to run a Formula one racing team and is seen in all media platforms with sexy women hanging on his arms and yet here i am being prosecuted for declaring hidden assets.All i did was hide my own hard earned money from the govt that is useless and is only bent on destroying the economy.'

There was pin drop silence in the court and then Anand realised the gravity of the situation but it was too late.

Judge sunil thakur wore a stunned smile on his face and then he clapped a few times ' Bravo,bravo sir.Forget the fact that i am astonished by your audacity for i am more than grateful to you for presenting me with this rare opportunity in setting an example by you.

Leaning forward,Judge Sunil thakur glared at Raman's client Anand ' sir,you have declared 250 crores of hidden and undisclosed assets and from what i know of the Income tax laws,the govt is perfectly correct in Penalizing you and taxing you nearly 70 percent of 250 crores which will still leave you with 75 crores.This is apart from your various immovable assets and land properties.So,you are still a rich man,a very rich man and yet here you are in my court and have dared to question me and more importantly the laws of this great nation.'

Looking at Raman and then at Special Government Pleader Narmadha Sampath 'Under Section 2(c) of the Contempt of Courts Act of 1971,i hereby sentence the defendant mr.anand to serve 15 days of imprisonment in Puzhal jail.I adjourn the case for 3 weeks in which time i hope you have come to your senses and are enlightened as to how to behave in a court of law.


11.25 am

Suja bolted the bedroom door using all three locks and then slowly pulled the table towards the center of the room and glanced at the empty hook that invited her from the ceiling and took out her favourite orange saree that had once belonged to jeeva.But suja had taken it from her saying it suited her more than jeeva and it was also in that saree when mohan had first kissed her and told her that he loved her.

Suja tied the knot and tied it with anger and then sobbed ' Bye appa,bye amma and bye my beautiful jeeva.i know how heartbroken you all will be but this is better than you witnessing my shame and my mistakes.'


11.30 am

The pin drop silence that fell over the courtroom after judge sunil thakur's words were broken by the loud cawing of a crow and raman looked out of the window and saw a crow sitting there looking at him very pointedly and cawing,calling to him as if it was alerting him of something terrible that was about to happen.

Special Government Pleader Narmadha Sampath too looked in the direction of the crow ' one for sorrow,two for joy.'


Many superstitions have tied birds to the Other world and death, and great misfortune is often said to accompany the death of one of these graceful creatures. Indeed, common superstition has held, for millennia, that the death of a bird in close proximity to a person's home heralds the death of a member of the family.

Jannal oram -167

"Nothing in this world happens without a reason. That we are all exactly where we are supposed to be, and that the pieces of the puzzle have a tendency to come together when you least expect it. Jane Green, The Beach House

11.35 am

Raman's client blinked,swallowed,gasped for breath like a fish out of water and clutched at raman's right arm with both his hands and looked pleadingly and for the first time lawyer saw that his client exhibit his real form that was all bark and no bite and shaking his head sadly,gently patted Anand's arm and slowly stood up and approached the bench and judge sunil thakur sensing raman's close proximity,removed his glasses ' pray,enlighten me Mr.Raman.'

Raman shook his head ' Your honor,there is no need to enlighten or plead for lenience on behalf of my client for you were an advocate once and are all too well aware of how people react when it comes to money and taxes.'

Judge sunil thakur gazed on raman ' sir,your client is going to jail not for tax evasion,black money etc but for insulting this court and all that it stands for.By raising his voice and speaking out of turn and questioning this court and its dealings,he has cast doubts on the sanctity of this nations laws and also my integrity.'

Raman politely ' your honor,why people behave and when they behave is all down to the given situation.My clients anger and words were not based on intelligence and manners and purely based on sheer stupidity and false bravado.So,i beg of you to be lenient and i beg your mercy and let him off with a warning.'

Judge sunil thakur stared at raman ' I need sometime to think this over.So see me later in this very court at the end of the day.But until then,your client will spend the time in the courts jail.Understood.'

' Special Government Pleader Narmadha Sampath,it would be kind of you if you could also be there at that time.'

Then turning to the court clerk ' next case.


11.45 am

Jeeva thanked her luck for the bus that would take her directly to her office pulled up just as she stepped into the bus stop and she quickly got in and was pleasantly surprised to see driver Thangarasu at the wheel and seeing her he greeted her with great joy ' Jeeva madam.what a surprise encounter? how are you jeeva ma'am?'

Conductor chandran came marching through the crowd and he too was overjoyed seeing jeeva and then led her to his seat and made her sit there and enquired about her and raman ' Madam,advocate sir eppadi irukkaru?Any good news?'

Jeeva blushing ' anna,first my sister and only then me.I have worked so hard for all these years for her education and future and now it looks like her wedding will be fixed soon.I have waited for so long and a little more time will not matter.'

Chandran blowing his whistle ' Madam,that is why raman himself has come for you and both of you make a good match,a prefect match.'

Wiping the sweat with an already drenched kerchief,he turned to jeeva ' madam,you are great for who else will work,struggle and also wait for her younger sister to get married first while her life is spent waiting.All these kind of wonderful stories can be seen only in old black and white films.Athellma oru kana kaalam.'

He moved away slowly giving out tickets and also cursing people who gave him notes ' what do you think i am,some bank teller to give you change? And then if i don't have the exact change and request you to wait until a few stops,you will bicker and complain that i am trying to cheat you.My bloody fate?'


11.50 AM Vadapalani flyover


The red Hyundai i20 that Mohan was driving was weaving from left to right,cutting lanes and accelerating towards saidapet and was doing incredible speed when fate came calling.

Mohan was a good driver and a safe driver who always drove with traffic laws in mind and yet was not an expert driver at high speeds and the emotional state he was in was dulling his responses and he had nearly had an accident four to five times before his luck ran out just as he climbed the vadapalani flyover.

He saw with anger and frustration a slow moving disel tempo fully loaded and in the middle of the road and steered violently to the left and to his horror saw a two wheeler slowly climbing the steep incline and steered again and thus lost control and the car danced to the left,skidded in one full circle,burning rubber and hit the wall of the flyover and the momentum carried it over the small wall and launched itself upside down on the road below.


