potterish thumbnail
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Posted: 19 years ago
#1

hi, m trying 2 write a new fan-fic... tell me how it is.

story starts from the tym when bhavri brings arjun back home(from the temple n all)...

(in A-Bs bedroom, bhavri just came out of the bathroom n is soaking wet. she forgot her towel outside so she comes out without drying herself but with clothes on of course)

bhavri: a-a-a-aachi(sneezes)

arjun:are bhavri, tum to apna towel bahar bhool gayi thi. mujhe bola hota, main tumhe deta...

bhavri: nahi arjun, woh main tumhe pareshan nahi karna chahti thi, itne dino baad ghar aye ho to maine socha ke tumhe aaram ki zaroorat hogi

arjun: bhavri, mere aaram se zyada zaroori tumhari tabiyat hai, aur main nahi chahta hoon ke meri pyari patni ki tabiyat bigadjaye...

bhavri: (shys away at first and then remembers something) are arjun, woh main tumhe ek baat batana bhool gayi, shefali bhabhi ke baare mein.

arjun: pls bhavri, main uske baare mein koi baat nahi karna chahta..

bhavri: are lekin arjun meri baat to...

arjun(interrupting her): maine kaha na main kuch sunna nahi chahta...

bhavri gets sad n takes her pillow to the sofa.

arjun: are bhavri, waha to main sota hoon, aaj tum kyun?

bhavri: bas, maine socha ke itne dino baad wapas aye ho to tumhe apne bed par sona chahiye...

arjun feels sad abt this but sees that bhavri is already gone to sleep without even saying goodnight. thats when he realizes thatbhavri was angry with him.

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potterish thumbnail
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Posted: 19 years ago
#2
guys pls tell me how that was... if its not good, i will stop writing.
sadDe thumbnail
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Posted: 19 years ago
#3
👏 i think its pretty nice..plz do continue... 😊
potterish thumbnail
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Posted: 19 years ago
#4
ok sadDe, seems like u r the only 1 who likes my fan-fic. i will continue for u...
recap: arjun returns home. bhavri wants 2 tell him abt shefali's change of behaviour but arjun doesnt listen. ab aage:
arjun is not able 2 sleep the whole night because of bhavris anger towards him. at the same time, he wonders why he is getting so sad over the situation.
Arjun(to himself but aloud): main kyun itna pareshan ho raha hoon? mujhe so jana chahiye. (he tries 2 sleep but cannot) ye kya ho raha hai mujhe! main kyun is baat se pareshan ho raha hoon ke bhavri mujhse naaraaz hain...

bhavri is actually not asleep and listening 2 all this that arjun is saying and blushing.

arjun walks near bhavri, sits down beside her and looks at her. she looks sweet sleeping. at the same time, he remembers the time when bhavri hugged suraj and arjun saw it. Suddenly, a feeling of jealousy rushed through him.

arjun: ye kya ho raha hai? main kyun itna possessive ho raha hu bhavri ki taraf? kahin...
stops because bhavri turns and changes her sleeping position. she is awake but doesnt want 2 show it.
arjun keeps on looking at her endlessly and before he knew it, he fell asleep sitting there.

next morning, bhavri wakes up to see a sleeping arjun beside her...
bhavri: are ye to yahi so gaya. jab ye chup ho gaya to mujhe laga ke ye chala gaya bed par sone.(puts her hand on arjuns head) arjun, arjun utho na!

arjun: ha, kya huwa! are main yaha kya kar raha hoon?
bhavri: lagta hain kal raat mujhse baat karte karte tum yahi so gaye.
arjun: oh! (remains silent 4 a second and then says) EK MINUTE! tumhe kaise pata chala ke main tumse baat kar raha tha?
bhavri:(hesitates) woh arjun, woh 😳 😳 ...actually main us waqt jag rahi thi.
arjun: acha... to memsaab jaag rahi thi. (then suddenly holds her hand tightly)
bhavri: yeh kya kar rahe ho arjun? haath chodo...
arjun: kyun? apni patni ka haath pakda hai maine. kya ghalat kia?

(just as he says that, manasvi enters and sees bhavri siiting on the sofa, and arjun on the floor beside her holding her hand.

