Samarpan
Be lamps unto yourselves.
Be refuges unto yourselves
Surrender yourselves unto love
And then awaken to yourselves.
Part 5
"What is this bitiya?"
"Pandit dadu, it's something I made for your birthday."
"Open it, dadu…even I am dying to know. This time she didn't show me as well."
It was still early morning, but the May sun was already very hot. Panditji was sitting with Malti on the shaded staircase at the backside of the temple, discussing the guest list for her marriage when Aarti had walked in holding the wrapped package. She stood aside quietly for a few minutes, not wanting to disturb their discussion, when Malti had noticed her. Malti could sense Aarti's presence anywhere. They shared a unique relationship….Malti was the younger girl's only friend as well as mentor, and a seven-year difference in their ages had never come between their closeness.
Panditji unwrapped the package to behold a painting of a staircase, going from the ground below up to the heavens. On the lowest step sat a little girl, with the priest keeping his hand on her head in blessing, even as Gods raise their own hands in blessing to him from over the clouds into which the steps disappear. His eyes glistened with unshed tears as he finally looked up from the painting, even as Aarti waited in silent excitement for his reactions. Seeing his tears, the innocent girl assumed otherwise. She lifted a finger to wipe away the escaped tears.
"I am sorry, Pandit dadu. You don't have to take it. I'll make you another one."
"By all means do that bitiya, and I am sure I shall love that too as much as I love this one. This is beautiful." He patted her head. "God resides in you, Aarti. There's divinity in your creations. A pen and a brush create as sweet a melody in your hands as the flute does in Lord Krishna's hands. A day will come when the whole world will sit up and take note of your talent. My blessings are always with you. Wait here…I have something for you."
As Panditji went up to the temple, Aarti looked at Malti raising her brows in question.
"He went and got it for you the day after your board results were out and you had topped the state. But then he had to leave for Indore to do some puja there. Have you filled the Class XI forms, Aarti? (On seeing her shake her head)…I thought so. We'll do it tomorrow, OK? (More softly) Look at me Aarti…After my marriage, I will not be able to follow up with these things. You have to learn to take charge of your life. Don't let up on your studies." She was about to say something more when Panditji came back. He held a small statuette of Goddess Saraswati in his hands.
"This is for you, bitiya. Keep Saraswatima with you always, and she will guide you. And if she is busy…" saying with a twinkle in his eyes in response to Aarti's oft-repeated question over the years as to what would happen if Gods are busy elsewhere, "she will send you someone to show you the right path always…just as she sent Malti, and also that young boy all those years ago, after which you could go to school."
Aarti smiled and bent down to touch the old man's feet, "Thank you, dadu. I shall always keep her with me." Years later Aarti would give the statuette to Payal on her first day in Class 1, repeating the same words as Pandit dadu. "Maltidi, I'll go now. Radhama has fever. I have to buy medicines for her."
"Good bye Aarti. I hope you remember I want a portrait of you and Radhama for my wedding gift."
Malti had introduced her to the world of paints. After that day five years ago when Aarti was caught by her father in his room, her grandmother had forbidden her entry into the main house. Her father had returned a week later, only to announce that he had taken an oversees project and would have to stay abroad a lot. Aarti missed the pictures more than anything else. She missed looking at them for hours and seeing the love her parents had for each other. When the itch got bad, she walked to the mangrove one day with her school drawing book in her hands and sketched her parents as she remembered them in those pictures. It became her favorite past-time after that. When she was not studying or writing, she was sketching. It would be some months before Malti discovered the filled-up drawing books in the cupboard after Radhama complained that she was buying almost a book a week, "Do they teach only drawing in school these days?" Malti had cried and laughed and hugged Aarti at the same time, marveling at the talent of her eloquently silent friend. Knowing her was like digging into an endless treasure trove…the more one dug, the more precious the jewels turned out to be.
