Is this my grave?
No...
This is a very dark, very secluded room. The only light that is illuminating this room comes from a candle. The walls are confiscating... there is no window, no niche to look outside. On the far-right side, there is a small kitchenette which has a month's supplies of eatables...usually these are canned food items that have a long shelf life, some chips, and biscuits...powdered milk, tea bags and coffee. Opposite to this kitchenette, there is a tiny bathroom and right beside it is the small sitting area, where there are monitor screens everywhere. And that is where,in one corner, lies my sleeping bag.
This room is equipped with latest communication systems and although it is an ultramodern facility technicality wise, its still a very difficult place to live in...because...
Its just so lonely here...
It feels like a tomb sometimes...with the thick, doubly hardened walls trying to constrict from every angle...
I am sitting in this room, also known as the Panic or the Safety Room of Kesar Mehal...and I am feeling as if my heart is breaking into millions of pieces. I have nothing left in my hands...nothing whatsoever.
I have no family... I have no friends... My whole past has been made blurred, and my present has become a huge question mark.
I am Ratan Maan Singh, Daatahukum of Surajgadh, son of Late Daatahukum Maan Singh... and I have been exiled from my own palace, by my own people.
I am sitting in this panic room, about which only my pehredaar and myself know...And I have nothing but panic inside me...in this moment...in this time.
Me, Ratan Maan Singh, who loved stunts and adventures in life, whose mantra was to Scare away the fear... today that same Ratan Maan Singh is scared...very scared.
There is no one in this world who trusts me, who believes me when I yell and scream my name repeatedly... Nobody has faith in me...they all think that I am an impostor...I am a fake, a liar, a con-man. They all have started trusting a man who recently entered our lives and claimed to be me...ME...Ratan Maan Singh...and just like that, my so-called family members' trust on me crumbled...like a house of cards crumbles... All it took was the fabricated proofs against me that were brought by the fake guy...he manipulated the DNA reports...and that was enough for them to start mistrusting me. My own blood relatives slapped me, called me names...and decided to throw me out from my own palace...from my own legacy. I do not care about my money and property, but I deeply cared for my relatives. I let them live in my Mehal just because I wanted to feel the happiness of a close-knit family. I had already lost so much in my life...My parents died when I was very young, and then my guardianship was given to someone I didn't even know... Right after my father's death, that very same night, without creating a stir about it, my guardian sent me off to London...and I lived my life in seclusion over there for more than a decade. I had friends, but I was always under very strict instructions to lead my life in a certain manner...I was not allowed to go on trips with my friends, I was not allowed to even have a night stay over with them. My life revolved around my education and my training of multiple skills, as was ordered by my guardian.
I was trained there, I was taught there...and I was made into a very strong and very skilled person. But in the whole process of my training, I was all alone.
When I came to India, I met my guardian, my pehredaar for the first time. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen in my life...I had an instant liking towards her...a spark that ignited into a beautiful friendship, based on...?
I didn't think much about it then.
She and I, together, we fought my enemies and unveiled many people from my family. One of them was my own Kaki masa, whom I had always considered as my own mother. Even she was not loyal to me. I was broken...but I still forgave her. Everything eventually settled, and I thought that I had finally found my family back...and now love and kinship surrounded me...but I was so wrong. I was again deceived in the name of family...in the name of love. All they were bothered was the money that I had, and the money that I showered on them lavishly. One high tide struck them, and their trust on me came falling like a sand castle built by a sea shore. Everyone mistrusted me, abused me...except her...
My Diya...my guardian, my pehredaar...and my temporary wife.
Yes...I married my guardian because I wanted to protect her from disgrace. Since the time she has come in my life, she has become the focal point of my existence. When I was all alone in London, it was her letters that had bound me to her. I didn't even know if my guardian was a male or female, she didn't ever reveal her identity...but her letters were like an anchor for me. My life was just about my anchor's instructions to me...I knew my pehredaar was out there, fighting for my right...fighting for me...for so long. I had developed a great amount of respect for my pehredaar, and when I met her, her personality, her thoughts...everything clicked me, despite us being poles apart from each other. No matter how much she irritated me with her old school views and restrictions, I still felt that I was bound to her through some unseen chains. I decided that it was my immense respect and gratitude for her that made me feel so connected to her. I could do anything for her...and after marriage, when anyone tried to harm her, I even risked my own life for her...just because I felt that I owed her with my life... but even after everything, I was sure that I was not a good husband for her. I was shocked to find out that she had fallen in love with me...and what shocked me further was the fact that I was unable to break her heart or say no to her. I decided to make our marriage work, but then she told me that she didn't want to bind me like this. She decided to file for a divorce...to set me free!
