SS: To Belong Part *Note on page 70* - Page 9

In a way she was glad the decision was taken out of her hands. She knew she was going to have to inform the family sooner or later, because Naniji would have wanted to. She really hadn't had any choice once Naniji came to know of her pregnancy, she had just delayed the inevitable.

Gopi had needed the time to come terms with the fact that her husband did not love her and never would. She could never make space for herself in his heart. He had desired her, the physical attraction had always been an unvoiced fact between them, but it was not love. She had tried to make her heart understand this, but his slightest touch had made her emotions go out of control.

Her one slip had once again trapped him into an unwanted marriage. Will he hate her for this? She knew once the desire had been abated, he had regretted the night of passion. He had made himself clear the next morning when he told her he didn't mean to take thing that far, he had only wanted to comfort her. If she had any doubts they were soon put to rest when he, once again, started sleeping on the sofa.

Then in the following days he completely withdrew from her, to a point where he couldn't stand her touch or her presence.

Why had Kanaji granted her a wish and snatched it away in the next moment?

She was startled out of her thoughts when the door opened, and there he was standing in front of her. She clutched the sheet tightly to control her trembling. He looked so handsome in his black suit with white shirt. He still looked the same yet different. She couldn't pinpoint the change, but something had definitely changed.

His face was expressionless; as usual she was unable to read him. The only emotion she was ever able to read on his face had been anger.

No wonder she had woke up instead of going in to coma after her accident. He had demanded she wake up and she had, thinking,

Finally he cares enough to go to this extreme to wake me, not knowing it was guilt and responsibility that had driven him, not love.

Ahem couldn't stop staring at Gopi. She looked so beautiful. There was a lovely glow to her face that was only seen on pregnant women's face.

His eyes dropped to her middle and he could see the round shape of her stomach under the sheet. He had known what to expect, but seeing it with his own eyes was a whole new feeling.

He wanted to go over and gather her in his arms and assure her that everything would be all right, he was here now and would always be there for her, but he couldn't make his feet move.

The fear threatened to take over once again and he fought it back, he needed to gather himself and concentrate on her only.

He was finally able to move forward, but stopped when he saw Gopi's eyes dart everywhere but at him, she was clutching the sheet so tight her knuckles had turned white. "Gopi, how are you feeling now?" Great he was talking to her like a stranger.

Gopi's head finally snapped around to him, her grip on the sheet loosened. "I am fine Ahemji, how are you?" He had set the tone for the conversation and she responded kindly.

He sighed and took another step towards the bed. "Gopi…" He trailed because just then the door behind him opened and the doctor along with his mom and Nani walked in together.

The doctor went straight to Gopi. "How are you feeling Gopi?" She smiled at Gopi gently.

Gopi was relieved to see the doctor walk in at that moment. She was not ready to deal with Ahemji. She doesn't know if she ever would be. "I am feeling fine Dr. Sarita. When can I go home?"

Dr. Sarita glanced at Ahem, then back to Gopi. "I will release you today, but you know you need to be monitored closely. You have become very weak and now this high blood pressure is worrying me. You are almost seven months pregnant, and as the baby grows, you may become weaker, and this could put you and baby both at risk."

Gopi swallowed hard at the doctors word, she knew the doctor was not intentionally trying to worry her, she just wanted to make her aware, but still the fear it evoked in her made her clench the sheet again to hold herself together.

Koki went to Gopi and sat beside her to take her hand in hers. Gopi relaxed at her touch. Dr. Sarita was relieved to see the tension leave Gopi's body. "Gopi, I understand you will be going back to Rajkot with your family, this is good, you will be better taken care of there in case a complications should arise at a time of delivery." Gopi nodded her head in understanding.

Ahem stepped forward. "Doctor how is the baby?"

As soon as he spoke he knew he said the wrong thing. The irritation on his mom's face was easy to read as was the surprise on his Nani's and the doctor's face. Gopi was hard to read, her expression was combination of defeat and acceptance.

