Chapter 11 Mitasha woke up to an exhausted wintery Delhi morning. She hadn't slept well the previous night. Truth be told, she hadn't slept well in a long time, but last night after talking to Bittuji had been especially troublesome. Thoughts of RK, of his safety, of his state of mind plagued Mitasha. Even though he was safe and had returned home, he was in a terrible mental state and doctors believed he would attempt suicide again. Even though she told herself her life was now separate from his, even though she hated him for what he had done, there was only one truth - Madhu still loved RK. She wanted him to be fine, to live his life, to move on, to continue not caring like he did not that long ago. And that infuriated her, this helplessness and lack of control over her own feelings. Even as she kept telling herself to be strong, her mind kept going back to the past, to where she had been.
**flashback**
Madhu was calling RK frantically, trying to talk to him after their fight at lunch. RK had left in anger, and even though Madhu herself had been outraged at RK and Ria's behavior in the afternoon, by the evening her anger had come down. She knew RK was hurt and angered at the fans who intruded their birthday celebration, and was over-reacting. At the same time, she was herself hurt and angered by RK's reactions, and by what Ria had said and done. In that anger she had asked RK what Ria meant to her. Didn't that show lack of faith on her husband? Her tone was aggressive, accusatory, untrusting. Obviously, with RK's own state of mind and his world-famous ego, it hadn't gone well. But now that Madhu had calmed down, she realized she had to mend the situation before it went out of control, and with patience and love calm down RK and repair the trust. She had to make everything all right again, and she knew just how to. Just if she could find RK once. But why wasn't he picking his phone?
And then, Madhu's phone rang. It was Ria.
"Ex- Mrs Kundra"
"Ria? How dare you.."
"Don't yell at me at saying the truth. I just thought I would do you a favor and tell you that RK is at his farm house and he's very angry at you. In case you want to know"
Ria hung up. Madhu was annoyed, but she knew Ria could be handled later. She was a characterless opportunistic woman who was - like so many others had attempted - trying to throw herself on RK and take advantage of him. But Madhu knew RK didn't care about Ria. RK would never betray Madhu for any girl. But he WAS angry at Madhu. And right now, that was important. RK was all Madhu had. She needed him to survive. So she ignored everything and sped towards the farmhouse.
The main door was unlocked. She knew RK would be in the master bedroom, so she got in and started saying her apology even before she got to the room. The best way to calm her husband down was to disarm his ego, she knew.
"RK I am sorry...I shouldn't have said all that...I trust you and I know you love me. Please just forgive me once and I will give you all the space..."Madhu stopped in her tracks. Rk was there, but he was in Ria's arms. Kissing her with a passion that so far was only hers. Drunk, apparently, but still voluntarily in Ria's arms. Madhu was clearly the intruder here, and watching what her eyes saw, her words frosted, her heart froze and something deep within her broke. Ria looked at Madhu - their eyes met. She had a victorious smirk in her eyes. Madhu had never been so humiliated, so lonely in her life. She looked at RK, something in her wanting to snatch him away from those arms, from the witch, but her body did not support her. Her arms wouldn't reach out, her feet wouldn't move. At that moment, RK looked at Madhu. He was probably surprised, but Madhu read nothing else in his eyes. No love, no concern, no guilt. He did not care!
Madhu's world shattered around her. She felt her breath leaving her body. She was alone and broken. Her strength, her faith, her love, her RK was lost. And she knew she couldn't reach out for him anymore. It was over. There was nothing left to say or do.
And so, with all the strength she could muster in her body, she turned back and left. RK didn't call out to her or stop her. She was firmly out of his life. Once she reached the car, the dam broke. Her pain exuded out of her like she had burst. She cried for a bit, then suddenly stopped. She had given up. Nothing, not even the thought of her mother could calm the storm inside her. She had lost everything and she had no more will to fight.
Quietly she wrote a note, drove to the cliff and jumped off.
***flashback ends***
Mitasha walked to the orphanage where she taught. She was early, as usual. But today her mind wasn't on her lesson plan.
"Madhubala Rishabh Kundra"
The words startled her, and she suddenly turned to see where those had come from. Noone here knew who she was. In fact, with the scars on her face, her choice of clothes and hair, and the winter shawl as a permanent accessory over her head, she was an ugly duckling who nobody imagined to look twice at and compare with the movie star.
Madhu turned around, to see the cook, the security guard and the cleaning lady of the orphanage huddled together at the entrance, over a newspaper. She spotted a big half-page spread of her own picture. Instinctively Madhu walked towards them, curious as well as extra-conscious so as to not being recognized. She didn't normally talk to them much - or to anyone for that matter - but they were kind to her.