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Aarti was waiting for the shopkeeper to get the medicine from the top shelf, when she heard a car stop and someone walking up to the shop with a "Be right back" tossed at someone in the car. Aarti shifted more toward the corner as he came up, turning away her head…a very familiar reaction to someone who knew her. Very slowly she withdrew her arms that were on the counter to herself, as her long silken hair shifted and covered her face. To the young man who had come and was awaiting his turn, it looked as if the girl very gracefully folded into herself. Her subtle, delicate actions reminded him of the touch-me-not flower, who is expressively articulate and at peace amidst trees, flowers, and birds but at any human contact withdraws into herself. He smiled and whacked his head at the back…if only his friends had heard his thoughts. They wouldn't have believed he possessed such poetic vocabulary….come to think of it, neither did he. God, what's with this place and shy girls! Weird…now why would he recall a certain encounter with a little girl more than a decade back. Maybe being in this place brought back that memory. He jerked his head toward the shopkeeper who was addressing the girl now.
"Here you are, bitiya. Make sure Radha behan eats something before she takes the dose. OK?"
She nodded and thanked him. After paying the exact amount, she clutched onto the medicine packet along with the other one and swiftly turned away, without realizing that the action caused her yellow dupatta to fly and slide across the face of the newcomer. Aarti hurried away.
As soon as she turned to enter the bylane to her house, she noticed him. The man was following her for some days now. He was everywhere…in front of the house, the school, and the mandir…places she most frequented. He frightened her, but she didn't have the heart to bother Radhama with her fears. In the morning, mali kaka had dropped her to the mandir on his cycle, but now she was by herself…and the stretch to her house was little deserted at this time of the day. Aarti looked here and there, scared and not liking the look in his eyes. As soon as she took the next step, he came and stood before her. Aarti clasped the packets closer to her as her eyes stared at him in fear. She took a step back, and he stepped forward…another one, and another…He was enjoying the snaring game, as his face stretched in a lascivious leer. Aarti backed off till her back came upon a tree. The man reached out to touch her face as she shut her eyes with a whimper and turned her face toward the tree. The man grabbed her dupatta off her. The next moment he was gone…as she heard the voice from the medical shop mouth a few profanities, and then there was sound of slaps. There were more voices…including a girl's who shouted.
"Leave him Yash…Why in the name of God do you have to involve yourself in this mess? What if they know each other?"
"What the hell do you mean?"
"Was she resisting him? No…right? She didn't even shout. You just saw her and jumped out of the car assuming…."
"Stop it, Tanya. She is scared."
"How do you know?"
"I know because…Never mind. You all go and sit in the car. I'll be in a moment. (A pause) OK…alright…Don't look at me like that. I won't hit him again."
Yash turned toward the fallen man.
"You!!…Apologize otherwise I am going to call the police."
The man begged for mercy and apologized profusely.
"Not to me you rascal…to her. Apologize to her. And after this don't even dare show your face again."
The man apologized to Aarti who kept her face turned and ran away, swearing to himself that he would never come near the vicinity of this girl. He had no idea she had such dangerous friends.
The man called Yash turned to her.
"Please take your dupatta."
He waited till he saw her shakes dying down. Then very slowly she lifted her hand, without turning, as he stepped forward to keep the dupatta in it. As she adjusted her dupatta, he asked her, "Does this road go to your house?" As he saw her nod once, he continued, "Fine, you go…I'll wait till you turn toward your house." She took a couple of hesitant steps when he stopped her again.
"Wait! Listen, I am not sure how to tell you this. (He paused as she waited with her back to him) Next time you venture out on your own, keep a pepper spray or something with you to defend yourself against such creeps. Not every time will there be someone to save you….You will have to learn to take care of your own self. Also, you must shout and ask for help. You just saw how my friends misunderstood your silence."
As he turned to wave at his friends who were calling him, he heard a barely audible, soft voice, "But you didn't." Before he turned back toward her, he heard her add, "Thank you." He turned to see her walk away from him. For some reason, a sense of loss engulfed him, before he shook himself and turned toward the car after lifting his hand in a wave to the girl who had looked back at him before going out of sight, her hair flying across her face.
