BB7 KI KAHANI - HEAVEN KI JUBAANI

My mom never enjoyed the success she deserved, always relegated to an unimportant role in low budget movie. A role of a stray dog in a flock, wandering in slums, only to be pelted away by a drunk hero or a disgusting role of pulling chaddi of an unfunny comedian to create forceful,cheap laughter.

My mom has great dreams for me. She has briefly heard of some slumdog who became a millionaire and desires the same for me.

I love my trainer and in general all humans. I am only scared of Dharmendra. My mom tells me horror stories that he takes shape of a dog vampire at midnight and sucks blood of stray dogs on the street. I saw him in India got talent and found him to be very nice fellow. But I dont know what he does at midnight.

How can I forget my first day in BB house ? I am totally unprepared for a grand welcome complete with a cacophonous musical band and overzealous troop of non-dancers. All BB mates run to welcome me, hug me, kiss me, caress me. I am feeling so happy and important. But they turn their backs on me as soon as the troop leaves. I am feeling so lonely now.

I start to mingle with BB mates,learning to adapt to their ways, trying to please them, befriend them, comfort them. I love Armaan uncle. He is no doubt one of us with his constant barking, bulldog face, smelly breath and Tanisha as his tail. He is definitely our new advanced cross breed who can easily walk on 2 feet and has adapted human ways. I feel proud of him.

Tanisha, the royal princess amongst the plebians seems completely enamoured by Armaan uncle. He constantly barks at her and licks her face. I try to lick her face as well when she is asleep but she is very annoyed and whisks me away and threatens to beat me with chappal. What is wrong with her ? I look better than Armaan uncle, I am stronger, younger, have better teeth and smell less. Everyone to their own I guess.

Armaan uncle always asks pointed questions on aukat and khandan like a true geneologist. He has a curious habit of barking and touching feet of hosemates several times a day by saying "Haath Jodta hoon, Paanv padta hoon. Galti hui to maaf karna." No wonder he has a chronic backache.

I like Asif instantly. A soft, caring gentleman, he reminds me of my trainer. He feeds me, cleans me, plays with me. He also asks bigg boss 5kg fish just to prepare curry for me. Other HMs make fun of him due to his language. I only understand language of love, trust and loyalty. I must learn refined and intelligent human ways. I weep profusely when he leaves. I will never again weep for any HM.. Well except for one.. I am coming to that..


I am mesmerised by Gauhar. I suddenly transform from a puppy to a grown up dog. Something else is also growing.. I mean feelings and emotions. I want to badly sing my favorite "Take My breath Away", the song from Top Gun on which my trainer waltzes with his gf. I howl the song and come quite close to Sangram's rendition.

Gauhar!! A delicate, slender, gracious figure, a snow white beauty of luscious lips which enclose perfect white set of teeth. Oh Lord.. I am in love!! I want to propose her. Armaan uncle and Tanisha have already set a precedent for inter-species love and even may tie a knot once outside BB house, so why not us ? I try to communicate my love to her several times but in response she sings for me. I admire everything about Gauhar except her singing which is more torture than taking a daily shower or a neuter by vet.

Gauhar and Kushal are inseparable. I try several feeble attempts to come in between them but am foiled as they lock themselves behind the bathroom door. What are they doing ? I try to listen but they keep water running so I can not hear anything. I faintly hear "No Kushal No Kushal.. Yes Yes Kushal.."

I can do anything for Gauhar. I will work in a circus day and night, do TV serials, commercials and earn enough to buy bones and PETCO biscuits. I will bring her morning newspaper, dance around her and will never hurt her. How can I make her understand ?

When alone, Gauhar comes to me. She always stares at the blank wall while cuddling me and says endearing Kooochi..Kooochi..Why doesn't she look at me ? Does she have a squint ? I closely observe her eyes.. they are precious and faultless.. There is absolutely nothing on the wall, mounted with a camera. Absolutely nothing.. What is she looking at ?

Sangram likes me. He is always in Gym. He is so great an athlete that he wins several medals without even participating in any competition.He is going to help me to get Rajiv Gandhi Khel ratna and President's medal by my cute looks. Mom will be so proud. He is also planning a new shoot session for PETA. I will replace leaf in his lap.How exciting!!

