Posted:
Dear Asad Bhaijaan,
I've spent a majority of my life with you and I've always looked up to you. I had two fathers in my life; one was Abbu and the other was you. I always asked for and listened to your advice. Whenever I needed to vent out my anger on anything at all, I would come to you. In fact you were more of a father to me than Abbu! I've spent all these years talking and you've spent them listening to me, patiently. You wouldn't share your problems with me because you thought I had enough chaos in my life and didn't want to add to that. You've always thought that YOUR problems would put a burden on ME, but that was never true. I've always tried to get you to open up about your life. Not because I wanted to interfere with your life, but because I wanted you to feel lightened after discussing all the complications in your life with me. But I never forced you to say anything but I knew that whatever hardships you faced in life was all because of one person: Mr. Rashid Ahmed Khan.
Whenever I brought up his name, you would automatically shut me down, claiming that you didn't care about him and didn't want to hear his name. I remember wondering to myself; How can a son hate his own father so much? But what did I know then? I knew what he did, how he abandoned you, Najma, and Dilshaad Bi, but I never tried to understand what you felt. Where all this anger and hatred that you had in you for him came from. After all I had spent most of my life with him as well. He had always showered me, Nikhat, and Noozat with unconditional love so I really had no reason to hate him. I could have despised him for separating five sibling, but I didn't. Just because the five of us living together as one big family would just increase confusion. Did that mean he would live with Dilshaad Bi, Ammi, or both? All of those choices were too painful and neither right nor wrong, so I decided to ignore the issue.
You never had anything good to say about him and why should you? He has caused your family so much hurt and pain that its foolish just to think about forgiving him. Bhaijaan, you've always said that he has no feelings/emotions, and that he is a selfish man (he cares for no one except for himself) and after all these years I finally understand your words. Today, I've felt that same hurt, anger, and helplessness you've felt your whole life. I felt that hatred that you always had towards him. I now know the reason you've always called him Rashid Ahmed Khan and refused to call him your Abbu. And most importantly, I've learned the pain of being abandoned by him.
You were always right Bhaijaan, you were always right. That man really doesn't think of anyone else besides himself. That day when he came to your house to take Dilshaad Bi with him, he didn't care about what you said or thought. He realized that when Ammi and Dilshaad Bi both love him, why not take advantage of both. He doesn't care about what any of us think, what any of our opinions are. He is a man who will do what he has decided to do. For that he can tell his own son that his opinions don't matter or his other son to leave the house. All he knows how to do is use people.
It did take me 17+ years to realize this but now I know what kind of a man Rashid Ahmed Khan really is. And I'm so sorry for all of the stories I used to tell you about him. I never knew how much pain that brings back to you. We both tried so hard to keep our Ammis away from that man, but even after they found out his truth, they still want to live with him. Why? What does he have in him that two mothers are willing to leave their sons and live with that man? I guess it's futile asking these questions since we're probably never going to get answers. I just wanna thank you once for always being there for me and acting like a father figure when he never was.
I don't think he can disgust me anymore, but then again you never know and I am done with this little game. He told me to leave if I wanted to, so I am. I'm going somewhere far, where no one can find me and make a new identify for myself. Somewhere where I won't be recognized by my fathers name, but by my own name. But I know no matter how hard we try to keep him out of our lives, some part of him will always come back to us. And that's the worst part. The fact that no matter what we do, we will always have the blood of a spineless, selfish man like Rashid Ahmed Khan.
Good bye Bhaijaan. This time I won't be coming back anytime soon.
Your Younger Brother,
Ayaan
A/N since I received some positive feedback for Zoya's POV, I decided to do Ayaan's too, after watching the episode today. I hope you guys liked it! Asad's response to Zoya's letter will be up by the next few days. I'm sorry I'm just not getting a chance to write it down. Even this OS is being written at 12:51 am because the thought was fresh in my mind. This OS will only be an OS because I don't think Asad's or anyones response is necessary for it. As usual, I'm sorry for every and any mistakes. Let me know what you think by liking and commenting!
Here's also a link for Zoya's POV in case you haven't read it and are interested.