Everyone below heard the horrible braking and screeching of tyres and then they all heard the scary noise of metal hitting wall and all looked up and saw a car launching into the sky,trying to defeat gravity and hung there for a split second and came crashing to earth and road.

The moment the car skidded and rolled,Mohan knew it was bad and in that second realised that he was not wearing his seat belt and panicked and yelled ' suja,i am sorry suja 'and then it was over.


Horns blared,brakes squealed,tyres screeched angrily and a traffic jam happened and soon vehicles were backing up and it was 12.00 in the afternoon.


12.00 pm

The sub inspector entered the court and respectfully saluted the judge and then took Mr.Anand into custody and raman slowly walked towards his chambers wondering what else the day had in store for him.


12.30 pm


Jeeva got down from the bus and waved to both chandran and thangarasu and made her way towards k.k. Enterprises.

12.35 pm

The ambulance from Vijaya multispeciality hospital braked,skidded and halted near the car and waited for a few minutes as the fire service men used tools to rip the mangled door open and then slowly pulled the driver from inside.

The paramedics laid him on a stretcher and one of them felt the drivers pulse ' very feeble' and soon they had a drip going and did their best to stabilize the victim.


12.45 pm

Kamakshi's had been very worried from the moment of sujas arrival and had only calmed down after jeeva went in and spent time with suja and then left her to sleep her troubles off.

Even as jeeva had left to the office an hour ago,she had told her mom not to worry and that suja would wake up hungry,angry and back to her old self again.

But a mother's heart beats to a different tune and rhythm and Kamakshi was pacing up and down like a tigress whose cubs were in danger.

Manigandan felt the same anxiety but remained calm for he knew his daughters were made of firmer stuff and he also had been a mute witness all those years ago when jeeva's heart had been broken by bharat.


Jeeva entered her office and seeing her boss K.K in his cabin,hurriedly headed towards it and entered and wished him.

K.k.Agarwal with a bit of irritation and frustration ' jeeva beta,you told me that your sister was upset about something and i told you to looks after her and not to bother about work and office and yet here you are.Okay,hos is suja doing?'

Jeeva humbly and with gratitude ' she is okay sir.She did not tell me what exactly happened but i think it was just a nasty fight between her and her fiance mohan.She will be okay sir for she is a very brave girl and will soon be up and fighting.'


But Suja was already dead and hanging and would never rise to fight for herself or for her family and she had been dead for nearly an hour or so.

The moment Suja pushed the chair away and hung from the ceiling,her feet a few feet away from the floor,it had taken only 15 seconds for her to slip into unconsciousness and it had taken a further 5 minutes for death to completely take over its new victim.

Jannal oram -168


"There are words like orphan', widow' and widower' in all languages. But there is no word in any language to describe a parent who loses a child. How does one describe the pain of ultimate bereavement'! Neena Verma, A Mother's Cry...

Manigandan was intricately familiar with all the sights,sounds and smells of his house and even the slightest noise was enough for him to softly yell to kamakshi ' amma,bathroom window has not been latched properly and it is banging itself and will break the pane which has a slight crack in it.'

Sitting outside in his old,creaky cane chair,he would softly yell ' ammadi kamakshi,the motor on the mixie is sounding a bit rough.call sundaram to come and take a look at it.'

Sundaram was the local wizard who was a electrician,plumber,carpenter and a mechanic to boot and was a colorful character after 9.00 pm but a favourite of all of saidapet until then.

Manigandan had remained calm and quiet and had let his wife and daughter handle suja for he felt that all matters of the heart were better dealt with the softness of a woman's touch and also had stayed away lest he embarrass his youngest child in any way.

After jeeva had left to the office assuring him and kamakshi that suja was okay and just needed to sleep it off,he too had slowly sunk into a deep nap and woke up suddenly for he knew something was wrong.

Jeeva had left with the bedroom door just shut and not latched and the door always had a habit of opening slightly and through which he was always able to hear the slight creak and squeaks of his childrens bedrooms ceiling fan.A faulty bearing that had been long pending and was pending because of the split ac that jeeva had installed after suja's tantrums.That was the only AC in the house and although jeeva had insisted in installing one in their room,both of them had protested and Mani had lied that the cold of an Ac would place more stress and pain on his arthritis ridden joints.

Manigandan woke up from his morning nap and woke with an unknown fear clutching his soul and he slowly turned to see his child's bedroom and realised that it had been bolted shut.

' Was she up and in the bathroom?Was she okay? Was it okay to knock and see how she was doing?' and thinking all this Mani stood with flares of pain shooting up his knee joints and hip joints and the flares of pain now threatened to now target his heart for his heart was racing at a high speed and he clutched at his heart and nearly stumbled and steadied himself with the rickety old cane chair.

The chair scraped on the tiled floor and kamakshi came out wondering ' mani,you are up.want a cup of coffee?'
and froze seeing her husband and the direction of his eyes and now her heart began to beat.

Mani looked at his wife ' kamakshi,knock and see if she is okay.'

Kamakshi walked,ran,flew to her daughter's bedroom and instead of knocking,banged and banged on the door and there was no response and then she yelled ' Suja,Suja can you hear me.are you in the bathroom.Please answer suja.'

Mani grabbed her hand ' hey kamakshi,run,quickly run and see through the bedroom window and also listen for noises from the bathroom for she might just be standing under the shower and maybe has not heard us.'

Kamakshi's limbs felt frozen and nodding pitifully and with tears shimmering like lightning in her eyes,her panic filled feet ran in slow motion to the rear of the house and to her shock found the bedroom windows bolted shut and the curtains drawn and it was the same with teh bathroom windows.

Fear gripped her body and pathetically she gently laid her ear to the bathroom window but heard only a bone chilling silence and she quickly ran back into the house and both parents stood not knowing what to do.

Mani recovered quickly ' run sweetie,run to raman's house and bring shaktivel here.soon.'

Kamakshi did not even realise that she was not wearing slippers and ran out of the house towards Raman's house and the tears were now pouring freely and without any sign of halting soon.

Manigandan leaned against the bolted doors that now separated him and his child and pleaded ' suja,amma suja.Please open the door kanna.appa is very scared.Please for our sake i beg of you,please come out suja.It is okay kanna and does not matter whatever the problem is,we are here for you.please open the door chellam.please,i am begging you.'

