SS: To Belong Part *Note on page 70* - Page 39

Originally posted by: Nihira-fan

beautiful update!!!

loved the VM...brilliant song choice!!

Part 10

Two evenings after Ahem's big confession, Gopi was still trying to figure out what it meant for their relationship. She sighed and looked down at the yarn in her hand, at the rate she was going the sweater was not going to get made before the baby's arrival. Somehow she had managed to tangle the yarn yet again. She put the yarn away and rested her head back against the pillow.

Ahem had gone back to being the playful husband and father to be. When they returned home after the scan, he couldn't contain his excitement and showed the picture to everyone. Baa, Kaki and Maji had been elated at after looking at the photo. Baa had also commented how different and advanced things were now. Jigar had teased Ahem by claiming his nephew was going to look just like his handsome Kaka. Ahem hadn't replied he was too happy to see the old Jigar back, even Gopi had grinned at Jigar's words and teased him back and said he could be right, that had made Jigar's day and he smiled even more broadly after that.

Ahem hadn't explained his reason for his absent at the birthing class, but when she heard Kaka ask him if he was able to help Kinjal out with her problem that evening she realized that he really hadn't been able to help the absence. It also made her realize that he hadn't been with Anita, but she still didn't know how Anita had happened to be with him.

Gopi turned and looked at the clock, he would be home soon and wondered what he would bring today. He had given her a gift the night before that had brought tears to her eyes. She turned toward her night table and looked at the gift that had brought peace to her restless mind and heart.

FB

Gopi was flipping thru the baby book absently, still thinking about Ahem's confession and not able to reach any conclusion, when Ahem walked in the room. He placed his bag on the table, picked up something from his bedside table before coming to her side of the bed to sit next to her, facing her.

Gopi put the book aside and waited for him to say something, she glanced down and was shocked to see her kanaji in his hands. She looked at him questioningly.

Ahem watched the fleeting expressions on her face and hoped he is able to help her regain her faith in prayers. He had thought about how to go about this when he remembered something he had come across on the Internet. It was a poem written by a woman named Mary Stevenson. He thought if he could have this printed and placed on plaque it would be something that would help Gopi understand that her Kanji didn't abandon her, he was always with her, it was the people she loved who had abandon her.

Ahem placed the package and her Kanaji in her hands. "I realize why you left this idol here when you left, but I hope after you read what is in that package you will understand your kanaji and come to believe in him even more than before as I have also started to believe in him and the power of prayer." He waited for her to open the package. The poem was in English, but he knew she has learned a lot in last few months, he had full faith she will be able to read and understand it also.

Gopi opened the package with trembling hands. She opened the box to see a plaque of some kind with her Kanaji's picture in the background. There was something written on the plaque, she took it out to read it.

Footprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.

Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.

Sometimes there were two sets of footprints; other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord, "You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always.

But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand.

Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?"

The Lord replied, "The times when you have seen only one set of footprints, is when I carried you."

Gopi read the poem twice and by the time she finished reading it tears were falling from her eyes. She placed the plaque back in the box and took her Kanaji in her hand and realized she had been wrong to stop trusting in him and her prayers. She looked up at Ahem. "Thank you Ahemji, for helping me understand and realize how wrong I was to stop believing in him."

Ahem wiped the tears from her eyes gently. "No need to thank me Gopi. I don't want you to doubt yourself or your Kanaji, and I thought you would understand him better after reading this. Do you remember what mom said to you on your birthday?" She nodded her head yes "I remember Mom mentioning about the hardship you've been thru in your life and she did not want to see any tears in your eyes. Today I repeat this to you, you have been thru a lot and I want to make you happy not cry. I also remember her saying to you that you are lucky for everyone you are connected to, at the time I heard her words, but didn't realize how true they were until I lost you. You have done so much for me and my family, most especially my mom, this doesn't even make up for what you have had to put up with because of me. I hope that one day I am able to earn your love again." Gopi was touched beyond belief.

Ahem kissed her on the forehead then caressed their baby gently before standing up. "I am going to freshen up. I will be back then we can both go down together." He didn't look at her again. Gopi realized this is the best gift her proud husband could have given her.