thats it for now, my fingers hurt!!!! hope u like this part.
tunna thumbnail
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Posted: 19 years ago
#5
that is very good 👏
do rit more
tunna thumbnail
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Posted: 19 years ago
#6
that is very good 👏
do rit more
tunna thumbnail
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Posted: 19 years ago
#7
that is very good 👏
do rit more
potterish thumbnail
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Posted: 19 years ago
#8
ok guys, thanks for the wonderful response. m continuing from here.
recap: arjun is holding bhavris hand tightly and manasvi enters.
manasvi(to draw attention): ahem
arjun: are bhabhi aap. aiye na...
manasvi: kaahin main aap dono ko disturb to nahi kar rahi hoon?
bhavri(releasing her hand from arjuns): are nahin bhabhi, isme disturb karne wali koun si baat hai. aiye na. koi kaam tha kya?
M: ha bhoomi, main arjun se baat karna chahti thi.
arjun: kahiye na bhabhi...
bhavri goes to the bathroom to take a shower.
M: arjun main tumse ek request karna chahti hoon...tum mujhse vaada karo ke aaj se tum suraj ke saath koi anban nahi karoge.
arjun(hesitates at first) theek hai bhabhi, lekin aap use bhi kehdijie ke woh mere aur kakasaheb ke raaste mein na aaye.
manasvi is about to leave when she remembers shefali
M: arjun, ek aur baat...
arjun(suddenly noticing her hand): bhabhi, aap ka kangan kaha hai?
M: yahi to batana chahti thi. arjun, shefali sudhargayi hai.
arjun: please bhabhi, woh aurat kabhi sudharne ka naam nahi le sakti hai. aur waise bhi, ye baat aap ke kangan se kaha judi huwi hai
M: hai arjun, woh kangan aaj shefali ke haath mein hai.
arjun: KYA 😡 😡
M: arjun, shefali se ek baar baat karke dekho. woh sachme badalgayi hai.
A: nahin bhabhi, main nahin maanta. main kabhi bhool nahin sakta ke usne meri bhavri ke saath kya kya kiya.
(Bhavri hears this and walks towards A and M.
bhavri: arjun, manasvi bhabhi thik keh rahi hai. shefali bhabhi sach me badal gayi hai.
(just as arjun is about to say something, they hear a crash in the kitchen)
M: oh my God, main to kitchen me shefali ko akele chhod ke ayi thi.
(they all rush to the kitchen)
in the kitchen, they see hot oil on the floor and shefali sitting down near the gas cooker with a burnt hand...

thats it for now. hope u like it. no romance in this one, but just wait, there is lots to come.
LABZ_FAIRY thumbnail
Posted: 19 years ago
#9
gud one !! waiting fr the next part
potterish thumbnail
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Posted: 19 years ago
#10
m continuing
recap: manasvi tells arjun abt shefali. shefali in kitchen with burnt hand.
bhavri(screaming): BHABHI! (runs towards her and doesnt notice the hot oil on the floor which she steps. she doesnt realise the pain though) bhabhi, (crying) ye kya huwa aapko? (shefali continues crying)
enter a sleepy yuv...
yuv: kya huwa? itna sor kyun hai? (sees shefali) oh my God, shefali,ye kya huwa?
he completely ignores bhavri and goes near shefali using another way which had no oil. helps her get up and takes her to the room. after that, he calls up the doctor and asks for him to come over as shefali is severely burnt... shefali realises the foolishness that she had been doing by not loving yuv...
shefali(in her mind): ye kya kar rahi thi main? arjun ke pyar mein itni paagal ho gayo thi ke mere aaju-baaju ka pyaar mujhe nazar hi nahi aaya.

just as she is thinking all this, yuv comes near her
yuv: fikra mat karo shefali, abhi doctor aata hi hoga. tum jaldi thik ho jaogi, dekhna.
shefali gets emotional and hugs him... yuv wonders why... but at the same time, he wonders what arjun and the rest were doing in the kitchen and why bhoomi was sitting beside shefali. a suspiction arises in his mind about this...

cut to A-B's room. bhavri finally feels the pain of steeping on the hot oil. a tear rolls down her eye. arjun sees this as he comes out of the bathroom.
arjun: kya baat hai bhavri? tum ro kyu rahi ho?
bhavri: kuch nahin arjun(tries to lie), main woh shefali bhabhi ke bare mein soch rahithi.
arjun: woh ab thik hai bhav...(notices bhavris feet which were burnt) bhavri ye kya hai?
bhavri: kuch nahi arjun, kuch bhi to nahin...
a: jhoot mat bolo. apne pair dikhao.(sees bhavris feet closely and then looks up at her) ye kaise huwa?
b: woh main jab shefali bhabhi ki or gayi to maine dekha nahin ke niche garam tel tha.
arjun sighs and then goes towards the cupboard n takes out the first aid box from it. he opens it n takes out burn cream n goes towards bhavri. sits down on the floor and takes bhavris feet.
b: are arjun, ye kya kar rahe ho. lao, woh cream mujhe do, main lagalungi.
a: chup! bilkul chup! yahi tumhari problem hai bhavri, ke tum bohot achi ho... itni achai thik nahi hoti.
bhavri is silent n doesnt say anything.
a: waise bhavri, main tumse maafi mangna chahta hoom, kal ke behaviour ke liye.
b: hm, arjunji main aap ko ek shart pe maaf kardungi agar aap waha se khare ho kar mujhe woh dawa khud lagane denge...
a: nahin bhavri, mujhe tumhari ye shart manzoor nahi hai. mujhe chot lage ye main bardash kar sakta hoon lekin agar tumhe kuch ho gaya to tumse zyada mujhe dard hoga.
b: 😳
a: ha! ye lo, ho gaya.
b: thanks arjun (tries to get up but she has burn cream on her feet. arjun sees this and stops her from getting up and lifts her in his arms. bhavri goes 😳 😳 😳
arjun puts her into bed and then stands up to leave when bhavri stops him.
b: thanks arjun.
a: kis liye?
b: mujhe is baat ka ehsaas dilane ke liye ke main akeli nahin hoon...
arjun goes near her n gives her a kiss on the forehead.
bhavri (again)goes 😳 😳 😳


thats it. hope every1 who read it, liked it... 👍🏼 👍🏼 👍🏼

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