Kamakshi ran through the three streets and everyone in the area stood watching and wondering what was wrong and many yelled ' Kamakshi amma,enna aachu.Is mani saar okay.Ennamma.'

She heard nothing,she saw nothing,felt nothing but pain that only a mother is capable of feeling for only a mother knows what it is to carry a life in her womb.nurse a child with her blood.'

A father feels all his love through sight and soul but only the mother feels it through her body and feels it physically and the physical is more truer,visible,palpable than the meta physical.

Shaktivel was on his knees cleaning the small garden of weeds and planting some vegetable seeds when he heard the gate open and saw kamakshi and the sight she was in.

Valliammai came rushing out hearing the noise and stood watching as shaktivel screamed ' valli,lock the house and follow me.'

He and kamakshi ran back to the house and by now a small crowd had gathered outside their house and all of them looked very worried and upset and were ready to help.

Shaktivel had understood from the few words that suja was back and was upset and had locked the doors and was refusing to come out.

His lips immediately mumbled ' KAKKA KAKKA KANAGAVEL KAKKA,NOKKA NOKKA NODIYIL NOKKA' and then he looked at Mani who had fallen to the floor unable to stand for too long a time and who now cried ' Shakti,vaanga,please open the doors.I have no strength in my body and got tired by just banging on the doors.'

Manigandan tried to touch shaktivel's feet and begged ' please save my suja.quickly open the doors.'

Shaktivel thought just for a second and taking a deep breath raised his powerful right leg and landed a thundering front kick on the doors and they just crumbled and fell open.

And there was suja hanging from the ceiling in an orange saree and the whole neighbourhood wailed their pain as their hearts broke for both suja and jeeva were the pets and darlings of not only their street but of the entire neighbourhood.

"Death
It does not happen to the dead alone
Those left behind, die too
In parts that would never heal and come back to life Neena Verma, A Mother's Cry... A Mother's Celebration

Jannal oram -169

A few days back i was in front of the computer,typing away and my wife who was starting on her first cup of coffee as she read the days " times of india " newspaper said ' hey,neelu passed away yesterday.'

My fingers froze in mid air and i slowly turned and went ' oh!' and then ' what? when? how?' and my wife ' yesterday afternoon after ailing for some time from a heart condition.'

I felt something give in me,something i felt physically and it had been nearly a year or more since i had seen neelu sir and yet three years of working with him in Jaya tv's ROJA serial could never be forgotten or erased for they are not just memories but a part of you.A part of the living,breathing and existing you.

I wrote this before i began on today's chapter simply because i wanted to know,feel the depths and heights of emotions that each and every one of us feel when it comes to death and bad news.

You might think me a bit nutty but i still feel the loss of Nadigar thilagam shivaji ganesan and also my favourite music star Michael Jackson.It takes on more power for these are all prominent public personalities who we see and whose work we visit,revisit again and again.


The seemingly calm surface of water is disturbed by even the touch of a leaf that floats and lands on it.It shimmers and ripples even when touched by the gossamer legs of a butterfly or any tiny insect.Now imagine a rock crashing into it and what it will do to the serene surface.

It is the same with life in which each and every action has a reaction,that could be in the present or waiting to happen in the future.And then you can imagine what the action of suicide will do to the lives of other people starting with family,friends,neighbours and then others and so on and so forth.

The doors lay broken in and hanging on their brass hinges and suja dead was hanging from the ceiling and everyone stood frozen seeing the horrific sight of a young life now gone.

The doors of the bedroom looked like the doors of hell and shaktivel was the first to move and enter the room to see if suja could be saved but the chill,unnatural feel of the skin and the dead,vacant look in her eyes was more than enough proof that life had fled before its nemesis and evil twin,death.

For they had a pact,a binding agreement ' when one is present,the other should be absent.'

And so now death was in attendance and all who stood witness stood half dead with their lives blown away from shock and fear.

A tall man slowly broke away from the crowd and hurriedly made a call.

Global securities head,former Dgp,devarajan answered the call and gripped the phone so hard as he heard the tragic news that his fingers went white with the power of the clenched grip.

Shaktivel made the first of the two calls and it was to Raman.

Raman was alone in the chambers staring at the single crow that was sitting alone and cawing for its mate and from the cawing,raman realised that even the bird felt the pain,the loss of a loved one.

He gently put his hands out of the window and much to his surprise the crow instead of nibbling,pecking at his fingers stood still as if frozen from the pain from having lost its life partner and then stood even still when raman gently stroked the head and smooth feathers of the bird and whispered ' it is okay crow.It will be okay.I am here for you if you need me.'

Raman's mobile which was on the table rang and as it rang shrilly,the crow that had been silent began to caw sadly for it sensed the tragedy that was about to be conveyed to its human friend.

Raman sighed and looking at the crow said ' excuse me my bird pal,i have to take this call.'

Raman saw that it was his dad calling and answered it ' hi appa.'

Shaktivel did not know how to even begin telling his son what had taken place and before the words came,a sad sob escaped his lips and raman went of full alert and into full panic mode ' appa,appa enna aachu.'

Shaktivel ' iyya,you have to go to jeeva immediately.'

Raman ' what,jeeva,what,why.appa,for gods sake you are scaring me.please be more clear.Is jeeva all right.'

Shaktivel cleared his throat and then raman had heard the cries and recognised kamakshi's voice and he literally screamed for the very first time at his dad ' dad,what the hell is going on? please for gods sake what has happened? Is mum okay.'

Shaktivel softly ' iyaa,a terrible tragedy has happened in jeeva's house.'

Raman heard what his dad was telling him and yet the shock was so great that he felt the whole world spin and the words escape from his mind and into the thin air.

From a very far off distance,as if from the bottom of a deep chasm,he heard the faint voice of his dad telling him ' iyaa,jeeva will react terribly to this news.Please take care of her and bring her home.come home please because all of us will feel a lot safer and better if you are near us at this moment.vaanga iyaa.please seekirama vaanga'

Raman looked at the solitary crow which suddenly made a strange cooing and a baby like noise and in his soul,he knew that it was crying for its loss and also for his loss and he ran out of the room.