Gopi felt her heart shatter into millions of pieces once

again. This answers why he was here, for the baby. He, once again, feels responsible for her, and one thing about her Ahemji is he never shirks his duty. Her maji would not have allowed it, and he would never make her maji unhappy. The future never looked so uncertain.

Ahem knew it was too late to backtrack now, he just gave the impression that he only cared for the baby, when the opposite was the truth. He feared that he put Gopi's life in danger again. He did not want to think about the bleak day he had almost lost her once before.

He turned to the doctor. "Dr. Sarita what do we need to do for Gopi's discharge?" He kept his focus on the doctor.

The doctor gave him a considering look then nodded once, as if she concluded he can be trusted to take care of Gopi. She turned to Gopi. "I want you to take it easy, I will give your husband your records and names of some very good specialists in Rajkot, they will take good care of you." Dr. Sarita patted Gopi once more before she walked out with Ahem.

Koki watched her vahu breathe a sigh of relief and her heart clenched at this, hey Krishna Bhagwan how much more will you test this child?

One hour later they arrived at Nani's house. Meethi, who had come to work for Nani, once Mani returned to Modi Bhavan, greeted them.

Koki turned to Gopi. "Gopi vahu, you go rest, I will see to dinner with Meethi."

"Woh, Maji I would like to sit outside for a while, is that okay?" Gopi asked her anxiously.

Koki smiled. "Of course it's okay, the fresh air will do you good."

"Gopi vahu I will also come with you." Nani and Gopi walked out together.

Ahem watched them go then turned to his mother who still looked bit worried. "Mom, doctor gave me the list of specialists and Gopi's records, we will make an appointment as soon as we return." His mom nodded once then turned and went into the kitchen.

XXX

Later that night Ahem was sitting outside when his Nani joined him. "Ahem dikra, how are you?"

He turned and looked at his Naniji. "I am fine Naniji."

"You know something Ahem, when your mom was little I was always hard on her, I made her work harder than her siblings, but I did not know how it would effect her. It wasn't until she asked me why I didn't think her Gopi vahu deserved the sandook, that I come to realize that your mom thought I didn't lover her at all. Your mom thought once again I treated her unfairly." Naniji looked at Ahem and smiled sadly.

"I wanted to make your mother strong so she would be able to face the teasing of other kids because of her dark color. I also wanted her to be strong enough to deal with people's taunts as an adult." Naniji sighed deeply.

Ahem put his hand on her arm. "Naniji, mom loves you very much, I am sure she now understand why you were the way you were." Nani put her hand on his head and smile.

"I am telling you this because, Koki has done same with you. She did not want you to take after your father, so she raised you to be strong like her. She wanted you at the height of success that your father never achieved, and never wanted to." His Naniji gazed into distance as if remembering the past.

Ahem had always known why his mom made him work hard but at the same time she also showered him with love and affection, which she was deprived of growing up.

"Looking back on it now, I realized that mine and your mother's thinking was flawed." Ahem looked at her in surprise.

She looked at him and said, "Yes you heard me right, I should have made her understand why I was so strict with her, I should have explained to her with love and affection, not with my tough attitude. My holding back made her suppressed her feelings, so much so that she became very controlled and afraid to loose control. You did the same with your feelings and became very controlled and reserved." his Nani watched him intently.

"Naniji I know mom loves me very much and I also know her reason behind being strict with me and pushing me constantly." He tried to explain to his Naniji, although he still did not understand what his Nanji is trying to say to him.

"I know your mom loves you, this is where her thinking was flawed. she loves you too much. Her fear of loosing you made her take drastic action and she chose a girl of her liking whom she could control and at the same time not loose you to her. What I am trying to point out is you and your mother keep so much of your feelings hidden. You don't want to reveal anything because you are afraid to loose control. This has both made you afraid to live life freely." Ahem was stunned.

Gopi turned to her side, she was unable to sleep. The baby was moving more than usual and her current situation was making her very restless.

Her mind wandered back to the day she found out why her Ahemji had withdrew from her completely.

FB

Gopi finished cleaning the upstairs hall and was on her way down to the kitchen to prepare lunch when Kinjal stopped her.

