FF: Khamoshiyaan... (chap 37 page 133) - Page 72

CHAPTER 31:

Sakshi walked up to his room. She knocked. "may I come in?"

She got a reply and walked in. he was relaxing. There was a bright look in his eyes. It said he is happy. Well who wouldn't?

Sa: kya baath hai Arjun? aaj bade khush lag rahe ho.

Ar: don't act Sakshi. I can guess, baba told you everything.

Sa: bas thode hints diye hai… kuch zyada nahi.tho khush kabri tho do mujhe.

He smiled at her. "khush kabri? Not yet Sakshi. Its just in the making…"

Sa: well I'll wait… no problem.

Ar: yaha kaise? Lagtha hai aaj kal Rathod kaafi lenient hue hai apne staffs pe.

Sa: uthna bhi nahi… khair permission mil hi gaya… ab agar khush khabri milne hi wale hai tho, aage ke bare me kuch socha?

Arjun's smile dimmed. "aage kuch hoga.. ye mujhe nahi patha Sakshi…"

Sa: kyu nahi hoga Arjun. of course hoga… tum hamesha ithna negative kyu soch rahe ho? not the Arjun Rawte that I have heard about… itne jaldi haar mman liya…

Ar: jaldi kaha Sakshi? Its more than 2 years now.

Sa: aur inme sirf kuch mahine me hi tum haar maan liya hai Arjun. uske pehle jo hua, usme tumhare koi galthi nahi. It was just the fate.

Ar: fate… ab saara ilzam uspe dalna hi teekh hai…

Sakshi didn't know how to carry on with the talk… she watched him being silent again…

Sa: is khamoshi hi mujhe kuch samajh me nahi athe Arjun. akhir kab thak isse leke chaloge? Why don't you open your mind. Bolo… kya janthi hu mien tumhare bare mien? Bas ithna hi na, ke tum ek bohot kabil officer ho, aur wo cases ke bare me, jo meine jaana hai. ek friend ke tharah, I don't know you. Na tum mere koi sawal ke jawab dethe ho, aur na puchne dethe ho.aur waha Aisha… wo bhi kuch alag nahi hai… kisi aur se patha laga ke uss din tumhare wedding anniversary the… I know nothing… aise kaise hosaktha hai…

He looked to her. Blank in expression…

Sa: I need to support her Arjun, and I cant do it without you. Aisha kaun hai,kaise hai, ye mujhe bathao… shayad mien tumhare aur uske help kar pau…

He was silent still.

Sa:I know I'm irritating you. Par mere aisa koi irada nahi hai… its just that…

She looked frustrated… still no answer. She was at the window, the air was soothing, but it was not enough to take her frustration…

He looked away. She waited… after mintes that ages, she lost hope. "ok… agar tum…."

"kya jaanna chahthe ho tum?"

She stopped in between…. His eyes were not on her… but question was to her.

He looked at her now. "what do you want to know?"

She felt a ray of hope… she smiled. "jo bhi tum kehna chahthe ho… wo sab… speak what's in your mind…"

He looked penseively. He turned away, he didn't know what to say. Where to begin. But he felt should speak. He thought for sometime… and then he began… as if rearranging the memories…

"Kehthe hai ke jab sare darwaza band hothe hai, thab koi na koi rasta hamare samne zaroor khultha hai. kya yahi hua tha mere zindagi me bhi? Kya isse hi destiny kehthe hai?

Patha nahi…

Ek adhuri zindagi leke zinda tha mien. Na kisi ko mere kareeb aane detha, aur na kisike paas jathe the. jisse apne paas rakhna tha, usse jaan bhujke bhaga diya. Kuch log khud bhaag gaya. Aur samay ne mujhe akele chod diya.

Aisha… Nahi Nadiya… wo tho thoofan banke ayi thi. Kisike pehle mulakath aise bhi hosaktha hai, ye mujhe nahi patha tha. Aur uss pehli mulakath ke baad aise bhi hoga, ye bhi nahi patha tha. Pehle ek co worker… wahi thak rukhi thi bathein. Mien bas ek Akdu Rawte reh gaya tha. Aur wo ziddi Aisha. (he smiled).

Gussa mere naak me tha… lekin uske pucho math. Uske aas paas ke hawa me hi thi. Uske problem kya thi, ye mujhe kabhi nahi patha chala. Shayad patha lagana mera maksad hi nahi tha.

Case ke beech me wo ek alag hi avatar lethi thi. Lekin kabhi kabhi uske ankhon me kuch aur hi thi… ek kashish… ek hamdardi… jo na office wali Aisha me thi… aur na Nadiya me…

Lekin meine shayad bohot kuch miss kardiya tha. Arjun Rawte did miss many things.

