dotw- marriage is a beautiful relation or a bond - Page 6

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Savi13 thumbnail
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Posted: 16 years ago
#51

Originally posted by: coolpurvi



In last sem a debate was oraginsed on marriage vs live in. It was a hot debate.

Will legal recognition to live-in destroy the institution of marriage????

Sociology says that marriage originated for regulation of sex in society
Religion says that it has some religious significance also. In Hinduism marriage is given the status of sacrament.

Now a days many people dont want to enter into a marriage. They prefer live-in. Main reason is that marriage requires more commitment n reponsibility. they dont have this faith that they will be able to live happily with someone for years. Esp boys do not prefer it because after marriage they become legally bound to maintain wife n children. Even after divorce they have to give heavy maintainence or alimony. One partner in live-in has much less right n responsibility compared to a spouse in marriage. It is easy to break up live-in and start a new relation at any point of time. Sometimes divorce cases last longer than the marriage itself. These factors have made live-in more attractive

Now the Maharastra Govt has decided to give right of maintainence to female partners of live in as per reccomendation of Justice Malimath Commiitee report of reforms of Cr.P.C . Many people have opposed it. They argued that in Indian soil live in relation shud not be given any legal recognition. It will destroy our culture etc etc. But in my opinion live in shud be given legal recognition n parterns shud hav some legal rights over each other n some legal resposibiltiy. It will no way harm the cuture or destroy the institution of marriage rather it will promote marriage. Many people avoid marriage n prefer live in to escape responsibily n to easily abondon one for another. Now when the element of responsibilty, maintainence will be attached to live in it will make the parteners more responsible toward eachother as in marriage. The biggest charm of live-in is "zero responsibility". the amendemet in Section 125 CrPC will destroy this merit of live in. Now the couple will prefer marriage to live in. Domestic Violence Act 2005 as already given legal recognition to live in
even i agree on this point... i hope with this people will change there mind and stick to marriage rather than going in live in...
but at the same time there must be loop holes in the same... there may be a cases where a person can deny that he is in live in relation ship with particular person.... or may conspire against someone that they are in relationship... is there any solution for such things....


We know that bigamy is illegal. In bigamy cases it is needed to prove both marriages in court. If one fails to prove that second maarige was solemonised fully according to rites n rituals the offender cannot be punished for bigamy. Marriage not solemonised in proper way according to essential or fundamental rituals of a community r not considered as marriage in law (except civil marriage poplularly know in India as "court marriage" where such rituals r not needed). For example marriage amongts hindus without the rite of saat phere or Saptapadi is invalid or no'marriage.

Only marrying another women during the subsistence of one marriage is illegal but is keep a another women in-live during the subsistence of the marriage illegal? No. So to escape being prosecuted for bigamy many people keep second or third wife in live-in then easily abandon her n deny any resposibilty. There was no way make such people responsible or deter them from stepping outside marital tie. Fear of paying heavy maintenance or alimony on abandonment or break up is a good way to deter such man from doing so. It will discourage them at to step outside marital bond n keep second or third wife through live-in.


Polygamy/Bigamy

Bigamy or polygamy is illegal for all in India except for muslim males who can keep four wives at a time. Now many men argue that there shud be equality n others too shud be allowed bigamy or polygamy. Many had converted themselves to Islam to have second wife. Our Hon'ble Supreme Court has held that such conversion done only with the object to have second or third wife r void ab intito n invalid n such man can be prosecuted for Bigamy. Koran allows male to have four wives at a time but on the condition that he shud treat them equally. Now days it not possible to please even one wife n treating four wives equally is not possible for any man in todays world. So if we truly interpet it we'll find that even Islam does not encourage pologamy.


either bigamy opr polygamy i don't have problem with that...
but that should be done after both parties agree on the same.. keeping in mind that doesn't cause further problem between partners.



thanks poorvi for all the infos.
Savi13 thumbnail
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Posted: 16 years ago
#52

