-----------The Calm Before The Storm (Part 3)-----------------------------------------------------------
Ragini felt as though she had stepped out of herself. There was a woman sitting in front of the mirror. She was beautiful….with her flushed cheeks and uneven breathing. And that woman was her…
Everything became clear in a flash….
The woman in front of the mirror was in love with her husband…she was in love with Anmol…
Her mind was in a whirl and she felt dizzy with the questions that flashed through her mind……How? When? Why?
But suddenly she felt calm...She knew…She knew that loving Anmol was not something she had learned. Her love for Anmol was as natural as her love for Tammy and Khushi…She didn't know how it had happened, just that it had and that was enough. She didn't need to know how and when and why… There was no beginning…She also felt in her heart and soul, with a conviction that surprised her, that her love needed no reasons, no explanations, no justifications, no apologies…. No, that was not true, there was one apology she needed to make….and one thank you.
She rushed to her cupboard and opened the door to look at Ranvir's photograph. "You knew me better than I knew myself Ranvir…I will always love you. I was lucky to have had you in my life. You opened my heart to love and even when you were leaving me, you made sure it would always stay open – in spite of myself! You brought Anmol into my life. I have been twice blessed. I was lucky to marry the man I fell in love with and now I am lucky once again to have fallen in love with the man I married…Thank you Ranvir, and sorry that it as taken me so long to understand your decision and my own heart…I love Anmol." She shut the door to the cupboard. She felt light, as though something had shifted inside her…some great weight been lifted…
I love Anmol. I LOVE Anmol….It felt so good to say it out loud….Ragini wanted to shout it out loud….to tell everyone…she wanted to laugh and cry! She was in love with her husband! Her Husband! Hers! A thousand memories flashed across her mind…She was in love with the man who wiped away her tears as she sang her children to sleep, she was in love with the man who held her when she was at her lowest and told her that she was an exceptional mother, she was in love with the man who slept on the sofa for 6 years, the man who caught her when she fell, the man who tied a sheet across the room of a strange house and told her that his face was turned toward the wall…all so that she would feel comfortable changing out of her wet clothes….she was in love with the man who reassured her daughter that she beautiful, that the color of her skin had nothing to do with true beauty…the man who protected her family from the questions of the police. She was in love with the man who had been a father to her children, a brother to Alekh and her friend and partner through six years of her mother-in-law's open hostility and her indifference….
She was in love with the man who told her that she was beautiful…the man who could no longer stand to be in the same room with her….who found every excuse to avoid her….
It was as though a cold hand had gripped her heart…
All the joy and euphoria she had been feeling seemed to melt away…. Ragini felt weak, as though all the strength had drained form her.
Was she too late? It had taken her six years to understand him…to trust him…to turn to him…Six years to understand her own hear...She had pushed him away…with her indifference and with her awkwardness…too late had she begun understand. It was too late. It was painfully obvious…She laughed at the perversity of it all…she had been too quick in congratulating herself of her luck…It could not be worse timing…Just when she realized her feelings for Anmol, he began turning away from her. He had tried..to be there for her, offering her his support, offering her his shoulder to cry on…but no more. It was clear Anmol couldn't stand to be near her anymore… It was surprising it had taken him so long. Any other man would have left her ages ago….It was only more proof of his patience and kindness that he had put up with everything for such a length of time. He had done everything to make her feel at ease…He had done everything right and she everything wrong… He was staying only for his promise to Ranvir, and his love for Tammy and Khushi and Alekh…She had the chance to make her happiness with Anmol and she had thrown it away…
Ragini didn't know how she got through the rest of the day…The children came home and she attended to them…played with them and helped them with their homework, all the while torturing herself with thoughts of Anmol, with thoughts of all that she had lost…She was aching to see Anmol again, just to see him…She needed to be with him, needed to be near him…. Yet could she bear his coldness? she would bear it, she would bear anything to be near him again.
…
It was around 2 in the morning when Anmol came home. Exhausted, he entered the study. It had been a long and tiring day of meetings, meetings and more meetings. But he wasn't complaining - work was good. He needed to work, needed to stay away from the house. He looked at his watch, five more hours – he would get some sleep and be out of the house before she even woke up…He shook himself…he would not think about her…
Anmol took off his jacket and hung it across the back of the chair… He wouldn't change, he didn't have the strength, and moreover, he didn't want to go into that room tonight…her room.. He loosened his tie and ran his hands through his hair….