Suja hung from the ceiling still in death while raman ran like a madman from the court and crossed the road and ran towards K.k.enterprises and he ran towards jeeva.

Hi friends,

I am sorry that the story has taken on a bit of a sad note but trust me for it will all explain itself and the pieces will move and the puzzled will form into an answer.

Honestly,i am not stretching this current scene to make more chapter but am building the story in the chapters for future answers and for the climax.

I am also sorry that i have not been able to post new chapters of redemption for the current phase of jannal oram is very serious and requires all of my concentration.


Jannal oram started in a bus in which raman and jeeva meet but the real meaning of this title is the windows to our soul.jannals of our minds and thoughts and who we are and how we are in any given situation.

I am a very emotional and senti person for that is how god has sculpted me with this life and its voyage and that is why even a crow takes on a meaning with its life.

I see everything,i feel everything and i think and ponder about everything.

Many have told me that i am crazy to take on so much on my soul and shoulders but i tell them,well i have stopped telling or explaining myself and instead just grin,bear and march on.

This web of life is a very complicated and intricate one to live in and nowadays it has become even more difficult and strange and very creepy.

All this social platforms may have shrunk the earth and brought everyone closer and just a tweet or whats app away but that somehow has only made me very claustrophobic and also more bent on moving away from the daily happenings.

Yes,it is possible to live a life inside the life that society has created for all of us and it is still possible to hold on to one's sanity and essence rather than losing it in the daily grind of life.

Anyway,i am sorry to reveal that raman and jeeva will not be getting married soon and that is going to take time and that depends on how far this story manages to travel without dragging like most mega serials.

Please do tell me when the story lags or drags for then i can rectify it and make it more interesting for all of us.

I give you and your families my best wishes and will see you tomorrow with a new chapter.Be well.

Jannal oram 170


"Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them. ? Leo Tolstoy

It is a common sight to see most humans freeze and lose their train of thought and many are reduced to bumbling idiots when they come face to face with death and that too unnatural death.They will sit still,stare,moan,groan,wail and maybe they do that for their own future deaths or out of fear that something like death could have the audacity to visit them.

Shaktivel lifted his mobile and Manigandan who lay on the ground looked pathetically at his wife kamakshi who was crying uncontrollably in the arms of valliammai and then pawed at shaktivel's leg,who sat down and staring into his eyes ' sorry mani,i am sorry mani.I am here and raman will soon be here and we will take care of you.'

Manigandan's heart felt like it was breaking into two and yet he gathered himself ' no,no,forget suja.I am more worried what this will do to jeeva for more than me and my wife it was jeeva who was the real father and mother to suja and i cannot even imgaine what this will do to her.God,how am i going to console her and with what words do i comfort her.'

Shaktivel hugged manigandan close to his chest ' i have sent raman to her and he will bring her here.'

Mani looked at shaktivel ' right,right.correct.But for raman i don't think anybody can handle jeeva now as her breaks hearing that her suja is gone.'

Even with tears blinding and hurting his eyes,he could see shaktivel wanted to say something but was finding it difficult to say it and wiping his face,he asked him what was on his mind.

Shaktivel looked here and there and with his eyes finally on the ground ' mani,i know this will sound cruel,scary and hurtful but it is time now for the police to be informed.'

Kamakshi's wails rose higher and higher and she looked at shaktivel ' shakti sir,How much more pain can we take for my heart feels it is going to be ripped apart.I cannot take this anymore and i am very sure that both of us will die seeing our childs body being taken away in some govt vehicle.'

Shaktivel patiently ' Kamakshi amma,there is no other way for this is now a suicide and the police have to do their work.This cannot drag on for too long and we cannot let suja just hang there and hopefully the police will arrive sooner and bring the body down and before raman brings jeeva home.'

Manigandan held shaktivels hands ' shakti,please do what is necessary but before that please lift me up for i don't have the strength to raise myself up and help me walk to the bedroom.And please bring kamakshi too into the room where we can cry alone and also will not have to be there to see what the police do with my daughters body.'

Shaktivel and valli helped both of them to the room and then looked at the dozen or so people gathered there and requested them to wait outside and also see that no photos were taken.

Most of the crowd was made up of women who were mothers themselves and who had seen suja grow up from the time she had been born and most of had been there to attend and bless her when she had came of age.

One old woman loudly ' if i see anybody with phones trying to take pictures,i will chop their hands off at that very moment' and all the women agreed noisily and went and stood guard outside the house and many of them began to wail and weep loudly as if they had lost their own child.

( This is the essence of living in a lower middle class area or in crowded areas such as saidapet where everyone is more than a neighbour and more like a family member.And in times of loss and grief they will come together as one and care for you and look after you and protect you,until you get better.

But,in upper middle class areas and high class areas,high rise apartments,a body will lay dead for many days and only when it starts to smell will any action be taken at all.Worse,many people in apartments will not even acknowledge each other or smile or greet and will pass each other like ships in the night.One could live for many years not knowing who or how many live around them or what they do and where they are from.)

Raman went up the three flights of stairs like they were just a few steps and then stood in the entrance of the door that opened into K.k.enterprises and stood for a second breathing heavily more in panic than running up the stairs and also slowly tried to bring his emotions under control.

Jeeva was talking to her boss K.K and busy discussing some financial matters when both of them stopped for a strange and eerie silence had fallen in the office that lay outside their cabin.

Typewriters,people chatting,chairs being moved as people got up,doors being shut and all such noises that make up the ambience of an office fell silent and only in the corner of th office a lone printer was doing its non stop job.

Both of them saw raman standing there and both of them got up and jeeva was the one to move first and race out of the cabin and she stopped with a halt on seeing raman standing there with tears pouring out and drenching his pure white shirt leaving large stains and yet the panic in his face and body shocked her and shook her to the core and she slowly moved towards him.

' Baby,sweetheart,enna.why is my hero crying? are your parents okay?"

Raman stood trying to speak but for the first time his lips moved but no words came and jeeva's instincts screamed ' he will not cry for himself but will cry only for others.if he is here before me and crying like a baby,then..'

