Indu, you are wreaking havoc with our emotions here. 👏 From the introduction, the pending heartbreak of the evident physical and emotional abuse in Aarti's childhood is palpable. I really like the inclusion of her haunting nightmares into adulthood and how it led Yash to find out more. Very emotionally sensitive material you're venturing into.
My Shobha would never risk her life. She loves me too much and knows how much I love her. It's that damned baby. I never wanted one'but since she wanted it so bad I couldn't say no. I should have got it aborted as soon as it came by."
"Satya, please'take a hold of yourself. Shobha is dead'she is gone. It's no one's fault, my friend."
"It is'it is that wretched baby's fault'.it's because of her I lost my Shobha. She is a curse."
Ah, it's starting to piece together for me. On Shobha's end, it's so sad yet remarkable that she went through the pregnancy knowing the potential cost to her life. It's easy to see she truly wanted to have this baby. Such a sacrificial, sincerely maternal love she had! Meanwhile, Satya is on the other end of the spectrum. Reluctant from the beginning and bitter at the outcome. The love he had for Shobha is clearly intense and, dare I say, selfish, which explains why he didn't want the baby to begin with and why he seems so consumed by Shobha's loss. In fact, when he says "My Shobha would never risk her life. She loves me too much '", he actually seems aghast at the thought that she could possibly love this baby to the point of bringing it into the world at the risk of her own life, without even thinking about her love for him or his love for her. I'm getting a better grasp of why he responds to Aarti the way he does. I also like the way you had him mirror Yash's post-Arpita behavior in PV, in terms of his "cocooning" and setting up his Shobha mausoleum. It keeps him "familiar" in a way, since we've seen this kind of grief process before and, interestingly enough, it drew out my sympathy towards him for a moment.
I must say I love that you gave the baby rays of hope -- Brij, Reena, and the priest. The way you got her the name "Aarti" is sweet. 😊
Satya continued to shun his daughter and blame her for Shobha's demise. He could never forgive her for snatching Shobha away from him. He refused to even look at her and instructed Radha to ensure she was kept away when he was in the house. The only responsibility he undertook was open a bank account in Radha's name so that she had access to all the money required to look after Aarti. His family too soon realized the reason for his resentment and refused to involve themselves in improving the fractured, almost nonexistent relationship between the father and daughter. For them Aarti was a curse, who was to be tolerated because she was born into the family. Over the years they would belittle her for every little thing, calling her names and even putting her through physical abuse if she ventured in places that were not meant for her. Her dadi's main mode of punishment was to shut her up in a dark room and leave her there for hours, an act that resulted in nightmares that Aarti suffered with even after she got married.
So, so heartbreaking. On the bold part, I would have loved it if one of the incidents where her dadi put her in the dark room played out or was described in more detail, just one (maybe the first time), so we get a graphic picture of why these repeated incidents of being locked in a dark room are seared into Aarti's memory.
In response the little girl went and hid behind the door, her head down looking at the floor. He smiled. So she was shy. He went and knelt in front of her and extended his hand, "Hi! My name is Yash. Will you be my friend?"
He wanted to laugh out loud when he saw her shaking her head vigorously, even as she put both her hands behind her. He looked around and saw some picture books lying about as well as a couple of notebooks. He picked them up and saw pages of alphabets and numbers written in very neat handwriting. Then there was a new one that had BABA and MA written many times'."
. . . . Yash stood up, "It's OK. Let her be. Goodbye Aarti! See you sometime." Saying that he reached out and patted her head before stepping out of the door. That's when he heard'a faint, soft and sweet voice, "Goodbye!!" He smiled and walked away.
OK, I wish I could have quoted Yash and Aarti's "cute-meet" during his parents' visit in its entirety because it was so adorable. ❤️ Made me smile so much. If Aarti is 5, Yash would be about 10 by this time, am I right? It seems like a hint of things to come between them in time where he makes her feel safe enough to be herself.
"What are you doing here? Do you think by looking at those pictures you will get your mother back? Oh no, foolish girl'.Your mother won't come back because you were a curse to her life. You killed her. She died when you were born." . . . . "I know I know'that must have shocked you, but it is true. Your baba hates you because you took away the woman he loved very much. He can't bear to look at you because you remind him of that cursed day. You took away his happiness, Aarti. You are a bad girl."
Ack, Maya! Even though Aarti's already been physically mistreated, I sensed a lingering innocence in her due to her lack of awareness of why. Maya destroys that lingering innocence and unravels all of Radha's efforts to give Aarti a positive view of her parents. I think emotional abuse can be so much worse than the physical because it affects the mind, cutting to the core of a person's identity, their willingness to survive, and how they relate to others. Easy to see how this would be a serious blow to Aarti's young yet developing psyche. From the little I've read and heard, in general, children have a tendency to blame themselves when there is family trauma (fighting, divorce, etc.). But for a child to be told her father blames her life for her mother's death and considers her a curse the misplaced self-blame may be even heavier. All the abuse she remembers being inflicted on her, even at that tender age, would finally "make sense" to her. 😔
The gardener had planted few flowers for Aarti in one corner when she had hesitatingly asked him once why flowers cannot grow with vegetables. She didn't tell Radhama what she had learnt that day about herself, but the little girl understood her father better now. She began to idolize the kind of love he had for her mother.
Ah! So her definition and interpretation of love got all twisted. For me, that last sentence is a very interesting linchpin to understanding Aarti's emotional response to Payal's idealization of her marriage with Yash. I like the connection here, and I'm curious to know if it's something that leaked into Aarti's behavior with young men before she met Yash again.
Your description of her withdrawal by the time she was 10 is so heart wrenching, Indu. You're touching a chord on why it is such a travesty when adults wreck a child's self-worth. Many times they grow believing it's true and "live up" to expectations in the worst ways. In Aarti's case, it's not just her father perpetrating this, but he's aided and abetted by some of his relatives. I'm glad she had a handful of bright lights in her childhood in spite of so much darkness.
He stopped short as he saw Aarti in the mirror'.First time he actually saw her'she was a split image of Shobha. The familiar rage built up in Satya as he howled loudly and threw the books in hand at the mirror. Aarti watched in horror as one book went and hit the wall clock and the others the mirror. The mirror broke and splinters flew here and there, one of them coming and getting embedded in Aarti's chest through her skirt top. Satya then abruptly turned, kicking away the chair in his way and stormed out of the room and of the house. Radha and others came rushing in as they saw Aarti coming out from behind the pillar, in shock, tears streaming down her face, and the front of her top soaked in blood. By the time Radha reached her, she had fainted.
😲 Amazing description of this moment, Indu! Like many children who have parents who are unable to appropriately deal with their own mental anguish, tortured upbringing, or prejudices, to me Aarti's response just reinforces how her little mind was only able to process Satya's anger and his blame for her mother's death. It's no wonder she accepted the blame; she began to see herself through his eyes.
I must apologize for the massive length of this, Indu, but this is such a wonderful installment. You've handled the physical and emotional abuse in Aarti's history with a great deal of understanding and with the right amount of emotion, IMHO. What a lifelong struggle this would be for Aarti as a character. I'm really interested to see Yash's background, how the two of them cross paths again, and eventually fall in love.
Edited by 1HappyGrl - 12 years ago
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