PV OS - MY GOODBYE - Chapter 2 page 4

Hi all, I just felt like posting something. I have written this a a while ago. It is based on the pre-running away scene. Instead of doing a tape before she leaves for Yash's birthday party, Aarti writes Yash a letter. I couldn't understand everything that she said on the tape as I don't understand Hindi, so this is my own take on it.

I hope you enjoy.

MY GOOD BYE

Dear Yashji

I have been sitting here forever trying to think of the right words to say just to finally realise that there no right or wrong words. There is just our situation. This situation that was chosen by us out of obligation to our very hearts, our children. We loved them so much that we chose an alliance to make their lives happier and complete. To give them a family. We were to be husband and wife and yet not. Being a mother and father was paramount to everything else.

I thank you for this. I am so very grateful for allowing me into the hearts of those most precious girls. Even though I came into their lives recently it feels like they were always mine. I love them so much. It wasn't easy winning their trust, most of all my Palak, but it is worth having to work at it to finally have their love and acceptance as mother.

And I am even more grateful for your acceptance of Ansh as your son. For five years I have had to experience the void the lack of father left in him. It only got worse as he got older. I tried to be both mother and father, but a boy needs a father. Yes, bauji did his best but that never quite filled that particular void. And when we came to this house the start was as rocky as mine with the girls, but you made it your mission to win him over. The gift, the boxing training, the race. Most especially you put your very own life on the line for a son that is not even yours by blood. I could hardly believe it but. I was in such awe of your sacrifice. And those words that you said before you lost consciousness. "See Aarti. I kept my promise. You got your son back."

I suppose it started then. And it progressed little by little. Becoming more and more. Deeper and deeper. It broke me that I could not stay and take care of you. That first night at least the nurse allowed me to be with you but the next day I had to leave. Everyone wanted me to leave you. Your family and mine. You have no idea what that did to me. And when I thought it couldn't hurt anymore I received those divorce papers. My already non-existent self-esteem plummeted to an all-time low. Was I so terrible that I did not deserve love? I couldn't, I just couldn't do it. Not even if I wanted to.

When I saw you in the traffic that day that my pallu got caught in your car I was shocked to see you. I wanted to talk to you but didn't know what to say. You looked so unapproachable and when I heard that car horn, I was compelled to flee. I hoped against hope that you would stop and follow me but you didn't.

And when I saw you at the school, my heart jumped but those words crushed me again. That I shouldn't lie to the children. Given me the indication that there was no hope at all for reconciliation.

And then suddenly that all changed. That thief wanted to steal from you. I couldn't allow that. But it turned into a happy event. I gave me a new courage and a new hope. Why else would we have ended up in the same place, arrested again? Handcuffed to each other, almost as if we were always meant to be together. And when we spoke in that jail cell, so many things became clear to me. And I decided that I couldn't just give up on this marriage. That is when I decided to fight for our marriage. I couldn't give up just like that. At least if it didn't work out, I would know it was not for lack of trying.

And when we came back to the school, and I saw how much Ansh already loved and depended on you, it gave me that added push to do what I needed to do. He needed you even more than I did. It was not fair of me to deprive him of father for the 2^nd time in his life. I could see that despite our situation you genuinely cared for him. Why else would you have agreed to the race. His little heart soared and so did mine. I decided to use this as my opportunity to talk to you. To plead my case.

To my surprise, not everyone was against this marriage. Your brothers and bhabhis were on board as well as my parents. Yes, we plotted and planned to get this marriage going again. And I thought you were not going to show up at the race. My heart broke. Not only for Ansh but also for me. You made my son so happy that day. That was the motivation for me to ask you for the reconciliation, despite you handing me the divorce papers. And though my courage nearly failed, I pressed through and was rewarded with what I have hoping for. You took us back home. You stood up to Ma and Bauji for us. I was determined that you trust in me and my hope for this relationship would be honoured. I would strive to be the bahu that Ma and Bauji wanted and a wife and mother that you could be proud of.

My feelings for you steadily evolved slowly. And that day that you were lost in the rain, that I found you unconscious. It hit me like a ton of pricks. I loved you, you were more than just the father of my children. You were my love, my life.

So I couldn't let you fight for Neelam on your own. I wanted to protect you against her parents. I didn't want you out of my sight lest I never see you again. And even then Neelam saw what you did not. That we were meant to be together. And you acknowledge my place in the success of the plan. My heart soared. I couldn't keep my eyes off you while you took that call. But I had to hide myself and my feelings from your impenetrable gaze because you still loved Aarpita. I could only love you from a distance but I was happy just to be near you. So happy.

Then another my victory. Despite outside efforts, I bonded with my princess. When she said "I love you Mamma" my world was whole. I fought for her affection. And finally she gave it to me. When I had least expected it. I saw the tears in your eyes too that day, Yashji. Knowing that she finally accepted me. The reason we had gotten married in the first placed had finally been fulfilled. We both had the love and commitment of both of our children. That ones that we lived for when our partners left.