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Malti got married and moved to Kerala where her husband worked. Aarti was conspicuously missing during the rituals and only turned up after the ceremonies were over, just before the bidaai (send-off) ceremony. Radhama told Panditji and Malti that the Dubey family had gone to attend a wedding in a nearby village and will be back late in the night. Since, it was a client's daughter's wedding, at the last minute they took Aarti along to avoid any questions. Malti was very disappointed but she believed Radhama, who had no other option but to lie, as Aarti had refused to be part of such an important event of Malti's life. She feared her presence would be inauspicious and cause some mishap to occur. No amount of cajoling and assurances would deter her to budge from her decision. Before her bidaai (send-off) ceremony, Malti called Aarti to her room.
"Aarti, come and sit with me. I missed you during the marriage. Such an important occasion of my life, and my little friend couldn't be here with me. (Sighing) Anyway, I have something to say to you." She cupped Aarti's chin and lifted her face to see her eyes welling up. "Don't cry my sweet Aarti. Promise me you won't cry when I leave."
Aarti shook her head, "I will cry…..I will miss you, and I will cry."
It took immense self-control for Malti to hold back her own tears, "OK…then promise me something else. Promise me you will finish your studies….Hmm!!" She saw her nod once as she kept her head down, drawing patterns on the bedsheet with her fingers. Malti continued, "Aarti, now listen carefully to what I say. I know you think your parents' marriage was perfect and that what they had you can never have. I want you to think and be open about this….There is a special someone made for you too Aarti. He is waiting out there…waiting for the divine signal that will bring him in front of you, so that he can give you all the happiness that you deserve. At that point your heart should be able to recognize your soul mate. It might scare you a little, but take that leap of faith….trust him. Don't lose yourself so far away that when it comes to giving yourself to him you won't be able to find yourself. Don't shy away from love when it comes to you. There is no way to know love other than by the standards you, and you alone, create for yourself. As I've already said, it's a scary thing, but it is worth the risk. Do you understand what I am saying?"
Aarti was silent, and Malti prodded gently after awhile, knowing she hadn't much time. The women will come in any moment to take her away for the ritual.
"Aarti?"
"I am sorry Maltidi…Once again I cannot promise you what you ask of me. You forget something…I was born a curse. I…"
"Aarti!!...NO…How many times have I told you, you shouldn't blame yourself?"
"I am just stating a fact, Di. Everyone I love leaves me and goes away. I make people go away…and I think that is for the best that they do. Given this fact, do you think I would even allow myself to let love come near me?" Aarti continued, probably the most words she had spoken in her life to someone, as Malti listened horrified to all the bottled-up emotions of her young friend, "Even if I fall in love, I can never surrender myself…samarpan to someone is not in my fate, Di. I won't be a curse to anyone's life, especially if he is one I happen to love. It will be too selfish of me if I do."
"Wait a minute, Aarti. Did you deliberately keep yourself away from my marriage?"
"Yes Di, "Aarti nodded, "I am so sorry…but there was no way I would have allowed a risk of letting anything go wrong."
Malti was absolutely appalled at realizing the depth of damage caused to Aarti's psyche. As she saw her mother come in to take her away, she had time only to give Aarti a tight hug and whispering, "I love you Aarti. Remember when in doubt, listen to your heart…it'll guide you…always."
*************************************
"You must be mistaken, Aman."
"I am absolutely sure, Yash."
"For God's sake Aman, you are talking about Tanya. We have been together for more than a year. I know her. She would never betray me."
"I don't want to hurt you, Yash. You are my best friend and you know me…I'd never lie to you. Go and see yourself. They are in the last green room behind the stage."
It was the last day of the intercollegiate fest that Yash and Aman had come to attend from Bhopal along with a group of boys and girls of their college. Yash had just won the best debater award and wanted to show it off to Tanya. That's when he had run into Aman, who couldn't let his friend be in the dark anymore about the ways of the girl he so trusted. Yash went near the room and heard Tanya say, "Of course, I am a free bird, Sahil. You don't have to worry about Yash. He is an OK guy, but too righteous and serious for my liking." The boy with her mumbled something, and she laughed sarcastically, "Isn't it obvious why I am with him? He is loaded. Whatever I ask, he gets me. He is my personal genie. Not many girls in Bhopal can boast of that."
Yash turned quietly and walked away.
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To be continued………..
Edited by InduG64 - 12 years ago
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