SS - Repentance Part 3 Pg7 12th March 12 - Page 2

Part 2

The stillness of the room was not enough to not let him cry his heart out for his love. He was in shambles and his heart was silently weeping for her. He had started loving her from the depths of his heart and there was one and only one who he wanted to see along with the first rays of the sun illuminating the face of mankind with its golden rays. She had become the person who he wanted to see before he let the silence of night overtake him beyond this world into dreams of her and tell her that his love for her emanates from each living cell of his body. That her existence is giving worth and meaning to his and all the rest is empty and fake for him.

Sitting there on the floor and looking at her were the hardest moments of his life, not knowing what next was to come. Gathering his thoughts and bracing himself, he got up with a heavy heart to go and sleep on the couch. But he sneezed as he got up, disrupting her sleep with it. She stood up in a flash seeing him standing there and watching her so intently. "Ahemji! Do you want something?" she looked confused and worried.

"No, nothing...I got up to have water." And after a pause he was about to say something but stopped in the middle..."Ji! Did you want to say something?" she was trying to find out what was bothering him.

"I am going to sleep, you also go and sleep as its too late." He said with frustration and uneasiness in his voice. She looked at him in pain and anguish and went to the washroom looking down. "Maybe he's not well so he's looking disturbed." She consoled herself.

He could not help his anger conceal his guilt and frustration at not being able to control the present as he could not change the past. The empty bed stood a testimony of their bitter past and he was feeling utterly helpless. He wanted to hug her and tell her that he was there for her and wanted her to be by his side but the path from his heart to his mouth was too long to be traversed by words easily.

After coming face to face with his past, his unworthy actions were haunting him badly and more he tried to forget and think past them, more they pounced on him. It took his quite some time to put aside her thoughts and to ignore his guilt and go into deep slumber.

When he got up in the morning, he felt heaviness in his head; probably the fever hadn't gone down to the normal level. His eyes went searching for her but the room looked as empty as it had been in the night.

He was about to get up when he saw Gopi and his mom coming to the room. She had a tray in her hand; most likely she would have brought tea he loves having been prepared by her.

"Ahem dikra!! How are you feeling now? Yesterday I came to your room twice but you were sleeping so I didn't disturb you then. Hey Krishna Bhagwaan! You still have temperature. How will you go to office in this condition?" Kokila's face looks tensed with wrinkles when she touched his forehead.

"Mom! I will get ready after having tea and I think I can manage myself. Fever is not so high and what would I do sitting at home?" he told her looking at Gopi from the corner of his eyes.

"No way! You are not going to office today. Whatever work you have you can do from here on your laptop and also you have a cell to keep yourself updated with the proceedings at office." Kokila told sternly to Ahem.

"But mom...?" He tried to argue but she refused to listen to him.

"Gopi vau! Give him tea and be with him till he finishes it and then come down once he gets ready to take his breakfast and medicines.

"Ji maaji! I'll do that." Gopi replied obediently. Koki went out of the room looking with love filled eyes for her son and vau, praying that Kanhaji should keep showering them with His blessings.

"Ahemji! You please come and make yourself comfortable on the bed." She waited for him looking bit of both scared and worried. To avoid any awkwardness, he silently agreed to what she told him to do and shifted on the bed. He took tea from her hand and started sipping it quietly. She also sat there on the couch and looking here and there confused at what to do. Her love and affection for him was clearly evident in her eyes and her heart was aching to see him unwell and wanted to reach out to him.

How far off have I sent her from myself, he was made to think sitting and looking at her. "Will I ever be able to say to her now what I want to say? Will she ever be able to feel comfortable and happy with me? I know she loves me a lot but what have I done to express that love to her." He was lost in his thoughts once again when suddenly he was brought in to reality by her soft touch.

"Ahemji! Your tea is finished. Give me your cup. I'll keep it back. You can change your clothes and get ready now. After that I'll bring breakfast for you." Gopi told him with a lot of care reflecting in her looks and words.

He just nodded his head as she went to the wardrobe to bring out a kurta pyjama for him to wear. Then she went to the washroom and filled a bucket with warm water and told him to take sponge bath and get ready.

He just kept on looking at her that this woman is the same person he didn't let touch his belongings. Whether it be his clothes or food or his files, he had done whatever he could within his reach to shun her off from his life. And here she was serving him and attending to all of his needs with precision and utmost care.

He got up from his bed to get ready while she went down to bring breakfast for him in the room.

"Did you have your breakfast Gopi?" he asked her as he was about to eat.