Present'

Gopi sat down and picked up the plaque again to read. It gave her so much peace every time she read the poem. He had told her later how he found her Kanaji and for days wondered why she left them behind. He also confessed that having the idol with him made him realize that he was incomplete without her.

Ahem walked into the room to see his wife lost in thoughts. He smiled when he saw the plaque in her hand and thought, good she believes again. He put his bag on the table, took off his jacket and rolled his shirtsleeves as he walked towards her silently. She looked at him in surprise when he sat down beside her. "What are you thinking about?" He asked her softly. She placed the plaque back on the table and turned back to him. "Nothing really, I just like reading the poem so much." He smiled at her reply, but didn't push her. He placed his hand on her stomach. "Did junior behave today? How are you feeling?"

Gopi, for the first time voluntarily touched him by placing her hand on top of his. His heart skipped a beat at her touch. "I am fine and yes he behaved himself today." She grinned when he frowned. "You are the one who calls him junior, so you also believe it's a boy." She said to him teasingly.

Ahem was stumped, she had him there, but he recovered quickly. He looked around for the baby name book and when he didn't find it he turned to her. "Where is the baby name book?" Gopi smiled mysteriously. "I hid it, I don't want to pick out names yet." He laughed. "You just don't want me to pick out any girl names, but I am way ahead of you. I already have a name in mind for a girl." He waited for her to ask, but she just looked at him in amazement. "I am going to name her Pari." He said proudly.

Jigar, who was coming to call them down stopped in their door and observed them. He smiled at the way his bhai was still insisting it was going to be a girl. He was happy to see them comfortable with one another, finally he was beginning to believe that all will be worked out between the two soon. He hated to break up the interactions, but if he didn't interrupt them soon, whole family will come up to check on them. "Bhai are you still insisting it will be a girl? I am with my bhabhi on this one, I think she is going to present me with a handsome nephew just like me." He turned and winked at his bhabhi and she smiled at him brightly.

Ahem slapped him on the shoulder playfully. "Hey, you are supposed to be on my side Jigar." Jigar laughed and shook his head. "No way bhai, I know who is the best cook around here." His laughter died when he saw his mom and kaki standing in the doorway. Gopi and Ahem looked towards the door and then at Jigar and laughed at the expression on his face.

Jigar recovered quickly. "Maa, Kaki why did you come up? I was about to bring bhai and bhabhi down." He was hoping they didn't hear him, but when his mom came forward and tapped him lightly on the cheek he knew he was busted. "Sorry Maa, I was just kidding. I love your and Kaki's cooking also." They all laughed at his quick apology. Jigar grinned, he was glad his family's happiness is back.

Later that night everyone noticed Gopi become quieter and quieter as the Ghod Bhari was mentioned. Ahem kept glancing at her worriedly. His mom also noticed and was first to ask Gopi. "Gopi vahu, what's wrong? Why are you so quiet?"

Gopi looked at her mother in law nervously. She didn't want to upset them by voicing her request, but she also didn't want them to have a big event. She didn't know how she could explain or make them understand that she felt bad about not having anyone from her side of the family to fulfill some of the rituals of Ghod Bhari. "Woh Maji, I was thinking it might be better if we just had a small puja with just the family and few close relatives." Koki knew her vahu too well and immediately realized why Gopi was requesting it to be a small event. He went around the table and stood in front of her vahu. She placed her hand on Gopi's head. "Gopi vahu, I know and understand that you are worried because you don't have anyone from your side of the family to complete the rituals, but don't worry about all that, leave all that up to us. You just relax and take care of yourself and the baby."

Ahem watched as his mom hugged Gopi to her with tears in her eyes and knew he needed to do something to make Gopi feel better. He glanced at Jigar who smiled at him in understanding. His younger brother knew what he needed to do to make his bhabhi happy on the day of her Ghod Bhari.

For the next few days Gopi thought back on Ahem's confession. She had nothing but time on her hands. She was only allowed to do minimal work. She spent some her time with baa during the day reading variety of mythology books. Baa tired easily so it wasn't much, so after Baa is down for nap Gopi returns to her room to work on the sweater. She stays in the room until Ahem comes home and after their regular banter regarding the baby's gender they both go down for dinner together.