Gopi's heart fluttered at the smug look in her sister in law's face. Kinjal hadn't missed any opportunity to remind Gopi that only reason her brother had been caring and attentive was because he had felt responsible for Gopi's accident. She shouldn't get her hopes up because he will always love Anita and no one else. Gopi had kept her head held high and refused to let the words hurt her. Perhaps this is why Kinjal never gave up. She wanted to see Gopi hurt and broken.

Today she looked victorious as if she had won a price. "Did you need something Kinjalben?" Kinjal got a mean look in her eyes. "Nahi Gopi..Bhabhi, I just came to show you something." Knjal pulled out her cell phone. "I kept telling you but you did not listen, now you can see for yourself that Bhai does not care for you." Kinjal held up her cell phone.

Gopi stared at the photo of Ahemji with a girl, they were both staring at each other, oblivious to their surroundings. "This was taken yesterday, may be now you will believe me. Anita has been back for a while now, and this is not the first time Bhai is meeting her."

So this was Anitaji, Gopi thought. No wonder Ahemji pulled back from her after just night with her. Who could take place of this gorgeous creature, most especially her? Perhaps Kinjalben is right, it was time to let go.

Present..

Ahem walked into the room and saw that Gopi is awake and looked to be in deep thoughts. For the first time in his life he felt unsure, he didn't know how to approach Gopi.

Gopi turned to him when she felt his presence. Just then she felt the baby kick her and she gasped. Ahem turned to her sharply. "Gopi, what's wrong?" Gopi caressed her stomach gently.

Ahem approached the bed hesitantly. "I am fine, it's just the baby moving around." She smiled softly. Ahem couldn't help but be enthralled by the smile. It had been the first he missed about her.

He nodded once. "Can I get you anything?" His lips turned up at the corner. In the past, last thing Gopi did at the end of the day, was ask him if he needed anything, now it seems their roles are reversed. She shook her head no then turned and closed her eyes.

Ahem sighed, he had to think about what his Nani had said to him. He will let her rest for now, once they return home they will have plenty of time to talk.

Ahem watched her for a minute then made his way to the sofa. Thank god Nani had a sofa in this room, otherwise he didn't know what he would have done.

His mind went back to the conversation he had heard earlier between Gopi and the doctor.

Ahem went back to the room after gathering all the information from the doctor. When he entered the room his mom was talking to Gopi in low tone, but stopped when she saw him.

"Mom I have the car in the front you and Nani go ahead I will bring Gopi out in few minutes. Dr. Sarita wants to see Gopi one last time." His mom nodded and took his Nani with her.

Gopi had changed into her sari while he was gone. Before he could approach her, his phone started ringing, he wanted to ignore it but it was from home so he stepped out of the room to talk.

When he was about to go back in he heard Gopi talking to the doctor.

"Dr. Sarita, are you sure I can't stay here? I promise I will take it easy." Gopi sounded desperate.

Before the doctor could reply he stepped in. "Gopi whether you need to be monitored or not, you are going back with us. You need to be with your family." He spoke to her firmly. He knew it would create more distance between them, but all he wanted was for her to come back to Modi Bhavan, rest of it can be dealt with later.

Dr. Sarita made a discreet exit. Gopi was too shocked by Ahem's words to notice. "What do you want from me Ahemji?"

Ahem moved close to the bed. "For start I want you to come home. We can talk about rest of what I want later" He could see he was confusing her more. "Stop over thinking everything. You should have never left, especially knowing you could be pregnant." There was a pin drop silence in the room.

Great Ahem, just make the girl feel bad, this will win you many points with her.

He took a deep breath to control himself. He hadn't meant to sound accusing, but he wanted her to come home at any cost.

"Gopi, please consider your health and the baby's health, you both need to be monitored closely. This is the best solution." He spoke calmly this time.

It was the longest few seconds for him, he finally saw her nod her head slowly in acceptance, but her reluctance to return was clear on her face.

Ahem knew she loved his family and would never deprive them of their grandchild, but he was a different story. It was going to take a while to mend the heart he broke so callously.

Ahem tried to make himself comfortable on the sofa and closed his eyes. They had a long day ahead of them tomorrow.

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