Jeeva ran to raman and cupping his face ' ram,are appa and amma okay?'

Raman nodded and kept his face turned down for he did not have the courage to tell jeeva what he had come to tell and then jeeva got angry and roughly lifted his chin up and looking into his eyes.

' hey,what is all this crying, like a baby? I am here no,nothing to worry anymore for i will handle it.tell me raman,what is wrong?'

Raman gasped and muttered ' suja' and the moment he said the name,jeeva knew what had happened.

She quickly turned to her boss who was standing nearby and had everything ' sir,i am sorry for leaving so early and also after coming late today.Please excuse me sir for i have to go home.'

K.k.Agarwal felt every word of her like an arrow that was lodged in his chest ' jeeva,please.no more talk and i too am coming with you.come lets go.'

The mercedes benz raced smoothly through the streets of chennai and entered saidapet and even before they were a few streets away,the crowd that had gathered alerted them that the tragic news had already spread like wildfire and getting down all three ran towards jeeva's house.

*You will lose someone you can't live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn't seal back up. And you come through. It's like having a broken leg that never heals perfectlythat still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp. ~Anne Lamott

Jannal oram 171


The moment after he had finished talking to Raman,Shaktivel quietly came out and dialed 100 and reached the chennai police control room.egmore.

A female answered ' Chennai police control room.sollunga sir,what is the problem?'

If seeing suja hanging dead from the ceiling had been one of the most painful sights he had ever witnessed,now having to talk about it and describe it to the woman seemed even more painful for shaktivel.

' Sir,Your number is 9848537323 and it is registered in the name of Mr.shaktivel.Athu neenga thaane sir.Sir,sollunga,enne problem.'

Shaktivel took a deep breath and spoke slowly ' madam,a daughter of my close family friend has committed suicide.'

The female from the control room ' Addressa sollunga sir.'

Shaktivel realised that he did not know the address and he looked around and seeing an young man standing there crying in a corner and asked him to help.

The youngster ' navalar third street,off palaiamman kovil main street.yes madam' and then gave back the phone to shaktivel and went back to his crying.

The female from the control room ' Mr.shaktivel,we have informed the local police station and they will be there in a few minutes.'

Shaktivel mumbled ' thank you ma.'

He looked at the young man who was crying and tried to console him and th youngster who looked to be about suja's age,wiped his tears ' Paavam sir,that family.Romba nallavanga.'

Looking at shaktivel,he pointed to the third house that was painted a horrible pink ' i live there with my parents and i have known this family from the time i was born and me and suja were born in the same month and just a week apart.'

Shaktivel did not have to think too hard for he could sense the young man had secretly held strong feelings for suja that had never materialized.

The youngster wiped his tears ' sir,i am not even worried about sujas's parents but more worried about jeeva akka for she was the real father and mother to suja sir.This is going to break her heart badly and i wonder how long it is going to take her to come back to normalcy.Only from the past few months,we have seen jeeva akka smile happily and all this is because of that gentleman,Raman.'

using his shirt,he wiped his tears and face and looked at shaktivel ' sir,how do you know jeeva akka's family?'

Shaktivel sadly ' i am raman's father,thambi.'

Their conversation and the whole atmosphere was broken and crashed into by the arrival of a police jeep and everyone groaned in despair for marching towards them with two constables behind her was Sub Inspector Malini.

SI malini was just about to finish her shift that had started the previous evening and that had been pushed past her time because she had been ordered to do bandobast duties on the saidapet main road where a political party was taking out a procession demanding water from karnataka.

SI malini's shift which should have finished by 8.00 am and then extended was now again extended by the call from the control room which had come just as she reached the station.

No sleep,no bath,no proper breakfast and work that had been back breaking for the past three months had taken its toll ond SI Malini who was normally a short tempered and foul mouthed cop and things hadn't gotten better.

She looked at the head constable ' Inspector enge' and the head constable replied ' commissioner's office madam,regarding the sudden spurt in chain snatching incidents in our area.'

SI Malini cursed ' O..A,he is f...d and i too am f...d.'

Still cursing,she left with the details of the suicide and where it had taken place and was now marching towards jeeva's house.

She stood outside the house with an irritated expression and loudly yelled ' Yaaruya shaktivel inge.'

Shaktivel who was standing with his hands folded,moved towards her on hearing his name and SI Malini looked at him ' You are shaktivel and the one who reported this suicide to the control room.'

Please let me pause here and also let me speak my mind about culture and to be more exact what Tamil culture is.

Being a tamilan does not mean or denote a person who can speak the language tamil for the word tamil does not and cannot be contained in a petty thing such as a sound or its modulation.Talking,speaking,making voices and sounds are just a basic sensory thing like seeing,hearing,touching and tasting but all this comes from a deeper sensory source and the main CPU and that is our soul.

For me,tamil means so much more than language and it is all to do with how we see and react to the world around us.Tamil means being Magnanimous and large hearted like the king Pari vazhalal who gave his chariot for a small plant to grow on.Tamil means,the great pandyan king who died in shock after realising his mistake of sentencing Kovalan to death.Tamil means protecting,helping,sacrificing like kodi kaatha kumaran.

Now,please tell me if any of this is present today and leave alone the very way of greeting another human being respectfully by using " Vaanga,ponga,eppadi irukeenga.'

Tamil culture is dying and it is being murdered by the tamilians themselves who sell their votes and conscience for money,biriyani,arrack,and gold and silver.

Tamil culture is being raped by the so called guardians of tamil and who have sold off all the lands around major cities and in which areas,even a small rainfall causes floods and wreaks havoc.

Sorry,but i felt the need to share my thoughts on how my state is doing and how it is being ruined.



Even though shaktivel heard SI malini disrespecting him by saying ' yaaruya shaktivel' he remained calm and told her that it was him and it was he who had called the police control room.

SI Malini ' what is your connection here between you and the girl who is supposed to have committed suicide?'

Shaktivel with barely concealed anger ' madam,what do you mean supposed?'

SI Malini laughing sarcastically ' supposed unna supposed thaan.we have to investiagte,examine the area and collect evidence and then a post mortem will be done and until them it is only a supposed suicide and everyone involved are suspects.'

