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"Well for the record you are, and I've already got you a date." She said and winked.
"What the hell?!" I shouted at her.
"You...How...Ughh! How could you? I mean I haven't even spent a full day here and you've already got me a date? Humeira!" I said, exasperated.
"Zoya! What can a little dance do to harm you, huh? I mean c'mon! I'm not asking you to go to Prom for heaven's sake! It's just the annual summer dance!" She said and threw her hands in the air.
"Humeira..its just that uhh..I actually I don't know how to dance." I said and buried my head in my hands and then I felt someone gently pat my head...and that gesture felt so loving so tender it almost brought tears to my eyes.
"Zoe..I hope you don't mind the name, its alright! I'll be there na! I'll help you and its no big deal if you don't know how to dance." Humeira said reassuringly.
"Ok fine with the dance and what about my date? I just can't go out with anyone! Even if its for one night." I said and she just smiled smugly and went off.
"Humeira!" I said and threw a pillow at her but she ducked just in time.
Then my eyes fell on Asad's journal and my fingers literally twitched to open it and read it, once I saw that Humeira was safely out of sight I quickly opened it. After what seemed like hours I finally finished it and I noticed that I'd been crying so much that some of tears had messed up the words of his journal.
The last entry was the hardest for me to read.
Sunday 20th Feb, 2013
Diary,
I cannot believe that this is actually happening to me! My little princess Najma has been sent away to live in Dehradun with my grandmother so that she can rest, I mean we can also take care of her! I mean I'm 17 for god's sake! How can they expect me to live without her constant chatter? Without her constantly peeping into whatever I do? How can I live without her? How?
She is gone now and wont come until she is alright again and according to the doctors that might be 3-4 years! 3-4 goddamn years! How can Ammi and Abbu do that to me? Don't they realize how much I love her? And today in anger I did something I shouldn't have done. I cut myself. I know its wrong but the pain was way too much for me to take.
And I don't know whats gotten into Ammi and Abbu they wont say a word properly to me! What have I done? Its they who have done everything! They sent me to a boarding school when I was 10 and now they're taking away my sister? Have I done something that makes them hate me so much?
I don't why but now even tears wont come to my eyes, it seems as if they've dried up and have decided to leave me too...All I do is pray to Allah to bring my little princess back to me, I cannot live without her. Allah please I beg you, I beg you...
Asad.
I checked the date, twice, thrice but after February there wasn't even a single entry. I checked the last pages. No entry. No mention of Najma! Where she is now is she fine? Has she come back home? And then suddenly it hit me. Why do I even care? I mean this a troubled guy's journal that's it! Why is it bothering me so much? Because you've finally found someone who is as equally broken as you are. An inner voice said.
I shook my head and kept the journal in my bag and decided to return it to Asad tomorrow. As I was keeping the journal back something slipped from it, I picked it up. It was a photograph of a much younger looking Asad and what seemed to be like his sister Najma. Instantly I felt as if I'd invaded his privacy as if I knew too much about him and he knew nothing.
I quickly put the photograph inside and kept the journal back in and switched off the lights. That night sleep came easily to me.
I went back to my room, dejected and scared. What if some student has my journal now? Worse some teacher? I ran a hand through my hair and sat down heavily on my bed, praying that the journal would be in my bag and I'll find it if I searched harder.
And I did but it wasn't there. Fear engulfed my heart, it held the most valuable treasure Najma and my photograph, our only photograph I could find. I lay down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling when suddenly there was a loud bang at my door and I instantly recognized it. Ayaan.
I got up and opened the door and he gave me a huge smile and entered the room and sat on the couch and lazily looked up at me.
"You know its the summer dance next week?" Ayaan said nonchalantly.
"Ayaan what kind of question is that supposed to be? I put up the posters myself!" I said and rolled my eyes at him.
"Well considering that I've got you a date! You can thank me later for that man." He said and winked at me.
"Ayaan you know I don't go to these dances, I don't like going to dances." I said and sat beside him.
"I'm not taking no for an answer, you are going and that is final. Be dressed in your best!" He said and winked again and left. I pinched the bridge of my nose. This man got on my nerves.
