OS : naughty night.:p - Page 4

Originally posted by: Laila2009

Good first attempt...here are some suggestions...

When presenting dialogue, leave a space after each dialogue and be clear as to WHO is doing the talking. It was very confusing in areas. Also if you are going to do dialogue only...then you can do what some people do

Asad: Aap ne...

Asad then grabbed Zoya and kissed her...

Zoya (flustered): Mr Khan, yeh app kiya kare hain

This way the reader has an easier time following your story.

Content: Always keep in character - you did a good job here to a degree. Bheegi is one of my favorite writers because she always keeps in character and this adds to the richness of your story.

Also, don't rush the ending. Too many writers rush the ending...they rush to have Zoya and Asad say "I love you' and 'kiss' - we've had an endless number of stories with this ending. You do not have to offer us x-rated suhaag raat scenes but give us their feelings at learning how the other feels.

I also found it strange to see Zoya hug Asad back afterwards - it seemed very out of character. if she was going to seduce Asad - a few flirty jokes would be enough...I could not picture her hugging him - it is just did not fit with he personality.

BTW way do not forget we have a OScompetitionwith the TKF - we have this on sticky on the front page - do check into it.

Originally posted by: -Yaariyan-

IT WAS AWESOME

Originally posted by: devilindisguise

Hahaha
demo dekahaon?

Originally posted by: --Kriti--

awsomeee

Originally posted by: asyaforlife

<font size="3" face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif" color="#006666">Heya Diya,</font>

<font size="3" face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif" color="#006666">We share our names😎</font>

<font size="3" face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif" color="#006666">And your one shot was amazing dear.</font>

<font size="3" face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif" color="#006666">You should be writing more and come here more often.</font>

<font size="3" face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif" color="#006666">I loved this naughty shaughty Akdu Bold Khan❤️😆</font>

<font size="3" face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif" color="#006666">Love,</font>

<font size="3" face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif" color="#006666">Umm.. jo tera hai wo mera hai😎</font>

Originally posted by: Surish

Originally posted by: jawria123

awesome

Originally posted by: Iqra81

Awesome OS please continue if u can I loved it?

Originally posted by: -Prithi-

nice one