"Ji! No...I thought first I'll serve you and then I'll have it." She looked a little shy while saying that.

"No you bring yours and we'll have it together here okai." He almost ordered her.

She was about to refuse but then seeing his looks nodded her head and went down to bring her breakfast.

Both sat on the sofa and silently started eating their first meal together. He realized that they haven't shared a single meal till now. How could he when he didn't even let her serve him, forget about sharing anything. His inner voice was not leaving him alone at all now, seeking even a tiny opportunity to have a go at his conscience.

He had never observed her eating and saw that she was as much soft and gentle while eating her food as she was in her thoughts and actions. He couldn't help but admire her ways of life.

Ahem was back to working on his laptop while Gopi went to finish the chores downstairs after finishing their breakfast. He worked for a couple of hours and she also came back to the room. She sat in front of the mirror to comb her hair which had got a bit ruffled.

He saw her reflection in the mirror and how she was combing her hairs which were let loose on her back. She hadn't realized his presence in the room as she was used to being in the room at this hour. Her hairs were long and silky and he was amazed at himself for not noticing that they were as beautiful as his wife, but lamented why she hid them behind her pallu. He only had been the reason for her to take such extreme steps in life. How much she had suffered due to him and he might not know half of the things she had silently undergone to be with him.

He shirked his thoughts aside as if being captivated by her and was admiring her reflection when she noticed him looking at her and got conscious. She quickly combed her hair and set her pallu on her head and got up from the stool. "Ji! Do you need anything?" she asked her most usual question.

"No! Just a glass of water." He told her feeling thirsty with his desires making his throat go dry.

She brought a glass of water for him and then silently sat on the couch reading something.

"Gopi! How much have you learnt till now? I know you couldn't continue with your education properly due to so many family problems and also because of your accident. Now I am thinking that you should join a proper correspondence course and start studying at home in your free time. That will be good and useful for you." He told her looking at her magazines.

"Ji! Okai as you think it to be right for me." She replied.

"Okai you come here...I'll show you how the laptop works and you should also learn to use it as it's the latest and most important technology now-a-days." He asked her to come there watching her reaction minutely.

"Ahemji! Me??" she looked surprised.

"Yes you Gopiji." He smiled at her.

She came close to him and he made place for her to sit. He started by teaching her how to start the laptop, how to enter the password to unlock it and then gave some informations about windows. He continued to teach her, she was a very quick and intelligent learner and it was a pleasure to teach her anything.

He remembered those times when he had first decided to teach her, when she had talked her heart out him for the first time in the middle of the night. Slowly during teaching her for the first time, he had realized then that there was no fault in her; it was only in his perception. He only had never looked at her and doubted her capabilities many a times. But after spending some time with her, he had started coming close to her.

"Ahemji! What is this Start Button?" "I'll show you just now."...he clicked on it and a list of things popped up.

He showed her the list of tabs - documents, pictures, music and others. He told her to click on one of them. She clicked on music and there were some songs, she clicked on one of them and a song started playing.

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=-woNniQJZPQ[/YOUTUBE]

Both of them kept quiet at the song being played in front of them. Being so close to each other listening to this song brought out on his face feelings he had started to feel for her recently. He glanced at her sidewards only to find her face had turned tomato red. He felt like grabbing her there and then and kiss her till she turned breathless. His eyes were clearly filled with love and lust being at their all time peak.

"Ahemji! I remembered I have some work to do in the kitchen." Gopi braced herself and got up.

"No Gopi you can't do this to me...you can't use my excuse of being busy in work and stay away from me. You cannot do to me what I have done to you because I know that you love me and it's my fault only to keep you away from myself. Now I will only bring you near to me. I cannot let my guilt spoil more of our life together which already has been marred by my horrid hatred for you in the past two years. I will make up for everything that I have done to you and try to do much more to erase those harsh memories. I just can't hold myself longer."

He held her wrist tightly as she was about to go away and sprang up from the bed being engulfed and overwhelmed with want for her nearness. She was taken aback and turned her head in terror to face him. That terror which he had intentionally built in her to not let her come near him, had automatically replaced her love filled eyes on being so close to him. Her body seemed to be repulsive to any kind of touch or contact with him.

He felt his life being drained out of him and he froze where he was standing. His hand loosened his grip on hers and fell down lifeless.

"Gopi vau!." Kokila called while climbing up the stairs.

"Ahemji! I have to go down." Gopi almost ran from there picking up the jug kept on the table to fill it with water.