From the crowd that had gathered there,a voice yelled ' Looks like th bitch still hasn't gotten her half bottle of rum yet.'

SI malini turned and roared ' Dei naaye,yaaruda athu.If you have the guts,come and stand before me.'

Pin drop silence and then the crowd moved and everyone's heart broke again for Jeeva had come and she ran towards the house and SI malini put a hand out ' stop,stop,yaaruma nee.'

Jeeva who was already in shock and in a daze ' what,this is my house.My sister is inside.My father and mother are inside.'

SI Malini ' irukattum.But now that we are here,nobody can go in without our permission and until the scene has been examined.'

Ignoring jeeva,she turned to the constable ' Hospital vandikku solli aacha.'

Both the constables nodded ' yes madam.Should be here any moment.'

She looked and then loudly and rudely ' Shaktivel,inge vaaya.'

The slap that was delivered to her left cheek would stay there for a few days and it was so loud that all the birds in the trees around them scattered and took off in fear thinking some gypsies were out with their pellet rifles and were shooting at them.

Sub Inspector Malini stood holding her left cheek and her eyes opened wide as she stared at the person who stood before her and not only she but everyone who were there instantly recognised the woman who had so boldly slapped her.

Kavita Durai Murugan,daughter of Finance minister Durai Murugan and brother of Vijay Bhaskar and the current head of the young women's wing of the ruling AIADMK party stood with her hand raised and growled ' consider today to be your lucky day and also since i have come here to pay my respects to this family who are very close to my family or else i will be dealing with your conduct in a bloody different manner.'

Jannal oram 172



Even though,the earth is the third planet and 93 Million miles away from the sun,it is still held by the star's gravity and orbits faithfully around its single parent.If you think earth,then think pluto and now think of Sedna,three times farther than pluto is to earth and orbits the sun at a distance of 8 Billion miles.

Just as you ponder on this force of attraction called gravity and its reach now ponder on an even greater force than gravity and that is called love and outside jeeva's house stood one such soul bound to raman by its love and it stood its face expressing thunder and lightning.

kavita durai murugan stood in her AIADMK Party colored saree,pure white and bordered with red and black with white in the middle.The crowd that had stood still until now roused itself and raised its voice in a singular roar that soon brought all the party members from the nearby streets into the situation.

Cries of ' Kavita amma vazhga,Kavita amma vazhga' filled the air and then just as the situation was getting tense and the crowds were getting ready to launch themselves on SI Malini and the two constables,a calm and quivering voice spoke ' Calm down people,calm down and please behave yourselves.'

The frail Govindan nair,popularly called ' ACHAA' looked at the crowd and with his hands waved to them and then folding his hands requested all of them ' please disperse quietly and let the police do their duties.'

And into this tense situation came Assistant commissioner Damodaran who was in charge of the crime in the entire saidapet area and also was the superior officer to whom Inspectors from the nearby five stations reported to.And along with him came Inspector Sugumaran and with one look at SI malini knew and understood what had transpired and both Inspector and AC respectfully approached kavita and AC Damodaran softly and in a hushed manner 'Kavita madam,Your father called me personally and asked me to take care of this case.Naa pathukaren.Please remain calm ma'am.'

Kavita nodded but her anger at SI Malini had not yet subsided and she hissed like a snake with venom ' A young girl lies dead inside and it does not matter why or when and her parents are crying their hearts out,broken and permanently damaged and instead of talking to them with respect and concern,you are behaving as if you are dealing with some hard core criminals and thugs.

Do you realise now why the public hate cops and absolutely hate coming into contact with them? It is because of people like you and their repulsive behavior.'

The crowd that had calmed down now seemed ready to go on a rampage and AC Damodaran knew that even the slightest wrong move or word would ignite the mob and then it would be too late and the situation would become far worse if it spread all over the city and the state for the state was right now gripped in tensions over the cauvery water issues and maintaining law and order had been a difficult task for the police dept.

Assistant Commissioner Damodaran stepped with his hands folded and in front of the crowd ' I apologise for the behaviour of this police officer and believe me i will see to it that strict action is taken against her.Please,i request all of you to move back and let the medical people and the forensic team to enter and do their jobs.'

Kavita and Govindan nair too requested the same and the crowds moved back and made way for the ambulance people who were coming,carrying a stretcher and the sight of it tore jeeva's heart out of her body and raman held her tightly as his tears fell on her cheeks and mingled they rolled down her cheeks.

Jeeva crying loudly requested Ac damodaran that she wanted to see her sister but he refused and spoke to her calmly and kindly ' Amma,i am old enough to be your father so i will take liberty and talk to you like my very own child.I think it is better that you do not see your sister in the state that she is in now for it will be the only way that you will remember her until your last day.Vendamma,it will scar you and will not let you live in peace,ever.'

Raman too felt the same way and he spoke to AC Damodaran ' sir,my name is raman and this lady is my fiance.I request you humbly to at least allow us to go meet the parents who are in the other room.We will answer all your questions and i promise you will have our complete co-operation.'

AC Damodaran nodded ' okay raman but just give me and my team a moment to go in and inspect the room for ourselves and then you can enter the house.'

Looking at all of them ' i am sorry but any unnatural death is deemed suspicious until proven otherwise and i have to do my duty or else face a departmental enquiry.'

Kavita angrily ' AC sir,which dept are you talking about? hold on for a moment and you can talk to them directly?'

AC Damodaran ' madam,you don't need to call him for it was the Commissioner himself who sent me here to handle this case.That is enough for me and yet there are procedures to be followed and i humbly request you to understand my situation.'

Raman looked first at jeeva who nodded and then sadly looked at Kavita ' kavita,it is okay.Let them do their job.'

Ac Damodaran thanked them and then looked at the forensic team of three members and entered the house along with them.

The forensic team photographer was the first one ahead and he stopped outside the room with the broken doors and clicked away and all of them knew that the door had been broken from outside for it was still bolted from the inside.

They used force and removed the broken remains of the doors and one by one entered the room and stood looking at suja as she hung dead from the ceiling.

