Samarpan
Sometimes surrender means giving up trying to understand
and becoming comfortable with not knowing.
Part 10
Arpita got down from the bed and smiled brightly at Yash, "Congratulations, Yash!! It seems you are going to be a father."
Yash was perplexed and slightly shaken at her brazen attitude but kept his cool. This was no time to lose control. His babuji's hard-earned eminence and his family's reputation were at stake. A sense of deja vu was setting in, bringing in clarity and acceptance. Whatever he had heard her speak on phone, along with her last remark, gave him some idea about her. He stepped in, turned, and closed the door. Then he turned back, leaned against the door, and crossed his arms across his chest, staring at Arpita with a cold expression. She stood calmly with a half smile playing on her lips, watching his reactions.
The next moment she was taken aback by his remark, as he completely disregarded her sarcastic quip and simply stated icily, "So, it was the money."
Arpita's eyes widened in surprise, as she struggled to stay in control and finish what she had begun two weeks back. His matter-of-fact statement had clearly unsettled her. She stared at him, trying to read his expressions. Not a muscle moved on Yash's face as he gestured toward the sofa, "Why don't we sit down and discuss this?"
No wedding night could have been stranger for a bride and groom as they sat measuring each other like sparring partners and not life partners as they were supposed to be. Yash spoke first, "Now tell me why you thought that after marrying me you will be able to extract money out of me?"
"Why do you think I want money from you? I might want a father for this child." Arpita shot back.
"Oh…c'mon Arpita…it's written all over your face. You fooled me with your friendly and perfect behavior…I admit that. I was so keen to make my dadima happy that I slipped up in judging you. However, I have had past experiences with gold diggers…so give me some credit. Also, going by who you were on phone with awhile back, it is clear that the man whose child you carry hasn't abandoned you." There was no way he was going to disclose to her that the journal had actually did him in. That was the only part that came as a huge disappointment…that the writings were not what they came across to him as. He clamped on his feelings and waited for her to speak.
She was looking down at her hands. When she looked up, the steel was back in her eyes, "His name is Rahul. He was and is the only man I love. We both wanted to move out of the small town and make it big abroad…in Canada to be precise. Rahul's uncle runs a business there and wants Rahul as his partner. But for that we needed money…lots of it. Rahul belongs to a lower middle-class family. You have seen my parents. They have just bare minimum. They tried to give me a comfortable life but it was never enough. They could never understand my needs. Only I know how I got through college."
"How would marrying me solve your problem? I can send you back to Hoshangabad tonight and divorce you tomorrow."
"I will demand alimony."
Yash smiled, "You may not get it…because you concealed crucial facts about yourself. I will fight it."
It was turn for Arpita to smile, "You forget why I congratulated you when you came in. I will project this child as yours in front of the society."
"What? You will use your unborn child?" Yash was stunned.
"Oho! Don't be such a righteous prude, Yash. I didn't plan this kid. Now that I have it…and I can't have an abortion because it may put my life at risk…I might as well ensure I have enough to bring him or her up. (Sigh) See I am looking after this kid's interests as well. In return if I get what I want, where's the harm?"
"Arpita, a simple DNA test can prove that this child is not mine."
"Of course, it would. But would you want to? Think about the scandal. I believe your father is very proud of his status and standing in society. He is revered in Bhopal. He has earned this name through a lifelong of hard work…right? One wrong move by you and your family's name and reputation will be blown to smithereens. The media and the society will relish the scoop. Most importantly, think of your dadima. Do you think her heart will take such a shock?"
"Don't you dare drag my grandmother into your muck?" Her deviousness appalled him. It was evident that she had thought this through.
"I don't wish to….not till you give me a reason to."
Yash forced himself to control his temper and remain calm, "So what is your plan?"
Arpita breathed a sigh of relief, now that the first battle was won, "I will stay here till this baby is born. Then we'll get a divorce and I shall leave with the money. I won't bother you after that."
"Not so fast Arpita. I will agree to this charade only under two conditions."
"Go ahead…I am all ears."
"Till you are here you will abide by this family's norms and not step out of the line, which means you won't meet Rahul till you leave. I won't risk fingers pointing at my family for any misconduct of yours. Secondly, since I am going to be the father of this child, he or she will remain with me. You will forfeit all your rights on the child after you leave. I will take legal counsel regarding the issue and you will sign wherever you are asked to. I will not have you come back at any point and claim the child as yours.
"No problem. I agree. This child is only an unwanted complication for me at this stage."