Everyone treats her like a princess. Koki and Hetal are forever making her favorite foods. Baa always encouraging her to drink milk. Chirag and Parag also telling her to take care of herself and asking her if she needed anything from outside. Jigar would come spend time with her in the evening, playing games with her, or bringing his laptop to show her some computer games. Sometimes he joins her and Ahem for game of Ludo. Kinjal always stayed quiet and observed her family. So far she has restrained from starting any trouble.

Gopi stopped protesting about the Ghod Bhari event, she couldn't deny her family the opportunity to celebrate the happy event. She agreed with everything they planned, and hoped that nothing went wrong. She put her sorrows of her missing family aside when she realized how much she is loved by her in laws. They didn't consider her a vahu but a daughter and she couldn't deny them anything.

Then there was Ahem, always attentive and caring. He attended the second birth class with Gopi and actively participated in class asking many question regarding birthing process. He bought something new every day. One day he bought a baby book so Gopi can record all of baby's firsts, then he bought an expensive camera so they could take many pictures. But most surprising gift was the charm bracelet he bought for Gopi.

Gopi was sorting thru her feelings as she worked on the sweater that evening when he rushed in and immediately came to the bed to sit beside her. As usual first thing he did was placed his hand on her tummy to feel the baby. "How was my angel today? Did you bother mommy today?" He stopped calling the baby junior, he decided since it will be a girl he would call her angel instead. He laughed when the baby kicked against his hand.

Gopi was still trying to get used to seeing Ahem being playful and happy. It was a huge difference from the man who hardly smiled at all. She thought back on his words and realized it must have been very hard for him to admit to being wrong about something. She reflected back on the first year of her marriage and saw that things had changed gradually between them. It had taken him a year to be civil to her, and gradually acknowledge her existence in his life. She never expected him to fall in love with her, even as they made love for the first time, it never crossed her mind that he had come to love her. She had known he cared for her and the physical attraction between them was hard to miss. She thought that he had finally accepted her as his wife, but his words next morning had broke her heart.

Ahem had been watching his wife quietly for past few minutes. He could see that she hadn't even realized he stopped talking and was just watching the fleeting expressions on her face. He knew she was still thinking about his confession and was still unsure of his feelings for her. It hurt to see the pain on her face because of him, he wished he could go back in time and do things differently but all he could do is wait patiently, as she did in the past, and show her his love. He pulled out the wrapped jewelry box from his coat pocket and waved it in front of her face. "Earth to lovely wife, look what I have for you."

Gopi was startled out of her thoughts by the bright package being waved in front of her face. She glanced at Ahem to see him smiling at her. "Don't you want your gift for today?" When she reached for it, he held it away from her. "Not so fast, I know you love my gifts, but you are very stingy with your thank you, so I want you to promise me a return gift today." He waited for her to promise.

Gopi looked at him suspiciously. "What type of a return gift?" She knew he was up to something. "Whatever I ask for." When she was about to say no he waved the gift in front of her again. "Think before you say no. Besides you owe me at least one gift in return." Gopi narrowed her eyes at him and knew what he would ask for so she didn't say anything at first. "I will think about it, you can keep the gift for now." She grinned at his shocked expression and moved to the side of the bed. "Umm..Ahemji you still haven't changed your clothes, it's almost time for dinner." He scrambled off the bed quickly to grab his nightclothes. "Don't move, I will be right back." He stopped at the bathroom door and looked back at her. "And we are not finished negotiating." He winked at her before closing the door behind him.

Gopi's smile faded as soon as she was alone. She knew he wouldn't be able to resist asking for the missed kiss from the week before. She was about ready to cry mercy from being touched by him all the time. How can she forget how it had felt to be kissed by him? She wanted forget everything just to feel the pleasure again. It would be heaven to be in his arms again, to touch him and bring him the same pleasure he had brought her that night.

