Asya SS: When reAl!ty.knocks..(updated pT pg 32

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can call me Mrs Enrique Iglesias

@enrique

Rocker

+ 4

Posted: 12 years ago

#91

Originally posted by: enrique305
amazing !!!!!!

Originally posted by: 1D_D3-Crazy
Loved the update :-) but the bracket thing is really confusing, you could probably try using different colours or something

Originally posted by: neenabinu
this is getting real interesting...

Thanks glad u liked it

Nice idea I will change the colour rather than brackets thanks for suggestion

And yup it will be more interesting further

Quote

can call me Mrs Enrique Iglesias

@enrique

Rocker

+ 4

Posted: 12 years ago

#92

Originally posted by: MjhtFan_Mahima
Wow

First of all thank you for the pm and scrap

Finally caught up with this ss

This update was brilliant

Asad and Zoya's conversation was amazing

The way Asad promised Zoya ki main dhund kar launga

And the 2 extra spoons of sugar

All this was really cute

Update soon

😊

I am so glad to see that u liked it

I will try to update soon and pm

So that u can read more

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neha

@miria

Explorer

Posted: 12 years ago

#93

yaar it was amazing carry on and send me the link

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Laila Banu

@Laila2009

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 12 years ago

#94

An entertaining read but very hard to follow. Here's my suggestion:

Z:( her tears never stopped and now she was breathing heavily )[seeing in her in this state he got more worried ]Mera …abu ke …{my fathers pic}..(she realized that what she mentioned in front of him ) please Mr . Khan vo merii ….( she was now fumbling out of pain )[ to pull her out of this state he shouts on her ]miss zoya farookhi …hosh mai aye !{miss farookhi come out of the trance }[he caught he slightly from her shoulders to bring her out of this frincing pain ](zoya placed her both hands on his and spoke with a heavily painful voice which was an indication of her heart break ) mr. khan please …mujhe vo tasveer dhoond kar de dejaye …pplease mr .khan vo mere liya bohat assis hai {please find that picture its really important for me}(a warm tear fell on asad hand which was on hers )

Sometimes the reader can figure out what the character is doing without having to explain everything single detail to the audience. Also, in a script, the actions of the writers are not written where we have dialogue and neither are thoughts...so it is really hard to follow. You also have translation and everything in the same font and color.

How about you don't italicize the dialogue and put it in a different font or even font color. The translation in another and the thoughts you keep italicized. Yes it is more work for you but your reader will have a better time reading. I got very frustrated as I was felt I was repeating myself with the translation and the details that were not necessary and as a result I lost focus of what is actually a very good piece of work. So do take my suggestions into consideration. You might want to run two separate postings..one in urdu/hindi and the other in English, so it is not all on one post.

Believe me, it was difficult to follow. Suggestions as I said, this is entertaining reading but the fonts, formats etc are making it difficult for the reader.

Take care

Laila

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Gayatri Jethani

@GayatriJethani

Voyager

Posted: 12 years ago

#95

wonderful update... really loved it...

beautifully penned down.. i can feel zoya state of mind.. 👏

Quote

can call me Mrs Enrique Iglesias

@enrique

Rocker

+ 4

Posted: 12 years ago

#96

Originally posted by: Laila2009
An entertaining read but very hard to follow. Here's my suggestion:

Z:( her tears never stopped and now she was breathing heavily )[seeing in her in this state he got more worried ]Mera 'abu ke '{my fathers pic}..(she realized that what she mentioned in front of him ) please Mr . Khan vo merii '.( she was now fumbling out of pain )[ to pull her out of this state he shouts on her ]miss zoya farookhi 'hosh mai aye !{miss farookhi come out of the trance }[he caught he slightly from her shoulders to bring her out of this frincing pain ](zoya placed her both hands on his and spoke with a heavily painful voice which was an indication of her heart break ) mr. khan please 'mujhe vo tasveer dhoond kar de dejaye 'pplease mr .khan vo mere liya bohat assis hai {please find that picture its really important for me}(a warm tear fell on asad hand which was on hers )

Sometimes the reader can figure out what the character is doing without having to explain everything single detail to the audience. Also, in a script, the actions of the writers are not written where we have dialogue and neither are thoughts...so it is really hard to follow. You also have translation and everything in the same font and color.

How about you don't italicize the dialogue and put it in a different font or even font color. The translation in another and the thoughts you keep italicized. Yes it is more work for you but your reader will have a better time reading. I got very frustrated as I was felt I was repeating myself with the translation and the details that were not necessary and as a result I lost focus of what is actually a very good piece of work. So do take my suggestions into consideration. You might want to run two separate postings..one in urdu/hindi and the other in English, so it is not all on one post.

Believe me, it was difficult to follow. Suggestions as I said, this is entertaining reading but the fonts, formats etc are making it difficult for the reader.

Take care

Laila