"Fine…so that's agreed. We have to share this room for the rest of the family's sake and for your pregnancy to be validated later. You take the bed, I'll take the divan. Remember, apart from me only babuji knows about this matter."
Without further ado, Yash got up and walked toward the door, as Arpita watched him with narrowed eyes. She had come prepared with a fighting defence, but Yash had turned the tables on her by being completely unruffled…almost condescending. And the fact that he didn't show as much as a slight interest in her piqued her somewhat, her ego taking a beating. At the door, Yash paused and turned, "I'll get that journal I took from you from the study. You may have it back."
"Keep it! It's not mine anyway."
Yash felt an enormous load being lifted off him as he heard the first right thing coming from her mouth. Taking care to appear nonchalant, and not very eager, he asked casually, "Then whose is it? I'll send it across to her."
"Don't bother. She is a nobody. I don't even remember her name. She had dropped that notebook in college. I would have given it back to her, but I never saw her again."
Yash was about to probe further but thought better of it and let it be. Later he would make some inquiries in the college, but no one seemed to know a girl who was a writer. She really was a nonentity!!
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Yash filled in his father with all the unpleasant details, who agreed that the family should not be let in on this for now. Dadima's surgery and her postoperative care were of primary concerns at the moment. The surgery went off well. Yash insisted dadima stay with them till the doctors deem her fit to go back to the village. Gayatri tried her best to make Arpita comfortable in the new environs and get her involved by entrusting her with household responsibility, but she found her bahu to be a little aloof and disinterested, although she was always respectful. When Gayatri approached Yash with the issue, he requested his mother to take it easy and to give Arpita a little time.
A month after the wedding, dadima was brought home from the hospital, and the same day Yash disclosed Arpita's pregnancy to the family. The "good news" became the incentive for dadima's speedy recovery. Her childlike enthusiasm at being upgraded to the status of a great grandmother brought a lump to Yash's throat. He looked at his father who nodded at him in understanding. Yash never spoke with Arpita in the privacy of their bedroom, although he maintained a veneer of a good relationship outside of it. As Arpita's pregnancy progressed, his inherent goodness kicked in and he took personal care of her physical health, ensuring she got the right diet and accompanying her for her check-ups. Arpita, on her part, stuck to her end of the deal and maintained a cordial relationship with all. She never met Rahul, but spoke with him once a day after requesting Yash for the perk, who acquiesced.
Arpita gave birth to a baby girl in January, seven and a half months after their marriage. Dr Parmar kept the mother and the daughter in hospital for additional few days, following the norm for premature babies to maintain the charade. Dadima, Gayatri, and Prateek were ecstatic at this new addition to their family. The moment the nurse kept the baby in Yash's arms, she stared right back at him. He fell in love with her straightaway. Eyes glistening, he cuddled her close and promised the baby that she will always be his little girl come what may. Finally, he had someone he could call only his own. While still in hospital, with great relief Arpita signed all the papers for divorce and the ones that gave Yash the sole rights of a parent. She never went back to the Scindia Mansion. The day she was discharged, she walked away with Rahul, the cheque secure in her grasp, without once looking back at the daughter she gave birth to just a few days back.
It was left to Yash's father to explain to his mother, wife, and younger son as to why Arpita went away, as Yash stood nearby, his daughter blissfully sleeping in his arms. Suraj Pratap looked at his mother, "Ma, Arpita was unhappy here…had been so for some months now. She couldn't adapt herself to our family and didn't connect with Yash at all. Moreover, she had received a good job offer abroad the day before the marriage, which she was very keen to take up. Your operation and then her pregnancy stopped her from taking the offer. She did tell Yash about it. It's when she realized she couldn't fit into our family that she approached Yash again. Her employers had waited for her all this while. Yash spoke with me and we decided to let her leave. Keeping someone trapped in a forced marriage could only bring unhappiness all around. I hope the decision we took is fine with you all."
Needless to say all three were stunned, even though each in their own way had sensed a distance between Yash and Arpita as also that the latter had never shown any inclination whatsoever to blend into the family. As if on cue, all three looked at the little bundle in Yash's arms. Yash walked over and placed the little one in his dadima's lap, "Dadima, this is your great granddaughter. You are her badi dadi. This baby is…"
"Payal."
"Dadima??" A wave of emotions passed over Yash as he heard his dadi whisper the name.