But what came of that victory led us to this place. First our disagreements about granting Palak's wish to go to Mumbai. But finally you agreed. That day in the bathroom. I just want to giggle when I think of it. You were so cute. The way you were so scared that I would look at you. And then you scold me about not getting in the carpenter. Oh how I loved that moment. I could enjoy the sight of your magnificent towel clad body. I was practically swooning. If you only knew, you would have probably beat the door down the get away from me.

But at least we could talk and I don't know when you decided, but the sudden announcement that we could go on the Mumbai holiday. I was so happy, you would never understand. We almost did not go due to Pari's scheming but we went. It was probably was meant to be.

I was so disappointed to see that Arpita once again dominated the Mumbai home, but yet, you had changed so much. You became more playful. Even agreeing to set business aside in favour of family time. You taught me pottery, you agreed to the arm wrestling and the beach trip. We had such a good time that I forgot myself. I confessed my love to you. But then I lied and said I was making a joke, but we both knew, I think, that I wasn't.

And when you danced with me that day at the fisherman's village, you looked so happy and you even told me you were. That I had changed you. But then everything changed. You became a monster. Your hurt me and yourself. In fact you nearly killed yourself in that boxing match. You made it so unbearable for everyone that I decided to move out for everyone's peace of mind.

Then I discovered what caused your behaviour. And do you know how much it hurt Yashji. I am your wife, yet you called the consummation of our marriage a sin. How could I tell you then, when you spoke of me with such little regard. Claiming that I cheated you, that I tricked you. How could I tell you then?

Though I wanted to. There were opportunities, several of them. But I just couldn't. Your words were etched in my mind and heart. That night was a sin. When Ma sent the amulet, you demanded I remove it. I just had enough that day. I didn't mean to but I just couldn't take it anymore. I had so much to deal with. This big secret that was weighing on me so heavily. I snapped at you. I loved you but couldn't be near you. I just wanted the distance between us. The same distance that you demanded of me so many times. When, I played hide and seek with the kids. I felt so sorry for shouting at them afterwards. And then when were in the bathroom with the kids and knocked our heads. I just wanted to give you what you wanted, Yashji.

I could see the confusion your eyes. I was always the demure one. The one that took everything and still grinned and bore it all. And now I was different, more distant. I only got involved with the children and not you.

And today is your birthday, what an awesome present it would have been to give. Just like when Arpita gave you her gift on your birthday years ago. But you know what. Like I told you before, I am Aarti, not Arpita. I can never be her and I don't want to be her. I am only me. The best me I can be and that is not good enough for you.

This morning I caught you looking at me. I was shocked and very surprised. I wasn't sure what it meant. And when you nearly dropped your towel ... Well I am leaving on a high note. I even imagined a look when I came out to join before the party. But I opted to stay behind for this.

Just to tell you Yashji, that I love you. I love you more than words can express and I want to wish you a very happy birthday my love.

I will see you later, for the last time. But Ansh and I will be leaving tonight. Ansh, I and the baby that I am carrying. The baby that you labelled a sin, is only a source of love to me. I will forever treasure our union and I will love our baby even more because he is yours.

I wish you all the best for the future my love. I hope you once again find a love like the one you had with Arpita. I hope my girls will be happy forever. My blessings will forever remain with you and them.

Once again a very happy birthday. I love you so much.

Yours forever,

Aarti.

A big res.

Edited!

Firstly I love that you opted to put this in a letter format. What better way to pour your heart out than the old fashioned way? Paper has more durability than any technological device hence it echoes Aarti's forever love, exactly how she signed off... Yours forever.

Even now with no hope for a future she's telling him that for her, he's her forever love. She's heartbroken, hurt, disappointed, devastated but in all of that she still loves him deeply. She's not only pouring out her pain, she's also sharing her happy moments with him. She's show him that however small or insignificant they may have seemed, for her they meant the world, for her they counted. These small moments keep the fire burning in her heart. Because of one such moment, she has a part of him growing inside her. For him it was sin, it was dirty, even the thought drove him to insanity... Still, for her it meant the world.

Despite the pain he caused and is still causing, she's being selfless. She's leaving him for him, she just wants his happiness. Even if that happiness is with another, as long as her love is free of torment and at peace. She knows of his inner torment, that some part of him must have even the smallest regard for her. Nothing but that could have made him come to her in a drunken state; nothing but that makes him give her those "looks." "leaving on a high note" told you that had me giggling...

You emtoted it beautifully Honey-Bee. Aarti's emotion was tangible in each word. ❤️

Loved it! Hurry up with Yash's POV! 😡

Awww what a wonderfully sad os ,I wanted to read more and know yash reaction ,anywho U said everything that I thought aarti should have said to yash,its a really beautiful os 👏

Wowww awesome loved it 😳👏

Emotional OS

Poor Aarti :(. Very well written.

nice os , beautifully written

Sad but it captured Aarti's feelings very well. She indeed left on a high!

Fab. The letter has covered almost all of the serial ! Very well written . It will be interesting to continue with Yash's reaction to this letter. Thanks