"What happened Kaka?"
"Hmm..Mitasha...Oh you know the actress Madhubala...superstar RK's wife...she came in that one movie...what was it called..ummm...well, she died. Apparently some accident in America. That's the news."
"Oh"
Madhu quietly slipped away after a while. She gathered, now that RK and others knew, perhaps Bittuji or someone had saw fit to let the media know that Madhu had died now. Good, the media circus would end now. When she had moved to Delhi, she had insisted on finding a means to keep media distracted. They had, over the years, made her life way too public. She could not bear any more humiliation, any more public scrutiny from the media figuring out what had really happened. Good, this was over. Now just to somehow find a way to make RK move on again. If something happened to him...the thought rattled Madhu even as she walked into her class for one more day of trials.
***flashback***
"See Ms Mitasha. This is not an ordinary teaching job. This is a big responsibility." the orphanage warden had explained on her first day.
"I know you have no experience but am still hiring you on Bittuji's recommendation. He said you are his cousin sister and over the years he and the filmstars he works with have given us a lot of support. You have to teach basic math, language, values to our young children. You see children come to us from everywhere at all ages. Even though we provide for them, they do not have the same parental love and guidance as other children their age. And many come having lived horrible lives already at their age. We send them to school, but they have a high tendency to be misfit, to fall out of line with the class and they often fall into bad company and pick up wrong habits. Now we have decided to in-school the kids under 10, teach them here in a protected environment according to their needs and then when they are psychologically stronger, send them to public school."
"I understand madam. I will do my best."
***flashback ends***
Mitasha knew this job hadn't been easy. The children had been tough, even insulting in the beginning, making fun of her. But she needed the money which was better than other jobs she could get without her identity and she was sure she would be able to manage. As it is, she worked two more menial jobs in the evening and night. She had to survive, and she had to send money for her mother's treatment. Slowly, some of the kids had been coming around, but overall, this job was like making RK quit his alcohol and give up his ego, Mitasha thought with a slight, unusual, inward smile.
******************************************************************
RK had quit alcohol the day he learnt of Madhu's death, yet today, Bittuji wished he could give him a couple of drinks and calm him down. He was up, but agitated, angry at himself and his life. Bittuji had told him he was coming back as his manager, but he had merely smiled, saying what was left to manage. It was true, RK had stopped working in the last few months entirely. Bittuji knew if he had to make RK snap out, he had to drag him back to work and give him something else to think about.
"haunslon se veer ho
Sankato mai dheer ho
dushmano ke peer ho
apne RK ke sahara mein
bas yoon hi balbeer ho."
RK looked up in shock at Bittuji, who was holding his phone up, repeatedly playing something very familiar to RK.
"Bittuji..."
"Yes Chief. You're wallowing over Bhabhiji. It's dead, it cannot be changed. But if you have to honor her memory, do not do it like a quitter. Isn't this what she always said - to fight, to survive, to repent but to move on. What you're doing is an insult to her? She used to love you. Don't insult her love by fixating on dying. Honor it by living a better life and be the man she wanted you to be. Go to work, do something useful...the world still needs RK."
RK thought about what Bittuji said. After several minutes of silence, his face lit up a little. For the first time in months, he had a small smile on his face
"Bittuji, my Madhu is alive..."
RK suddenly said, startling Bittuji.
"Umm,,what?"
"Yeah Bittuji, my Madhu hasn't died. She is alive. She is angry at me, that's why I can't see her, but she's alive."
"Chief...what are you" Bittuji stammered, not knowing how to react. Did RK know? Or had he lost his mental balance?
"Yes, my Madhu is alive. That is why I haven't died. That is why every time I try death cheats me. Because I cannot die. My Madhu is alive and I cannot die."
"Chief you are talking like a crazy person."
"Am I? Am I really? Think about it Bittuji. Look around...Madhu is everywhere, isn't she. Her presence is everywhere in my life. She is inside me. That is why I must live and repent for my sins. I must be a better person, the RK that Madhu wanted and the RK that Madhu deserved. You're right, I will not insult her any more.
Go call the producers. I will wrap up any remaining shots on movies. Then I will become a producer. I am done being superstar RK. I am done living a fake arrogant on-screen life that only feeds my ego. It is my ego that killed Madhubala. That's it, no more. Go Bittuji, go!"
As Bittuji walked out, slightly puzzled yet somewhat happy, he thought about what kind of a person an RK who wasn't slave to his ego could be.
CID
