A Tale of Three Dads - update Page 12 - Page 10

Part 4: Yash's reflections on SP: I thought everything was fine until I got stabbed in the back!

Sadly the cross I have carried all my life just got heavier. My cross – that is what I have labeled the one thing I find most difficult to acknowledge and talk about and admit it exists. My cross is my father attitude towards me his child or should I say our cross – for I know that it has been a secret burden to mummyji, Pankaj bhaiyya and Prateek as well.

Bauji – has arisen in wealth and status by his hard-work and will power. I admire him for this however this has in-built him an attitude of "anything you can do - I can do better" and the need to engage in one-upmanship with one-and-all including his children. I remember when Pankaj bhaiyya got his law degree and wanted to start a practice of his own after his internship - Bauji realizing that he may have the kind of power and status that he never did criticized him relentlessly, undermined his self-confidence and sabotaged his dream. Generally parents want their children to have what they never had instead of resenting it if their child has something they didn't. However for bauji we were the means to increase his status in society – so his business had to be the biggest and finest! Bhaiyya finally caved in to his pressure and joined the family business. Of course after that both I and Prateek never dreamt of any other career and meekly joined bauji's business.

When I was young I remember bhaiyya and I would love to accompany bauji on his morning walks in the park. Both of us would run ahead of him and he would sprint and catch us in a hug. I used to talk freely and say what was in my mind – just like Palak and Ansh. When did that all change? When did I become cautious, respectful and diplomatic in my speech with him? When did I realize that I turned him off and made him angry by expressing what was on my mind? When I was 8 years old, my parents were informed by my school that I had superior intelligence and that I was a gifted child. And that was when bauji's approach with me changed. Oh he was happy when he could proudly declare to his friends about his 'gifted son' and how I took after him. But at home he became obsessed with "keeping me in my place". I soon realized – whatever I said he would put me down for he knew better and that if I took up a task that appeared competitive to him I would be thwarted. There were no conversations – only 'debates' and of course I would be soon sent to my room because I had been disrespectful. I realized that the competition that I never volunteered for was life-long. The stress for me was overwhelming that is when I first started displaying OCD-like symptoms and, when I became a young adult I took upon boxing and other sports to work out my frustration. Oh yes from time to time I resorted to self-injury too for the emotional pain needed an outlet. But in the process I learned the art of diplomacy and became adept at being extremely respectful in my speech and behavior towards bauji and mummyji. I also knew that all internal conflicts – were to be resolved in-house and not discussed with relatives, friends or strangers. I must acknowledge the grace of God and mummyji's help in endowing me with the right attitude to approach bauji and, successfully find solutions to those choices he labeled as disrespectful and rebellious. If bauji has an iron will then mine is of steel – so many times I just did what I pleased and stomped off to my room before he could begin his tirade. An ironic twist was that bauji always held me as an example of parental respect to both bhaiyya and Prateek.

When Arpita and later PayPal entered my life – it was like my life suddenly lit up and I felt renewed – but her sudden death threw me into an abyss of despair that I never thought I would live life fully again. There was no one I could share my grief with – mummyji and bauji never really dealt with our emotional needs. PankDhi and Prateek never understood the depth of my despair – and even if they did they did not have the emotional strength or patience to pull me out. But Aartiji – my current wife changed everything. Initially I was drawn to her by her radiant sensuousness but she never gave up on me. She was tantalizing, teasing, naughty and evoked sensations in me that soothed my frayed spirit and mind. She and her son Ansh were the much needed palliatives that pulled me back into the rational world. I am deeply in love with her and adore Ansh as if he were my own offspring. I cannot fathom living without them. I would never give them up for bauji - not even if he were to disown me forever. But one trait of bauji is that he does not understand where he ends and others begin – the boundary that I am a separate person from him is just not in his head. In his mind, if my children love me and respect me they will do as I say and so he ordered me to break all relationships with Aartiji and Ansh. I tried to win him with gentle arguments and failed so he banished me, Aartiji and kids to the upper storeroom as he did not want his public image to be tarnished. I thought with time he would relent and accept us back but sadly I was mistaken. Today I learned he has joined hands with P and financed him in his custody battle for Ansh against Aartiji and me. Why has Bauji made my disowning Aarti and Ansh – the focus of my commitment to the family? Why am I shocked and filled with disrespect for him? Does Bauji not understand Aarti is my wife – not some woman and Ansh is my son Ansh Yash Scindhiya? Why is he allowing his ego and pride to ruin our relationship and the family structure? Why has this become a 'competition' between my choices of bauji-n-family versus Aarti-n-Ansh? Bauji has decided to support that good-for-nothing Prashant and played his last card – and that is to disown me. There is none in this family that supports me – how foolish have I been - I thought everything was fine until I got stabbed in the back!

Nice update dear. Ur point of analysis is too good.