Friends, Mubarak Ho! Shahenshah ko hosh aa gaya! I am not going to write an analysis of the whole episode yesterday, because that last precap of Jalal back in his mischievous mode was enough to send my heart reeling and that felt like enough!
I am dedicating my post today to the "three person army of hoary Hakims" that made my day yesterday! The Bada Hakim (Gwalior wala), the Chota Hakim (Local wala) and the Hakimlette (Amer wali). The three have been in the news for more than their Hakimery this week, so here's my ode to their sheer genius ...
Bada Hakim (Gwalior wala):
He was splendid because for the better part of the whole of the three episodes we have had this week, we were told "He is coming, he is coming, he is coming!" We waited with bated breath, and yet he took his time crossing the Daulagiri mountains at a snail's pace and was always "on the way but reaching nowhere".
But - here's the big BUT - his finest hour came when he was accosted midway on his mule train by soldiers! Whose soldiers? Well, the soldiers of Adham Khan and the soldiers of Sharifuddin. The soldiers of Adham Khan and Sharifuddin seemed not only puny to look at but also were as "upper story vacant" as their bosses, and instead of fighting as a team to halt the Bada Hakim (Gwalior wala) in his tracks and prevent his reaching Agra to save Jalal, the two soldier camps started fighting with each other in a never-before spectacle of the finest war strategy. The Bada Hakim (Gwalior wala) was caught by such utter surprise that he droppped the vital lep he had concocted to the ground and was thus standing "lepless and helpless" amidst the confusion, that it took him two and a half minutes to figure out that he was not at all party to all that was going on around him.
He turned and remarked to his henchman: "Yes aapas mein lad rahe hain!" (Eureka!) and then in a deft maneoevre he and his henchman ducked and slipped out into the dark night from a sideways angle to reach Agra on foot - at a speed that belied the slow momentum of the first half of their journey! They decided that leplessness was no excuse for not reaching Agra to help, and they could commission some new lep there!
Once he was "pahuncho-fied" in Agra, he spent some vitally precious minutes outside the palace getting "debriefed at length" before he went inside to help Jalal. Phew!
We had always been told that he could be the "miracle maker" who could save our Shahenshah, but unfortunately by the time Bada Hakim (Gwalior wala) arrived, the last ball had already been bowled, the match was over, the presentation ceremony alone was left and he only had to give away the Man of the Match trophy! (Yes, the Hakimlette had done it!)
The Bada Hakim (Gwalior wala) however used his experienced and failproof olfactory powers to merely smell the lep that was prepared by the Hakimlette, and in one stroke he knew that only one person on this planet could have produced such remarkable lep - JODHA BEGUM - his very own disciple of the "Sujamal injury fame" and the "Chugtai Khan introduction fame"! To the happiness of all assembled, including the morose Ruq and Maham duo, he beamed at the Hakimlette with pride and self-congratulation and said she had done the Gwalior gharana of Hakimery proud!
The reluctant-loser Chota Hakim (Local wala), not wanting to be totally sidelined, chirped in: "But what about the fever? The Hakimlette's lep has created that ...". To which the Bada Hakim (Gwalior wala) looked down to his nose to inspect the lowly creature that had the temerity to ask this question and pronounced grandly: "The fever is in order! It heats the body and kills the bacteria. The Shahenshah will soon get his hosh back!" And lo and behold, the Shahenshah opened his eyes, asked for water, was told by the Hakimlette that it was not good for him, and for the second time that day the Bada Hakim (Gwalior wala) and the Hakimlette went into a mutual admiration society and upheld the Hakimlette's decision!
Such was the entry and role of Bada Hakim (Gwalior wala) yesterday. We will never forget his service to the Shahenshah. It will be written in history books, how he ducked with presence of mind, despite his advanced years, from the silliest war zone on earth, and made his hasty split in the service of the Shahenshah! And once at the Shahenshah's bedside he spent all his time describing his trip to Amer for Sujamal's recovery. And that did the trick and cured the Shahenshah!
