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THE MOON RISE
There is no moon tonight.
the pitch black sky seeps through the window's broken blinds and settles upon an ancient chime-clock beneath the window.
The heartbeat suddenly escalates as the perfumed darkness catches me in its gossamery fishnet... ...hypnotizes me with a familiar fragrance ... ...beckons me with a smile perniciously mysterious to reveal something catastrophic. I refuse to give in, turning deaf to its siren call,pretending to utilize the search warrant, to make my self useful in this mission,to ransack the mansion and then run away from this cursed place . Darkness creeps over the illuminated dial of my watch, slithers contently towards the grand staircases with my hand glued in . the stairs seem endless and the ornate frame prodigious...am i making my final steps to insanity ? Am I bestowing myself to be the subject of destiny's cruelest joke ?
... ... ...
... ... ...
How can you smile so complacently with those ever benign eyes?
how can to stare back at my ashen face and forlorn brown eyes without a morsel of guilt ? How____ just how can you replace Ranawat and me in a blink with that blacksouled villain and live complacently , as if we never ever existed .
Damn the day when I will meet that shame of mankind again, face to face and a bullet will seal the fate of either one of us ! damn the day when you will kneel to beg forgiveness and I shall have none...
There must be no moon tonight.
The amber poison glides effortlessly through my mouth,burning my throat, numbing my senses...still not shutting down the screams,sneerings and pretended sympathy that the treacherous brain playing again and again like a broken gramophone disc.Instead it plays louder each passing moment. I empty the bottle and drink the whole content in one gulp,yet the thirst lingers ... I wish for an ocean tonight, to engulf me and let me hide the truth from this world, from my own self...Perhaps ! one ocean is not enough...
As my vision dances flirtatiously around the room, I staggered to dash away...I desire to be treated like a criminal receiving solitary confinement, a death sentence___anything to stifle the the soliloquy of whispers and laughters in my head. I stumble blindly,desperately, in the noisy silence, in the moonless darkness inside to cold interrogation cell, hands in my ears ...
Just as the cacophony nears to the rising crescendo, a crack slits open and out of it a bellowing but melodious voice commands majestically to stop. And it halts abruptly,confused with the question the voice raises.
'' How did you get hurt ? ''
I almost swallow the desire to laugh hysterically at the stupidity of the question maker ! There she is,again trying to be innocent, trying to cover up my wound ! But I have lost the will to fight back, not now, not tonight.On another fine morning we will pick up the accuser-accused charade from where we had left it unfinished.
Tonight i will keep quiet and pretend to be that little boy again...I will let her see how much it hurts to wear the mask of bravery always, how much I am torn from inside.The macabre farce Fate has played with me.Nothing to live for, nothing to die for.
But there she is ... murmuring sweet promises to stay forever, never leaving me alone to rot in my personal hell. Urging me to believe I am not broken, it is a small cut, a mere fall, nothing more ! I smile inwardly while she labours to hold me up,carrying nearly the whole of my weight as my knees give up... Today I will be the difficult child and let her do all the hard work.So, instead of pushing her away, I surrender in her arms,pulling her angelic form possessively against my wounded beastly self.
The aromatic night thronged around me once again...as familiar essence of rose and sandal casts spell...lines of lullaby,hushed yet melodic spring from oblivion and resonance in the ears.
Someone is trying to lull me to sleep, to wipe my unshed tears, to chase my demons away.
I struggle hard to see who she is but eyes refuse to obey.Yet I feel like swimming triumphantly in a silvery stream of light.
The moon rises finally,tonight !
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Anupamaa
Iss Pyaar Ko Kya Naam Doon