Now I Know How You Felt: Zoya's POV
I've spent a majority of my life with you and I've always looked up to you. I had two fathers in my life; one was Abbu and the other was you. I always asked for and listened to your advice. Whenever I needed to vent out my anger on anything at all, I would come to you. In fact you were more of a father to me than Abbu! I've spent all these years talking and you've spent them listening to me, patiently. You wouldn't share your problems with me because you thought I had enough chaos in my life and didn't want to add to that. You've always thought that YOUR problems would put a burden on ME, but that was never true. I've always tried to get you to open up about your life. Not because I wanted to interfere with your life, but because I wanted you to feel lightened after discussing all the complications in your life with me. But I never forced you to say anything but I knew that whatever hardships you faced in life was all because of one person: Mr. Rashid Ahmed Khan.
Whenever I brought up his name, you would automatically shut me down, claiming that you didn't care about him and didn't want to hear his name. I remember wondering to myself; How can a son hate his own father so much? But what did I know then? I knew what he did, how he abandoned you, Najma, and Dilshaad Bi, but I never tried to understand what you felt. Where all this anger and hatred that you had in you for him came from. After all I had spent most of my life with him as well. He had always showered me, Nikhat, and Noozat with unconditional love so I really had no reason to hate him. I could have despised him for separating five sibling, but I didn't. Just because the five of us living together as one big family would just increase confusion. Did that mean he would live with Dilshaad Bi, Ammi, or both? All of those choices were too painful and neither right nor wrong, so I decided to ignore the issue.
You never had anything good to say about him and why should you? He has caused your family so much hurt and pain that its foolish just to think about forgiving him. Bhaijaan, you've always said that he has no feelings/emotions, and that he is a selfish man (he cares for no one except for himself) and after all these years I finally understand your words. Today, I've felt that same hurt, anger, and helplessness you've felt your whole life. I felt that hatred that you always had towards him. I now know the reason you've always called him Rashid Ahmed Khan and refused to call him your Abbu. And most importantly, I've learned the pain of being abandoned by him.
You were always right Bhaijaan, you were always right. That man really doesn't think of anyone else besides himself. That day when he came to your house to take Dilshaad Bi with him, he didn't care about what you said or thought. He realized that when Ammi and Dilshaad Bi both love him, why not take advantage of both. He doesn't care about what any of us think, what any of our opinions are. He is a man who will do what he has decided to do. For that he can tell his own son that his opinions don't matter or his other son to leave the house. All he knows how to do is use people.
It did take me 17+ years to realize this but now I know what kind of a man Rashid Ahmed Khan really is. And I'm so sorry for all of the stories I used to tell you about him. I never knew how much pain that brings back to you. We both tried so hard to keep our Ammis away from that man, but even after they found out his truth, they still want to live with him. Why? What does he have in him that two mothers are willing to leave their sons and live with that man? I guess it's futile asking these questions since we're probably never going to get answers. I just wanna thank you once for always being there for me and acting like a father figure when he never was.
I don't think he can disgust me anymore, but then again you never know and I am done with this little game. He told me to leave if I wanted to, so I am. I'm going somewhere far, where no one can find me and make a new identify for myself. Somewhere where I won't be recognized by my fathers name, but by my own name. But I know no matter how hard we try to keep him out of our lives, some part of him will always come back to us. And that's the worst part. The fact that no matter what we do, we will always have the blood of a spineless, selfish man like Rashid Ahmed Khan.
Good bye Bhaijaan. This time I won't be coming back anytime soon.
Your Younger Brother,
Ayaan
A/N since I received some positive feedback for Zoya's POV, I decided to do Ayaan's too, after watching the episode today. I hope you guys liked it! Asad's response to Zoya's letter will be up by the next few days. I'm sorry I'm just not getting a chance to write it down. Even this OS is being written at 12:51 am because the thought was fresh in my mind. This OS will only be an OS because I don't think Asad's or anyones response is necessary for it. As usual, I'm sorry for every and any mistakes. Let me know what you think by liking and commenting!
Here's also a link for Zoya's POV in case you haven't read it and are interested.
Now I Know How You Felt: Zoya's POV
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