Originally posted by: rupalip

Now dont call me SANT again ...is there any doubt abt the same...😆
but I am against both ...
even scriptures dont allow it ...
I know we cant follow each n every dharm but being in LIve-in
its better to marry Ravan ...
See Divorce is not a solution....
I dont think its easy to remarry and then u wld live happy life ...
but I agree there are some situations where divorces are must...
so taking those situations apart...
I am agaisnt point that one got divorced coz of family reasons or some sillly reasons
if one is getting divorced the reason shld be more than a major...
WHen one gets married , its not only the couples but whole 2 families are involved ...
so taking these types of decisions cld ruin many lifes ..
LIve in relationship is just Welcoming the end of Kalyug...
Those who are involved in this
gladly entering Narak
and def wld get the result one day ...
I hate How Indians cld do this?
If they think they cld understand each other better
They are infinite number of times wrong
All parents who r together for more than 30 years
are failed to understand each other ..
We all are humans
and we act acording to situation...
all these Live-in n all
are just running away from responsiblity ....


di i agree u on this but when it comes to domestic violence.. is there left any option apart from divorce....
even u said the same...
but here comes..... the thing that ppl. can easily mould the thing according to their own wish...
thts how our system work...
i think poorvi can say something on the same...



Vibhishna thumbnail
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Posted: 16 years ago
#53

Originally posted by: chen2chic

Guyzzzzzzzzzzzz,
First learn to deal with one lady.............then you can think of the next one😉 (Oh well, you wont even think after that😆)
Btw, a wonderful DOTW (thnx to Sam), and that too being beautifully discussed by the unmarried majority.😛
And points expressed so far are really good ones. Thnx Vibs for that wonderful piece of poetry.
Acc. to me, a BOND is something that is created with you, while a RELATION is something that you are created with. For eg. The Bond bet. a husband /wife is something that is created with the man and woman. But the relation between a son/daughter and parent is one the son/daughter is created with.
Now, how far we go along in bringing this BOND to be a RELATION is what marriage is all about. Its no rocket science, really! Just a few thoughts:
Love - to make sure you are loved.
Faith- it adds strength.
Respect - keep in mind your self respect.
Pride - in being in the relation.
Commit - for that makes it secure.
Ego - till it does not clash with the other's.
Understand - so you too are understood.
Talk - when you need to.
Forget - for only then you would forgive.
Remember - the sweet little things.
Forgive - for its a nice experience.
Appreciate - for it shows your love.
Admonish - for its your right.
Advice - for its your duty.
Invest - there is always a return on investment :)
Be grateful - to those who made this relation.
Thank - God, for creating this relation.

Excellent points Deepa. 👏
I do agree with you - its not easy to manage one wife and then where is the question for another 😉😆😆
Vibhishna thumbnail
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Posted: 16 years ago
#54

Originally posted by: coolpurvi



In last sem a debate was oraginsed on marriage vs live in. It was a hot debate.

Will legal recognition to live-in destroy the institution of marriage????

Sociology says that marriage originated for regulation of sex in society
Religion says that it has some religious significance also. In Hinduism marriage is given the status of sacrament.

Now a days many people dont want to enter into a marriage. They prefer live-in. Main reason is that marriage requires more commitment n reponsibility. they dont have this faith that they will be able to live happily with someone for years. Esp boys do not prefer it because after marriage they become legally bound to maintain wife n children. Even after divorce they have to give heavy maintainence or alimony. One partner in live-in has much less right n responsibility compared to a spouse in marriage. It is easy to break up live-in and start a new relation at any point of time. Sometimes divorce cases last longer than the marriage itself. These factors have made live-in more attractive

Now the Maharastra Govt has decided to give right of maintainence to female partners of live in as per reccomendation of Justice Malimath Commiitee report of reforms of Cr.P.C . Many people have opposed it. They argued that in Indian soil live in relation shud not be given any legal recognition. It will destroy our culture etc etc. But in my opinion live in shud be given legal recognition n parterns shud hav some legal rights over each other n some legal resposibiltiy. It will no way harm the cuture or destroy the institution of marriage rather it will promote marriage. Many people avoid marriage n prefer live in to escape responsibily n to easily abondon one for another. Now when the element of responsibilty, maintainence will be attached to live in it will make the parteners more responsible toward eachother as in marriage. The biggest charm of live-in is "zero responsibility". the amendemet in Section 125 CrPC will destroy this merit of live in. Now the couple will prefer marriage to live in. Domestic Violence Act 2005 as already given legal recognition to live in

We know that bigamy is illegal. In bigamy cases it is needed to prove both marriages in court. If one fails to prove that second maarige was solemonised fully according to rites n rituals the offender cannot be punished for bigamy. Marriage not solemonised in proper way according to essential or fundamental rituals of a community r not considered as marriage in law (except civil marriage poplularly know in India as "court marriage" where such rituals r not needed). For example marriage amongts hindus without the rite of saat phere or Saptapadi is invalid or no'marriage.