He felt a presence behind him, he swung around to find Ragini standing quietly at the door…There was something in her eyes….sadness…He didn't have time for this…
"Ragini…I am really tired, and I still have some work I need to do, so if you could leave me alone, I'd appreciate it...." He advanced towards her to edge her out of the room, to shut the door, to shut her out. But something in her eyes, a spark he'd never seen before, stopped him….
"Yes I know it all….you can stop making excuses….You and I both know the truth…you can't stand to be in the same room with me, you don't want to see me…"
"That's not true, Ragini…" Anmol began to speak but she was not having any of it, she cut him off…
"No, don't lie to me, I am not a fool. I can see it clearly. And I understand perfectly….you want a better life for yourself…We have been a burden to you for six long years. But you shouldn't feel under any obligation to stay….any promise you made to Ranvir you can consider amply discharged….I will explain to Tammy….and to Khushi and Alekh…You should feel free to leave whenever you wish…no one will stop you…"
Anmol was stunned into silence…He could hear the clock ticking away in the room… Every second that that passed felt like an age…every tick of the clock sounded as loud thunder in his ears… It was a few minutes before he could reply. His eyes were sad and grave.
"Just like that….just like that you're asking me to leave, as though I never existed…that's what I've meant to you…that's how much these last six years have meant…"
"Don't make this about me…You know how you've been acting these past few days, weeks even…ignoring me, avoiding me ….What is it that I have done? …." Ragini had worked herself up into a fury. …"…Or is it something I haven't done? I know I haven't been a wife to you…is that the problem? You want your rights as a husband…is that it? And I thought you were different…I thought you were a gentleman…."
Anmol snapped….In two steps he crossed the distance towards her, he grabbed her arms and pulled her to him….
"That's what you think of me?" He spat out. Anmol was furious, ….his eyes gleaming with something she had never seen before…it frightened and excited her at the same time. Her hands were trapped between their bodies and she could feel every inch of his body against hers…but it was more than that, she was aware of him, for the first time, intensely aware of him…She could feel his breath on her face, his heartbeat beneath her fists…All the frustrations of the past few days, all the epiphanies, all the joy and all the hurt, all seem to come together and give her the strength to speak…She heard herself say,
"What am I supposed to think Anmol? What is it that you want? WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
….
"YOU, DAMMIT!….YOU!….I want you…."
Suddenly he let go of her and she staggered back….shaken to her very core…she just stood there, dumbfounded…
"YES! I have been avoiding you, I've been finding every excuse not to see you..." Suddenly, he crumpled…he seemed defeated, exhausted… His voice was almost a whisper, "Ragini…" Her heart turned to water...
"Ragini, I am just a man….and I can't bear it any longer. I don't know how long I've loved you….I can't think. Was there ever a time when I didn't love you? Didn't need you?….Lately it's been so difficult, not to be near you, not to touch you….I was afraid that you could see it in my eyes, I was afraid of what you would do…afraid of your rejection. I couldn't have borne that….Don't you see Ragini?"
He crossed towards her again and pulled her into his arms….Her hands gripped the front of his shirt, her heart pounding wildly….His breath was ragged as he looked into her eyes….his eyes dark with passion….
"I want you Ragini…I want you to be my wife…in every way…I want you to be my friend, my partner, my lover…and I want you to want me…I know that you'll never feel that way, and I couldn't bear it….I couldn't bear to see it in your eyes…your rejection, your pity…" His eyes were full of passion and anguish….She barely knew what she was doing, but her heart was dancing with joy….and she smiled….her face radiant with happiness….
Whatever he was prepared for, he wasn't prepared for this…He was prepared for her anger, her disgust, her pity…but the woman in his arms, her eyes shining, laughing….crying…This Ragini he was not prepared for. It couldn't be….His heart stopped…. he couldn't hope, he wouldn't hope,
"Ragini…I…"
Her hand on his lips…He daren't move, daren't breathe….to feel her this close to him…
"Not another word…" she said, "Anmol…I want you to be my husband….in every way…I want you to be my friend, my partner, my…" She hesitated, blushing, "my lover…" She stopped, too out of breath to continue…
Anmol's eyes were shining….He could hardly believe what he was hearing, what he was seeing, what he was feeling…
He pulled her closer, roughly, his eyes full of hope and fear, happiness and longing... "Say it Ragini…say it…"
Ragini's hands slid up Anmol's chest...She held his face, looked into his eyes, smiled and said, "I love you Anmol... I love you."
Edited by narangi_77 - 14 years ago
Cricket