Chota Hakim (Local wala):
If there is a manual to be writen on Hakimery in the Akbar Period, it must have a chapter dedicated to "What Not to Do" autographed by Chota Hakim (Local wala). He was not a man of great repute or someone to be sought after in a major crisis. He was just the "aasthana vidwan" of the Mughal household, the equivalent of a resident GP, called whenever there was a headache, a fever, some light diarrhoea, or a cough! Unfortunately, his patient this time was a huge guy (the Shahenshah no less!) with a huge problem (tiger bites!) and the extent of Chota Hakim (Local wala)'s knowledge and skills got severely tested!
I am no expert in Hakimery, but when I saw the assorted colours of pastes on the Shahenshah's body, covered by leaves of all sizes, I did have a suspicion that this was not all going the right way. Even in the 16th century, surely patients were not dressed with such an odd assortment of holi-like colours and with flora and foliage?
Chota Hakim (Local wala) was not alone at any time, he was ably assisted by a team of non-starters who merely moved the leaves from one place to another on Jalal's body but could do no more. Another team periodically changed the wet cloths on the Emperor's forehead but if this was the level of combined skills, I am not surprised that the Shahenshah's bleeding did not abate and his wounds were getting infected.
This much must be given to Chota Hakim (Local wala) that he was able to at least recognise the signs that the Shahenshah was deteriorating fast and his wounds were showing signs of getting putrid. No doubt the Chota Hakim (Local wala) had been in the same situation many times before when he had botched many another patient and brought them to the same condition?
The icing on the cake for me though was the moment when an outraged Maham, who could contain herself no longer, went right up to the Chota Hakim (Local wala)'s eardrum and screeched: "Don't just sit on your hands, do something!". Immediately the Chota Hakim (Local wala) took on the role of a bank cashier in a bank robbery ... he put his hands up! Then he rolled his eyes heaven wards and said only "the uparwala ka karm" could help. If I am not mistaken he said the usual poetic sentence that Hakim's have said for centuries when they have bitten the dust: "Abhi dava ka waqt nahin hai, yeh dua ka waqt hai!" (Meaning: "I give up! I've reached the end of my brains!").
The Chota Hakim (Local wala) seemed to have got the assembly of persons there galvanised by his words, for immediately all began to pray! In between, the Chota Hakim (Local wala) kept also surreptitiously looking for a miracle to walk in at the door - the Bada Hakim (Gwalior wala) - but alas, the old man was long in coming, and Chota Hakim (Local wala) must have known that at some point if Jalal died, his "sar ka kalam" time would come swiftly!
Eventually Chota Hakim (Local wala) was saved by some lep that the self-appointed Hakimlette quickly made up and brought to the medical room, with the blessings of Hamida. The Chota Hakim (Local wala) lunged at the lep as if his life depended on it (which it did!) and applied it generously all over the Shahenshah. For a moment, it looked like all would be well when by a chamatkar the bleeding stopped instantly! Hardly had the Chota Hakim (Local wala) announced this, than he had to add that another setback too had arrived: the Shahenshah was in high fever.
It is to Chota Hakim (Local wala)'s credit that he was then able to accurately put a date and time on the prospective departure of the Shahenshah to heaven, thus giving everybody time to pray a little more, for Salima and gang to have dinner followed by poison, and for Hamida to order and take the Hakimlette to safer quarters.
Let's not forget the service rendered by Chota Hakim (Local wala) in covering the Shahenshah with leaves and pastes and in holding out his life - and the wrath and dismay of the surrounding family - till the arrival of the Hakimlette's lep and the Bada Hakim (Gwalior wala). History often forgets the small guys, but I am happy to tell you all that since Jalal has survived, the "sar" of Chota Hakim (Local wala) is safe and he can continue to be the Resident Quack of Agra for a long time. Meanwhile I am told he is studying for his degree in "cat bites" and hopes to be able to proceed to his PhD in "tiger bites" after twenty years!