Usse meri kahani patha tha… usse patha tha ki,meine kya khoya hai… wo sab jaanthi thi… lekin wo naahi mujhe dikhaya… aur naahi meine dekha…

Mere har aadat ke bare me usse patha tha. Aur jo baath usse sabse zyada thang karthi thi, wo thi mere aur Sam ke beech ke faasle. Kayi baar wo hum dono ke beech fas jathi thi. Uski ankhen kayi sawal puchthi thi. Lekin meine hi usse nazar andaz kiya…

( he was speaking as if in a trance… forgetting her presence. And she kept her silence too… it was high time that he had opened his heart…)

Wo din…mujhe chot laga tha…. Kafi gehra tha.shayad uth nahi paya …. Isliye, Sam ne Aisha ko waha bhej diya… wo pehli bar thi… jab usne mujhse bath ki thi… ETF Officer Aisha banke nahi… balke sirf Aisha…

Meine bohot koshish kiya ke usse bhagaane keliye… lekin wo kaha maanne wali thi… wahi rukhi…. Aur bathein karne lagi… mien ansuna banne ke bohot koshish ki…. Lekin mere mann shayad aur sunna chahtha tha… kaafi ajeeb laga uss din…

Do-theen din wo aye mere dekhbhal karne… aur mien usse chahkar bhi bhaga nahi paaya. Wapas office jaane lage tho sab kuch normal hi tha. Aur shayad mujhe aise hi laga…

Kaam ke beech me hamare beech ek doori thi. Hum saath the,lekin firbhi kuch bathathe nahi thi… shayad hamari Khamoshi hi sab kuch keh rahe the…

Fir ek din wo lapatha hua… mere hi galthi thi… do din… hum sab paaglon ke tharah dhoonda usse… fir mili wo… uss ek pal mien mujhe kya hua tha, ye mujhe nahi patha… aise lag raha tha ke pure duniya se usse chupa lu… mere wajah se wo uss haal me thi… mere wajah se firse koi thakleef me thi… sirf mere wajah se…

Hospital ke corridor me wo pal…. Aisa lag raha tha jaise mien firse wahi khada hu, jaha mien ek baar pehle bhi khada tha… lekin uss din kuch aur hua, jo shayad pehle nahi hua.

Sam… uss din Rathod firse Sam ban gaya… wo purane Sam… jo bohot samay se mere samne tha, lekin paas nahi… usse kaise patha ke mujhe uske zaroorath tha? I never knew I was so vulnerable… ke usne mere bath mere ankhon me dekh liya…

He didn't say anything… bas mere paas tha… aur wahi mere liya kaafi tha…

Fir Aisha ko hosh aya… tumhe patha nahi Sakshi, uss din mien bade dino baad saans liya tha… uske baad sab kuch badal gaya… sab kuch…

Kab baath aage bhadi… ye hame nahi patha chala… ek ajeeb si raahath milne lage… hamare rishte ko naam dene wala Sam hi tha…. Pyaar… he said we were in love…

Dosti… kithna maina miss kiya tha, mein jaanne laga… kuch saal Sam se dur rahkar meine kithne bada galthi ki thi… ye bhi mujhe patha laga… hamare beech sorry kehne keliye bohot kuch tha…. Lekin kuch bhi nahi kaha… firse hamare khamoshi bolne lage…

Aisha aur mien hamare rishte ko aage badhane ke bare me sochne laga… par dar tha mujhe… kahi mien usse wo sare khushiyan na depau, jiske wo layak hai… jo ek ladki ke khwab hai… lekin firse meri Aisha surprised me… usse bas meri khushiyon ke parwa thi…

Shaadi se pehle, sam ne mujhe ghar dhoondne ko kaha. Wo nahi chahthe the ke mien Aisha ko uss lodge me lejau, jaha sirf mere adhuri rathein thi… ek ghar… wo tho ek sapna tha… jo meine saakar bhi kiya… Aisha ke saath. Mien usse waha legaya… par wo waha ussi din aana chahtha tha, jiss din wo sachme meri ban jaathe…

Aur legaya mien usse waha… meri Aisha banake….

Zindagi ke sare ruk badal gaye uss din se… sab kuch firsse badal gaya….

Kehthe hai kisi ko agar bohot sare khushiyan milthe hai, tho kisike nazar lag jaathe hai… I used to laugh at it… koi bhala nazar kaise laga sakthe hai… aur mere hi zindagi ek din mujhe wo sikha diya… kisike nazar lag gaye mere… nahi … hamare khushiyon ko….

Wo din… wo bathein… wo ankhein… yo yadein…issi se tho zinda hu mien…

Shayad upar wala jo bhi hai, usne kuch soch rakha hoga… warna uss din mien mar kyu nahi gaye? Kyu ek zinda laash banake firse chod diya? Kyu tumhe mere samne bheja?"

