IPKKND FF:Tearing Ourselves Apart Parts 1-26 :) - Page 41

Khushi woke up dreading what she would see, crying and almost still screaming - No! But what she saw slowed her heart rate down and then sent it racing again. She was clinging on to Arnav, with her head buried in his neck as he lightly snored against her, hugging her around her back and waist. She could hear a burnt out fire crackling lightly behind her. The sky outside was a light gray, having just passed dawn with the snow bringing out more light than there was.

She could smell his aftershave just under his chin where she rested, his pulse warming against her skin. He was alive, he had a pulse. She stayed ever so quiet and listened to him breathing, the sound that had almost deafened her a few seconds ago, a sound which she never wanted to stop. It brought all the images of her dream flashing back through her mind.

She held on to his shirt tighter as she reached up with one hand and wrapped it around his neck, pulling him into a slight hug as the tears from her eyes fell against his neck. Feeling him next to her, alive and safe, was one of the best feelings in the world. She never wanted it to go away.

"You're here" she whispered. She thought she had lost him forever. It was just a silly dream ,she reminded herself. Just a silly dream.

The feel of her lips on his neck jolted him awake from his sleep and he instinctively tightened his grip around her, stopping when he realised that her face was buried in his neck and she was shaking.

"Khushi?"

The sound of his voice only made her hold on tighter, and he let her lie in his arms, crying gently.

After a while she started to sniffle "Sorry" she sat up slightly, using her fingers to wipe away the wetness from his neck, he closed his eyes at her touch only to raise his arm a few seconds later and place his hand on hers, stopping her "It's okay" he said, thinking she was crying after what had happened last night.

"It's not your fault" he paused, looking down as he continued "I should have been more careful."

Khushi was sitting in his lap, confused at what he was saying "That you didn't get out of the way?" she said, tears in her eyes again as she thought of his blood soaked shirt.

"That I didn't watch out for you"

"But it didn't hit me" she whispered "It hit you, right in the heart" raising her hand and placing it over his chest, calming down when she felt it beating, it was like she constantly needed reassurance.

"What are you talking about?" he asked, concerned that the cold might have messed with her head. Feeling her forehead he asked whether she had a cold.

Khushi suddenly realised that she was sitting in his lap as he felt her forehead to check her temperature. She jumped out of her seat and stumbled, correcting herself awkwardly.

"What the..."

"I...I'm ff..fine" she stammered, as her cheeks and ears suddenly went very hot as she thought of how she had been crying.

"I'm going to..." she twirled in her place, to see nothing but the small room they had stayed in, sparse and empty "make breakfast" she managed, smiling at her attempt.

Arnav rolled his eyes "Are you going to cook my brains? You are halfway there already"

She looked at him angrily, surprised at his ability to keep this up in any situation and realised that he was right, they didn't really have any food. Her stomach grumbled as she thought of a tray of hot breakfast and juice.

She ran out to the car to grab some snacks which she always kept in the back, using the excuse to get away from him and breathe and was surprised to see the car almost buried in a few centimetres of snow. The storm had been strong and the road was no where to be seen, it had calmed down now, only lightly dusting snow on her but it would take few hours for all of it to melt away enough for them to be able to drive.

"Devi Mayya really? Really?" she said, looking up at the sky.

He was on the phone when she got back so she waited for him to finish before telling him about the car and offering him a packet of salted peanuts. He refused the food and went out to check himself, the sun had almost risen fully by the time he got back and he angrily picked up the half eaten packet as he wondered how much longer he would be stranded without civilisation.

"Did you not sleep well?" she asked after seeing him yawn for the third time.

"I slept fine"

She watched him browse through his phone as he resumed his seat on the single sofa and she sat on the bed. She watched him closely, wanting to see proof that he was alive, breathing and absolutely fine. He could feel her gaze on him, but he chose to ignore it becoming more engrossed in his phone. The sound of her voice brought him out of it.

"When you asked me to marry you, were you angry?"

Arnav looked up from his phone as she thought back to what Anjali said about him doing stupid things when he was angry or frustrated.

"Yes" was all he offered, thinking back to that moment in the gardens.

Khushi wanted more. "Do you regret it?" she tentatively asked, afraid of what the answer would be.

If she had asked him that question last week, he would have answered yes without hesitation. Not because he would have meant it, but because he would have wanted her to think he did. Today was a different story, as much as he wanted to show that he didn't care, he didn't want to hurt her. Even more, he didn't want her to think he didn't care. He was tired of faking it, he had fallen too far in to pretend he didn't care anymore. Letting the wall down was not as easy as he had thought, so he looked up at her, anger evident in his eyes. Frustrated with everything.

"I want to know" she said slowly.

He put his phone down on the fireplace next to him with a bang and marched out of the door. Khushi was left shocked, sitting on the bed for a few seconds before she went running out after him. He had covered a large distance in the few seconds she had contemplated but she ran through the snow which froze her feet, finally reaching him as he reached the edge of the woods grabbing on to his arm.

"I want to know" she repeated as he stopped walking at her touch. She forcefully tried turning him around when he didn't respond and when that didn't work she walked around him to face him. Tears in her eyes "I need to know."

In that moment, he decided he could not break her heart "I don't regret it" he said as he watched her eyes slowly release their dread and scrunch up in joy "but I wish it had been different."

She wasn't exactly sure what he had meant by that, different circumstances? Different person? But it was good enough for her "I'm sorry for asking so many questions. I just needed to know" she said, looking down as she flushed with colour again at her own outburst.

He only looked at her, not knowing what to say.

"What do you mean different?" she finally blurted, unable to stop herself.

"Khushi!" he warned.

"Ok, Ill shutup, come back inside?" she pleaded, she did not want to be out in the snow and she decided she had stressed him out a bit too much already.

As they silently walked back, him in front of her again, the sun had fully risen, throwing out rays of shine across the snow and into their little cottage. They got back inside and she watched him slip onto the bed and start to snore softly a few minutes later. He was tired, as was she.

She had slept comfortably in his arms all night, but she had woken up so early from the horrible dream that she could not keep her eyes open any more. She shivered slightly in the sofa and decided to move to the bed where the sun was sending out rays through the window. It felt luke warm against her cool skin so she laid down near him, wisely deciding to face away from him as she realised that she would not be able to sleep looking at him, facing the warmth from the window instead.

He shifted towards the sun as he slept. He felt her next to him and wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer to him so that her back was pressed up against his chest. He smiled from the contact as he buried his face in her hair that smelled like a summer's day in an orchard.

He decided he hated pillows and that he could definitely get used to sleeping like this.

He finally woke up later in the afternoon when the sun was no longer sending warmth towards them from through the window. She was still breathing slowly next to him in her sleep so he took the moment in, holding on to her and watching her sleep.