He hates the silence.
He doesn't like saying nothing. Nothing makes him feel insecure and lonely and even though he knows that he isn't the brightest kid or even the smartest kid, he doesn't like to be insecure about himself. So he likes to talk. He always likes to start his mornings with an overly cheerful greeting, not because he is feeling over the top, but because if others are annoyed at it, he knows he still has friends. It isn't that he is a bad person; it's the futile and repeated attempts to fit into the 'cool' category, because even if he tries, he knows that he doesn't.
But today he watches. He watches them, the person he considers his best friend talking to her. She was his polar opposite, actually. Red headed, bratty, confident, and rebellious, he admires her. Sometimes, he chuckles because he thinks that she has ice in her veins. There is no way that a real person can be that cold. But now he watches her talking to him, and he watches how he cuddles her a little and she rolls her eyes, pretending that she's annoyed, and he can't help but smile. He knows that the moment her boyfriend walks out of the room, she will go back to being bratty and rebellious and pretend she doesn't have a heart. But he knows her, and he knows that she's a good person, and in spite of everything, he is happy for his friend.
Then he looks at his watch and moves away, because the desperate need to talk fills him again.
He confronts his friend in the locker room that day, and threatens to spill his secret, even though he knows he won't. He desperately wants to get rid of that girl he has been set up with, and figures blackmail is the way to go. His friend doesn't say anything, and he repeats his threat in a hushed voice. He looks at him, and his patience snaps, he thinks at least they people should have the decency to say something before they leave.
He looks around one more time, and finds no one. He silently leaves.
He sees her looking for him that day. He notices that she is wearing green, his favorite color. For a moment, it strikes to him as odd that he knows more about his best friend's girlfriend than his friend. In a perfect world, he thinks, he could've been the attentive boyfriend. But he isn't jealous, not so much over their relationship, but more so because he longs to have one just like them.
She spots him and comes over, and he can see her brows furrowed with worry. For a minute, he can look into her and he realizes that she loves him. It shocks him a little, and he feels that overwhelming urge to chuckle at an inopportune moment because the ice queen seems to have feelings. And she worriedly asks him for him over and over again, and he wishes that she didn't have to know the truth.
But then he decides then and there that she deserves it, because she loves him. It was as simple as that.
So the millionth time she asked his whereabouts, his patience finally snaps and he blurts out, "It was a bet." She shockingly looks at him for a moment, and doesn't believe him until he launches into a full explanation.
He remains stoic as he sees her lose it for a second. She clutches his shirt and tries to punch his chest, even ready to beg him to take it back and say that it is a cruel joke and what he had just said was false. In a perfect world, he would've smiled and taken it back, but he can't.
So he just stares at the floor and says nothing, and she watches him disbelievingly for a moment before running out. He doesn't have to look at her face to know that she's crying.
And it isn't as if he was an enigma or a prodigy who needs to be saved and protected and spoon-fed. He knows he is none of those things, but he desperately glances around at the cafeteria to see if there was at least someone he could talk to. He finds the place strangely deserted, and for a second feels like smashing a baseball bat into someone's face or breaking all the glasses in the kitchen.
But then the moment passes, and he realizes that he can't say anything, because whatever he says means something to someone, and he needs, for once in his life, for something to mean absolutely nothing.
Yet he wonders why he hates the silence.
Well, do reply. I live for those, and Happy New Year!
Love,
Shreyasi
Hindi TV Shows
Anupamaa
