Posted:
Hi.. A small OS.. I could not do anything but pin my thoughts after Aham's oh.. So very adorable performance. My hope is that Aham remembers everything pretty soon. Gopi's sadness is hard to watch..😕
So here goes.
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Where is her usual smile? he wondered as he saw her sorting and placing things in order in their room. She had not even asked her customary question if he needed anything. He had his tea and she knew his routine enough to recognize that he would be needing nothing else.
Something was definitely wrong.. His heart kept telling him that his wife was not just sad. It was more than that.. But what? She said it was ok when he apologized. So maybe something to do with her Rashi ben.
Aham dismissed that thought. If Rashi was unhappy, he would know. Jigar seemed to reflect Rashi's mood these days. Rashi was definitely not the problem. Then what? Maybe his mom scolded her. But why? And then she always scolded if there was a mistake. So what made her so sad..
Aham's thought were interrupted as she stood looking at him. She wanted to say something but was not voicing it. Strange. He thought he had made her more comfortable than that. Something was definitely wrong.
"Gopi what is it? You need something?" Usually it was her question to him. "Ahamji, I am going to sleep. You have not placed your phone on charger." An emotionless voice. Aham nodded. Her sweetness was missing.
That is it. Her sweetness. But Aham immediately shot down the voice.
"Thank you Gopi. I will charge it." He saw her nod, turn around and go to her bed. She laid down and turned her back to him.
Aham sighed and switched off the light. Something was definitely wrong. Her sweetness was missing. Sweetness, her smile and her joy at seeing him ask her something. Like the day he wanted tea only from her.
Aham frowned automatically. Her reaction to him requesting tea from her today and that day was... different. There was something missing. Something was definitely wrong.
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"I always like being with.." Aham woke up feeling thirsty. He looked around disoriented and then sat on the couch and stared at her sleeping form. Her almost confession. His lips twitched as he switched on the light and he automatically turned to see her face. It had become a habit.
Aham froze as he saw her face. As beautiful as he always remembered but not as serene like a couple of days back. And, what was that. Aham went closer to confirm his fears. Tear streaks on her cheeks. She had cried. His heart did a sudden flip. Something pinched. Something was definitely wrong.
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"Gopi, just do not leave. Listen to me. Let me explain. Gopi.. Please.." She was pulling away from him as he tried stopping her. "Gopi.. No.. Wait.. Listen... I want to tell you.." Aham looked horrified and he pulled her more forcefully towards him. There was a precipice behind her. She was moving towards it without seeing or listening to him. He wanted to stop her.. She had to stop.. "GOPI.."
Aham woke up in a sweat. It was morning already. Morning dreams don't come true Aham.. Or do they? He shook his head to dispel the morbid thoughts. His clothes were in place. So was his green tea. Hot and ready. Only she was not around. Something was definitely wrong.
"I want toast today. I am in a hurry." Aham looked hopefully trying to make eye contact but looked at her nodding head. She walked into the kitchen silently to make him his toast. He watched her heat the plate on the stove without looking at him. Something was definitely wrong.
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"Gopi Bhabhi.. Here, put it under water." Aham rushed into the kitchen hearing meethi's voice. His mom beat him to her. "Gopi vahu, what happened. Show me. Krishna Bhagwan.. See how you have burned your fingers. Meethi get the first aid kit, quick" He saw his mom fuss and worry and could not stop a small smile escaping his lips. His mom's concern was always so genuine. But he sobered. Gopi was hurt.
He looked up to see if she was in too much pain. Aham could feel his heart stop. Nothing. Her eyes were completely blank like there was nothing to feel. No tears. No pain. Something was most definitely wrong.
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"Gopi, does it hurt too much?" "No" "Here take this pain killer. It will help." Silence as she took the pain killer from him and swallowed without any expression on her face. "Thank you" Aham watched her walk out of the room. Something was definitely wrong.
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"Jigar, I am in no mood to.. " "But Bhai, you have to look at this. You told me your photos never come out good. What do you think now? How good this photo looks. You and Gopi Bhabhi look awesome."
Aham was getting irritated with Jigar until the last comment. Him and Gopi. He took the photos out of Jigar's hand and stared at his wife and himself. They looked a beautiful couple. And she looked shy, beautiful, happy and .. Gopi's face from the morning flashed across his mind. Something was most definitely wrong.
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"I thought I would frame the picture. It would look great on this wall." No change. No happy smile. Just sadness.. No.. Something else on her dear face...Something he could not place a finger on.
He saw her nod and take the picture from his hand, most probably to hang it on the wall. "Jigar did take a great picture right. I just cannot remember when and how.. I am just trying to remember..." Aham watched her face as he made light talk with his wife. Something flickered on her face. Something unusual. No, something he always saw in her eyes but something that was missing now. Aham noticed that emotion die slowly as she made her way outside after hanging the picture. Something was most definitely wrong. His head, his heart, his entire being screamed for him to stop her.
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Aham awoke with a start. It was the nightmare again. His wife was falling inspite of his efforts and he could not grasp her hands on time. Aham drank some water and looked around to see her face to calm him down.
He sat down watching her sleep. Maybe that would make this awful feeling go away. A feeling that she was slipping fast. A feeling that there was something vital in her that was missing. Something he always saw in her eyes, her entire being. Something that made him smile every time when he thought of her.. Something that..Aham placed his hands on his head and tried to grasp at the straws. Then it occurred to him.
"Hope. She has lost hope. Her eyes do not have any hope left"
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Sad isn't it? But I wanted Aham to himself come to the conclusion that Gopi is not just sad but is slowly lost in her despair. He needs to know what is wrong to correct it. He did soothe her today bu the medicine was for the wrong wound.
He can get to the root cause only if he knows what is wrong. 😊
Anupamaa