I lay down on my bed and tried to sleep, when I could not I closed my eyes and pictured Najma and my happier days and slept happily.
Next day when I got up, I was prepared to find my journal anyhow. So I got dressed quickly and had my breakfast even faster in the cafeteria and left for my class which was again World History and I searched the desks again.
"Are you looking for something?" Someone asked me from behind.
Asad quickly turned around and tried to mask his panicked expression.
"I believe this is what you're looking for." I said and placed his journal on a desk beside him, his eyes turned as wide as saucers.
"Did you...Did you read it?" He asked me hesitantly and took his journal back.
"I really didn't mean to...but I did and trust me I wont tell it to anyone." I said softly. He pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled loudly.
"You just can't read anyone's journal, Zoya these things are personal for god's sake!" He said his words harsh and I flinched.
"I really didn't mean to.." I was cut off mid-sentence.
"Then why?" He asked me loudly this time.
"I can help you Asad, trust me." I said.
"You'll help me? Yeah right! Zoya you are messed up too! How can you help me?" He scoffed.
"Because I know what it feels like, to be alone and think that no one is there for you." I said.
"You know nothing! And I don't need your help! Neither your goddamn sympathies!" He said and his words pierced my heart.
"Asad! Here I was thinking maybe I could help you! But no you have to behave like some kind of a super hero! What is your goddamn problem? I'm trying to help because I know what you're going through and whether you like it or not you are just as messed up as I am!" I said and prepared to leave.
The words she'd said hit home, whether you like or not you are just as messed up as I am and then I grabbed her wrist and she turned around glaring at me.
"Look I'm sorry I was way too harsh and I didn't mean to cross my limits but now I feel naked you know? Like as if you know each damn thing about me and I know nothing absolutely nothing about you." I said and looked earnestly in her eyes.
"Asad I know you know nothing about me, but I'm not sure whether I should open up or not right now just give me some time." She said and gently freed her hand from my grasp.
"Ok, that's fine with me." I said.
"And by the way your secret is safe with me." She said and smiled at me and I smiled back, then she took her seat and I took mine. The whole time I could not concentrate on what the teacher was saying.
I turned and saw Zoya looking right at me and was playing with her blue-streaked hair, I turned and looked infront feeling satisfied that she was looking at me too.
The day went by soon enough and I could not catch a glimpse of Zoya again. As I was going to the cafeteria for my dinner I hear a sniff and then a muffled scream.
I listened carefully and noticed that the voice was coming from a broom cupboard. Very quietly I moved towards the broom cupboard and to my surprise I saw a very shocked looking Zoya staring back at me and that's when I noticed something.
A thine line of red was running from inside of her wrist. Blood.
"Zoya! Did you...did you cut yourself?" I asked her, alarmed and crouched down beside her and she desperately tried to hide the cut from me, but I took her hand gently.
"I...yes..I did.." She said and sniffled softly, and with the other hand pulled her knees to her chest and looked down her hair falling on her face.
I gently traced the cut with my index finger and took out my handkerchief from my pocket and quickly wiped the blood and pressed it on her wound to stop any more blood flowing out of her wound, she moaned softly.
"Why did you do it? Do you like harming yourself?" I asked her, she looked up at me her eyes were rimmed with red and there were black streaks on her cheeks.
"I just did it...I cannot handle so much pain...it was too much." She said and broke down again, and without even thinking I pulled her into my arms and she cried into my chest.
"Zoya I want you to promise me something, the next time you cut yourself, you'll have to cut me too." I said and she instantly looked up.
"No, no, no! I cannot do that! I won't be able to cut you!" She said, her eyes wide with panic.
"You'll have to I'm trying to help you Zoya, if you cut yourself you cut me too." I said firmly.
"Why are you doing this?" She asked me.
"Because this way you'll think twice before cutting yourself, because then you'll have to cut me too." I said and looked into her eyes.
"You're asking too much from me, Asad." She said softly and looked down.
"I'm just trying to heal you." I said.
Hola peeps! I'm back with an update! And this time I didn't take that long 😆
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