He turned to her… Sakshi's eyes were full… she smiled at him… with a twinkle in her eyes…

Silence prevailed… firse Khamoshiyan bathein karne lage…

Sakshi wiped her tear and looked up to him. "destiny ke bare me suna hai Arjun? wahi jo tumhe Aisha se milwaya tha? Wahi jo hame milwaya? Sare sawal ke jawab wahi hai… kash mien wo jawab de pathe… but I'm sorry, I don't have it with me"

He smiled and turned away. She was watching him.

Sa: I wish I could read your minds Arjun. tumhare ankhein bohot kuch keh rahi hai. kash mien wo pad pathe…

Ar: acha hua nahi pad pathe hai. warna…

Sa: par tumse ek bath puchu?

He turned to her.

Sa: kya tumhe nahi lag raha hai ke tum jo kar rahe ho, wo galath hai? kya usse sab kuch patha lagne ka haq nahi hai? jiss din usse patha chalega… kya tum uss din ke bare me socha hai?

He didn't have an answer.

Sa: socho Arjun… do saal, se wo issi viswas ke sath jee rahi hai, ke tum kahi hai. agar samne nahi, tho kam se kam apne dil me tho hai… socho… agar usse patha chalega, ke do saal ke uske har dard, har thakleef, uske akelapan, sab bewaja tha, tho kaise lagega usse? Tumhari Aisha firse tuut jayegi. Uss haal se nikalne keliye, usse aur bhi time lagega… jithna abhi laga hai, usse kayi zyada…

He knew every word was true. He had thought about it for a long time. But the feel that he may never get well made him to go back to a shell that, he made himself believe that Aisha will never come to know about his existence. He himself had made the Arjun Rawte a coward, to face the world, or rather his love… but he was trying to keep her out of his pain… he knew whatever reason he gave, he was being selfish. Aisha did have the right to know the truth. But he was frightened… yes he was…

But the latest change in himself, the small improvement in him… had brought up a ray of hope… to meet her again… but… how? As Sakshi said, how will he face her? Many questions were going on his mind…

But he could swear on anyone alive, dead or Godly… he wished to see her….

Sakshi could see emotions moving along in those eyes… she moved away from the window pane, to his bed. He was oblivious to it. She took a seat by him on the bed and placed her hand on his. He looked up to her.

Sa: bolo Arjun.. is dard ko aur math chupao… please…

He was silent again…

Sa: please… just for once…please…

He could feel a lump in his throat… a shiver on his lips…. A burning sensation in the corner of his eyes… he opened his mouth…. But voice stuck somewhere deep… he tried again…

"yes Sakshi…. I love her… I really do…. And I am sorry…."

He closed his eyes…. For the first time she saw his tears… without any shield… anything that he tried to hide it…

She felt terrible too. She wanted him to open his mind but not become weak… she wanted Aisha to be his strength… not his weakness… she didn't know what to do… she did the only thing that she could do…

She held his hand tight by one hand, and the other one she placed his shoulder. Her touch was soothing, as if coming from a long lost friend… yes irony again…she is his friend… whom he had tried to shut away…

They sat there for a while… she could feel him relaxing… he opened his eyes… she took her hands from his shoulder. "better?"

He nodded yes and turned away to wipe the tear drop…

She gave him some time to compose. He looked at her after a while…

"thanks Sakshi… I really mean it…"

She smiled. " I know… par shayad… bohot jald tum mujhe kuch aur hi kehne wale ho…"

He looked confused. She smiled weakly now. "matlab?"

She knew this was going to be tough. She stood up and walked to the window again… she was silent, preparing herself.

"bolo Sakshi… I am not used to your silence…"

She tried to smile, but his eyes demanded answer.

Sa: wo… wo…

Ar: aage bolo…

Sa: agar mien kahu ke jo tum nahi kar paya, wo koi aur kar rahe hai… tho tumhe kaisa lagega?

Ar: matlab?

Sa: agar… mien kahu ke…. Tumhare pyaar tumhe dhoond rahi hai… tho…

Arjun was in shock now. "what did you tell her? Sakshi I told you not to do it…"

Sa: I didn't Arjun. aur isliye, wo khud dhoondne nikle hai… Aisha is searching for you Arjun… wo apni pyaar… apni pati ko dhoondne lagi hai… aur shayad bohot jald wo tumhare samne hogi Arjun…

One side he was so happy… he wished to scream out loud... Next side…

She knew his tug of war in himself…

Sa: don't worry Arjun. I'll keep my promise. Lekin mien usse nahi rok sakthi… par ek promise aur kar sakthi hu, I'll be with her… bas ithne kehne aya tha ke apne aapko thaiyar karo Arjun… you will have to face her one day… kyunki uski zidd tho tum janthe hi ho… she is on it…. and she will make it…. bas yahi baath karni ayi thi…

He closed his eyes…. For the first time she saw his tears… without any shield… anything that he tried to hide it…