The Hakimlette (Amer wali):
Where can I begin to describe the fantabulous role played by the Hakimlette (Amer wali) in the recovery of the Shahenshah after a very nasty forest-side difference of opinion with a tiger? Let me start at the beginning, when the Hakimlette (Amer wali) was "ulloo" enough to strip the Shahenshah's gun of all its bullets to prevent him killing smaller "pashu" in the forest, only to find that "pashu" come in all sizes, and some of them eat human beings!
Having then tried to stave off the tiger with a poorly lit mashal, Hakimlette (Amer wali) watched aghast as the Emperor got torn to shreds before he could vanquish the tiger ... but it is to her credit that she then moved swiftly into action mode after that by dragging his body all over the forest single handedly. She took him to the river to wash his wounds, then dragged him back to the tree where a horse was waiting, tied him to herself (rather tightly) with some roots and galloped through the forest with him at her back, all the time holding his face. He fell off the horse, whereupon she again hoisted him back on the horse. After all this phsyical administration of emergency medical help at the forest scene itself, she was then forced to retire from the action, when the family took over matters, cursed her "naadani" about removing the bullets, slapped her thrice for her idiocy in claiming the sins she had committed, and consigned her to pray to kanha in a separate room!
But the Hakimlette (Amer wali) was not one to take matters lying down either. She set up an instant kharkhana with the help of another bandhi, and with a pestle and mortar ready to hand in that room, she made some "miracle lep" (all the time having flashbacks of getting her grandmother's permission to learn "lep-making" at the hands of the world's finest Hakim, who was visiting Amer at the time courtesy the good offices of Chugtai Khan (of "marriage alliances" fame).
How the Hakimlette (Amer wali)'s lep was then allowed to be used on the Shahenshah by Hamida is anyone's guess, because Hakimlette (Amer wali) had no certificate to show of her prowess in Hakimery. Maybe because the Chota Hakim (Local walal) had totally given up by then, the Hakimlette (Amer wali)'s lep became the last resort to saving the king's life? Anyway, to the utter horror of Ruq-Maham, the lep was applied - and lo, it worked instantly to stem the bleeding! Hamida heaved a small sigh of relief that Hakimlette (Amer wali) had produced the goods (without which she was a candidate for "sar kalam") but happiness was short-lived when Chota Hakim (Local wala) said in dismay that the bleeding was down but the fever was up!
The general atmosphere again turned against Hakimlette (Amer wali), but she was not to be daunted. In her private quarters, where suddenly a gaggle of Hindu bandhis had also appeared, she sang "Om Jai Jagdeesh Hare" with as much lip sync as she could (although her voice seemed not at all to match the heavenly soundtrack playing in the background). Even as she sang, we saw how Bada Hakim (Gwalior wala) managed to escape the clutches of the Adham-Sharif men, aided no doubt by the soulful singing of Hakimlette (Amer wali) and her choir.
The rest then is history of how the Bada Hakim (Gwalior wala) endorsed the treatment strategy of Hakimlette (Amer wali) and praised himself by praising her lep that he had taught her to make. He also crowned her moment by then endorsing her decision that the Shahenshah should not be given water to drink yet. And then of course, the Shahenshah came to his hosh, and all hail to Hakimlette (Amer wali) and her miracle lep.
Later a love fest ensued between Hamida Banu and the Hakimlette (Amer wali) - who surprised her saas by praying to the Koran (Muslim style) as the Shahenshah had taught her at Ajmer, and she then extolled the Shahenshah's newly discovered heart to his mother, and there were beams of happienss and gratitude in the air that Moti Bai, the witness, was probably finding a bit cloying.
Anyway, here ends the saga of the 3 hakims and their sterling role in the saving of Jalal who then went on to become Akbar the Great. We may never get another episode when we can see three of the finest 16th century medicine-men-and-women in action together, so let's remember this episode for ever! The King was saved, but more importantly three Hakim heads were also saved. Ameen!
Ye Hai Mohabbatein
Anupamaa
Dr Aarambhi