Dadima looked up as tears ran down her wrinkly cheeks. She lifted her free hand and cradled Yash's cheek, as he held her wrist, "I name her Payal, Yash. She will fill your empty existence with her tingling, sweet presence…She will be the music that will bring melody back into your life." As Yash's eyes spilled over, she wiped the tears away, "I am so sorry, Yash. If I had not insisted on this marriage, you wouldn't have…"
"No, dadima…don't blame yourself." Yash stopped her. "If I had not married, I wouldn't have had the fortune to become a father to this beautiful child. And now…," he paused and glanced around at his family, "…now, I want your support to bring her up. Payal and I…we both…need you." Payal…he repeated inwardly…he already loved the name as much as he loved his little princess. The rest of the family closed in, nodding at Yash, tearfully.
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"Papa…come…come…let's open the presents," Yash struggled to keep the phone conversation going with the client as his three-year-old daughter pulled him with all her little might. Her third birthday had just got over, and barring a couple of relatives, all the guests and children had left.
Yash finished the call, bent, and picked up Payal, twirling her round and round as she squealed in delight. He placed her on his shoulders and hopped up the stairs, two at a time, as Payal clutched his hair and shouted at her chachu, who was coming down, to turn around and join them. They were only half way through the presents when Payal flopped against Yash's chest, her eyes drooping, too tired to stay awake. At Yash's signal, Prateek collected the rest of the presents, clearing the bed, as Yash took of Payal's shoes and changed her into her pajamas. After tucking her and kissing her goodnight, both tip-toed out, instructing the maid outside to keep an eye on her.
They joined the family for dinner. Gayatri's cousin Geeta, who had come in late, took a seat at the table. The conversation naturally revolved around Payal and her chirpy antics. That's when Geeta maasi touched the forbidden topic, addressing Yash, "Yash, why don't you marry again? I have many girls in mind, who will all be too willing to marry you. Payal too needs a mother."
There was a hush around the table. The last time anyone had broached the topic was two years back, when Yash had blown his fuse after being repeatedly pestered for a remarriage. Gayatri, wanting to see Yash settled down and Payal to have a mother, had brought in three proposals in a month.
Dadima had then taken Yash aside, and had asked him, "What is really bothering you Yash? I have never seen you so angry before. Just because you had a bad first marriage doesn't mean you cannot seek happiness again. Your mother only wants the best for you."
Yash had looked at his grandmother with tortured eyes, "Dadima, I can never trust a girl again. No…please don't ask why. I don't say there aren't any good girls out there. It's just that I have a very poor record with them. I only attract the bad ones."
"Yash!! What nonsense?" She paused and stared at him hard, "Do you have someone in mind?"
Yash smiled, "No dadima…that'd be very contradictory, don't you think?" He had closed his eyes and had blurted out inadvertently, "The only one I could have in mind is lost out there in the world somewhere. I only see her in her written words." He had looked down at the dear old lady and had whispered, "I wish I could find her."
She had whispered back, "You will find her…when the time is right. She is waiting for you."
No one had ever talked of marriage after that. And now as everyone tried to catch Geeta's eye, Yash excused himself and got up from the table. He went up to his room, changed and slipped into his bed. As he switched on the bedside light and took the journal in his hands for his regular night read, his phone rang.
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"I will never forgive you for this, Aman."
"I am sorry Yash. I didn't want to worry you. You have Payal to think of. I couldn't have you rushing to me for every session of chemotherapy and radiation."
"You should have told me Aman….I would have taken you to the best doctors…abroad if needed. I…"
"It wouldn't have been of any use, pal. The cancer was diagnosed at the terminal stage. I have only a few days left now…I had to see you. I wanted you to do something for me."
"Anything Aman…whatever you say."
Yash and Aman had kept in touch over the years, although the visits had lessened because of increasing responsibilities on both sides. They would exchange notes at least thrice a week. Aman had married Deepa, the girl from New York. Yash was abroad for work-related trip when Aman's marriage was fixed. He could only reach back on the day of the marriage…and by that time it was too late. Even then he had tried to persuade Aman to back off by relating the US incident, but he could very well have been talking to a mirror as far as righteousness was concerned. Aman had decided to go ahead with the wedding, keeping in mind his parents' reputation. Although he never spoke about his married life, Yash could sense his friend's unhappiness every time they spoke or met. Their plans for one more trip to Nainital, for old times' sake, had never materialized.
"Yash, I had some of the happiest moments of my life up there on the mountains with you. The last few months I have relived those times whenever the pain was unbearable. After I am gone, I want you to go up there for me and spread my ashes over the peak we both loved so much. Will you do that my friend?"
Yash clasped Aman's hands in his and promised. Aman smiled in peace, which was gone the next moment as Deepa barged in with some papers in her hand.