Who knows, Sherlyn Chopra may even prefer me to horse for her shoots. Dreams never die, do they ?

Sangram promises to take me on a WWE tour to South Africa. I am supposed to lick his face when he is beaten by TripleH, to wake him up so he can again get up and thrash TripleH. He tells me that he does this out of love for the country. I plan to pee on his face rather than lick for extra effect. But let it be a big surprise for him. I am sure he will have a blast.

What a day!!My poop is in great demand. Kushal, Sangram are staring at my behind, begging for more poop for some stupid box task. I feel so ashamed and violated and.. and feel so so.. naked. I try to hide but there is no place to hide and they are after me. Give me some space guys.. I know you are straight but still.. come on

Is dog poop such a lucrative business ? I must check with my trainer.We will start a poop factory in partnership. See the texture, viscosity,colour of my poop.. dog poop anytime beats the shit out of cow-dung. My factory will supply a bathtub full of dog-poop for Ratan's task for bagful of bones. Hey!! I am already thinking like a businessman.. I come back to world of Matrix by Tanisha's squeals. She is screaming from inside that my poop tastes and smells awful. Hey.. Why taste ? Its a poop not sweet potatoes and molasses, what you expect ?

I am jealous of Kushal so I am very happy when he climbs the wall to get out of BB house. I even try to topple the chair ladder so that he can not climb down. Oh no.. Gauhar has fainted. "LEAVE HER ALONE", I howl when Kushal carries her out in arms. I run along with Kushal and notice that Gauhar smiles and winks at Kushal and then quickly shuts her eyes. I am so proud of Gauhar who can can smile even in faint. I pray to God for her speedy recovery. Next day she reappears, rejuvenated, prettier. I am so happy.. I do a somersault.


Ajaz is a big thief. He keeps stealing stuff. He even steals my biscuits and chicken. I bark at him angrily but he smiles and says "bura mat manna". I decide to teach him a lesson. I steal his son's picture and hide it.. Hehehe Hahaha..Ajaz Bura mat manna.. Am I turning into a human or Armaan uncle ?

I see Ajaz crying. He is missing his son. I feel guilty. I also miss my mom. I quietly keep my precious biscuit box and the picture on Ajaz's bed and pretend to be asleep. Ajaz returns from washroom and is happy to find pic. He also finds the biscuits but does not eat them. He instead, comes to me, pats me and feeds me. He is again crying.

Kushal is back and drinking from my bowl. I am protesting to bigg boss. Its a health hazard to me. Andy understands my plight and cleans the bowl for me. Thank you Andy..I have finally forgiven him. I was upset with him earlier when he made Gauhar cry. Oh.. Did I not tell you that incident ?

Andy flaunts Gauhar's lingerie during yet another stupid task. This makes Gauhar upset and she embarks on tirade on Naari ki izzat, aatmasamman, sacchhai and some high falutin stuff. I dont fully understand why this is such a big deal when everyone in my community have nothing on except for a collar, but I keep quiet while Gauhar goes on and on. It makes me sleepy. I see that all HMs including bigg boss are trying unsuccessfully to suppress yawn.I close my eyes and go to sleep.


Its a night time and everyone is asleep and I hear Armaan uncle moaning.. "Yes.. Hold it. It hurts." I go near but cant see anything. Its pitch dark. I am very concerned but feel relieved that Tanisha is also awake and checking Armaan uncle under blanket. Soon Armaan uncle gets up and goes to bathroom and I follow him. He must have been crying a lot as his underwear is all wet with tears. I try to go near him but he pushes me aside with his sticky hand.


Today is WOW, again to meet Salman which I hear is a big superstar.He is very handsome. Armaan uncle says ke Salman gadhe ko bhi star bana deta hain. Will he help me? I am cute dog afterall. Kushal is banging his head on a wall in preparation for WOW and Gauhar is calmly adding another layer to her thick makeup.

Andy is clean-shaven but for WOW, he has magically grown beard. How does he do this ? I must learn the trick so I can also transform from Golden Retriever to bearded Briard in no time. Gauhar also likes beard.

New year is around the corner, bringing new joy, unfolding new surprises. Will I get new assignments, projects after BB7 ? Will I get Gauhar ? And I sing what my mom taught me.. Que Sera Sera..