Only marrying another women during the subsistence of one marriage is illegal but is keep a another women in-live during the subsistence of the marriage illegal? No. So to escape being prosecuted for bigamy many people keep second or third wife in live-in then easily abandon her n deny any resposibilty. There was no way make such people responsible or deter them from stepping outside marital tie. Fear of paying heavy maintenance or alimony on abandonment or break up is a good way to deter such man from doing so. It will discourage them at to step outside marital bond n keep second or third wife through live-in.

Polygamy/Bigamy

Bigamy or polygamy is illegal for all in India except for muslim males who can keep four wives at a time. Now many men argue that there shud be equality n others too shud be allowed bigamy or polygamy. Many had converted themselves to Islam to have second wife. Our Hon'ble Supreme Court has held that such conversion done only with the object to have second or third wife r void ab intito n invalid n such man can be prosecuted for Bigamy. Koran allows male to have four wives at a time but on the condition that he shud treat them equally. Now days it not possible to please even one wife n treating four wives equally is not possible for any man in todays world. So if we truly interpet it we'll find that even Islam does not encourage pologamy.


Good points, Purvi 👏👏👏
It is true that there must be some regulation on how to live and I think that was why religion and laws originated in the first place.
I read somewhere that in those days only Kshathriyas were allowed to marry many times. The major reason behind this was to make sure that the king had an heir (male heir) from atleast one of his wives. The result was that sometimes, many of the wives had many sons and it resulted in more confusion and chaos especially as to who will be the next king.
Also, a person who is capable enough to rule the kingdom will be capable to manage more than one wife.
I think that unless there is a good reason, polygamy should not be made legal. If all those who are coming together are fine with it - it will be better but some time or the other the fight for supremacy will come in. If that ever happens life will be hell for everyone in the family.
akhl thumbnail
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Posted: 16 years ago
#55
Authority and accountability should go hand-in-hand. In live-in, there is less accountability than in marriage. Therefore, those in live-in should not expect as much authority as in marriage.
Vr15h thumbnail
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Posted: 16 years ago
#56

Originally posted by: Rajnish_Kumar


hmm so you really want to have more than one wife as you stated in MOTW thread😆, ok you start polygamy and i would then think to follow you🤣

In order to avoid jealousy that comes up in polygyny, here is a suggestion - polyamory: multiple hubbies, multiple wives, all within the same marriage. In other words, each of the men in the marriage is married to each of the women in the marriage, and vice versa.😃😃😆

Vr15h thumbnail
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Posted: 16 years ago
#57

Originally posted by: ananyacool

🤣
😲(married) women are difficult to handle?!

Chen2chic is right. As the only married guy here, I can tell you that if the compatibility isn't there, even 1 wife will feel like 1 too many😉
My last post about polyamory was tongue in cheek, but I certainly believe that both polygyny and polyandry should be illegal.
About polygamy among Kshatriyas, Vibs was partly right in that only Kings were allowed 2 wives - the first had to be the princess of another kingdom with whom a matrimonial alliance could be formed, and if the king happened to prefer another woman to the queen, he was allowed the second wife so that he wouldn't have an unhappy marriage. However, it was not the norm that they could have any number they wanted - Dasharath, Arjun, Krishna seem to be exceptions rather than the rule. Also, ordinary kshatriyas usually didn't have the option of a second wife. (The Pandavas were in a partially polyamorous marriage - Draupadi belonged to all 5, but each of the other wives that the Pandavas had - Hidimbi, Subhadra, Uloopi, Chitrangada, Karenmati, et al, only had one husband that they had to share with Draupadi, and in Arjun's case, with the other co-wives. Although Uloopi & Chitrangada never had to serve Arjun once he returned to Indraprastha, and were only re-united with him briefly at Yudhisthir's ashwamedha yagna)
Edited by Chandraketu - 16 years ago
rupalip thumbnail
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Posted: 16 years ago
#58