"Yash, will you leave us alone please? I want a minute with my husband." Deepa stood next to the bed, impatience writ large on her face.
Yash nodded and was about to get up when Aman tightened his hold of Yash's hand. Yash looked at Aman and instantly knew his friend wanted him to stay. Yash shook his head, addressing Deepa, "I'd rather stay Deepa. Whatever you have to say will have to be in front of me."
Deepa was clearly annoyed. She turned to Aman, "I need you to sign these papers. Hurry up, Aman…the bank will close in an hour."
Aman looked at the papers and shook his head, 'No way…I am not giving these to you. These savings are for ma-bauji. "
"Don't be difficult Aman. We spoke about this earlier too. After you, I am the one who will look after them, so you have to turns these over to me."
"I don't believe this," Yash was stunned at Deepa's callousness and insensitivity, "Your husband is dying, Deepa…and you are negotiating money with him? What kind of woman are you?"
"Stay out of this, Yash. This is between me and my husband." Deepa was unfazed.
"You are not getting a penny more Deepa. Please leave now. I want some time with my friend," Aman dismissed her with a firmness she couldn't argue against. She passed an angry look at Yash and stormed out.
"Yash, will you ensure that my parents…," Aman couldn't speak more but his imploring eyes pled beseechingly.
"Don't worry Aman. Consider it done. Uncle and aunty will be well looked after, I promise you."
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Aman died the next day of Yash's visit. It was as if he was hanging on for Yash. Yash helped Aman's parents with the last rites and stayed on till the thirteenth-day ceremony. During the interim period he sorted out Aman's finances and ensured his parents got their due. He spoke with a lawyer he knew and hired him to take care of uncle/aunty's legalities on a permanent basis. Deepa walked out on her in-laws in a huff when she found that Yash had managed to get all she was hankering after transferred in the name of the old couple.
Yash went home for a couple of days and settled things there before beginning his journey to the mountains. He sat with Payal and made her understand why papa had to be away for some more time. When she heard it was for Aman uncle, she nodded wisely and told him to go and come back fast with the mountain fairy.
"Mountain fairy? Who told you about this?" Yash smiled at his daughter's demand.
"Uffo, papa…you don't know anything. Badi dadi says mountain fairy has magical powers. Whatever we ask, she gives."
"And what does my princess want from her?" Yash lifted her in his arms.
"That's a secret, papa….I'll tell you when you bring her…OK?"
"Hmm!! OK."
Yash planned for a fifteen-day trek…the duration of their visits earlier. He wanted to recreate the trek exactly as it used to be, including the gear they carried, the spots where they camped, the food that they prepared….even their mutually agreed eccentricity of not shaving for the entire trip. He spread Aman's ashes in all their favorite spots. He spent the fortnight reliving old times, remembering their conversations, their talks, their life together. On his last night, Yash remembered what Aman had said the last time they were here...something about a providential decree…and "You never know you might meet that special someone here only." He looked up at the dark sky, whispering, "I lost her Aman…before I had even found her."
It was late afternoon next day when he reached his car. He had planned to go straight back to the hotel, take a hot water bath, and eat something. It had been raining since early morning, as such he hadn't been able to set up a fire. So, he had just packed and started walking in the rain itself when he realized it wasn't letting up. He found his problems augmented when he saw the rear wheels were stuck in knee-deep mud. There was no one in sight. It took him an hour plus to get the car freed from the mud. By then his clothes were torn in many places and he was covered in mud. He dusted himself as best as he could and got into the car. As he crossed the Tibetan market, the car stalled and then stopped. Yash was thoroughly frustrated by now…not to mention famished; he started walking in the lookout for some help. After ten minutes of walking, he looked toward his right and saw a sign flashing: "Brownies." He thought of snatching a bite before proceeding. Maybe the shop people will be able to direct him to a garage.
He entered the shop and walked toward the snack counter, ignoring the look of disgust the girl behind the counter had on her face at seeing his filthy appearance. He requested her for a hamburger. As he went for his wallet, he found it gone. He searched all over himself, hoping he had kept it elsewhere absentmindedly. As he thought over where it could be, he realized he must have dropped it while extricating the car from the slush. He looked up at the girl and started to apologize, "Ah…I am sorry I seem to…"
That's when he heard the softest voice…a familiar voice…, "It's OK. You can have the burger. Consider it on the house."
He turned to look at her...and stood rooted. Her eyes mesmerized him…as he was pulled right into their soulful depths.
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To be continued……
Cricket
Udne Ki Aasha
Veer Hanuman
Anupamaa