Her head snapped at the thought of bringing him the same pleasure. She remembered how she had begged to touch him and he had finally given in and showed her how to touch him and what he liked. When she realized he was holding back for her, she had used what he taught her to make him let go and climax. That was her first time, and she hadn't realized there was much more to lovemaking until he showed her the second time. She realized when he talked about losing control he was talking about climaxing without her the first time. He had given into her demand to let go and he had done just that, but it probably didn't register in his mind until much later. This is when he started having doubts about everything. So in the end she was still responsible for the fact that he pulled away from her. Gopi composed herself when she heard him come out of the bathroom, and decided to think about it later.

Later when they returned to their room for the night Gopi decided to give into him just this once, and see where it leads them. She realized Ahem never lied to her in all the time they have been married. Deep in her heart she knows he is telling the truth when he says he loves her and have loved her for a while, but if he pulled back once before because he lost control in her arms, what about the next time it happens? Will he distance himself each time he looses control?

Gopi waited for him to settle beside her and then held out her hand. "I want my gift." He raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure?" She nodded her head confidently. He got up and brought the box back to her. He waited for her to open the box; he didn't want to miss any expression on her face.

Gopi opened the box and pulled out a bracelet in white gold with two hearts, attached to one another, charm on it. Each heart had a single gemstone in it. She twisted the bracelet and saw several other links attached to it. She looked at him in confusion. Ahem moved close to her and took the bracelet from her. "This is a charm bracelet. He pointed to the two hearts. This is for you and me, two hearts, attached to one another, with your birthstone and my birthstone. When we know if the baby is boy or a girl we will attach another charm here with his or her birthstone. We can add more when we have more kids." He smiled when he saw her dismayed expression. "I am not planning a Cricket team here Gopi, don't look horrified. May be one more baby." He laughed when he saw her relax at his statement.

He took her right wrist in his hands and fastened the bracelet around her wrist. He brought her wrist to his mouth and kissed her pulse point gently. Gopi was watching him with a curious expression. "Thank you Ahemji for the gift." Ahem smiled. "My pleasure, but now you owe me a return gift." Gopi leaked her dry lips with nervous anticipation. "What would you like?" His intent expression made her squirm and look away nervously. "I will ask for it when it's time, but remember you owe me one." She looked at Ahem in disappointment and tried to pull her wrist from his hand, he didn't let go but pulled her closer to him. There was less than inch of space between their lips. "You look disappointed Gopi, what were you expecting?" Ahem teased her. Gopi cleared her throat and spoke softly. "I wasn't expecting anything, I am just surprise you didn't tell me what you wanted."

Ahem knew Gopi was expecting him to ask for a kiss and was elated to see the disappointed expression on her face when he didn't ask. That one expression revealed more than she wanted to reveal. He looked straight into her eyes so she knows exactly what he was about to do. He placed his lips on her when she closed her eyes. First taste of her lips sent his senses reeling, he increased the pressure and traced the shape of her lips with his tongue, she opened her lips and he kissed her deeply, bringing her closer to him by wrapping both of his arms around her.

Gopi kissed him back with the same intensity as he kissed her, but kept her hands on his biceps. Part of her was lost in the kiss and the feel of his arms around her holding her tightly. She felt as though she was finally home where she belonged, at the same time his words about loosing control wouldn't let her relax enough to feel the full sensation of his kiss. It wouldn't allow her to place her arms around his completely. She kept her eyes closed when he broke from her lips and trailed a series of kiss down her throat and neck.

Ahem moved back to her lips and ended the kiss gradually. He pulled back and waited for her to open her eyes. He knew she enjoyed the kiss but at the same time she had held back. He didn't know what was going thru her mind and even if he asked she probably wouldn't tell him. He decided to leave it for now. She wouldn't meet his eyes when she opened them. She pulled back slowly, and looked everywhere but him. Ahem sighed, kissed her on the forehead then looked down at her. "Goodnight sweetheart," he bent and kissed her stomach where his angel was resting, "goodnight angel." He got off the bed to turn off the lights. When he returned to the bed he saw that Gopi was lying on her side with her back to him. He covered her with a blanket and put his arm around her to bring her against his chest. He waited to see how she would react. He was surprised when she didn't pull back but placed her hand on top of his and relaxed into his arms. Ahem sighed in relief and closed his eyes. He felt as though they were finally moving forward and for the first time since her accident he slept without dreaming.

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