I didn't want to divorce her. It was true that I didn't love her the way she loved me...but I was ready to live with her for my entire lifetime...just because her happiness lied in being with me... But she was Diya...and Diya never takes a favor from anyone...not even from her own beloved husband!
When the impostor invaded our lives, and everybody started doubting me, it was only Diya who stood by my side... she was my anchor...and she proved it to me. I was in a peril that I had never come across before, and I had zero support, but my Diya's trust in me never wavered. Her presence, her calming words, her eyes shining with love...they were like a balm...a salve on my bleeding , gashing wounds. Like always,as a team, this time also she and I came up with a plan. I forbade her to go close to that Fake guy...I don't know why,but I did not like the way he used to try to get near Diya. I didn't even like the way he looked at her. I knew Diya was self-sufficient to take care of herself, but still, I told her strictly to avoid being in the same room alone with that impostor at any cost. I also told her to slap me and kick me out in front of everyone, to gain Fake guy's confidence. I wanted to check the Fake guy from hiding, and I had this panic room in my mind, about which no one else in the Mehal knew...but I didn't tell Diya about it. I told her that I have a secret outhouse where I can live and collect proofs against the Fake guy while she remained inside the Mehal and keep an eye on him. She was not ready to hit me...and let me go out in hiding. I could see the tears in her eyes when she was vehemently shaking her head in my opposition...and then I had to order her as the Daatahukum to do my bidding...and she was bound to do exactly as I had asked her to do.
When she raised her hand to slap me, I could see the bitter pain flashing through her eyes...I could feel her hand trembling against my face. My warrior princess was getting weak...because of me...but still she did what I had asked her to do. She made the guards throw me out of the Mehal... She came to close the gates on my face...and I saw helpless tears rolling down her cheeks. She quickly wiped them to hide her pain and feelings for me from everyone, esp. the fake guy...but the yearning in her eyes did something to my heart. A sense of loss washed all over me... I felt that it was not the loss of property or the family that was bothering me, but what was making me sad was the fact that I was leaving my Diya out there...in that same house...under that same roof which she had to share with that fake guy! I felt as if I was leaving my life behind...in that Kesar Mehal... And in that instance, I realized with a jolt...my life belonged to her only... no...
She was my life!
Through the secret passage that only Diya and I knew, I re-entered the Mehal and came to this Panic room. I have no problem here...and through the monitor screens and cameras, I can actually see everything happening in the Mehal...but I cannot leave this place...and Diya doesn't know that I am here.
Despite all the shit in my life that is happening, all I want to do is to go out in that Mehal and see my Diya with my own eyes. I want to hold her in my arms...I want to feel her softness against my body...I want to see the light of love in her eyes...the love I know belongs to me only.
It is so strange that even in this extremely difficult time, when all my existence has become a joke for everyone, all I am worried about is that my Diya can come to harm because of that impostor. I try to keep an eye on the Fake guy all the time through these cameras...I have caught him secretly looking at Diya when she is talking to someone or working...and I wanted to snatch his eyes out of their sockets for laying his dirty gaze on her! I have even caught him once trying to hold her hand, but my girl is really smart. She managed to sneak her hand in such a way that the impostor didn't even realize that she had out-smarted him. My Diya is working really hard, day and night, to unveil the truth...and I see her efforts. But...I only see her through a small camera...and that is just not enough! I want to see her in front of me...I want to crush her to my chest... I just want this nightmare to end...and I want to lay my head in her lap and weep.
It is true that time teaches everything...
The same woman whom I denied love for so long is the one I am pining for now!
I long for her...I desire her...I crave for her...
I will die if I do not see her right in front of me...
I love her ... Yes...I love her so much that its only her that matters to me now... If I don't have anything left in this world, nor this title, neither this property... nothing, but if I still have Diya with me, I will be the richest man in this whole universe!
In my exile, I have found freedom.
My heart is free from all of its preconceived notions...I don't care about any society or anything else that objects my marriage to Diya. I am free to love her now...with all my heart...with all my life...with everything I ever have.
She is mine...and I am hers...Forever, and ever.
Book Talk