Originally posted by: sam1903

Now dont call me SANT again ...
but I am against both ...
even scriptures dont allow it ...
I know we cant follow each n every dharm but being in LIve-in
its better to marry Ravan ...

hailaa rupsi 😲
u want to marry ravan
fir indrajeet ka kya hoga amma 😆

yeah di even i am concern now
first for Ramji she left ij and now for Ravan ij too...
hadd hai

Come on Di , sam
By this I meant
Being in Live-in relationship
its better to marry Ravan
Ravan married many
but never left any wife..
RamKiSeeta thumbnail
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Posted: 16 years ago
#59

Originally posted by: rupalip

Now dont call me SANT again ...
but I am against both ...
even scriptures dont allow it ...
I know we cant follow each n every dharm but being in LIve-in
its better to marry Ravan ...
See Divorce is not a solution....
I dont think its easy to remarry and then u wld live happy life ...
but I agree there are some situations where divorces are must...
so taking those situations apart...
I am agaisnt point that one got divorced coz of family reasons or some sillly reasons
if one is getting divorced the reason shld be more than a major...
WHen one gets married , its not only the couples but whole 2 families are involved ...
so taking these types of decisions cld ruin many lifes ..
LIve in relationship is just Welcoming the end of Kalyug...
Those who are involved in this
gladly entering Narak
and def wld get the result one day ...
I hate How Indians cld do this?
If they think they cld understand each other better
They are infinite number of times wrong
All parents who r together for more than 30 years
are failed to understand each other ..
We all are humans
and we act acording to situation...
all these Live-in n all
are just running away from responsiblity ....

Well said Rupali Didi!👏
I think Divorce is only allowed when one (man or woman) is suffering from domestic violence. I've known many people who got divorced because they "found out they were not in love after all" or "they don't understand each other well enough" or "they love someone else".
I'm sorry, but all these should come into consideration before marriage, not after. One should take a lot of things into consideration before marrying a person, and not make any rash judgments. Marriage is a sacred union, and should not be treated with carelessness like many are doing these days.
No one deserves to suffer domestic violence (mental or physical), so I think that should be the only reason for a divorce.
As for "Live-In" before marriage, I am totally against that. My reason is plain and simple. It says in our Hindu scriptures that before marriage, a man and woman should not have any relationships. Until the consent of a parent is given, and all the scriptural rites are completed, any union between a man and woman leads to Narak. People who "live together" before marriage are said to have characteristics of a rakshasa, because rakshasas do things only for pleasure, and do not follow Dharma (for the most part, leaving aside rakshasas like Prahlada and Vibhishana).
As for polygamy, I will not say that it is sinful, because many good kings in our Mahapuranas had more than one wife. But many Kings married for heirs, while today, people will only act selfishly if polygamy is allowed.
Back in the previous yugas, each wife of a King was given a special status, her own apartment/palace, her own maids, etc. Basically, she was well provided for. But today, how many people will treat all their wives equally?
Today's society runs more on pleasure and jealousy than Dharma. That is because it is Kali Yug, In the previous Yugas, people followed scriptures, and they were righteous for the most part. Even Ravana, despite his faults, was a Shiva Bhakt, and did treat his wives equally. He was a relatively good King, and treated all of his sons equally. And same with Duryodhana. Despite his jealousy and pride, he ruled Hastinapura with righteousness during the Pandavas' exile, and he too treated all of his wives equally.
What I'm getting at is that even the "evil ones" of the previous Yugas had morals. But today, how many people consider Dharma and Scriptures when in a relationship? How many people ask for the permission of their parents before getting into a relationship? According to our scriptures, even dating is a sin, but it is relatively better than "living in".
That's why I don't think "Live In" on Polygamy should not be allowed in today's society. Our society does not have the responsibility or morals of Age Old Societies, and until duty and Dharma are once again given more importance, people should not get the same liberty as people did in the Olden Days.
coolpurvi thumbnail
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Posted: 16 years ago
#60

Originally posted by: sam1903


thanks poorvi for all the infos.

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