A quick survey was made and sujas's laptop,mobile phone was gathered and placed in a sealed cover.All four searched for a letter or a note that suja could have left behind stating the reason for her suicide.But,they found no such note and after about ten minutes,AC Damodaran came out and called for kavita who came near him and he spoke to her softly ' madam,we are finished with the forensics and from my experience i know it is a suicide.Now,the body has to be removed and taken away for a post mortem and i sincerely advise and also request that none of the family members be present at this time and it is better if they are all in the other room.'

Kavita smiled sadly and sighed deeply and then she looked at AC Damodaran ' thank you and i will not forget this favor and your kindness.When the time comes and when you feel you need my help,please call me.'

AC Damodaran ' madam,i owe your father for many big favors and also transfers and it is i who is in your family's debt and feel grateful that i have been given a chance to repay it.'

Looking at raman and jeeva who stood farther away ' now please take them both and ask them to stay in the room until the body has been brought down and taken away.'

Together they came near jeeva and raman and AC Damodaran conveyed his condolences to jeeva and then stood as kavita accompanied them into the house and into the bedroom where the heart broken mani and kamakshi sat on the ground,leaning against the wall totally lost and completely broken.

Manigandan's eyes met his eldest daughter's eyes and he began to sob pathetically ' I don't understand god jeeva,i just don't get it why he has taken a young life in her prime and has spared a cripple and a useless thing like me.Where is the justice of god and where is he now?I should be the one who is hanging there and i should be the one carried out to the cemetery.'

Jeeva's eyes blazed with anger ' Dei mani,suja was not only my sister but also like my own child and in the same way,you and amma are not just my parents but like my very own children.Losing you will be as bad as losing suja or losing amma.so,please stop hurting and torturing yourself.'

Kamakshi fell into jeeva's arms ' if only i had knocked sooner maybe i could have stopped her from leaving us.I am such a fool,an idiot and i should have been more aware and cautious in this situation.'

jeeva kissed her mum's head ' if she was going to do it then she would have done it at another time and nothing and none of us could have prevented this.But i just don't understand what or why she went to this extreme step?she and mohan were so happy together and he was such a wonderful person and so tolerant of all her tantrums.'

Then all of them looked at each other and jeeva whispered ' Mohan,omg we have to inform mohan.'

Just then,the mobile phone of suja's that had been collected by the forensic team and which was now in possession of AC Damodaran sang with a ringtone of suja's favourite hero ilayathalapathy vijay's latest hit song from the hit movie " Mersal" and raman and jeeva came running out hearing the ringtone and in the pin drop silence of grief,tragedy and broken hearts,the noise was as loud as thunder.


Aalaporaan Tamizhan
Ulagam Ellame
Vetrimaga Vazhi Dhan
Inime Ellame
Veeranna Yarunu
Indha Naatuke
Avan Sonnane
Vaayilla Maatukum
Ada Needhiya
Thandhaane


AC Damodaran opened the cover and looked at jeeva,raman and kavita and answered it ' hello,yaaru.'

In vadapalani,Traffic Inspector gokul had examined the car for any identification of the young man who had been involved in the accident but found none.For,in his hurry to reach suja,Mohan had left his wallet at home and had raced out only holding his phone.

A bystander spotted the expensive cell phone and picking it up handed it to the traffic inspector who immediately knew it must belong to the accident victim.

The screen was cracked and it looked like an intricate spider web and Traffic inspector Gokul had a bit off trouble in scrolling through the log and then finally found that the victim had made a call to someone named " Pondatti" and smiling sadly he dialed the number and far away in saidapet it rang with a lovely caller tune from the film " Minnale" and it was the sensuous song Vaseegara.

Vaseegaraa En Nenjinikka Un Pon Madiyil Thoonginaal Poathum
Athae Kanam En Kannuranga Mun Jenmangalin Aekkangal Theerum
Naan Naesipathum Suvaasipathum Un Thayavaal Thaane
Aengugiraen Aengugiraen Un Ninaivaal Naane Naan



Traffic Inspector gokul thought to himself ' The victim must have loved this person very much who probably was his wife and here she is singing her love to him.Lucky couple,en pondattiyum irukale,Bhatrakali.'

Jannal oram 173


"The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears or the sea. Isak Dinesen

The song of jeeva

I cry a thousand tears for you as a sister
I cry a thousand tears as your mother
I cry a thousand tears for the parents you have left behind
I cry a thousand tears for the life you should have had
I cry a thousand tears for the babies you should have mothered
I cry a thousand tears for i shall never see you again
I now cry out of guilt and that which will never end
I cry now for myself for you will not cry for me
I cry even though my tears are dried and
I cry now from the soul that bleeds from a thousand cuts




Jeeva and Raman had come running out purely by instinct on hearing Suja's phone ringing and singing her favourite song and they stood watching AC Damodaran open the evidence bag and answer the phone.

In Vadapalani,Traffic inspector Gokul spoke ' May i know who is talking please?'

Since the death of suja was by suicide,AC Damodaran knew that it had to be treated as suspicious and also criminal until proven otherwise and a veteran of hundreds of investigations,he now treated the call with caution and by procedure.

He answered ' mister,you are the one who called,so please tell me who you are and where you are calling from?

Traffic inspector Gokul scratched his head thinking' what a nuisance these case can be?' and then replied ' sir,you must be rules Ramanujam and that is why you are answering my question with your own question.'

AC Damodaran calmly ' okay,but you still haven't answered my question.Who are you and why are you calling this number?'

Traffic inspector Gokul felt a burning in his gut and knew that his ulcer was acting up and deciding that he had had enough of this bullshit ' Mister,this is traffic inspector gokul from vadapalani station.I am calling because the owner of this phone has been involved in an accident and is critically injured.Now tell me who i am talking to otherwise i will take action against you and arrest you.'

AC Damodaran who had thought he could get to the bottom of the case,sighed in frustration and looked at raman ' Mr.Raman,a traffic inspector from vadapalani and he is saying that the owner of the mobile he is calling from is involved in an accident.Who do you think it could be?

Raman without any hesitation ' who else sir? But Mohan.'

AC damodaran nodded and spoke on the phone ' which hospital is the victim admitted in?'

Traffic inspector Gokul in open anger ' mister,are you a stupid person? I have asked you decently who you because your number is the last call made from this number.Now you better tell me who you are and your address for i am going to deal with it using the crime division.Then you will now what police power is.'

