"you did this to me you turned me into this it was you I wasn't like this I never wanted to like this but its you who did this to me." her every word pierced through my heart. "I've gone through the phase of hating you it not even worth hating you" my mind kept replaying Taani words over and over again.
I walked through the gates on my house a sense of guilt and nervousness filled with me. She told me to go away she dint to see my face she wanted to be alone. I walked through the streets all nigh remembering her words. I checked my watch it 4.25 am. On parted of wanted to go to her hug hold tell her how sorry and stupid I was but the other part was to ashamed to face her and wanted to run away hide knowing that she didn't care anymore. I took out my keys to open the door my hand stopped halfway through. I wanted to see her but I knew she needed to be alone. I stood at the front of the house staring at my house lock confused and lost. I was uncomfortable to go to my own house to my wife. I stepped back and began to walk away from the door but soonmemories of last nights came rushing back to me.
"I tired soo hard every day every second to make this relationship work I forgave you for every time you disappointed me every time I forgave you for choosing your friends over me but know rey am tired I give up on you and our relationship"
Tears rolled through my eyes I never wanted this I always tried to have a balance in my life but somehow I managed to loose taani somewhere in between. I wanted to see if she okay. I could tell form her rey eyes and her dark under eyes that she hadn't slept in days. She looked exhausted. Why hadn't I noticed all this before I should have known form her changed behaviour from the last couple of weeks its started with her slowly going quite then she stopped smiling, she stopped dressing up or even bother looking after self.
I encouraged myself to open the door check upon her I was scared what if she gone or if she done something to herself. I twisted the keys and unlocked the door I slowly opened the door and quietly made my way into the house.
I entered the house carefully and slowly closing the door. I made my way through the living silence filled the house. Fear began to grow with in what if she gone.my heartbeat increased as I searched the house for her. Her words again echoed through my mind
" I can't do this anymore I can't go around smiling around your friends when am crying and screaming from the inside" The image of her crying and screaming repeated through my mind.
I rushed to our room while entering I remembered how happy Taani was when she redecorated our bedroom after we got married. I stopped at the entrances remembering all special moments I spent with her I small smile apperead on my face. But suddenly as I walked through our bedroom I felt ashamed angry and guilty on remembering all the times I had to carry taani back from the living where she slept waiting for me to return home most of the times she slept left without having food.
She was right about everything I slowly killed her desires an our relationship. It was all my fault she was right. I felt angry on myself I hit my fist on the wall as hard i could. I could fell the pain sreading through my arm but I didn't t care all I could think about was how much pain taani was in last night and how much she had suffered due to me. I hid my fist hard.
Taani am sorry… am really sorry I continued to repeat.
My mind all of a sudden when on alert where was tanni my heart started to beat in fear taani what if she gone. I checked all the wardrobes her cloth were gone everything of hers was gone. More tears began to fall from my hands began to shake my vision blured.
Taani… taanii I screamed through the house plz no plz don't go taani I continues to scream.
I searched through the house I searched everywhere she was nowhere the guestroom was the last room to check before I could open the door taani opened the door.
She stood there before I signed in relief that she was still here.
Taani I took a step forward to hug her but she stopped her half and pushed me away. I wasn't surprised on her action after what last night I had expected this.
I watched her closely. Her hair was a mess her eyes were red and sore just like his. I could tell she being crying all night like I have been.
Your stuff was gone. I was scared that you were gone.
She didn't say thing I wanted her to speak to shout at me for what I have done. She was right this in not the taani that I first met a lot of things in her changed.
I watched her for a while in desperation for her to speak.
"you don't need me rey you have your dance and your friends there is no room for me in your life" she said quietly I could feel the pain in her voice it killed every bit of me.
"No taani" I screamed she was wrong I wish I could tell her what she meant to me.
" I thought about it I have no where go anywhere I go tauji will find me so ive decided to stay but away from you from know I will stay in the guestroom and live my own life and you live yous."
I opened my mouth to say something bt she spoke "I dint have the energy to fight or argue with you I jus need time for self for now plz rey just leave me alone will talk another time and your friends called and there are coming to meet I beg you I beg you I am willing to touch for feet"she proceeded to me and bent down to actually touch my feet but I pulled my self back
"what are you doing"I questioned her surprised
"am begging you the don't tell your friend about what happened between us I am sick of it your friend telling advising, questioning me all the time about our relationship. I beg you rey please you've already made our relationship a public joke don't do it today just for once let something between us be private" she said while tears fell from her eyes. She wiped her tears and closed the door behind her.
"taani listen to me please taani" I yelled and screamed I contiounsly banged on the door she didn't reply. Tears fell from eyes I felt hopeless and helpless as heard her crying inside the room I dragged myself to the bedroom.
"What have i done .. how did all this happen" I contiounsly questioned myself as punched the wall front of me. Once the pain became intense I hit the floor every inch of my body hurt know that I had hurt tani my body became numb knowing taani was crying because of me. I let the pain overtake me as I sat on the floor emotionless.
Cricket