AC Damodaran calmly ' okay sir.sorry.please take down my name and address.'

Traffic inspector Gokul sarcastically ' people like you respond only to threats.okay,tell me the details.'

' Assistant Commissioner Damodaran,IPS,Saidapet criminal division and my number is 9854598777.'

Traffic inspector Gokul froze in fear and his throat went dry and his hand started shivering for the whole of Tamil Nadu knew who AC Damodaran was from his many victorious encounters against naxalites and other criminal gangs.

He squeaked ' Iyaa,sorry.I am really sorry for i did not know who you were.'

AC Damodaran felt a smile but did not do so considering the grim situation and just issued orders ' Take photos of the victim,the car and meet me in the Government General Hospital opp central.And please understand that this is now a criminal case and i want the car to be taken to a safe place and i don't want it to be vandalized in any way.If i find the car missing any parts then you will be doing traffic duties in the worst place i can manage to find.is that understood Mr.gokul.'

Traffic inspector Gokul ' Sir,please,don't do anything like that sir.i promise i will take care of this vehicle personally.I will see you at the hospital as soon as possible sir.'

Then before Damodaran could end the call Gokul loudly ' sir,sir.one moment sir.I have just gotten the details of the vehicle and its owner sir.It is registered in the name of Mohan sir,age 24,Final year of Internship at Stanley medical college sir.'

Ac Damodaran sighed for his worst fears had been confirmed and even worse the case had taken a twist and had become more complicated and his voice softened ' Inspector,listen carefully.I don't want the victim's family notified for i will handle that personally with my team.Thank you for your co-operation.I will see you at the hospital.'

The man stood quietly and listened in,eaves dropped in on the conversation and knew that something terrible had happened and that a sacred line had been crossed. ' Enough is enough' he thought and made up his mind to go and talk to the person directly and tell him everything.

' But how to do it,without getting into trouble' he pondered.


Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while, so that we can see Life with a clearer view again.Alex Tan

Jannal oram 174


Hearing Assistant commissioner Damodaran telling them that Mohan had been involved in a serious accident just added to the grief and pain that Jeeva and Raman were experiencing and jeeva just fell against raman's shoulders crying ' what is going on ram? what is happening? It is as if fate and god have suddenly decided that we have had enough of peace and quiet and so have cursed us with these tragedies? I don't know how appa and amma are going to get through this for suja was the apple of their eye.'

Raman held her tightly ' Jeeva,we will come to that later sweetie but now we have to see to suja and all the things that need to be done for her.'

Raman looked at AC Damodaran ' sir,please take her safely and carefully while we wait inside with her parents.'

AC Damodaran nodded and waited until raman and jeeva had gone into the other room and ordered the removal of Suja's body and requested them the medical team to do it quickly and gently.'

Inside the room,mani and kamakshi looked at raman and jeeva and knew that suja was being carried out to be taken away to th hospital.

Raman knelt in front of both mani and kamakshi and then spread his arms and took them in and held them with great tenderness ' I am so sorry for this loss and no words that i say will take away the pain.But,i want you to know that i am here and i will take care of everything and see that she is well looked after.'

Kamakshi wailed loudly and if jeeva had thought that it was not possible to cry anymore, she was wrong for the tears came and they would rain down for a long,long time.

Raman looked at shaktivel and valliammai ' Appa,take care of them for i have to leave to the hospital.'

Shaktivel wiping his tears ' iyaa,i will watch over them.'

Raman got up and jeeva held on to his arm and he looked down at her and then lifted her up and stood her on her shaky legs ' jeeva,baby,i will be there and i promise that i will see that she is taken care of well.'

Jeeva crying ' i know ram and it is not that i doubt you.It is just that she will be all alone in that ambulance and she won't like that for she does not like to be alone with strangers and now on her final steps,how can i abandon her and leave her all alone.'

Taking a deep breath,she looked at him ' i am coming too and i will be next to her body,holding her hand as she travels to the hospital.'

Slowly they walked out and saw suja's body being pushed into a van and raman made his request to AC Damodaran who was taken aback ' Mr.raman,forget that it is a strange request but it might be against police procedure.'

But,then he boldly threw away protocols and gave permission for them both to travel with suja in the ambulance van.

He looked at jeeva ' madam,i humbly request you not to touch her or remove the sheet that covers her for it will become very complicated for me.'

Jeeva smiled and folding her hands thanked AC Damodaran ' thank you sir and no i will not do anything to jeopardize your career and i am grateful for your kindness.'

Raman looked at Govindan nair ' Achaa,take care of the situation here until i come back.'

The whole street was ripped with cries and wails as the little girl who had run around saidapet in a frock and then run around with her pig tails and then had grown and bloomed into a wonderful woman was now leaving her home,dead and in a van and the painful sight broke many of the older people's hearts for suja and jeeva were like their own grand children.

The old man who had once delivered news paper cried with his cataract eyes.The daughter-in-law of the late milk lady veeramma howled in grief for she had always wanted a daughter but had given birth to two sons and had thought of suja as her own daughter.


Raman's mobile rang and he answered it and Devarajan spoke ' ram,i am so sorry for this tragic loss.I will be waiting for you in the hospital.Please convey my condolences to jeeva and her parents.


7 Stages of Grief


SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

ANGER & BARGAINING-

Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion. You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")

"DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-

Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.


THE UPWARD TURN-

As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.

RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-

As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-

During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living.'



Once again, it is important to interpret the stages loosely, and expect much individual variation. There is no neat progression from one stage to the next. In reality, there is much looping back, or stages can hit at the same time, or occur out of order. So why bother with stage models at all? Because they are a good general guide of what to expect.For example, generally, a long period of "depression" (not clinical depression), isolation, and loneliness happen late in the grief process, months after the tragedy strikes. It actually is normal and expected for you to be very depressed and sad eight months later.
Outsiders do not understand this, and feel that it should be time for you to "get over it" and rejoin the land of the living. Just knowing that your desire to be alone with your sad reflections at this time is normal will help you deal with outside pressures. You are acting normally. They just don't "get it".

https://www.recover-from-grief.com/7-stages-of-grief.html